****LOOK, I AGREE WITH ALL OF THE REASONS WHY A PERSON SHOULD NOT HAVE A WEDDING AFTER BEING MARRIED! I OBVIOUSLY, DID NOT MAKE THAT CLEAR WHEN I SAID I AM SELLING MY WEDDING DRESS. THAT MEANS I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO HAVE THE WEDDING AND I AM MOVING ON. I DO NOT NEED IDEAS ON HOW TO SPEND MY SAVED MONEY, THANKS THOUGH! MY ONLY POINT WAS THAT WE ALL HAVE OPINIONS DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE. I DON'T SEE THE POINT IN BEING RUDE OR HATEFUL TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS! THAT'S IT! I'M NOT HAVING A WEDDING!!!!!
I am a long time lurker, first time poster. I am not looking to start a debate or entertain negative comments. As I vent, I am only looking for positive opinions.
To begin, I will share with you the Reader's Digest version of my journey towards the wedding of my dreams. It started with a long, emotionally abusive relationship that produced a beautiful child. Although, it had ended when he cheated on me while I was pregnant. Regardless, I still gave him every opportunity to be in our daughter's life, which he ultimately decided against.
Meanwhile, I worked two jobs, took care of my child, graduated from college with a bachelors degree in education, and met a wonderful man soon after my daughter's first birthday. Eight years later, my daughter is doing great attending private school with a healthy college saving account awaiting her future goals.
Likewise, over the years I have also been saving for a long awaited goal of my own, to have the wedding of my dreams! I had every opportunity over the past five years to go ahead and get married for the sake of insurance or added benefits, but chose instead to work even harder and await my special day.
Finally, all my hard work had paid off and early last year (2013) we decided on a 2015 summer wedding, after I completed my master's degree. However, shortly after making our much anticipated plans, my ex decided to start contacting me again after years of silence. Unfortunately, he had no interest in our daughter, but how much money we could give him if he promised not to peruse custody and to stop harassing us.
Our plan had always been for my significant other and her “daddy” (as she calls him) to legally adopt my daughter after we were married. So, following the advice of professionals, we decided to get married and have the wedding later like we originally had planned.
To start, I planned on requesting that guests give donations to a charity started in honor of a friend, whom had passed from complications of diabetes, instead of giving gifts. Also, I am not the least bit interested in showers or parties of any kid.
To be honest, the only important thing to me is walking down the aisle and saying our written vows in front of our loved ones. My dream didn’t include spending thousands on some extravagant wedding with all the “bells and whistles.” However, I did not feel right spending any amount of money on myself until I felt that all of my daughter’s foreseeable wants and needs were met.
Then, after several months of wedding planning, I came across posts about having a wedding after your married and could not even believe what I was reading! Adult women telling other women that they were having a “fake wedding” because it was just a "reenactment," "playing pretend dress-up," “an excuse to get gifts,” or “nothing but a pretty princess day.” They went on to claim such weddings were “insulting to marriage, family, and guests” and even if “they didn’t say anything, they were thinking it.” One woman, whom apparently thought the point hadn’t been completely beaten to death, stated how it would be embarrassing for OP to parade around in front of guests pretending to be bride and groom.
According to these opinions of “proper etiquette,” I can’t call it a wedding or wedding reception, wear my white dress I purchased, say the vows we have written, or even exchange the rings still sitting in the boxes. I realize that I made the adult decision to sign a piece of paper producing a legal benefit for our families future, but I had no idea I was also forfeiting my dream.
Although, I do have to give the women of these posts some credit because if there was a hateful way to get this point across, they thought of it! Sadly, not one of the OPs in these posts had even asked for an opinion on if they should have a wedding after being married. I understand that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, but does that mean you have to be an asshole while sharing it?
So, while I put on my big girl panties, dry my tears, and list my wedding dress for sale, please, keep in mind that not everyone gets dealt the same hand in life. It’s so easy for individuals to sit behind a computer without consequences and believe it’s their right to pass judgement without considering how it might affect others. Regardless of fact or fiction, remember, there is always a more mature, nice way of getting your point across.