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MOH and Her Dress

ladylexilegoladylexilego member
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in Wedding Party
My MOH just told me yesterday that she can't buy her dress.

We are already behind the eight ball with ordering them and they need to be ordered this week to be here in time. As much as I would love to give her the money, we are footing the whole bill ourselves and just don't have anything laying around. Also, she doesn't have a job and wouldn't have a way to pay us back at this point.

What do I do? I don't know how to break it to her without an argument that this needs to be done NOW or... or, I don't know what. She can't stand.

Any advice?
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Re: MOH and Her Dress

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    ladylexilego said:
    My MOH just told me yesterday that she can't buy her dress.

    We are already behind the eight ball with ordering them and they need to be ordered this week to be here in time. As much as I would love to give her the money, we are footing the whole bill ourselves and just don't have anything laying around. Also, she doesn't have a job and wouldn't have a way to pay us back at this point.

    What do I do? I don't know how to break it to her without an argument that this needs to be done NOW or... or, I don't know what. She can't stand.

    Any advice?
    Did you ask her for her budget before selecting the dress?
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  • ladylexilegoladylexilego member
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    We have not even selected yet. We were supposed to go select tomorrow, but she has not replied to any of my messages :/
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    If you haven't picked a dress yet, how do you know this week is the last possible date to order it?  
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  • ladylexilegoladylexilego member
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    Because I spoke to the woman today who we are working with at the bridal shop. I had an appointment to get my fiance fitted for the tux.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    So what if you didn't happen to find a dress tomorrow TO select?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • ladylexilegoladylexilego member
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    Great question. I realize that this should've been handled sooner, but I still don't know what to do. She's MIA, hasn't answered any of my messages or anything.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
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    edited January 2014

    MyNameIsNot said
    Did you ask her for her budget before selecting the dress?
    Still curious about this.


    What about not using that shop? What if you give very open guidelines like you tell the girls to all just wear a little black dress? Then she has all the way until the wedding to save up for one that's in her budget wherever she chooses to buy it?
    If you just give a color and/or length and/or material guideline she's more apt to find something in her budget off the rack or online.


    ETA
    Normally we say here that a MOHs only responsibility is to buy the dress assuming it's within the agreed upon budget that she gave you in private, show up on time and sober, and smile for pictures. If she doesn't get the dress then she's taken herself out of the party. But since you haven't committed to a dress yet, this is a good opportunity to relax those guidelines.

    Alternatively, if you pick something that's a widespread brand, perhaps she could find the same dress (or one in the same style and different color or one in same fabric/color but slightly different style, etc) used.
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  • ladylexilegoladylexilego member
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    I did answer that question.

    I will see tomorrow what we have to work with, I suppose.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Could you look at consignment places or online at Target?
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  • msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
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    edited January 2014
    You can also get dresses from a department store or online through Zappos or Target. It doesn't have to be a typical bridesmaid dress. If she's having budget issues, this is a great way to go. I also agree with PP, that going with a basic color, like black and letting each of the girls pick their own can look really nice. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Ditto PPs about thinking outside the bridal shop box or picking a single color and length and letting your party find their own dresses.  In addition to Zappos and Target, try Kohls - they have discount codes and coupons quite frequently.
    image
    Anniversary


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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    When is your wedding?



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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Have you asked each of your bridesmaids/MOH what their budget is, privately?  That's something you really need to do before you go dress shopping.



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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    ladylexilego said:
    I did answer that question.

    I will see tomorrow what we have to work with, I suppose.
    No, you answered to the question of did you ask budget before you chose a dress. Your response was that you haven't chosen a dress yet. That doesn't answer the question of whether or not you have even asked this woman for her budget, which needs to be done BEFORE you shop. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    And if you haven't picked a dress yet how does your MOH know that she can't afford to buy the dress?

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm also curious about how the shopping is going to go today. If she hasn't been returning calls, is she even GOING on this shopping trip? 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • ladylexilegoladylexilego member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I have asked budgets.

    Shopping went well today, but she still has not answered any messages and did not go. Both of my bridesmaids ordered today but I haven't heard from her still, so I don't know what is going to happen.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you haven't picked a dress, you don't actually have a problem.

    Say to your BMs, "I need you to pick a dress in X colour that is Y length." And you're done. That gives them a chance to find something they love (and may even be able to wear again), and your MOH will still be able to stand up with you on your wedding day.

    If you haven't even STARTED to look for dresses yet, you're in no way ready to "have to" order them this week. If you haven't looked, you don't know if you can find anything in your BMs' price range, which you will, of course, have discovered by asking them each, privately, what they can afford to spend TOTAL on attire for your wedding.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Why did you go ahead and buy dresses without her? If my best friend decided ordering some nonsense from a bridal shop was more important to her than having me there, I'd be crushed. And angry. If you cared about her you could have just put a hold on things, or told them all to just pick a dress in your color.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    Your MOH sends one text stating she cannot buy the dress. You have texted her repeatedly. You have heard nothing from her. Why is the dress issue your only concern? Call her.
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