lets talk about prenuptual agreements

Emmy1493 · January 2014

I think in any case if divorce ever did happen between us (not that we are saying it's an open possibility) I don't think I would want the money. My cats on the other hand, yes! Oh, and if we have kids. I suppose that would be something to.. ;D

JaniV123 · January 2014

jdluvr06 said:

We're going to have one.

may I ask if its for a particular reason?

B0320 · January 2014

NavyBlue143 said:
We have no assets to protect. He bought the house 12 years before we met, so I have no claim to that anyway, just some portion of the equity (I think) because we pay the mortgage from a joint account. The only asset I have isn't even mine yet. I inherit a little less than half a million when my father dies, but he is very much alive and I hope he lives to be 190, so there's that. H would want that to go towards our children's futures anyway.

Just an FYI: In most states an inheritance is not considered community property.

smalfrie19 · January 2014

Senecaf said:

We will not be. Our assests are small and have been built together. We each own our own houses but that's it.

So what are you going to do with the second house after you get married?

Jells2dot0 · January 2014

emmaxbean93 said:
I think in any case if divorce ever did happen between us (not that we are saying it's an open possibility) I don't think I would want the money. My cats on the other hand, yes! Oh, and if we have kids. I suppose that would be something to.. ;D

That is EXACTLY what happened with me in my divorce!!! I actually had more in the way of assets, but I was adamant on getting the kitty. He was fine with that, thankfully

edit- i made it sound like I have been divorced more than once. LOL

jdluvr06 · January 2014

JaniV123 said:

jdluvr06 said:

We're going to have one.

may I ask if its for a particular reason?

Sure. My grandparents have set up trust funds for me and my sister. It's not like Donald Trump money or anything but it a pretty large amount. When they set it up they had this stipulation that if we ever got married they wanted us to have a prenup to protect that money.

JaniV123 · January 2014

jdluvr06 said:

JaniV123 said:

jdluvr06 said:

We're going to have one.

may I ask if its for a particular reason?

Sure. My grandparents have set up trust funds for me and my sister. It's not like Donald Trump money or anything but it a pretty large amount. When they set it up they had this stipulation that if we ever got married they wanted us to have a prenup to protect that money.

that sounds super reasonable. So far my family has never mentioned it but for over 3 years my FI has known about my family, our assets and businesses and he said if and when we got married he wanted to keep out things legally separated and I was ok with it

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

JaniV123 said:

jdluvr06 said:

JaniV123 said:

jdluvr06 said:

We're going to have one.

may I ask if its for a particular reason?

Sure. My grandparents have set up trust funds for me and my sister. It's not like Donald Trump money or anything but it a pretty large amount. When they set it up they had this stipulation that if we ever got married they wanted us to have a prenup to protect that money.

that sounds super reasonable. So far my family has never mentioned it but for over 3 years my FI has known about my family, our assets and businesses and he said if and when we got married he wanted to keep out things legally separated and I was ok with it

You should consult a lawyer about this. Simply having separate accounts often does not mean things are "legally separate."

JaniV123 · January 2014

@MyNameIsNot

that is what we are doing the prenup for, the accounts are just for practicality. and we are in the process of looking for legal advise

WinstonsGirl · January 2014

We talked about it, but DH didn't see the point. We both had houses coming in, and some savings, but nothing crazy huge. I like to think that we'd be reasonable if we ever got divorced (which we have no plans to), but who knows how emotions would take over. But we've split everything 50/50 do far, and equity from selling past houses has been exclusive to the person who owned it before, so a 50/50 split would be very fair

pumpkinsandturkeys · January 2014

We've never seriously discussed it. It has come up as a joke a long time ago, but neither of us sees the point. Neither of us has been married before or has kids or any kind of family inheritance coming our way. FI had our house before me, but he understands that I would never seek to take it from him (also, I hate this house haha). Other than that, we don't have any considerable assets that need protecting, and we're both the type that would want to leave the marriage with what we put in to it/contributed during it, and nothing more.

natswild · January 2014

We will be, next year before we get married. He has a lot more in savings than I do, and a daughter. And as @lyndausvi said, it's also protection in the case of death

KytchynWitche · January 2014

We want to be married "out of community of property" (ie what's mine stays mine, what's his stays his), not as a protection against divorce thing, but so that should either of us get into trouble financially, the bank (or whoever) can't come after the other. That means that if FI opens a business, and I get into debt, the bank can't call for FI's business to pay my debts. Likewise if we buy a house and put it in my name, the bank can't repossess it to pay FI's debts. This is all hypothetical, obviously, because we don't have any intention of getting into debt. And there are some other benefits as well that I can't think of right now because I'm still half asleep. Neither of us have any major assets, and neither of us have dependents.

I don't know how it works in the US, but in SA to be married out of community you need an antenuptial contract. If you go for a standard ANC (ie no funny added clauses) you can get one through any law firm for about $100. If you don't have one when you get married, you're automatically married in community of property, and it can cost 10x that to get a court order changing it.

CMGragain · January 2014

Currrently my husband's family is going through hell because his father didn't get a pre-nup when he married his current wife. Their marriage is fine, but Grandad has alzheimers now, and there is a million dollar farm that is going to her instead of to his heirs, which was the original intent.
If you get a pre-nup, you are being very traditional. Pre-nups were, and still are very important before the marriage takes place. I signed one in 1976 when I was married. (It's about that farm, and other assets that have now disappeared.)
If you do get a pre-nup, make sure that there are copies that will be available in the future if needed. A lot of the paperwork about the farm has mysteriously disappeared.

Cookie Pusher · January 2014

Cosmo recently had an article about this: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/exclusive/why-every-woman-should-get-a-prenup

We considered a pre-nup when we first talked marriage a few years ago because I have power of attorney for my mother (with all kinds of fun, complicated things involved because she was executor of my dad's estate and had legal power over my sisters' trust funds). In the end, though, we just don't give enough of a crap about it. My sisters are now both over 21, and have been given their trusts, so we don't even have to worry about that anymore. Besides, if we ever broke up, we'd be far more likely to fight over our library and CD collection than anything else.

Senecaf · January 2014

smalfrie19 said:

Senecaf said:

We will not be. Our assests are small and have been built together. We each own our own houses but that's it.

So what are you going to do with the second house after you get married?

Rent it. We actually already live in mine. It's a single family in the susburbs, his is an urban condo. He has teneants that will hopefully renew their lease in April.

Jells2dot0 · January 2014

Senecaf said:

Senecaf said:

We will not be. Our assests are small and have been built together. We each own our own houses but that's it.
So what are you going to do with the second house after you get married?
Rent it. We actually already live in mine. It's a single family in the susburbs, his is an urban condo. He has teneants that will hopefully renew their lease in April.

That is what we did. We both had homes when we met. He moved into mine and rents out his. His rental income is his money. We sold my home late last year and built a new one. We both contributed equally to our new home and per our post martial agreement, it's the only thing that is community property. If something happens, it's sold and split equally.

Kristen625 · January 2014

We have an appointment with a lawyer on tuesday to sign one. FI has his own business, and he wants it protected in the unlikely event that we part ways. I would get a settlement and the company would go to him. He started the company before we met, and I have no head for business nor do I have any desire to run one. That being said, it is a growing company and part of the pre-nup is for the protection of future employees so they don't loose a job because of a divorce. Like FI said, "I would rather have one and never need it, then need it and not have one"

JaniV123 · January 2014

urbaneca said:

We want to be married "out of community of property" (ie what's mine stays mine, what's his stays his), not as a protection against divorce thing, but so that should either of us get into trouble financially, the bank (or whoever) can't come after the other. That means that if FI opens a business, and I get into debt, the bank can't call for FI's business to pay my debts. Likewise if we buy a house and put it in my name, the bank can't repossess it to pay FI's debts. This is all hypothetical, obviously, because we don't have any intention of getting into debt. And there are some other benefits as well that I can't think of right now because I'm still half asleep. Neither of us have any major assets, and neither of us have dependents.

I don't know how it works in the US, but in SA to be married out of community you need an antenuptial contract. If you go for a standard ANC (ie no funny added clauses) you can get one through any law firm for about $100. If you don't have one when you get married, you're automatically married in community of property, and it can cost 10x that to get a court order changing it.

yup same as what we are doing it for, I really do have to check out the specifics. But basically that is what we both want,

JaniV123 · January 2014

@Kristen625

I agree with what your FI says. We would rather have separated assets than risk the other person be jeopardized.

JaniV123 · January 2014

@Cookie Pusher

even though I am not the biggest fan of Cosmo, that was a good article. Although I would not do it for the reasons she is stating. You shouldn't automatically assume you FH is going to be a D*ck and go after you like that. But I get her point of having your things secure,

Artemischief · January 2014

We've been to lawyers already and have our prenup ready. We have no intention of divorcing, we just both want to protect what is ours. I saw something on tv once that really stuck with me, "work through all the nasty stuff when you still love each other. It works out better in the long run" or something along those lines at least.

LizM61409 · January 2014

I'm on the fence. We don't really have assets now, but when I'm done with residency I'll be making more than twice his salary, and the thought of ever paying him alimony (when he makes a decent salary to begin with) is quite unappealing to me.

I'm not sure about the whole malpractice thing. I've heard there are other ways of protecting your personal assets from lawsuits, like trusts

Katydid1953 · February 2014

I am just so hurt that he brought this up just two months before the wedding. He has a gigher net worth but I am making more money. We are both 60. He has kids, I do not. He absolutely wants a prenup and will not get married without one. On top of that, he says when we get married, he will change his will but his daughter will be the executrix. I feel like he is just going to drop me on my head. I am angry. Sad. And I want to cancel the wedding. I thought we were a team. It sure does not feel that way. I am making an appointment with an attorney but in the mean time I just want to cry.

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

Katydid1953 said:

I am just so hurt that he brought this up just two months before the wedding. He has a gigher net worth but I am making more money. We are both 60. He has kids, I do not. He absolutely wants a prenup and will not get married without one. On top of that, he says when we get married, he will change his will but his daughter will be the executrix. I feel like he is just going to drop me on my head. I am angry. Sad. And I want to cancel the wedding. I thought we were a team. It sure does not feel that way. I am making an appointment with an attorney but in the mean time I just want to cry.

Given that you are both 60, you probably have built up your own assets over the years. Why not be able to keep what you earned yours? Especially when kids are involved. Of course, you can always share what you have earned as well. Nothing is stopping you! Prenups aren't just about keeping assets but also just setting terms up front for the division of assets in case something happens. Perhaps having a chat with a lawyer concerning a living trust would be the best option and compromise as well. I have a prenup (at both of our insistence) but my DH also has a living trust that is fair to both me and his kids. I do not have any kids, but if I did, I'd want to make sure they were taken care of and not just my new spouse.

edit- spelling

loves2shop4shoes · February 2014

We got married young (read: poor), so it wasn't an issue for us.

I can see both sides of the pro vs. con argument on them, so I sort of have no opinion on them. I think it really depends on the situation.

HobokensFury · February 2014

We don't have one. Half of nothing is nothing. We have 2 hedgehogs, we can each take 1 if it's really an issue.

FiancB · February 2014

I don't personally want one, but don't think anything less of people that do. Especially if it's true that it will keep a failed business from affecting personal assets. That's a really good reason.

We are pretty evenly matched asset wise. He has more money now; I will probably inherit quite a bit later, but by that time our main concern would be for our kids. I am just not that worried about it.

The first time I was engaged I was surprised to learn that my dad was adamantly against them. I thought he'd insist on it since my parents had money and he didn't like my broke ex.

With that said, I do think we should get some wills/living wills written up sooner than later.

lets talk about prenuptual agreements

Re: lets talk about prenuptual agreements

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