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Little brother/sister gifts by Judgy McJudgerson

Last night I had dinner with some family and H and somewhere in the dinner convo I brought up how my nephews do that thing where the little brother gets gifts on the big brother's bday. Several gifts, sometimes the exact gift that the big brother got. I was pointing out to the group that I thought that was dumb and unnecessary. How you only get one birthday, and why do you have to share it with your siblings if you don't actually share a birthday date with them (as in, you both were actually born on 01/29, for example). I said how it annoys me how it takes away from the actual birthday boy's birthday. 

H pointed out that it is not just his nephews, but it is a real thing that people do. And my mother mentioned that the family across the street celebrates Brother's Day and Sister's Day, like Mother's Day and Father's Day. She said they don't have any family beyond the four of them, and it is a special and nice that they do that.

I guess my point is to see what you all think of all this. Did your parents do that with you? Do you do that with your kids? Would you? I'm sure I'm biased because I feel my younger sisters grew up getting a stuff animal or other toy every time they went out because my parents had the money to treat them. And they would always get a hot chocolate or something like that every time my parents took them to Starbucks (daily, sometimes more. My parents are Starbucks addicts). Anwyays, please discuss.



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Re: Little brother/sister gifts by Judgy McJudgerson

  • My sister and I are 5 yrs apart my brother and I are 10. When we were little our birthday gift was going to Toys R Us and getting almost anything we wanted.  It was great, whe it was my birthday my sister got to pick out a small gift under $10 and vice versa.  It was nice being able to pick something out and get something too even if it wasn't my bithday. I don't remember if the same thing happened with my brother by the time he was old enough to pick out toys I didn't care about toys r us. 

    Not sure how we will handle things when we have kids though.

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  • I think my parents would give us a small gift on the other kid's birthday (like, I'm talking small) when we were very little.  as we got older (like grade school age) they stopped doing that.  I think for small toddlers who don't understand the concept of birthday giving (they only understand "MINE") it worked.  the gift was just enough to keep our mind busy (think like a bouncy ball or a beanie baby).

    the Brother's and Sister's Day?  never heard of anyone doing that!
  • I'm an only child, so I've never experienced this, but I've never heard of a sibling getting a gift at another sibling's birthday. If I do have more than one kid, I won't do this either.

    @tuarceatha it's funny that you mentioned 1/29 and siblings sharing the same birthday. I have two cousins born 1/29/1969 and 1/29/1970. WEIRD. Anyway, even when they were kids my grandparents threw two seperate birthday parties for them because one cousin would be into Barbies and the other ponies, you know? So it wasn't fair to say "well, it's Jane's turn so it's a Barbie birthday party this year!"

    I have to say though, my friend has two kids, a boy and a girl and the thing that grinds my gears with her is that she doesn't hide the fact that her daughter is her favorite child. Her son seems like a nusiance for her wheras her daughter gets to go on little day trips, trips to Starbucks, etc. while she drops her son off at her sister's house. She got annoyed at the fact that due to her son's developmental delays that they may want to cut out certain foods from his diet and she's like "it's so fucking annoying, now I have to make a million meals for everyone." and it was something minor, like dairy. I really shouldn't judget because I'm not a parent, but if my dog or cat or FI had to go on a special diet, I wouldn't bitch about it.

    Done with my rant.

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  • All I have to say is wtf?

    We NEVER got gifts if it wasn't our birthday. What kind of bs is that? It's like you're raising your child to expect a gift whenever someone else gets a gift. I just don't get it. How is getting gifts on your birthday not enough? Why do you have to get gifts on someone else's birthday too? What are they going to do when that child goes to a friend's house for a birthday party? Give him a gift before or after so he doesn't feel left out of the gift giving? Part of the joy of celebrating someone else's birthday is doing things to make the birthday boy or girl feel special...not to give everyone else equal gift opportunity.

    I haven't heard of Sister's Day or Brother's Day. FI honestly doesn't care for Mother's Day/Father's Day because he thinks it's a Hallmark construct but I like to celebrate it because it's an opportunity to honor my mom and dad for all they do for me throughout the year. It isn't the ONLY day out of the year that I try to do something special just for them...but I think it's important to recognize them on a specific day too. As far as Brother's/Sister's Day goes...I just can't see it in the same light. Siblings usually don't make the same sacrifices (if you want to call it that) that parents often do for their children...especially when those kids are young and take up a lot of time and resources. Now...I can see you wanting to do something really special for a sibling if they do something that goes above and beyond...but I just don't see the point of having a special day for it.



  • OK I have never heard of this. 

    I'm one of three siblings (the middle child) and we never got gifts if it wasn't our birthday! Birthdays were about celebrating the one kid for a day--not about giving everyone a gift. I agree with  @ImHollister that is just teaching kids that they should be given gifts all of the time. 

    Now that we're older we don't really do birthday gifts that much and, since my mom and my birthdays are one day apart, we have celebrated together with a dinner for years now and I'm perfectly happy with that arrangement. But when I was a kid, we specifically did something just for me on my birthday and I didn't share with anyone and I wouldn't have expected to be shared with on someone else's birthday! 

    I do not accept that this is a real thing. This seems to me like a way for parents who are unable to just say no to their kids to pacify them for a day when it's about someone else. 
  • I get the idea of giving a toddler some small gift to distract them so they aren't jealous of the birthday kid's gift, but I think it's something that needs to be weaned off when they're old enough to understand that not everything is "MINE" - I don't know that much about kids, but I would guess this is around age 5 or so? Learning to wait one's turn, give generously, and be happy for friends when good things happen to them is important part of social development. I feel like teaching a child to expect a gift on every sibling's birthday, or a treat every time they go out somewhere, is setting them up for disappointment with the real world.

    My grandma and my cousin share a birthday (4/4/29 and 4/4/88) - since they live on opposite sides of the country it's nbd, except when my Grandma's 80th birthday bash was the same day as my cousin's 21st.
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  • Nope. Never did this. My parents didn't really make a huge fuss about our birthdays or Christmas. We got gifts, of course, but not like some kids. One of the most important lessons you can teach your kid is that they are not the center of the universe. You get presents on your birthday; your brother gets presents on his. Disappointed? Suck it up and stop being a brat. Be grateful for what you have.

    I could see this being a real thing, because my BIL and SIL treat their daughter like the one shining light in this world. And she's got the attitude to prove it. :/ DH and I have very strong feelings about parenting differently.
  • @Peaseblossom55 Did you turn out okay? I feel like you did. ;) I'm 7 years older than one sister and 15 years other than the next. My parents were pretty poor when I was younger and money was tighter than it was by the time I hit high school. So obviously my experience was different than my sisters.

    @CocobellaF My first reaction to you saying "I think for small toddlers who don't understand the concept of birthday giving (they only understand "MINE") it worked." is that they should be taught then. As soon as they get "mine" they should get "theirs." No? I'll let you know how that goes, when H finally changes his mind about it not being time to have kids yet.

    @buddysmom80 haha I just said the 29th because today is the 30th :) The thing your friend is doing breaks my heart. My youngest sister feels so much resentment towards my dad and it breaks my heart to know he treated her differently for whatever reasons he did.

    @lmhollister I totally agree with this "Part of the joy of celebrating someone else's birthday is doing things to make the birthday boy or girl feel special...not to give everyone else equal gift opportunity." And @Swazzle I totally brought up the "everyone gets a trophy" point. I have to step back and say this type of gifting, isn't guaranteed to ruin a person's character, but still. Don't go there, save gifts and what not for special occasions.

    @TwoDimes Interesting that you bring up your grandma. My MIL participates in the little brother gift thing. I wonder if she is following her grandson's parents' lead or whether it is just something she does for grandkids? She has 6 kids of her own, and we all know that just because kid 4 got XYZ for his birthday, doesn't mean kid 5 can't play with it. They just have to know it is not theirs, they don't need their own just because kid 5 got one. If they want one too, they should ask for it for the next time they are due to receive gifts. There is something special about wanting something and getting it from the people that love you. We all know how much joy there is/will be when we get want we wanted after waiting for it from that loved one.

    @mbross3 lol I like that you are like "I do not accept that this is a real thing." It is real if people do it. Real. I judge it, but it still happens.
  • @tuarceatha - I think that was the reasoning behind my parents' doing it.  my younger brother had a lots of problems (very high maintenance kid), probably should have been diagnosed on the autism scale TBH, but at the time that wasn't really done like it is now.  I don't know that H and I will be doing the same thing.  I think they did it mostly to keep him busy bouncing his little ball or playing with his beanie baby so that he wouldn't go all holy terror and ruin the day for everyone else because he honestly didn't understand why sister was getting so many presents and he wasn't.  I can't judge them for it, because they did the best they knew how with the kids they got... and we weren't easy together, ha!  :)
  • I get the idea of giving a toddler some small gift to distract them so they aren't jealous of the birthday kid's gift, but I think it's something that needs to be weaned off when they're old enough to understand that not everything is "MINE" - I don't know that much about kids, but I would guess this is around age 5 or so? Learning to wait one's turn, give generously, and be happy for friends when good things happen to them is important part of social development. I feel like teaching a child to expect a gift on every sibling's birthday, or a treat every time they go out somewhere, is setting them up for disappointment with the real world.

    My grandma and my cousin share a birthday (4/4/29 and 4/4/88) - since they live on opposite sides of the country it's nbd, except when my Grandma's 80th birthday bash was the same day as my cousin's 21st.
    Again, I dunno the exact stages of development and understanding but the keys in my purse (no actually I cannot stand the though of putting my keys in my oral fixated kids hands. Or my silicone phone cover. Feck. My cousin does that with her daughter. I have to gag. Your phone is D-I-freakin'-irty. Moving on...) or the toy you already have is good for distracting you. (This is me talking to a baby/toddler.)

  • @emmyg65 said:
    Nope. Never did this. My parents didn't really make a huge fuss about our birthdays or Christmas. We got gifts, of course, but not like some kids. One of the most important lessons you can teach your kid is that they are not the center of the universe. You get presents on your birthday; your brother gets presents on his. Disappointed? Suck it up and stop being a brat. Be grateful for what you have.

    I could see this being a real thing, because my BIL and SIL treat their daughter like the one shining light in this world. And she's got the attitude to prove it. :/ DH and I have very strong feelings about parenting differently.
    I agree with this. Please, please do not let me eat these words when I have kids to deal with.
  • @tuarceatha we are all actually pretty normal.  None of us grew up with any sense of entitlement, even though we grew up pretty spoiled. 

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  • @BriSox81 said:
    My little sister ALWAYS got presents on my birthday (she's six years younger) but I NEVER got presents on her birthday. 

    But I'm totally not still bitter. 

    Brat.
    ha
  • @tuarceatha, I agree with you in re: my friend. He's already acting out (he'll be 4 in May) by biting and hitting his big sister and I'm like "you don't think that's because he's treated differently?" My friend is such a girly girl and I think if she had another girl, it'd be different. She grew up around all women so I think it's hard for her to adjust to having a boy in the house.

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  • edited January 2014
    I have a younger brother. Our birthdays are two calendar days apart (but I'm several years older. Just want to clarify. Our poor mother was not in labor for days.). We shared family parties. Thinking back, I think we got our gifts at that party. I don't remember for sure, though, so clearly it wasn't a big deal.
  • I have a summer birthday and for several years I was away from my parents on my birthday. I also have a lot of cousins with birthdays in the same season, or the next season, so I've had a lot of shared birthday parties over the years. I can't complain because my birthday would be celebrated repeatedly through out the summer. Which just meant that I got a lot of cake with other people's names written beside mine. Shared parties are nothing to cry about.

    I guess I could say my family did make a big deal about birthdays. I think we just like cake. H's family seems to like cake too. 


  • I never ever ever got a gift on my sister's birthday, and she never got one on mine. We turned out pretty fucking awesome, if I do say so myself :)

    Similar to @livleighton, I just had a friend post something on FB this year that he has started a tradition with his son (like he had when he was a kid) that after they open up all of their gifts, the son picks one to donate to a child in need. I think that is so cool and plan on doing that with my kid(s).
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  • I like the donate thing too.

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  • I never got presents on my brother's birthday and he never got them on mine. And I don't remember ever being upset that my brother got presents and I didn't. It sounds like parents just giving into their child's whining because they can't say no.

    My parents also had my brother and I pick out old toys and books to donate. Which I'm sure BF and I will do with our future kids.


  • We never got presents on each other's birthdays, ever. (My younger brother and I are four years apart). I did get a Cabbage Patch doll the day he was born. My parents called it a big sister present, though.

    Other than that, I only got presents at times my brother didn't as a reward for suffering through my orthodontic work (like the day they pulled eight baby teeth in one sitting), and then it was usually small, like a new book.
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  • @keptinstitches eye to eye. My bros bday is 2 days after mine and my sisters bdays are a month before us. We always had one family bday sometime in the middle. I had a ton of cousins and most of the families did it like this (else I would have had to go to like 15+ cousin bdays a year!)

    I did get a doll when my first sister was born (I thought that's what a big sister gift was before reading this) but I still didnt like her. The doll was ok I guess. And now the sis and I love each other so I guess the bribery worked haha
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  • @keptinstitches eye to eye. My bros bday is 2 days after mine and my sisters bdays are a month before us. We always had one family bday sometime in the middle. I had a ton of cousins and most of the families did it like this (else I would have had to go to like 15+ cousin bdays a year!) I did get a doll when my first sister was born (I thought that's what a big sister gift was before reading this) but I still didnt like her. The doll was ok I guess. And now the sis and I love each other so I guess the bribery worked haha
    lol

    Interesting that you and @HisGirlFriday13 got dolls then. I WISH I had gotten a doll when C was born... I'll be sure to mention that to both parents the next time I see them.
  • I was really disappointed that I got a brother, because I'd wanted a sister, but a few decades later, I love him and wouldn't trade him for anything!
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • I feel like I missed out on something here. I don't remember getting a gift for the birth of either of my sisters. I was just over 2 years old when the first one was born and nearly 5 with the second. If I did maybe they were just insignificant and long forgotton.



  • I've never heard of this before as being an actual 'thing', though I've heard of some parents doing it with the siblings. I, personally, think it's ridiculous and creates a sense of entitlement. I grew up in a HUGE family and we never ever ever did this. When it was N's birthday, it was HER special day to be doted on. When it was D's birthday it was HIS special day to be doted on. And if any of the rest of us got pissy about "Wah! I want a gift too! It's not fair! Wah Wah Wah!" You can bet your bottom dollar we'd have gotten dad's belt to the ass.
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  • We did not get gifts on our siblings' birthdays.

    Although my little sister often got gifts for her birthday or for Chanukah that my brother and I had to wait for, age-wise. Like, my brother got a boombox when he was 12, and then I got one when I was 12, and then my sister got one 3 months later for Chanukah when she was 8 because she threw a tantrum about not getting a boombox.
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  • We didn't get gifts on each other's birthdays. We treated each other's birthday as a celebration of that person; they chose where we ate for dinner and a kind of cake, everyone went with it and cooperated, and we got a few gifts from the family. Each of us definitely realized that our turn would come when it was our birthday, and that was that. No coaxing or bribery needed.
  • @keptinstitches eye to eye. My bros bday is 2 days after mine and my sisters bdays are a month before us. We always had one family bday sometime in the middle. I had a ton of cousins and most of the families did it like this (else I would have had to go to like 15+ cousin bdays a year!) I did get a doll when my first sister was born (I thought that's what a big sister gift was before reading this) but I still didnt like her. The doll was ok I guess. And now the sis and I love each other so I guess the bribery worked haha
     
    I got a doll and some other toys when my little sister was born.  It still didn't make me happy, and didn't prevent me from asking to send her back.....

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