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That Money Dance Thing...

KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

My father, and FI, have both mentioned how they were looking forward to "The Money Dance" a couple times during the planning process; my mother hasn't said much about it; a BM loaned me the purse from HER Money Dance...

I, being of sound mind and proper board-reading, obviously DO NOT want this dance to occur.

I bean-dipped my dad and FI; I thanked my BM for the loan and wine-glassed her...and I was pretty honest with my mother yesterday about my feelings:

Me: "I don't want a Money Dance at our reception...they're tacky."

Mom: "Oh, they're horribly tacky!...but you can make some good money..."

Me: Jaw drop. Facepalm. Eye Roll. /

 

Now, here's the ONLY thing, as a guest, that I have enjoyed about this dance: the few moments dancing solo with the B/G. The music is usually slow/low, everyone has a full tummy, and it's less hectic, more personal than a receiving line/visiting tables.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can experience this with my guests AND avoid soliciting money? Or is it just not possible?

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Re: That Money Dance Thing...

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    Blech - I actually hate the money dance (I think I've seen it twice) because I have to sit there and watch yet another special dance to slow music instead of dancing myself. If you must do something though, I've seen a "well wishes" dance done - same concept, but you have to put a blessing or piece of advice into the jar instead of a dollar. But honestly, I really hate these type of dances, personally. 

    Remind your mother that you're trying to celebrate with your guests, not win money off them.
    And I absolutely do not think a money dance takes the place of receiving lines or table visits. 


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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Can't you just announce the dance without it having to do with money?
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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
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    PDKH said:
    Blech - I actually hate the money dance (I think I've seen it twice) because I have to sit there and watch yet another special dance to slow music instead of dancing myself. If you must do something though, I've seen a "well wishes" dance done - same concept, but you have to put a blessing or piece of advice into the jar instead of a dollar. But honestly, I really hate these type of dances, personally. 

    Remind your mother that you're trying to celebrate with your guests, not win money off them.
    And I absolutely do not think a money dance takes the place of receiving lines or table visits. 


    Bold #1- I haven't seen that, but it's a possibility.

    Bold #2- I absolutely agree it doesn't take the place of receiving lines/table visits! I have always enjoyed the one-on-one, relaxed dancing.

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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
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    @banana468-

    Yes, what could we call it?

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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Fi and his family expect the money dance (they're Sicilian).  I am also adamantly opposed.  

    Honestly, for us we are just going to skip it entirely.  If we announce any kind of one-on-one dance, or try to use play money or ask for recipes/well wishes, his family will start giving money because they want to be generous and that's what they're used to.  Everyone else at the wedding will get confused and it will probably make them feel like the expectation is for them to give money, too.  I see this as sort of like saying, "No gifts please" on the invitation.  If we do a money-type dance and say "no money," the money will happen anyway and it will just get awkward.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
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    JCBride2014 said:
    Fi and his family expect the money dance (they're Sicilian).  I am also adamantly opposed.  

    Honestly, for us we are just going to skip it entirely.  If we announce any kind of one-on-one dance, or try to use play money or ask for recipes/well wishes, his family will start giving money because they want to be generous and that's what they're used to.  Everyone else at the wedding will get confused and it will probably make them feel like the expectation is for them to give money, too.  I see this as sort of like saying, "No gifts please" on the invitation.  If we do a money-type dance and say "no money," the money will happen anyway and it will just get awkward.

    I was reading about "traditions" the other day, and the Money Dance has its roots in Europe...maybe that's why it is such an "expected" tradition among the Baby Boomer generation-if they had parents only 1 generation removed from "The Old Country", they just grew up seeing at weddings.

    Le sigh...

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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    KittyKaty20 said:
    JCBride2014 said:
    Fi and his family expect the money dance (they're Sicilian).  I am also adamantly opposed.  

    Honestly, for us we are just going to skip it entirely.  If we announce any kind of one-on-one dance, or try to use play money or ask for recipes/well wishes, his family will start giving money because they want to be generous and that's what they're used to.  Everyone else at the wedding will get confused and it will probably make them feel like the expectation is for them to give money, too.  I see this as sort of like saying, "No gifts please" on the invitation.  If we do a money-type dance and say "no money," the money will happen anyway and it will just get awkward.

    I was reading about "traditions" the other day, and the Money Dance has its roots in Europe...maybe that's why it is such an "expected" tradition among the Baby Boomer generation-if they had parents only 1 generation removed from "The Old Country", they just grew up seeing at weddings.

    Le sigh...

    Oh yeah, I mean they aren't even one generation removed.  Fi's mom and all his aunts and uncles grew up in Sicily and only moved here as teenagers.  Then they lived in a community in Brooklyn with everybody else from the old country, so it was a total culture bubble.  Fi's Nonno never even learned English.  He didn't need to-- all his customers were Italian, too (construction business, could this get any more stereotypical?) ;)
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    We also like the one-on-one dancing itself, just not the money aspect.

    We set up a table with a bunch of different-flavored shooters. When people came up to dance with us, they had the option of doing a shot with us. It was fun. :)

    Now, I will say that if we hadn't had ~50 people at our wedding, we wouldn't have done this. I've been to weddings where there are 200 guests and it takes a half-hour. It's really long and boring. So, you kind of have to know your crowd and keep it moving if you're going to do this.
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  • KittyKaty20KittyKaty20 member
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    @wrigleyville- good point about number of guests! We are at 202 people-invites won't go out for a few more weeks, but we'll still have at least 150...
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
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    It is so funny because until I came to TK I never thought about how tacky money dances are. EVERY wedding I went to growing up had them and people loved it. I come from a big southern, Catholic, Louisiana family- so idk why it was so big in our circles.

    It always seemed fun as a kid, I would never do one myself, but it is so odd to me that they were just SO COMMON in our family!
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  • csuavecsuave member
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    We didn't want to do a money dance even though they are pretty common in my area. 

    Instead we saluted my Polish heritage by playing a polka mega mix.  Even people that don't like polka can get into "Roll Out the Barrel."  We also had an opportunity to have a little dance time with guests when a soul train dance line formed in the later hours.  I danced down the line several times with different friends and BIL. 

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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    sarahufl said:
    It is so funny because until I came to TK I never thought about how tacky money dances are. EVERY wedding I went to growing up had them and people loved it. I come from a big southern, Catholic, Louisiana family- so idk why it was so big in our circles.

    It always seemed fun as a kid, I would never do one myself, but it is so odd to me that they were just SO COMMON in our family!
    My family is Polish, so I saw them at every single wedding (and hated every second of it). My brother got married before me, and I was SO EXCITED when he said he wasn't going to do "the Dollar Dance". That's what they call it in northern Michigan.

    Anyway, when he told my parents, they were super happy. They hate it just as much as we do; they just hadn't said anything because they didn't want to insult family members.

    At his wedding, a couple of people asked when they were going to do "the Dollar Dance", and my brother simply said, "Oh, we aren't having one. We want people to be able to dance all night." They didn't get any pushback, and none of my relatives said anything about it (to me, anyway). I honestly think people were relieved. It was a really fun wedding. The dance floor was packed all night, thanks to an amazing DJ who played great dance music from every era.
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  • LisaA2014LisaA2014 member
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    I am 3/4 Sicilian and have never seen a money dance. Why do people always fall back in I'm this or that as an excuse for tackiness?
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    LisaA2014 said:

    I am 3/4 Sicilian and have never seen a money dance. Why do people always fall back in I'm this or that as an excuse for tackiness?

    I don't think there's any real excuse. When I ask Fi, he says it's because he's Sicilian. And his Sicilian mother says it's tradition.

    But no, just because one's family traditionally did something tacky, doesn't make it an excuse for one to do the same.

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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • Vivandiere8Vivandiere8 member
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    A fun way to do "sort of " the same thing would be to do a Snow Ball. The bride and groom start off the dance wile everyone stands around them, then they break off and each grab another person, dance a bit, then each of those couples split and grab another partner as well. The DJ should shout out "new partner!" At the appropriate moments to keep everyone on pace. The idea is to do it until everyone is dancing. It's fast paced, gets everyone involved pretty quickly, and you get to dance with a bunch of different guests! Could be a great option in place of the money dance.
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  • 312Emily312Emily member
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    My suggestion to people who for cultural reasons want a money dance is some form of Monopoly money with the couples' faces on it.  That way the people asking for it get it, and the couple isn't rude.
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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
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    Put pretty stationary, so people can write notes to you, give them to "pay" for the dance, and then you can scrapbook them as a guestbook?
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  • jalyndanijalyndani member
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    I'm also skipping the whole "Dollar Dance" shindig at my wedding this summer. We're only having 70 of closest friends and family members. I know there will be at least 2 showers in the month before the wedding, and that everyone will be invited to at least one of them. Why in the world would I expect them to give me money AND a gift? The last wedding I went to that had such a dance turned into a sad, desperate debacle of the maid of honor, drunk off her tush, pleading to the dwindling crowd to "come on people, the bride and groom have TWO honeymoons to pay for! Help 'em out people!"(No shit. This was a family member's wedding last summer.) 

    No Money/Dollar Dance for us. I'm just going to be happy if my FI and I make it to 9:30 without falling asleep. Lol. 

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