FI is from a different country. Need advice on marrying a foreigner!

LondonLisa · February 2014

nellesaur said:

I met my fiance in a very unconventional way. He is from New Zealand and we are planning on having our wedding here in CA. I am planning WAY out in the future and finalizing some details relatively early, like our date which will be Nov 14, 2015 so his family can have a long window of opportunity to save for the very expensive round trip tickets from NZ to US.

As of right now we are enduring long distance while he finishes school in New Zealand. I know very little about Fiance Visa's and am desperate for any kind of information someone might be able to give me. Searching for this kind of thing on Google is a bit of a headache, what with finding contradicting information on every other link

How realistic do you think it will be to count on getting married on our planned wedding date? We are pretty set on the date as it's our our relationship anniversary, and we need to have a pretty solid idea of when people need to be ready to purchase tickets.

And on a side note, what do you think of having a simple JOP wedding with us and my mom to be able to adhere to the 90 day window once he's approved, and then having our "dream wedding" on our hopeful date? I wouldn't want to be denied a ceremony and reception just because of visa rules

Firstly, no one is entitled to a "dream wedding". Good for you for reading Grumbledore's post and changing your approach! It is very much appreciated.

Secondly, just talk to an immigration lawyer, it really isn't that complicated.

You have 2 choices here:

1.) get a fiance visa now, get married in 90 days and have a great life being married (no fake redo)

2.) Wait until the date you want, have your "dream wedding" and have a great life being married.

Great weddings can be thrown together rather quickly. The people that can make it will be able to make it. Otherwise, I have friends that had an ipad at their wedding and had a friend FaceTime the ceremony to a grandparent in Australia that couldn't be there.

You could also throw a fun party in NZ (not a wedding reception, No big white dress, Wedding party etc) for the people that couldn't make it. Just make sure that everyone at this party is also invited to the wedding in the US.

artbyallie · February 2014

Yay, I'm glad you're reasonable about this, unlike the posters we often get who go defensive and angry. I'm sure you will be able to work things out and good luck with your wedding planning. The red tape can't be fun, but you'll be married at the end and that will be worth it!

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

Yay! Glad you're being reasonable, even if you think I am a bitter old coot.

CMGragain · February 2014

HGF, I just love the picture of Miss Scarlett O'Hara on your posts. It makes me smile every time I see it.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

Don't forget to check with your local authorities too so you know what type of paperwork he will need to bring with him when you go and apply for your marriage license. I love the suggestion of one pp to start doing the leg work of the planning now so that way when you know for sure when it's going to happen it's just a matter of making a few phone calls to make your special day happen the way you invisioned it. Good luck with everything!!!

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

CMGragain said:

HGF, I just love the picture of Miss Scarlett O'Hara on your posts. It makes me smile every time I see it.

Thanks! That's one of my favourite scenes with her. I love the whole movie and the whole book, but that's the "gird up, get your bitch face on, and face it" GIF.

trulymarvelous · February 2014

Yay! Glad you're being reasonable, even if you think I am a bitter old coot.

Thank you, and I apologize. I did get defensive, I didn't really understand why it was inappropriate but it definitely makes sense to me now

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

nellesaur said:

Yay! Glad you're being reasonable, even if you think I am a bitter old coot.
Thank you, and I apologize. I did get defensive, I didn't really understand why it was inappropriate but it definitely makes sense to me now

Apology accepted -- I'm just glad you understand now why it's inappropriate. There are lots and lots of options to get the best of all worlds in this without lying to anyone. Good luck and happy planning.

trulymarvelous · February 2014

Erikan73 said:

Don't forget to check with your local authorities too so you know what type of paperwork he will need to bring with him when you go and apply for your marriage license. I love the suggestion of one pp to start doing the leg work of the planning now so that way when you know for sure when it's going to happen it's just a matter of making a few phone calls to make your special day happen the way you invisioned it. Good luck with everything!!!

Thanks! That's what I'm doing for now. There's a closet in the house with a bunch of stuff I'm saving for the day. It's actually easier on my budget to do it this way too! I get to buy things in small pieces instead of buying all of it in one go.

That's a great suggestion for the marriage license. Thank you!

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

Fun Fact- I listened to an article talking about flights being the cheapest 3 months out from your travel date.

I wish I could find the reference... but it was on a radio talk show I was listening to and I'm totally blanking on what one it was.

And OP, I'm really happy that you read @grumbledore's PPD post!

trulymarvelous · February 2014

However, it is fine to enter, marry on a visitor/tourist visa (or equivalent), and then leave before the visa's end date (or one's allotted time under the VWP). After the wedding, the couple would start the spousal visa process. From what I've read, current times are around a year from initial application to when the foreign spouse is able to live in the US.

This is actually good to know, too. There's a slight possibility we will start our lives out there - if he gets hired at his dream job right out of school

Schatzi13

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

nellesaur said:
I've just spent some time reading the etiquette posts. I hate admitting that I'm wrong, but after reading a post by grumbledore, I concede that I am in the wrong. I don't want to be considered a little brat with PPD in mind (I had a nice laugh when I figured out what that meant). That is so totally not what I want our wedding to be. So! Thank you to everyone

Story time. I felt JUST like you! I didn't understand why they were so mean! And then I read their posts, realized I apparently say stupid things (and won an award for it, too), strangely started agreeing with them, and now I think I might even *like* them. Their advice, while tough, has helped me stop getting pushed over by my FMIL and my mother about the guest list. So, thank you guys.

I hope everything works out timing wise so that all your family can be there the moment you and your fiance become married.

good luck!

mysticl · February 2014

nellesaur said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

You may have a JOP wedding. You may then have a celebration of your marriage later. You may NOT reenact your wedding because:
I wouldn't want to be denied a ceremony and reception just because of visa rules
You get one ceremony. One. The day you get married, however you do it, is your ceremony. Being an adult means making hard decisions, such as foregoing a big wedding because of pesky things like laws. If the date and ceremony are so important to you, then go to NZ and get married there. If you have the reception later, that means no first dance, no WP or attendants, and no second ceremony. You would be a wife, not a bride.

The main reason why our date is so important is so that his parents and family members will be able to have enough notice to save for their tickets, and buy them far enough in advance to not have to pay a high cost to come and see our wedding.

Schatzi13 said in an earlier response, I wouldn't want to offend anyone at my wedding by doing this; No one we invite to our wedding would be offended. Everyone who is invited knows and understands our situation and I would be stunned Schatzi13 is coming from if the people involved weren't so open minded.

As for being told what I can and cannot have at my dream ceremony, lighten up! It's 2014! I can have a wedding party, bridesmaids, first dance, an exchanging of vows and all the other goodies I want.

Planning a wedding is hard enough. There are enough hoops to jump through without adding on the daunting task of getting a foreigner residency and a green card just to be able to marry my partner. So yes "pesky laws" do get in the way some times. But I will do whatever I have to in order to have those beautiful wedding photos I've been dreaming of hanging in my living room, to have the memories of getting my hair and makeup done with my best friends, and walking down an aisle of people I love to the man I want to marry. Even if it's unconventional and against the "rules!"

I know you've come around to why people here are opposed to the PPD. Now that you have, read the bolded again. Do you see how that could sound to someone who doesn't know you? Like the photos and beauty treatments were the more important part.

Here's some general wedding advice that has nothing to do with visas or immigration. Don't get too hung up on that stuff. Your best friends may not be able to attend your wedding. Hair and make up plans may fall through. Your pictures may suck. There is not a single wedding photo displayed in this house. We spent over a $1000 on them and I don't like them. They look nothing like the samples of his work he showed me. My husband's uncle did a better job. The only thing that is important is marrying your FI.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

flutterbride2b said:

ktjanesmom said:

Well cant he simply get a travelers visa, or a vacation visa? I am sure there is a term for it.

He can, but it's considered fraud to enter the country on a temporary traveler's visa under false pretenses and they can get in trouble with the immigration department when applying for his green card. The minimum penalty would include deportation, but he can also get banned from re-entering the country.

Yes, if it were as simple as entering the US on a vistor's visa, getting married, and then getting citizenship, we'd have an ass-ton more people doing that.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

nellesaur said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh, goodie, we got ourselves another speshul snowflake to whom the rules don't apply. Fabulous. Look, sweetie, those pesky 'laws' you're trying to navigate provide rights LGBT couples are fighting like hell to get. YOU GET ONE DAY. YOU DO NOT GET A DO-OVER BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE SPECIAL. Newsflash: You're not special, your circumstances aren't special, and what you're doing is rude. If you want to be rude and tacky, by all means go ahead. But you'll get ZERO support on these forums from brides condoning a PPD.

It's not the marriage laws that are pesky. Pesky being your word, mind you. It's the visa paperwork. Man you're a bitter old coot. What I'm doing may be rude to YOU but I'm not having narrow minded people at my wedding so it shouldn't be a problem for me But thank you for responding to my post on here though. Having someone to argue with over this decision has given me the ability to show myself it's worth fighting for. Have a great night

Yes, they are a pain in the ass. We have been trying to find a way to get my aunt into the US legally for almost 2 decades now. But the laws are the laws, and they are there for our protection.

Plenty of people seem to be able to get married here w/o having to have a PPD later on. I'm sure you can find a way.

ETA: Glad you read the sticky on E and you understand about PPD's now :-) Good on ya!

mysticl · February 2014

ktjanesmom said:

Well cant he simply get a travelers visa, or a vacation visa? I am sure there is a term for it.

Stuck in the box. Have you read or seen "Eat, Pray, Love"? The sequel is called "Committed" it will give an idea of what it is like for an American to be in a relationship with someone from another country.

trulymarvelous · February 2014

mysticl said:

nellesaur said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

You may have a JOP wedding. You may then have a celebration of your marriage later. You may NOT reenact your wedding because:
I wouldn't want to be denied a ceremony and reception just because of visa rules
You get one ceremony. One. The day you get married, however you do it, is your ceremony. Being an adult means making hard decisions, such as foregoing a big wedding because of pesky things like laws. If the date and ceremony are so important to you, then go to NZ and get married there. If you have the reception later, that means no first dance, no WP or attendants, and no second ceremony. You would be a wife, not a bride.

The main reason why our date is so important is so that his parents and family members will be able to have enough notice to save for their tickets, and buy them far enough in advance to not have to pay a high cost to come and see our wedding.

Schatzi13 said in an earlier response, I wouldn't want to offend anyone at my wedding by doing this; No one we invite to our wedding would be offended. Everyone who is invited knows and understands our situation and I would be stunned Schatzi13 is coming from if the people involved weren't so open minded.

As for being told what I can and cannot have at my dream ceremony, lighten up! It's 2014! I can have a wedding party, bridesmaids, first dance, an exchanging of vows and all the other goodies I want.

Planning a wedding is hard enough. There are enough hoops to jump through without adding on the daunting task of getting a foreigner residency and a green card just to be able to marry my partner. So yes "pesky laws" do get in the way some times. But I will do whatever I have to in order to have those beautiful wedding photos I've been dreaming of hanging in my living room, to have the memories of getting my hair and makeup done with my best friends, and walking down an aisle of people I love to the man I want to marry. Even if it's unconventional and against the "rules!"

I know you've come around to why people here are opposed to the PPD. Now that you have, read the bolded again. Do you see how that could sound to someone who doesn't know you? Like the photos and beauty treatments were the more important part.

Here's some general wedding advice that has nothing to do with visas or immigration. Don't get too hung up on that stuff. Your best friends may not be able to attend your wedding. Hair and make up plans may fall through. Your pictures may suck. There is not a single wedding photo displayed in this house. We spent over a $1000 on them and I don't like them. They look nothing like the samples of his work he showed me. My husband's uncle did a better job. The only thing that is important is marrying your FI.

stuck in the quote box I believe!

yes! I absolutely have a better idea of this concept. I can totally see why people would think that's the kind of person I am. But rest assured I am not. The "goodies" as I called them are just frills, and have always been just frills. While it was never my intention to come off as one of those "ITS MY DAYYYYY" kind of brats, I can easily see how I came off that way. I now cringe at my previous comments and am equally dismayed when I see other girls posting about a PPD. I've seen a few brides on some wedding shows - say yes to the dress Atlanta - who had a JOP wedding because they just "couldn't wait" but now are having a REAL wedding! I scoffed. At least I can say I wasn't THAT bad, I did have some legal constraints to work with. But I'm figuring out how to work around them and if I can't get it to happen on my ideal date - no big. I'll have married him and will finally be able to move forward with our lives

dolewhipper · February 2014

hikebikebemerry said:

Fun Fact- I listened to an article talking about flights being the cheapest 3 months out from your travel date.

I wish I could find the reference... but it was on a radio talk show I was listening to and I'm totally blanking on what one it was.

And OP, I'm really happy that you read @grumbledore's PPD post!

As someone in tourism, I usually book domestic flights 2-3 months out, 5-6 months out for international. OP, I think by that time you might have a better idea about timing

Give your guests a time of year (winter, spring, summer, fall) and year, that way they have an idea and can book. The only problem I see with this is for visas. I'm not well versed in that area at all.

FI is from a different country. Need advice on marrying a foreigner!

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