Wedding Etiquette Forum

To Invite or To Not Invite...

I thought my fiance and I have decided on the guest list, I sent out Save The Dates a week ago. Now, 2 couples have come up and I'm not sure whether to add them or not.

The first is my BILs sister and BIL. My BIL is officiating our wedding. His BIL made a comment the other day saying something like "I can't wait to see your officiating in action." They are not on the invite list, part because of budget, part because neither FI or I particularly like BILs BIL. I was invited to their wedding a couple years ago (as an afterthought, they sent my parents an invitation and told my sister I could come too if I wanted).  But I've read weddings aren't tit for tat, so I don't think I have to invite them, do I? I have never talked to either of them about the wedding, besides thanking them when they congratulated us.

The second situation is this: My parents best friends are C and D. C and D are definitely on the guest list. However, yesterday C's sister was in town and her and her husband have a vineyard in California. C's sister heard I was getting married and generously offered to send us 2 cases of wine, one red, one white to have at our wedding. So now do they get added to the invite list? I have no idea if the boxes of wine will actually happen, but I thought it was very nice and very appreciated and not expected at all. I have met both C's sister and her husband on multiple occasions, but they didn't immediately pop into my head to invite.

My parents are paying for the reception/dinner so I know I need to ask my mom's opinion, and I know she would love to invite C's sister and husband, but couldn't care less about BILs sister and BIL.

I feel like our guest list is getting a little out of control. Originally we planned on inviting 150, but now the guest list is at 160. I also feel like if we invite BILs sister we should probably invite his other sister too (and her husband). Blah.

Re: To Invite or To Not Invite...

  • edited February 2014
    Personally, I would not invite the BIL in question. If you don't like him I wouldn't and it opens up a new "circle" of invitations.

    If you mom wants to invite C&D I'd let her. I'd leave that up to her. I'm thinking they did not offer to send the wine as a way to get an invitation, just bc they are generous people. :)

    You are correct, weddings aren't tit for tat. Send BIL a link of the wedding video if you have one. 

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  • So... your brother-in-law (sister's husband? fiance's brother?) has a brother-in-law who is in no way related to you, who wants to come to your wedding? I think I'd pass on that one.

    Your parents' best friends' sister sounds very nice, but I would also pass on that one.
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  • Agree with PPs.  C&D sound like a reasonable invite, especially if your mom agrees, but I'd be super worried about the repercussions of inviting the unrelated family of in-laws.  That just seems to be a way to get people riled but because Inlaws A were invited but Inlaws B were not.
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  • I wouldn't invite either.  Like you said, weddings are not tit-for-tat.  Your BIL's BIL does not automatically merit an invitation.  You do not owe someone a wedding invitation just because they congratulated you.

    You also aren't required to invite someone just because they heard through the grapevine (literally, in this case!) that you're getting married and want to give you a gift.  That said, if you really want to invite C and D, I don't see any reason why you can't.
  • I would pass on both.  I am not a big fan of adding people to the guest list because you are feeling pressured to do so.  It really should be the people that YOU care about and that YOU want to share this event with you.  If they aren't people that YOU and FI really want to invite, then don't invite them. 

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  • PPs: she is already inviting C&D, her parents' friends.  The question is about C's sister and her husband, who offered OP wine when they heard she was getting married.

    I would not invite either couple, honestly, unless your mom feels really strongly about C's sister.
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  • I'd pass on your brother-in-law's brother-in-law. Not sure why they think they'd be invited. You're not obligated to invite everyone who's ever invited you to their wedding.

    I wouldn't invite C's sister either. If you're not comfortable accepting the wine and not inviting them, then (graciously!) decline the gift.
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  • I'm in the camp of not inviting either couple. You're not obligated to invite any of these people just because one couple did something nice for you and the other have apparently invited themselves.
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  • Definitely don't invite BIL's family, especially if you don't even like his BIL. What is it with thinking you'd be invited to a wedding of your relative's in laws? The other couple is up to you, it's not necessary so if you feel that your wedding is big enough than don't invite them.
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