Hi girls, I was hoping you all could help me with a little dilemma and offer your input and/or advice.
I am getting married this August and have selected my wedding party months ago. Well, I am having dinner with a good friend next week. I haven't seen her in about a year, but we've kept in touch via text and social media. When I was selecting my wedding party, it crossed my mind several times to ask her to be in it. Once upon a time we were very close but we had a few rough patches, which made me hesitant to ask her. Although we are on nothing but good terms and have been for years, I was afraid she would think its weird that I would want her in the wedding. Now that I'm having dinner with her, I'm realizing I regret not asking her. I would like to ask her when I see her, but I don't want her to think she was a back up choice, or "B list". She knows I have already selected my wedding party and she may wonder why I am asking her after the fact.
What makes it even more complicated is that I have a BM that I am about to ask to step down. She has just finalized a divorce and her ex-husband is in my fiance's wedding party. I knew it would be hard for her, but when I asked her to be a part of the wedding, she said she would deal with it so she could be there for me. But up until this point she has barely responded to the BM group emails, hasn't attended any of our gatherings, and has basically been absentee. She has said she can't go to the bachlorette party because she will be out of town... but we haven't even finalized the date yet! I would never phantom asking somebody to step down but she has totally stopped responding to my emails to her and recently told another BM that she doesn't think she can do it anymore. So I will be emailing her this week to give her the opportunity to back down. Sigh, that situation is another discussion in itself...
What will my friend think when she finds out about this BM stepping down? I don't want her to think she was just a replacement
Which she is not, we are not pairing up the bride and groom's wedding party, so the amount on each side doesn't matter. What do you guys think? Should I just ask my friend if she would be a bridesmaid or "too late, you made your choices, let it be"??