My parents passed away.. How should I honor them?

Re: My parents passed away.. How should I honor them?

• AprilH81 member

  

  February 2014

  KnotPorscha said:

  Here's a few ideas our editors came up with on how to honor deceased loved ones at your wedding....

  
  

  http://blog.theknot.com/2014/02/26/12-ways-to-honor-deceased-loved-ones-at-your-wedding/
  

  
  

  
  Yeah...   Most of those aren't subtle at all (flowers on a chair, table of photos, etc.) and exactly what most of us have been advising AGAINST.

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2014

  gimbali said:

  Jen4948 said:

  xstamcd said:

  For all the posters who seem to feel they wrote the book on what is 'too funereal' or have some instinct that there shouldn't be a recognition of sadness and grief in a public way at a wedding, I politely ask you to stuff your etiquette book somewhere - somewhere remote and away from this website.  Recognizing grief is part of life and stuffing it away and trying to make it private, especially when you are with the people in the world who love you the most and want to support you, is not helpful. It is one small part of an otherwise joyful occasion. It does not ruin it or stain the entire event. Joy and grief are inseparable in life and to force people who want to share this with their loved ones into some very private expression isn't kind. Maybe that works for you but it doesn't work for everyone. 

  Also, families have different cultures - and so maybe your family and your friends feel 'cheated' or guilted to have a donation made in lieu of a favor, but many of our family and friend cultures support that and would feel that it is a wise use of those funds.  There is no  singular right or wrong way to do this.

  Sorry, but no.  We are not going to "stuff our etiquette books" for you.
  
  When you invite someone, regardless of who they are or how you know them, to a wedding, you are not inviting them to share your grief.  Not all expressions of grief are appropriate or acceptable-regardless of how much you loved and miss the deceased.  Weddings are not "memorials" for the dead-no matter how you or your family mourn them on other occasions.
  
  There are appropriate ways to remember deceased loved ones at weddings that do not shove your grief in the faces of those present-some of whom, especially if they were close to the deceased, probably would lose it if too blatant reminders are employed.  These include tributes in programs and on websites, wearing or carrying something associated with or belonging to the deceased, and providing food, drink, decorations, and entertainment that the deceased would have enjoyed.  All of these are lovely ways to remember absent loved ones and "incorporate" their memories in a wedding.
  

  
  Dear Jen, if the only emotion you can muster for a dead person is grief, even after 5, 10, 15 years, then I truly do feel sorry for you. Maybe it's too hard for you fathom that some people can come to terms with someone's death and the thought of that person actually makes them, dare I say HAPPY. Obviously these brides do not wish to push their "grief" on anyone. They are only trying to remember someone who is an important part of their life, someone who made them, I think I'm feeling daring coz i'll say it again: HAPPY, on their special day. To them a slideshow would make them happy, maybe their guests would love it. Who the hell are you to proclaim otherwise? Go "Shove" your own grief and negative outlook on life somewhere else.

  No.  If that's what you expect people who disagree with you to do, you're barking up the wrong tree...here and in real life.  Grow up.
  

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• mimiphin member

  

  March 2014

  "Here take a cigar for my dead mother,"
  Yeah that would go over well.....
  

  

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