I do NOT want kids at my wedding!!! Why isn't that okay?!

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

Musikalbunni said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Musikalbunni said:

I invited in circles.

Only out of state/out of country kids are invited to our wedding. All the local kids are not included in invites. It' only 5 of them who are out of state/country.

I am neutral about kids. I like interacting with them whenever I get a chance. I tend to have a potty mouth so I am not necessarily kid-friendly in that sense, but I like them.
I do think there are events that should be strictly adult-only - especially if there is alcohol present.

I find statements like these kinda silly- well I find the logic silly, not the opinion.

Growing up, our families drank wine with dinner- still do. It was never a big deal, no one ever got sloppy drunk at dinner or family gatherings, so I personally don't think that just because alcohol might be present, children shouldn't be. That would mean that they couldn't attend sporting events, go to amusement parks, etc.

Hey, I did say some events.

I come from a family who does get sloppy drunk. As kids we always understood that's how things were and I am pretty sure kids manage now too. I think what I said was more based on personal experience, as you mentioned. But I still stand by my point that kids shouldn't be at every event just because they can.

ETA: to highlight my response. Didn't post correctly.

I agree with this. I just don't take the presence of alcohol to automatically mean an event isn't kid appropriate.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2014

carynNchan said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa

I don't care to have kids at this point in my life, but if I ever did and they weren't invited to an event it would not make me upset. I wouldn't take it personally.

phira · March 2014

I am not a kid person. There are plenty of kids I like and get along with, but I'm happy to not be a parent at this point in my life, and I'm usually a bit stressed when I'm interacting with kids. I'm less stressed around adults, not because I like all adults, but because I don't feel added responsibility for the interaction (e.g. I can swear).

I don't mind when people have child-free weddings, and I don't mind when there are kids at weddings. I'd have preferred a no kids wedding, but it just wasn't feasible for us, and it doesn't free up THAT many seats at the reception.

I also want to point out that there's a huge difference between "crying baby whose caregiver is being irresponsible" and "crying baby whose caregiver is being responsible." When people mention not wanting babies or children at a wedding because the child might make a scene, I feel like that's talking about two different scenarios. Children are CHILDREN--they're going to do things like throw temper tantrums at inopportune times. Infants are going to cry because they don't realize there's a ceremony going on. It happens. What matters to me is what the parents or caregivers do.

I have one set of cousins who are extremely loud and rowdy, who like to scream instead of speak, and who will gleefully crawl under tables (at the ages of 8 and 10) specifically because they like to bother adults who are sitting and trying to eat. I am not exaggerating. The parents of these children are usually in another room, or at the other end of the table, or busy talking to someone else, and the behaviors are never stopped or punished. The kids are never told, "Okay, you can't behave, so we're going home early," or even before an event, "You can't come because you never behave."

But if the parents/caregivers are making an effort? That's what makes the difference to me.

I was on a flight about 3 years ago and was sitting next to a couple with an infant on his first flight. Unsurprisingly, the baby had a rough time being on a plane and cried a lot on the 3 hour flight. His parents were constantly trying to calm and quiet him, and managed to keep him calm for long stretches. They also apologized to nearby passengers, who all understood that they were doing the best they could.

So sometimes, it's not about, "I love kids! Kids for everyone!" or, "I hate kids! They're the worst!" Sometimes, it's about knowing the parents, and feeling more (or less) confident that individual parents will be responsible about BEING parents during the wedding.

aleighc3 · March 2014

aleighc3 said:

I think they someone should invent a cry room for people who complain about babies who cry in public...IMO....

Why?

Do you really, honestly enjoy the sound of a child wailing and shrieking at the top of it's lungs for 10, 15, 20 minutes while you are trying to have a meal, shop, commute to work/home on public transportation, etc? How about if you are stuck on a plane and have no where to go to get away from the sound?

I have experienced these things and the parents made no effort to soothe their child, and it was fucking obnoxious. I got a terrible headache once from a young girl shrieking at at uncomfortable octave for the duration of a 45+ minute bus ride- we were stuck in traffic on a bridge and I couldn't get off.

I also would not enjoy if a random adult decided to scream at the top of his/her lungs without end.

Do I care if a child has a meltdown that ends as quickly as it began? No, shit happens, kids get upset. But when kids are loud in public and their parents make no effort to soothe or quiet them, or remove them until they have calmed down, I find it rude and obnoxious on the parents' part.

stuck in the box

I totally agree with you on the whole parents not doing anything tho try and soothe their child or do anything. I have two boys, a 5 year old and a 16 month old. If they start getting cranky then most likely I will leave. My point is when you are in public places, riding public buses, eating in public restaurants (not super fancy ones) then there is a possibility that someone somewhere is going to annoy you or have a baby in your earshot.

climbingsingle · March 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

carynNchan said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa

I don't care to have kids at this point in my life, but if I ever did and they weren't invited to an event it would not make me upset. I wouldn't take it personally.

Exactly!! Why the assumption that once you have a kid, you expect it to be invited to all sorts of events?

aleighc3 · March 2014

carynNchan said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa

If my sons were not invited to a wedding with me and it was a local wedding then I would find a babysitter and not be bothered at all. I'm a stay at home mom and I don't get out too often, so with events like weddings I like to take that time to spend time with FH.

thisismynickname2 · March 2014

No one's said this yet: some of us just don't have much of a, if any, maternal instinct. I don't mind kids. Many of my friends have super cute kids. I just don't know how to interact with them or relate to them. I talk to babies the same way I talk to cats.They're like little aliens until maybe age 12. I'll probably have one kid in my future though.

We want to cut loose with gourmet food and good booze and dance all night at our wedding. Ergo, no kids, and our friends are looking forward to leaving their kids with Grandma and partying it up with us.

Jen4948 · March 2014

carynNchan said:

Musikalbunni said:

By as an FYI: I agree it's perfectly acceptable to have kids and no kids at the wedding.

This is more a matter of preference - if anything.

@carynNchan, not cool to assume people will change their opinion once they become a mother. Some of the regs here have personally chosen not to have kids. Some have kids and understand when their kids have not been invited. No one has complained, but adjusted to the situation. They can either decline or accept and find a sitter. That's life.

@musikalbunni...i used "when/if"...which I acknowledge that some choose not to have kids at all. I was talking about the regulars who plan on having children

Even then they may not change their opinion. Even those who "plan on" having children may not do so for whatever reason-including medical reasons. And whether or not they do change their opinion is not up to you to decide.

Not everyone is going to become a parent-and even if they do, they do not automatically get some special status that allows them to condescend to those who do not. There is no special status that allows a parent to condescend to a non-parent.

KittyKaty20 · March 2014

winnipegwriter said:

You can definitely have a kid-free wedding. I hate kids, and I've been to too many weddings where they have screamed through the ceremony, been terrors during dinner/reception, etc. I know that a lot of that stems from poor parenting, but it doesn't lessen the impact on the day. Our friends have been awesome with our decision -- they're all excited to have a night out without the kids!

@doeydo- re: your comment "I don't think anyone said they hate kids..." Winnipeg writer did.

And you Loved her comment. Just sayin'.

LauraM131 · March 2014

There is so much debate out there about this topic, but I think it has to do with your situation. I was recently in a wedding where they didn't invite kids but that was very easy for them, the bride and groom were both the oldest in their generation, none of their sibling or cousins had children, and the few friends that did got babysitters.

I am in a very different situation. I would prefer to not have kids at my wedding for various reasons, but it just wasn't realistic. Both of us are the youngest in our generations, which means the majority of our cousins have kids, ranging between 6 months to 18 years old. Also, between us we have 3 nieces and a nephew, all under 5 years old. It would have been such a battle to not invite kids, and creating some sort of age limit (like 12 or 13) would have meant splitting siblings. In the end we limited it to family children only to try to control it a little bit, and I am hoping everything will turn out ok.

JeeGooDowster · March 2014

Jen4948 said:

carynNchan said:

Musikalbunni said:

By as an FYI: I agree it's perfectly acceptable to have kids and no kids at the wedding.

This is more a matter of preference - if anything.

@carynNchan, not cool to assume people will change their opinion once they become a mother. Some of the regs here have personally chosen not to have kids. Some have kids and understand when their kids have not been invited. No one has complained, but adjusted to the situation. They can either decline or accept and find a sitter. That's life.

@musikalbunni...i used "when/if"...which I acknowledge that some choose not to have kids at all. I was talking about the regulars who plan on having children

Even then they may not change their opinion. Even those who "plan on" having children may not do so for whatever reason-including medical reasons. And whether or not they do change their opinion is not up to you to decide.

Not everyone is going to become a parent-and even if they do, they do not automatically get some special status that allows them to condescend to those who do not. There is no special status that allows a parent to condescend to a non-parent.

I did not realize this was going to be quoted so much!! For the record...I understand that not everyone in the world has children due to either medical reasons or by choice. I don't even have kids but when I do I know I won't be offended if my kids were not invited to a wedding, formal event, etc. ...I was just wondering how others would feel as well. You'll be surprised how many hypocrites there are out there...and you're right...if they're hypocritical, I have no say....I was just putting it out there.

JeeGooDowster · March 2014

carynNchan said:

Jen4948 said:

carynNchan said:

Musikalbunni said:

By as an FYI: I agree it's perfectly acceptable to have kids and no kids at the wedding.

This is more a matter of preference - if anything.

@carynNchan, not cool to assume people will change their opinion once they become a mother. Some of the regs here have personally chosen not to have kids. Some have kids and understand when their kids have not been invited. No one has complained, but adjusted to the situation. They can either decline or accept and find a sitter. That's life.

@musikalbunni...i used "when/if"...which I acknowledge that some choose not to have kids at all. I was talking about the regulars who plan on having children

Even then they may not change their opinion. Even those who "plan on" having children may not do so for whatever reason-including medical reasons. And whether or not they do change their opinion is not up to you to decide.

Not everyone is going to become a parent-and even if they do, they do not automatically get some special status that allows them to condescend to those who do not. There is no special status that allows a parent to condescend to a non-parent.

I did not realize this was going to be quoted so much!! For the record...I understand that not everyone in the world has children due to either medical reasons or by choice. I don't even have kids but when I do I know I won't be offended if my kids were not invited to a wedding, formal event, etc. ...I was just wondering how others would feel as well. You'll be surprised how many hypocrites there are out there...and you're right...if they're hypocritical, I have no say....I was just putting it out there.

BTW - OP (who I haven't seen respond) - as you can see..it's totally fine not to have children at your wedding

Amyzen83 · March 2014

carynNchan said:
Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa

As someone without children regardless of reason, I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing the phrase "you don't have kids do you" when I express the slightest annoyance of kids kicking fussing, or getting grossed out watching a kid very publicly doing something gross such as picking their nose and wiping their hands somewhere that other people touch or use. No I don't have kids but if/when I do I will teach them how to behave in public or remove them from a situation if they are acting inappropriately. My child will not be a spoiled speshal snowflake and I can certainly leave them with my mom or fmil or flat out miss an event if I need to if my child's not invited somewhere. Ok off my soapbox now.

sofakingmad · March 2014

Amyzen83 said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa
As someone without children regardless of reason, I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing the phrase "you don't have kids do you" when I express the slightest annoyance of kids kicking fussing, or getting grossed out watching a kid very publicly doing something gross such as picking their nose and wiping their hands somewhere that other people touch or use. No I don't have kids but if/when I do I will teach them how to behave in public or remove them from a situation if they are acting inappropriately. My child will not be a spoiled speshal snowflake and I can certainly leave them with my mom or fmil or flat out miss an event if I need to if my child's not invited somewhere. Ok off my soapbox now.

Oh.

Amyzen83 · March 2014

I should add that if they are too young to be reasoned with or taught then I would heavily supervise them or miss the event if a family member can't watch him or her.

sofakingmad · March 2014

I really really really really hate when people roll up in these threads and use the "I do not like kids" or "I'm not maternal" excuse to not invite them to their wedding.

JUST DON'T INVITE THEM.

You will potentially alienate a close friend or family member. It will happen. But if you don't want kids at your speshul day, just don't invite them. You don't have to justify why, just don't do it.

antoto · March 2014

LauraM131 said:

There is so much debate out there about this topic, but I think it has to do with your situation. I was recently in a wedding where they didn't invite kids but that was very easy for them, the bride and groom were both the oldest in their generation, none of their sibling or cousins had children, and the few friends that did got babysitters.

I am in a very different situation. I would prefer to not have kids at my wedding for various reasons, but it just wasn't realistic. Both of us are the youngest in our generations, which means the majority of our cousins have kids, ranging between 6 months to 18 years old. Also, between us we have 3 nieces and a nephew, all under 5 years old. It would have been such a battle to not invite kids, and creating some sort of age limit (like 12 or 13) would have meant splitting siblings. In the end we limited it to family children only to try to control it a little bit, and I am hoping everything will turn out ok.

At my wedding last weekend I had 2 kids - 1 toddler and 1 infant. I'm pretty sure at one point or another they both made some sort of noise - but i was SO INTO the moment I think only a teeny part of my brain registered it. I was staring into the eyes of my husband and that was all my brain wanted to think about. My brother in law (father of my infant nephew) apparently left the ceremony to remove the infant. I did not notice this at all and would not have known expect that I saw them when I exited the ceremony with my husband.

It was so nice to have my nephew there - I got some AMAZING photos with him. And the toddler was super cute on the dance floor - everyone kept commenting about how adorable she was.

As long as the parents are not crappy (aka don't leave when the infant starts screaming it's head off) you will probably not notice anything. Why? Because something WAY MORE IMPORTANT is happening right in front of your face

And that will be amazing

NYCBruin · March 2014

carynNchan said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa

There are regular posters on here who HAVE children and understand that their kids aren't always included in everything.

We plan on having children, I can't imagine ever being upset that our child wasn't invited somewhere. We would either (a) find a babysitter or (b) not attend if we didn't want to leave our children. Then again both FI and I grew up in households where it was not uncommon for children to be left out of things. We intend to do the same with our children. In our circle it's very common for people to attend events (even...gasp...out of town events and vacations!) without their children. We intend to do the same.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

NYCBruin said:

carynNchan said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa

There are regular posters on here who HAVE children and understand that their kids aren't always included in everything.

We plan on having children, I can't imagine ever being upset that our child wasn't invited somewhere. We would either (a) find a babysitter or (b) not attend if we didn't want to leave our children. Then again both FI and I grew up in households where it was not uncommon for children to be left out of things. We intend to do the same with our children. In our circle it's very common for people to attend events (even...gasp...out of town events and vacations!) without their children. We intend to do the same.

it is actually really healthy to have a life outside of your children. Centering your whole life around your children is unhealthy for you and your child. It teaches them to think the world revolves around them and you start to lose your individual identity. Empty-nest syndrome is much worse for people who didn't maintain healthy adult friendships and hobbies. At least that is what my parents taught me when they left for hawaii, new york, and Bali (and other places) without us. We did do plenty of activities together. My parents never missed a softball game (well one parent was always there), but they did have their own life too. My dad golfed and my mom played soccer. They went to concerts, weddings, movies, etc.

NYCBruin · March 2014

blueeyes90 said:

NYCBruin said:

carynNchan said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa

There are regular posters on here who HAVE children and understand that their kids aren't always included in everything.

We plan on having children, I can't imagine ever being upset that our child wasn't invited somewhere. We would either (a) find a babysitter or (b) not attend if we didn't want to leave our children. Then again both FI and I grew up in households where it was not uncommon for children to be left out of things. We intend to do the same with our children. In our circle it's very common for people to attend events (even...gasp...out of town events and vacations!) without their children. We intend to do the same.

it is actually really healthy to have a life outside of your children. Centering your whole life around your children is unhealthy for you and your child. It teaches them to think the world revolves around them and you start to lose your individual identity. Empty-nest syndrome is much worse for people who didn't maintain healthy adult friendships and hobbies. At least that is what my parents taught me when they left for hawaii, new york, and Bali (and other places) without us. We did do plenty of activities together. My parents never missed a softball game (well one parent was always there), but they did have their own life too. My dad golfed and my mom played soccer. They went to concerts, weddings, movies, etc.

Sounds like we had similar upbringings! My parents went on trips without me fairly frequently and even more frequently attended events without me. Of course my parents love and care about me, but they also had identities other than "mom" and "dad" which I think plays a large part in why I am close with my parents as an adult...I have always seen them as whole people and not just through their relationship with me. FI and I hope to raise our children similarly.

pinkshorts27 · March 2014

NYCBruin said:

blueeyes90 said:

NYCBruin said:

carynNchan said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa

There are regular posters on here who HAVE children and understand that their kids aren't always included in everything.

We plan on having children, I can't imagine ever being upset that our child wasn't invited somewhere. We would either (a) find a babysitter or (b) not attend if we didn't want to leave our children. Then again both FI and I grew up in households where it was not uncommon for children to be left out of things. We intend to do the same with our children. In our circle it's very common for people to attend events (even...gasp...out of town events and vacations!) without their children. We intend to do the same.

it is actually really healthy to have a life outside of your children. Centering your whole life around your children is unhealthy for you and your child. It teaches them to think the world revolves around them and you start to lose your individual identity. Empty-nest syndrome is much worse for people who didn't maintain healthy adult friendships and hobbies. At least that is what my parents taught me when they left for hawaii, new york, and Bali (and other places) without us. We did do plenty of activities together. My parents never missed a softball game (well one parent was always there), but they did have their own life too. My dad golfed and my mom played soccer. They went to concerts, weddings, movies, etc.

Sounds like we had similar upbringings! My parents went on trips without me fairly frequently and even more frequently attended events without me. Of course my parents love and care about me, but they also had identities other than "mom" and "dad" which I think plays a large part in why I am close with my parents as an adult...I have always seen them as whole people and not just through their relationship with me. FI and I hope to raise our children similarly.

Yea, I never went through rebellion phase, so it was easy to transition into being close with my parents as an adult. They have always treated me as a little adult, so when I actually became an adult there wasn't much adjustment. I am away from home but text and talk to my parents a lot about random stuff, just like I would any of my friends. Fi adores my parents and we have talked about raising kids the same way. Balance is important in every part of your life, why would relationships between parents/children be any different?

mysticl · March 2014

Amyzen83 said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa
As someone without children regardless of reason, I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing the phrase "you don't have kids do you" when I express the slightest annoyance of kids kicking fussing, or getting grossed out watching a kid very publicly doing something gross such as picking their nose and wiping their hands somewhere that other people touch or use. No I don't have kids but if/when I do I will teach them how to behave in public or remove them from a situation if they are acting inappropriately. My child will not be a spoiled speshal snowflake and I can certainly leave them with my mom or fmil or flat out miss an event if I need to if my child's not invited somewhere. Ok off my soapbox now.

Some parenting classes teach that you should not remove the child from the situation because that teaches them that if they don't want to be somewhere they can just act up and they will get to leave. I'm not saying I agree with that statement I'm just explaining why you might not see some parents jumping up to leave when their child is acting out. Also, you can't always just leave. For example if you are in a restaurant you have to pay the bill before you can leave so sometimes you have to wait a while.

Honestly, you do the best you can but no child is going to act perfectly every time they are in public, no matter how much you try to teach, reason, or supervise. But if you don't take them out in public they will never learn.

mysticl · March 2014

carynNchan said:

Jen4948 said:

carynNchan said:

Musikalbunni said:

By as an FYI: I agree it's perfectly acceptable to have kids and no kids at the wedding.

This is more a matter of preference - if anything.

@carynNchan, not cool to assume people will change their opinion once they become a mother. Some of the regs here have personally chosen not to have kids. Some have kids and understand when their kids have not been invited. No one has complained, but adjusted to the situation. They can either decline or accept and find a sitter. That's life.

@musikalbunni...i used "when/if"...which I acknowledge that some choose not to have kids at all. I was talking about the regulars who plan on having children

Even then they may not change their opinion. Even those who "plan on" having children may not do so for whatever reason-including medical reasons. And whether or not they do change their opinion is not up to you to decide.

Not everyone is going to become a parent-and even if they do, they do not automatically get some special status that allows them to condescend to those who do not. There is no special status that allows a parent to condescend to a non-parent.

I did not realize this was going to be quoted so much!! For the record...I understand that not everyone in the world has children due to either medical reasons or by choice. I don't even have kids but when I do I know I won't be offended if my kids were not invited to a wedding, formal event, etc. ...I was just wondering how others would feel as well. You'll be surprised how many hypocrites there are out there...and you're right...if they're hypocritical, I have no say....I was just putting it out there.

I wouldn't call it hypocritical. I would call it having a completely different perspective on life. For one thing it is easy to say "just get a babysitter". It's a different story when you are faced with trying to find one. Some people have more/better resources than others.

Personally I think children should be invited to weddings, especially if they are family members. I've always felt this way, long before my son was born. I never even considered not inviting children to our wedding.

banana468 · March 2014

DragonBlood13 said:
I really really really really hate when people roll up in these threads and use the "I do not like kids" or "I'm not maternal" excuse to not invite them to their wedding.

JUST DON'T INVITE THEM.

You will potentially alienate a close friend or family member. It will happen. But if you don't want kids at your speshul day, just don't invite them. You don't have to justify why, just don't do it.

I hate it when people think that not inviting children will be a cause to alienate a friend or family member. Why? ? Some events just aren't appropriate for them.

AddieCake · March 2014

I agree with Banana. Not all events are kid appropriate. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting kid free events, and I wouldn't judge or criticize anyone who chose to have a kid free event of any kind, even if I'm the parent one day whose kids don't get invited.

LadyMorvenMacBeth · March 2014

I think it's perfectly okay to have no kids at your wedding. You can't have 'no kids' or 'adults only' on your invites, but if people RSVP their kids, just phone them and explain to them. I'm only having a very small number of kids at my wedding (three, I think) none of which are in the wedding party, but only because two of them are coming from different countries, and I can't ask them to leave their kids at home whilst they fly to a different country, or to bring their kids and leave them with a babysitter who can't speak the kids language. I think that's the only reason you would feel obliged to invite the kids.

kmmssg · March 2014

mysticl said:

Amyzen83 said:

Nothing wrong with OP or any of the posters not liking kids at formal events but 1) I wonder what will happen when/if they become mothers....their children will be excluded from weddings..what kind of reaction these posters will give...and 2) this post belongs in the Snarky Brides Section. HaHa
As someone without children regardless of reason, I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing the phrase "you don't have kids do you" when I express the slightest annoyance of kids kicking fussing, or getting grossed out watching a kid very publicly doing something gross such as picking their nose and wiping their hands somewhere that other people touch or use. No I don't have kids but if/when I do I will teach them how to behave in public or remove them from a situation if they are acting inappropriately. My child will not be a spoiled speshal snowflake and I can certainly leave them with my mom or fmil or flat out miss an event if I need to if my child's not invited somewhere. Ok off my soapbox now.

Some parenting classes teach that you should not remove the child from the situation because that teaches them that if they don't want to be somewhere they can just act up and they will get to leave. I'm not saying I agree with that statement I'm just explaining why you might not see some parents jumping up to leave when their child is acting out. Also, you can't always just leave. For example if you are in a restaurant you have to pay the bill before you can leave so sometimes you have to wait a while.

Honestly, you do the best you can but no child is going to act perfectly every time they are in public, no matter how much you try to teach, reason, or supervise. But if you don't take them out in public they will never learn.

We reared 5 kids. If they were raising a fuss in public and disturbing others, you can bet they were removed from the situation as quickly as possible. What happened after that depended on the circumstances. If I had a small child who was tired or not feeling well - that was my bad decision and I should have seen it coming - no consequences for the child When they are tired or not feeling well you take them home and put them to bed.

When they were raising a fuss and disturbing others because it sounded like a good idea, you can bet the were removed quickly from that situation too. And consequences followed. If they were trying to get out of the situation they got a rude surprise - they were punished for their behavior. There was no payoff for them once they got out of the situation. They all learned pretty quickly that they needed to behave.

The one that comes to mind is when I went to Ohio to see my Dad (uncle who raised me). I come from a family where kids were seen and not heard and DS was around 3. We went to this little restaurant for lunch and DS was being a little poophead and would not listen. He and I left immediately (minus his chicken nuggets, applesauce, and chocolate milk) and sat in the car til DH and Dad were finished with lunch. He was pretty hungry by dinner time. I took him out because DH wasn't nearly as stern as me and I wanted DS to know that crap wouldn't fly. I don't recall ever needing to remove him from that kind of situation again.

mysticl · March 2014

LadyMorvenMacBeth said:

I think it's perfectly okay to have no kids at your wedding. You can't have 'no kids' or 'adults only' on your invites, but if people RSVP their kids, just phone them and explain to them. I'm only having a very small number of kids at my wedding (three, I think) none of which are in the wedding party, but only because two of them are coming from different countries, and I can't ask them to leave their kids at home whilst they fly to a different country, or to bring their kids and leave them with a babysitter who can't speak the kids language. I think that's the only reason you would feel obliged to invite the kids.

What about a child under the age of 1 who is breastfed?

LadyMillil · March 2014

mysticl said:

LadyMorvenMacBeth said:

I think it's perfectly okay to have no kids at your wedding. You can't have 'no kids' or 'adults only' on your invites, but if people RSVP their kids, just phone them and explain to them. I'm only having a very small number of kids at my wedding (three, I think) none of which are in the wedding party, but only because two of them are coming from different countries, and I can't ask them to leave their kids at home whilst they fly to a different country, or to bring their kids and leave them with a babysitter who can't speak the kids language. I think that's the only reason you would feel obliged to invite the kids.

What about a child under the age of 1 who is breastfed?

I think that situation depends on where the mom is traveling from. I have a friend that will go to local events without her 8 month old breast feed son, but she pumps beforehand and leaves him with her in laws. If you are having an OOT wedding with no kids, some breast feeding moms may decline attending.

crunchymamaof2 · March 2014

mysticl said:

LadyMorvenMacBeth said:

I think it's perfectly okay to have no kids at your wedding. You can't have 'no kids' or 'adults only' on your invites, but if people RSVP their kids, just phone them and explain to them. I'm only having a very small number of kids at my wedding (three, I think) none of which are in the wedding party, but only because two of them are coming from different countries, and I can't ask them to leave their kids at home whilst they fly to a different country, or to bring their kids and leave them with a babysitter who can't speak the kids language. I think that's the only reason you would feel obliged to invite the kids.

What about a child under the age of 1 who is breastfed?

Why does it have to be a child under 1? My 18 month old still breast feeds. But to answer the original question, IMO exceptions should be made for nursing babies but that doesn't mean it's an etiquette breach to not do so. If you are questioning certain kids I'd ask myself if having the parent not attend is better or worse than if they came with the baby. Comes down to personal preference really.

I do NOT want kids at my wedding!!! Why isn't that okay?!

Re: I do NOT want kids at my wedding!!! Why isn't that okay?!

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