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What should dad say after walking me down the aisle?

dianaloveserikdianaloveserik member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
A little bit of background. As an adopted only child, I was always the apple of my parents' eye. They weren't able to give me every toy or outfit I wanted, but they gave me so much love and affection and support, and still do to this day. Especially my dad - I was always such a daddy's girl. No matter how much work he had to miss, he was always there for my dance recitals, band concerts, piano lessons, school awards, etc. So it really, really means a lot to me to have my father walk me down the aisle for my upcoming wedding.

That said, like most women in 2014, I am not a big fan of the whole "giving away" concept. I am not a commodity, I am a person. And my father isn't "giving me" to my fiance, I'm choosing to marry him of my own free will. Our officiant's standard ceremony uses the question "Who brings this woman to be married?" and my dad would answer. I really, really don't like that. At all. But I also don't want him to just walk me down the aisle and peace out. Plus he loves my fiance (no other boy i ever brought home was good enough lol) so I want there to be some kind of interaction between the two of them.

So my question is ... does anyone have any suggestions for things that my father could say to my FI that is more along the lines of "take good care of her" or "love her as much as I do" or "I hope she brings as much joy to your life as she did to mine" or something like that? Obviously phrased more eloquently than that, but hopefully you catch my drift. Would that be an inappropriate thing to incorporate? Should I let my dad just choose what he wants to say? Any suggestions would be appreciated!

PS - FWIW, no religion at all in our wedding.

Thank you all!!
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Re: What should dad say after walking me down the aisle?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You should let your dad choose what he wants to say. Why would you want to script his from-the-heart sentiments?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I think your dad should chose what he says.  Otherwise you are scripting his sentiment and it could come off as canned.  Also, make sure your officiant knows to leave that question out of the ceremony.  It will sound really stupid if he says "Who brings this woman to be married?" and your dad says "Welcome to the family".  
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    As others said, don't try to script this moment. Some of the loveliest moments of our wedding were spontaneous.
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  • AroundTheBlockAroundTheBlock member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    At my niece's wedding many years ago the officiant said something to the effect of "I now ask the family and friends of this woman: will you release her from your expectations of her as a single woman, so that another person may become first in her heart?" and then everyone from her "side", not just her father, said "We do." And then he asked the same thing of the groom's side.
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    We plan to have them ask something like "who supports this marriage" and have both my parents, and also FI parents stand and respond with "we do".

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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Our priest didn't ask that (it's not part of the Catholic Mass), but my dad hugged me and kissed me, then hugged DH and said, "Take good care of my little girl." 

    It was unscripted and spontaneous and no one other than me, DH, the priest, and my dad heard it, which was perfect.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I grew up in a Catholic family so the custom of 'giving away' the bride seemed strange to me the first time I heard it. Most of the brides that I've known were escorted by their fathers or mothers or both down the aisle, no giving away or official words. My husband hugged my daughter, told her he loved her and placed her hand in her soon to be husband's hand, no words necessary. 
                       
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My dad walked me down the aisle, gave my had to DH. Then stood beside my mother.

    The officiant then asked my parents, "Parents, do you support SP29's decision to join together in marriage with SP29's DH and do you vow to receive him as a member of your family from this day on?" They respond, "We do".

    Then the same question was asked of DH's parents about me. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You are so lucky!  My Dad died when I was 15.  His brother, my uncle, walked me down the aisle.  When the question was asked , he replied "Her family does."  Your family presents you at the altar to be married.  This does not imply ownership, but family membership.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    My dad didn't say anything.  He walked me down the aisle, hugged me, and then went and sat down.  
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    He doesn't have to 'say" anything.  He could just join your FI's and your hands at the alter.  Or, perhaps he could kiss you cheek then shake your FI's hand or something.
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  • Ven&RadioVen&Radio member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    My dad walked me down the aisle, kissed me on the cheek, shook H's hand and took his seat.  We omitted any reference to "giving" from the ceremony. 
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  • dianaloveserikdianaloveserik member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Thank you all for your suggestions. I think I'm going to do what most said and just let my dad pick what he wants to say, if anything. The surprise and spontaneity of it might mean more than any scripted words ever could. Thanks! <3
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