Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower Questions and an MOH issue [LONG] [XPOST FROM WP]

[XPOST] because I completely forgot this forum existed last night after some wine :).

Hi everyone. I am a bridesmaid in a very good friend's wedding.  She is getting married in September of 2015 (~18 months away).  Some backstory (some of which is a [XPOST] from NEY, but new details and the questions at bottom are new): Her MOH has been MIA for the past few months due to being obsessed with her boyfriend, and barely speaks to the bride anymore. When the MOH does, she only wants to talk about the wedding with the bride, even if the bride tries to talk about how the MOH is doing and what's new with her.  And when I say wedding, I mean that the MOH asks questions such as "oh did you pick colors yet?" or "did you put a deposit down on a venue yet?", when the bride took care of both of these in December, texted MOH, mass Facebook messaged all bridesmaids + MOH, and posted in the secret wedding group for all bridesmaids and groomsmen to see. Not only that, but the wedding had to be pushed back until 2015 due to unforeseen circumstances. It was originally supposed to be fall of 2013, and they made the decision to push it back in March of 2013 (~5 months before the original wedding date).  Now, the MOH never contacted the rest of us about anything wedding related when it was still supposed to be last year, despite telling the bride that she would plan the bridal shower and bachelorette.  Maybe 5 months is way too early to brainstorm ideas?  I am a planner though, so that is exactly when I would have at least started to reach out to see what ideas people had/what others thought of mine if I were in her position. I understand (and the bride does too) that it is NOT a requirement for anyone to throw these parties, but the bride really would like the full experience, if possible.  The bride has been really worried that the MOH wouldn't follow through, and possibly stop talking to the bride altogether for whatever reason. I basically told the bride that I would make sure that she had a shower and bachelorette, and would not leave her hanging, despite what happens between the bride and MOH.  I only want to do this to make my friend happy, and in no way want the MOH to be demoted.  So, I do not want to step on the MOH's toes if she does want to plan it, but she hasn't really given anyone else confidence that she will follow through.  I plan on emailing her to ask if she has given any thought to it yet, and maybe share some of my ideas with her, to see how receptive she is.  The number one thing right now is that I don't want to ask her/share ideas if it's still way too early.

Okay, now the questions:
1) How early should you start planning a bridal shower? I do not want to offend the MOH if she just hadn't gotten around to it, but want to make sure that the bride doesn't get hurt expecting one after a promise was made and not getting it. Also, the bride expressed that she would like a nice affair at a country club or a nice restaurant (which I had already had in mind for her; this was suggested after I asked for some things she might like). There aren't many in the area, so how early should we/I book a place to ensure that we can get a venue? I know sometimes weddings need to be booked a year or two out, but I have no idea about a bridal shower.

2) The bride expressed to me that she would ideally like the shower to take place in April or May of 2015. Is this a reasonable time to have a shower for a September wedding? She wants this as her FI and her are both graduating, and most likely will be moving away in late May/early June from the area where both of their families live and where the wedding is taking place. If it is before they move, then the bride won't have to come up with the airfare to fly back while she might still be looking for a job. Would guests side-eye having it so early, even if they knew that the months in between then and the wedding would be difficult for the bride to have it in?

3) I also want to point out that I have looked into the cost of all of my ideas, and could afford it on my own if necessary.  I know that only hosts are required to pay, and just want to give everyone the option of having a say in the planning. Is it too early to ask MOH what her ideas are, and then maybe ask the rest of the bridesmaids what they think/would like to contribute, if anything?

I really appreciate all of your help.

Re: Bridal Shower Questions and an MOH issue [LONG] [XPOST FROM WP]

  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I definitely think that 18 months before the wedding is way too early to be concerned about planning any pre-wedding parties. Most people have barely started planning their wedding at that point. I would wait until about 5 or 6 months before the wedding and if the MOH hasn't said anything then you can offer to host it.
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