Upgrading the e-ring?

ZiggyZos · March 2014

It's been a long while since I've been on TK, but always found the ladies on E to be incredibly honest so I couldn't think of a better place to ask opinions on this...

My husband bought me a 1-carat diamond engagement ring when he planned to propose. I absolutely love it. He has previously made off-hand comments in the past about upgrading the ring to a 2-carat and the other night he came out and said that for our 5 year anniversary he wanted to buy me the larger ring.

I'm feeling conflicted on the issue. My initial reaction is that my engagement ring is my engagement ring (and my wedding band was designed to wrap around it) and I don't want to change that. It wouldn't feel the same to me if it was changed to an entirely different ring. I also don't think spending the extra money is necessary. But at the same time, there's a small part of me that wouldn't mind the extra bling.

I've suggested instead that if he really wants to "upgrade" the ring, we could do a small single band with another set of stones.

What is the E feeling on upgrading/changing a ring after the fact (especially if it is the husband insisting on it)?

MrsMack10612 · March 2014

Why not just get a new ring that you can wear on the other hand? It doesn't have to be an e-ring upgrade, it could just be a ring.

Inkdancer · March 2014

Perhaps instead of changing the whole ring, they could re-set it with a larger stone? That way you still have your original e-ring, with the extra bling that hubs wants to give you.

AprilH81 · March 2014

I just had this discussion with H this week because a relative bought a completely new wedding set ("engagement" ring and wedding band) for their third anniversary.

First, I think this is personal choice as long as you and your husband agree on what should be done.

Personally I wouldn't want to upgrade my ring or change out the band unless something horrible happened and it couldn't be fixed or found. That is the ring he proposed with and that is the ring he gave me on my wedding day. Changing the stone (for me) would be changing the ring. One day I might want a second "wedding band" as an anniversary gift, but I wouldn't change any aspect of my current rings.

In your case since you are happy with it I would ask why H wants you to have a bigger ring. If he just wants you to have something nice you can get diamond earrings, a right hand ring, a necklace or anything else that strikes your fancy.

daria24 · March 2014

I'm not a fan of upgrading. Partly because my attachment to my e-ring/wedding band is because I received them on those particular days. And partly because if my husband wanted to shell out that kind of money, I'd rather take a great vacation.

I have thought that for my 25th anniversary maybe I would want a second eternity band. I don't usually wear my e-ring, so a double stack of bands would be nice.

zitiqueen · March 2014

I'm with you. Your e-ring is the ring he gave you when he proposed; "upgrading" the e-ring means it's no longer the ring he gave you when he proposed, therefore no longer your e-ring. IMO, anyway.

kitsunegari89 · March 2014

Keep your e-ring and have him buy you a fancy party ring. I would be mortified to trade in my ring!

Maggie0829 · March 2014

Why does he feel so strongly about upgrading your ring? Honestly, if you love your e-ring the way it is then I would tell him that you don't want to upgrade it and that if he wants to get you something fancy for your 5th anniversary then he can get you some other piece of jewelry.

I couldn't imagine upgrading my e-ring. This is the ring he bought to propose with and bought because he thought that I would love it. Why upgrade it?

jnissa · March 2014

Another thing to consider is whether you'll even like wearing the bigger ring on a daily basis. My friend recently got her e-ring banded for her 5th anniversary. After that, she realized that because it's a daily piece of jewelry she actually found having the larger ring a little bit of hassle during the work day, at the gym, etc. They ended up having the ring taken back to its original state and using the stones to create a bigger party ring like described above that she wears out or at events. Solves all sorts of problems.

artbyallie · March 2014

Does he even know how much more a 2 carat will cost? It's not a matter of twice what the first one was; it will be considerably more assuming you stick with the same quality of color/cut/clarity. For far less than a 2ct diamond, he could get you 2ct total weight diamond studs, i.e. a carat for each ear. I mean, rock on if he/you have that kind of money to spend, but I think I'd rather have a less expensive piece of jewelry and a nice anniversary trip.

The only thing I might consider with my ring would be maybe some day getting a natural sapphire the same size as the lab one currently in it. But I've priced them out and they're at least a couple grand, more than twice what H spent on both my rings. We're spending about that this year to go to Puerto Rico for our third anniversary. We want to go to Ireland for maybe the 5th or the 10th. He likes buying jewelry for me, but wouldn't want to spend thousands on a single piece.

photokitty · March 2014

Ill be the desenting voice so you have one

I selected a plain platinum band for my wedding band. It is what i place my sentimental attachment to, not my ering or wraps. I have two wraps, so far...a ruby & diamond and sapphire & diamond. My ering is a tiffany setting so the diamond can be upgraded if we so choose. I think upgrading, if you want to, is a great way to buy responsibly and get something nicer down the line.

Word of caution…it might be more costly than you anticipate.

My close friend upgraded her bands, got a halo and lots of diamonds, only kept the same center stone. She loves it.

GL!

ETA - deleted ring stats since discussion is over

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

I'm with other posters that I wouldn't want to. In fact, I told DH I would never 'upgrade' either of my rings because then they wouldn't be my rings.

To me, the engagement ring represents the promise you made, at that point in time, and the wedding band represents the commitment. The rings are snapshots of those moments.

I'm another vote for getting an anniversary band or awesome earrings or a cocktail ring.

lyndausvi · March 2014

I have no problem if you and your DH want to upgrade.

My mom upgraded her ring after about 20 years and dad making way more than he did back when they got engaged. She had some of the same reservations. Dad talked her into letting him take the stone of e-ring and the stones from the first set of diamond studs and pendant he gave her and designed a new pendant. She wears the new pendant all the time and it's still her favorite piece. Her stones look way better in the pendant than they ever did on the e-ring. Her new combo wedding band/e-ring is pretty nice also. That ring also includes diamonds from an anniversary band he gave her around their 10th anniversary.

My center diamond comes from MIL so no upgrading. However, we are seriously talking about getting a new setting. We will take the all the diamonds from the e-ring and wedding band and create one ring. There might even be additional stones added.

monkeysip · March 2014

daria24 said:

I'm not a fan of upgrading. Partly because my attachment to my e-ring/wedding band is because I received them on those particular days. And partly because if my husband wanted to shell out that kind of money, I'd rather take a great vacation.

I have thought that for my 25th anniversary maybe I would want a second eternity band. I don't usually wear my e-ring, so a double stack of bands would be nice.

Totally the bolded! Lol. I wouldn't want H to spend that kind of money that a new 2karat ring would cost.

However, my E-ring is an aquamarine instead of a diamond, and while I LOVE IT, I didn't realize how soft aquamarines are, and the stone is already a little scratched after almost 3 years. One day, I might consider getting a new aquamarine stone, but that's only a few hundred dollars. To me, it would still be my original ring.

But it's also a really personal choice, and I wouldn't judge someone's decision either way, unless it was like a "OMG I can't believe my H bought be such a tiny ring, he better buy me a new one!!" (Which obviously is not your motivation)

ETA: I also would treat my ring with a new stone with much more care now that I know what can happen to aquamarines. I wouldn't just buy a new stone every few years, lol.

cruffino · March 2014

I love my rings and can't imagine changing them. Honey, take me to the Caribbean please!

edandy · March 2014

Yeah I feel weird about upgrading. I take sentimental to the extreme with my ring. I view upgrading as saying that the ring isn't good enough and the marriage was for the ring. Have him get you an anniversary ring you can wear on another finger, or maybe another piece of jewelry.

grumbledore · March 2014

I am not a fan of upgrading in general. If I lost it, I would try to replace it with the same ring. It's important to me that this is the ring that my FI chose for me - he put a lot of time and effort and stress into that decision and I just wouldn't feel right changing it.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

cruffino said:

I love my rings and can't imagine changing them. Honey, take me to the Caribbean please!

THIS!!! Although, with the amount of money it would take to upgrade what I current have, he might as well just save it and retire earlier.

blabla89 · March 2014

FILs both upgraded their rings to celebrate having "arrived". They were dirt poor when they got married, now FFIL has a great job and FMIL is dripping with diamonds. Their rings are fabulous, but not what they got married with, which seems a little materialistic to me.

I wouldn't mind upgrading my center stone, but I would absolutely not want to change the whole ring. I love it because it's what FI proposed with...also because he did a darn good job designing it.

If you think you'd like your ring better with a bigger center diamond, then go for it. But like PPs said, you might consider a right hand ring or other piece of diamond jewelry.

emmaaa · March 2014

I would never want to "upgrade" my ring. Because I can't think of loving anything more than I love my current e-ring. It may be "bigger" or more "valuable" but to me it wouldn't mean as much. My BF wants to upgrade at 5 years because she doesn't really like the setting (round center stone, halo, she wanted some more unique) and that is her perogative, but I couldn't do it.

I think at that point it is more superficial than anything. Get an anniversary band, a nice piece of jewelry, go on a vacation, or put the money in savings for a trip. The only tie I would upgrade my e-ring is once it is literally worn out (maybe 25-30 years down the road) but even then I would be hesitant.

photokitty · March 2014

lalalaurita said:

FILs both upgraded their rings to celebrate having "arrived". They were dirt poor when they got married, now FFIL has a great job and FMIL is dripping with diamonds. Their rings are fabulous, but not what they got married with, which seems a little materialistic to me.

I wouldn't mind upgrading my center stone, but I would absolutely not want to change the whole ring. I love it because it's what FI proposed with...also because he did a darn good job designing it.

If you think you'd like your ring better with a bigger center diamond, then go for it. But like PPs said, you might consider a right hand ring or other piece of diamond jewelry.

To play devil's advocate (totally not trying to call out LaLaLa) - why is it materialist to upgrade? Bc you don't put sentimental value on a piece of jewelry? We wouldn't think ill of someone who sold their ring if they had to in a dire situation. I guess I put all the sentimental value on the marriage itself, not any jewelry.

I may think this way bc I am remarried or bc my original stone was chipped and had to be replaced. Or bc after the divorce I added on my wedding set and made is a cocktail ring and wore it as a badge of honor for being strong enough to leave.

I can understand everyone doing what is bast for them, but I don't see any reason to judge someone who chooses to upgrade. It's just a ring. I didn't need a ring to marry DH, in fact we got engaged and booked our venue without one. I just don't put all my sentimental value in a ring that could be lost or damaged. I put it into our relationship

lyndausvi · March 2014

photokitty said:

lalalaurita said:

FILs both upgraded their rings to celebrate having "arrived". They were dirt poor when they got married, now FFIL has a great job and FMIL is dripping with diamonds. Their rings are fabulous, but not what they got married with, which seems a little materialistic to me.

I wouldn't mind upgrading my center stone, but I would absolutely not want to change the whole ring. I love it because it's what FI proposed with...also because he did a darn good job designing it.

If you think you'd like your ring better with a bigger center diamond, then go for it. But like PPs said, you might consider a right hand ring or other piece of diamond jewelry.

To play devil's advocate (totally not trying to call out LaLaLa) - why is it materialist to upgrade? Bc you don't put sentimental value on a piece of jewelry? We wouldn't think ill of someone who sold their ring if they had to in a dire situation. I guess I put all the sentimental value on the marriage itself, not any jewelry.

I may think this way bc I am remarried or bc my original stone was chipped and had to be replaced. Or bc after the divorce I added on my wedding set and made is a cocktail ring and wore it as a badge of honor for being strong enough to leave.

I can understand everyone doing what is bast for them, but I don't see any reason to judge someone who chooses to upgrade. It's just a ring. I didn't need a ring to marry DH, in fact we got engaged and booked our venue without one. I just don't put all my sentimental value in a ring that could be lost or damaged. I put it into our relationship

THIS

My dad wanted to upgrade my mom's ring because he felt their status was better and wanted her jewelry to reflect that. He had over the years given her some beautiful jewelry, but the e-ring looked sad compared to the other pieces.

As I said they didn't just get rid of the original stone. They custom designed a pendant along with the diamonds from the first set of diamond studs my dad gave my mom. All the stones are highlight much more prominently in the custom pendant in than it ever did in my mom's e-ring or earrings. To be honestly, when I saw the pendant for the first time I was shocked to find out they were the original stones. It looks 100x better in the pendant setting.

I feel like it was a win-win all around. She has a combined e-ring/wedding band that fits the style of her other jewelry. Plus she got a beautiful pendant from stones from when they first started out.

After 20+ years some people's status and/or tastes change. I have no problem with people wanting to make changes to something that got so long ago.

blabla89 · March 2014

photokitty said:

lalalaurita said:

FILs both upgraded their rings to celebrate having "arrived". They were dirt poor when they got married, now FFIL has a great job and FMIL is dripping with diamonds. Their rings are fabulous, but not what they got married with, which seems a little materialistic to me.

I wouldn't mind upgrading my center stone, but I would absolutely not want to change the whole ring. I love it because it's what FI proposed with...also because he did a darn good job designing it.

If you think you'd like your ring better with a bigger center diamond, then go for it. But like PPs said, you might consider a right hand ring or other piece of diamond jewelry.

To play devil's advocate (totally not trying to call out LaLaLa) - why is it materialist to upgrade? Bc you don't put sentimental value on a piece of jewelry? We wouldn't think ill of someone who sold their ring if they had to in a dire situation. I guess I put all the sentimental value on the marriage itself, not any jewelry.

I may think this way bc I am remarried or bc my original stone was chipped and had to be replaced. Or bc after the divorce I added on my wedding set and made is a cocktail ring and wore it as a badge of honor for being strong enough to leave.

I can understand everyone doing what is bast for them, but I don't see any reason to judge someone who chooses to upgrade. It's just a ring. I didn't need a ring to marry DH, in fact we got engaged and booked our venue without one. I just don't put all my sentimental value in a ring that could be lost or damaged. I put it into our relationship

Fair enough. To clarify, my FILs both swapped out their rings for completely different ones (I don't know if they even kept the old ones) and my opinion that it was materialistic is part of a more general observation about them. They also told FBIL he would need to get a bigger ring if he wanted to propose to their daughter, but I digress...

I don't have an objection to upgrading the stone or resetting a stone of sentimental value, although I don't see why one can't be sentimental about both the marriage and the ring. I have my grandmother's wedding ring. One of the diamonds is cracked even though they had the money to fix, upgrade or replace it whenever she wanted. I love knowing that it's the ring they married with, that she wore every single day. I even love the cracked diamond because it reminds me of how hard she worked to make the best life for her family. So anyway, all of that is just my opinion.

photokitty · March 2014

lalalaurita said:

photokitty said:

lalalaurita said:

FILs both upgraded their rings to celebrate having "arrived". They were dirt poor when they got married, now FFIL has a great job and FMIL is dripping with diamonds. Their rings are fabulous, but not what they got married with, which seems a little materialistic to me.

I wouldn't mind upgrading my center stone, but I would absolutely not want to change the whole ring. I love it because it's what FI proposed with...also because he did a darn good job designing it.

If you think you'd like your ring better with a bigger center diamond, then go for it. But like PPs said, you might consider a right hand ring or other piece of diamond jewelry.

To play devil's advocate (totally not trying to call out LaLaLa) - why is it materialist to upgrade? Bc you don't put sentimental value on a piece of jewelry? We wouldn't think ill of someone who sold their ring if they had to in a dire situation. I guess I put all the sentimental value on the marriage itself, not any jewelry.

I may think this way bc I am remarried or bc my original stone was chipped and had to be replaced. Or bc after the divorce I added on my wedding set and made is a cocktail ring and wore it as a badge of honor for being strong enough to leave.

I can understand everyone doing what is bast for them, but I don't see any reason to judge someone who chooses to upgrade. It's just a ring. I didn't need a ring to marry DH, in fact we got engaged and booked our venue without one. I just don't put all my sentimental value in a ring that could be lost or damaged. I put it into our relationship

Fair enough. To clarify, my FILs both swapped out their rings for completely different ones (I don't know if they even kept the old ones) and my opinion that it was materialistic is part of a more general observation about them. They also told FBIL he would need to get a bigger ring if he wanted to propose to their daughter, but I digress...

I don't have an objection to upgrading the stone or resetting a stone of sentimental value, although I don't see why one can't be sentimental about both the marriage and the ring. I have my grandmother's wedding ring. One of the diamonds is cracked even though they had the money to fix, upgrade or replace it whenever she wanted. I love knowing that it's the ring they married with, that she wore every single day. I even love the cracked diamond because it reminds me of how hard she worked to make the best life for her family. So anyway, all of that is just my opinion.

I understand what you are saying…and I would never judge anyone who wanted to keep their original ring - teeny tiny, cracked, from a cracker jack box or made from tin and glass.

I'm not saying people can't be attached and want to keep their rings, just that we should not judge those who choose to trade the entire thing in and get something new. We shouldn't place our feelings about our rings on others.

I think we just need to let people do what's best for them

SP29 · March 2014

Generally, I am not a fan of upgrading the e-ring or wedding band, but I am very sentimental- they are THE rings.

However, if FI wants to buy you a nice rock as an anniversary ring, and you like/want the ring, go for it! I'd just wear it as a right hand ring, or get an additional band.

Rings/bands are pretty "common" for anniversary gifts- more so for the big ones (my Grandma has a band from her 25th, and an eternity band for her 50th, my grandpa has bands for both anniversaries as well), but I've also heard of the "10 year" ring. Probably perpetuated by the jewelry industry to sell more (same with this new trend to buy a diamond band for the mother for each child born), but hey, I like sparkly things

.

kgd7357 · March 2014

photokitty said:
I can understand everyone doing what is bast for them, but I don't see any reason to judge someone who chooses to upgrade. It's just a ring. I didn't need a ring to marry DH, in fact we got engaged and booked our venue without one. I just don't put all my sentimental value in a ring that could be lost or damaged. I put it into our relationship

We did this too! It was nice because it was our little secret for awhile. He did re-ask with a ring later, which I do love, and it was also a special moment, but the ring wasn't crucial to the engagement.

Also, one of my side stones fell out (it shouldn't have and was under a quality garantee), and already had to be replaced after less than a year. I remember thinking, that stinks, but it's just a stone and could be replaced.

The jeweler also has a center stone upgrade policy, where they will give you whatever you paid for the original stone towards a new center stone if you want to upgrade. I doubt I'm going to ever do this, because like many ladies I'd rather go on a nice vacation, but I remember thinking it was a cool policy.

I say go for it if you want it, but if you are happy as-is, it's not worth it!

ZiggyZos · March 2014

Thank you for all of the feedback!

I absolutely love the ring that he picked out for me. I love the stones, I love the setting - the upgrade he wants is the exact same ring, only larger stones. He initially had the 2 carat (total weight) ring picked out as the engagement ring, but decided to go with the 1 carat because I have tiny fingers and, partially, because of the difference in price. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks that I think less of my ring knowing I could have had a bigger one? And he is making considerably more money now (and will have at least one more promotion before our anniversary).

I can't upgrade the e-ring itself without changing my wedding band, as it was a custom-done wrap to fit with my engagement ring. So it's an all or nothing in terms of upgrading the e-ring specifically.

I like the idea of getting a right-hand ring if he insists on buying something... I hadn't thought about that (which seems really silly on my part). This is something I feel like he really wants to do, so the next time it comes up, I think I'll suggest that instead since my suggesting a second band hasn't seemed to satisfy him.

Thank you E!

netskyblue2 · March 2014

I'm not sentimental AT ALL and I have no problem with it, if it's what you want. It sounds to me like it may not be, though. I see it as you wear a ring on the 3rd finger of your left hand to signify your marital status to the world, and it's just metal and rocks. One's as good as another, assuming you like the way they look. But I realize there are a LOT of sentimental people out there.

I work in a jewelry store, and people do this sort of thing all the time. Though it's more often 10 or 20 years down the road, when the original ring is getting "worn," maybe needing repair, maybe the couple's financial circumstances have greatly changed & they want to reflect that, etc.

mellyD2014 · March 2014

I would say go for it if you both want to! My parents have been married 32 years now and they "upgraded" on their 25th anniversary. They turned the original Ering stone into a beautiful pendant that my mom wears regularly. I'd like to do that myself one day, so I think it's a great idea if you're both on board.

KatWAG · March 2014

I know I am in the minority. But I see nothing wrong with upgrading your ring. To me, the promise H made to me when giving me the ring is much more important than the actual piece of jewelry. So if you and fi are on the same page, then I say go for it.

FWIW, be sure to check into how much it will cost to insure a 2 karat ring. I know that I had to take out a seperate "personal article policy" for my ring since the full amount covered by our homeowners policy wouldnt replace my ring. It wasnt too expensive, but it is an additional cost.

ZiggyZos · March 2014

KatWAG said:

I know I am in the minority. But I see nothing wrong with upgrading your ring. To me, the promise H made to me when giving me the ring is much more important than the actual piece of jewelry. So if you and fi are on the same page, then I say go for it.

FWIW, be sure to check into how much it will cost to insure a 2 karat ring. I know that I had to take out a seperate "personal article policy" for my ring since the full amount covered by our homeowners policy wouldnt replace my ring. It wasnt too expensive, but it is an additional cost.

Now that I think about it, I honestly don't know if we ever even got my e-ring and wedding band insured. I need to look into that - and I'll mention the additional cost of a larger ring to DH! I didn't even think of that.

Thanks!

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