Wedding Etiquette Forum

HELP!

I am the maid of honor in my friends wedding and am getting ready to send her shower invitations out. She has specifically requested that the invitations ask for money towards the honeymoon instead of shower gifts as the couple already lives together and has a child. I find this incredibly tacky but it's not my wedding it's hers. Should I suck it up and do what she wants? Or should I say something?

Re: HELP!

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Goodness. My vote is to explain to her that a "shower" is for boxed gifts and suggest a tea or something instead. Tell her if she doesn't register she's more likely to receive cash gifts to use towards whatever she pleases. I'd just leave any mention of gifts off the invitation and if invitees ask about the registry, say, "gee, I don't think they intend to make one since they have everything but I'd bet they're saving for something special." There are a few different ways to handle this but only she can save herself from being tacky, ultimately.
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    AroundTheBlockOliveOilsMompinkshorts27PrettyGirlLost
  • I'd tell her that you aren't comfortable throwing a shower like that for her and decline hosting if she insists.
    GlitterWitch22PrettyGirlLost
  • If I didn't say anything on the invitation either way about gifts do you think she would find out?
  • I agree with formercajun.

    It's her wedding, but this isn't about her wedding, it's about her shower that You are throwing for her.
    If she was requesting... only chickens or cash registey towards her new Mercedes, would you feel uncomfortable enough to say something? She might be the bride, but you are the hostess. If an element of the party that will have your name on it makes you cringe, speak up.
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    MGPPrettyGirlLost
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    If I didn't say anything on the invitation either way about gifts do you think she would find out?
    You could say "oops the invites were printed before we had that conversation" - but I stand by my previous comment that showers are for physical gifts.  It's horribly rude for guests to sit around and watch someone open cards with checks or cash, especially if they share the amounts.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You don't get a shower in which you ask for cash. You just don't. If you don't register, you don't get a shower, period. Sorry you have to deal with this OP, but the "shower" guests are going to peeved, and I would never want my name on that as the hostess.
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    MGPPrettyGirlLost
  • If I didn't say anything on the invitation either way about gifts do you think she would find out?

    Probably. People will ask her where she is registered and that conversation could lead to the fact that the info was left off the shower invites.
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    GlitterWitch22luckysnorkel
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If I didn't say anything on the invitation either way about gifts do you think she would find out?
    Probably. People will ask her where she is registered and that conversation could lead to the fact that the info was left off the shower invites.
    Yeah, if you don't put where she is registered, than people are going to ask you when they RSVP.  It will be awkward when you tell them she hasn't registered anywhere. 

    I think you need to tell her, either she registers somewhere or you're not throwing her a shower. Or do a tea or luncheon, like others have suggested.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'd decline to host the shower under those conditions.  I agree with PPs that offering to throw her a tea or luncheon would be appropriate, but it is not appropriate for her to expect cash at a shower instead of boxed gifts, much less put that in invitations.
  • She is registered at bed bath and beyond but she also wants me to mention the homeymoon thing
  • I'd tell her that you aren't comfortable throwing a shower like that for her and decline hosting if she insists.
    This.  Showers are for physical gifts, so if she doesn't want them, decline to host.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She is registered at bed bath and beyond but she also wants me to mention the homeymoon thing
    Put a line about where she is registered on the invitation then, and leave it at that.

    If you want to try to change her mind....you could always tell her "Listen, I know you wanted me to mention the honeymoon thing, but showers are really meant to shower you with gifts, KWIM? Plus, all I've ever heard from people who've gotten invites asking for cash thought the bride was SOOO rude, and I don't want you to look bad. We don't have to have a shower for you if you don't want physical gifts. Let me know if you still want the shower before I mail the invites."
  • Goodness. My vote is to explain to her that a "shower" is for boxed gifts and suggest a tea or something instead. Tell her if she doesn't register she's more likely to receive cash gifts to use towards whatever she pleases. I'd just leave any mention of gifts off the invitation and if invitees ask about the registry, say, "gee, I don't think they intend to make one since they have everything but I'd bet they're saving for something special." There are a few different ways to handle this but only she can save herself from being tacky, ultimately.
    Eh, in this case, the tackiness is on the host, not the bride, so OP should not host an event that is going to make her look bad.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There's no way I'd let my friend put me in the position of asking her guests for money for her. Tell her you're uncomfortable hosting that type of shower. 

  • The point of a shower is for boxed gifts! You spend half the event watching the bride open said gifts! If I got a "shower' invite asking for money... I would decline and side eye the hell out of it!
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    Anniversary
  • I can't imagine anything more boring as a guest, or more uncomfortable as a bride, than a shower where the bride just opens up envelopes with money.  I don't get these brides who want that.

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