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Not this nonsense again...

InkdancerInkdancer member
First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So you all heard my saga a few months ago about FILs "invoicing" us for family vacation in July. They paid it for us, so I didn't pitch a fit. But now there's more.

Today I got a text from FMIL that said "FSIL was over tonight and she told me about the fun shower she is planning for you guys at the beach! She needs to know your favorite books. We talked about some fun games for the family shower... I think you will love!"

First of all, no I will not love them, because shower games are not my cup of tea. Second of all, this is the first I have heard of any shower from FSIL. She didn't run it by me at all. Third, FI and I haven't even committed to being at this family vacation for the full week... we can't afford to take that many days off. I don't want to hurt FSIL's feelings, but I am really nervous about letting her plan this thing that maybe I won't even be in town for. Agh.
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Re: Not this nonsense again...

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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Uhm, wow.

    I do remember your saga from a few months ago. But you and your FI need to figure out what you're doing and tell your FILs, STAT.

    I know that initially you said you weren't going because of cost/vacation time, but then your FILs paid for the trip for you. In their mind, that means they've removed the impediment to your attending, so of course, you'll be attending.

    You and FI need to sit down, figure out what you're doing, and then say, 'FMIL, Inkdancer and I will be at the family vacation from X date to X date. Inkdancer was not asked about a shower and is really not comfortable with having a shower on vacation, so can we please nix that idea? Thanks.'

    I get where you're coming from, but I also get where they're coming from -- they don't know FOR SURE that you're not going to be there the whole week, so you need to tell them.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would respond and say that you have not heard anything from FSIL about a shower and that if she is planning one then she needs to run the date by you since you and FI aren't sure how long you will be down for the vacation. And then talk to FSIL and tell her that you appreciate the shower but that you would prefer to keep it simple and not have any games because you are not comfortable with games.

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    InkdancerInkdancer member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    You lovely ladies are right as usual! I have to get FI to put his foot down with his family... he hates it but he needs to do it.
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Inkdancer said:
    You lovely ladies are right as usual! I have to get FI to put his foot down with his family... he hates it but he needs to do it.
    image

    I feel you, I really do. DH and I had several go-rounds in which I was like, 'I refuse to have my holidays held hostage by your family's inability to freaking plan! Either they get their shit together or we don't see them; those are the damn choices!'

    He is also super-non-confrontational, but he eventually realised it was better to be firm and put his foot down than deal with the stress of unplanned holidays that exacerbate my anxiety disorder.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    InkdancerInkdancer member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    Inkdancer said:
    You lovely ladies are right as usual! I have to get FI to put his foot down with his family... he hates it but he needs to do it.
    image

    I feel you, I really do. DH and I had several go-rounds in which I was like, 'I refuse to have my holidays held hostage by your family's inability to freaking plan! Either they get their shit together or we don't see them; those are the damn choices!'

    He is also super-non-confrontational, but he eventually realised it was better to be firm and put his foot down than deal with the stress of unplanned holidays that exacerbate my anxiety disorder.
    That makes me crazy too. I hate last-minute stuff, it stresses me out so much. FI is such a sweetie and just wants to go with the flow, but I can't handle it!

    I think the fact that I cut cheese out of my diet starting yesterday is making me take all of this much harder.
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    cruffinocruffino member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    The loss of cheese is heartbreaking.

    And I agree with PP, time for a direct conversation.
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    mcgarci2mcgarci2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm sorry about the cheese.  I love cheese.  We had a whole block in the refrigerator and FI still requested more when  I went shopping a few days back.  Needless to say he was quite disappointed.  I snapped this convo because it makes me smile. :)
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