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June 2014 Weddings

FI at it again

Our guest list is really my only stressor (that and our DJ screwing up somehow) and FI just doesn't seem to get it.

Our venue only holds 160.  I worked very hard to get a seating arrangement that wouldn't be crowded with this amount.  Better is 150.

We have 175 on our guest list, roughly half are his family that all live in Canada.  We know at least 10-40 of these people will not come (10 for sure).  We also know of a few local people that will not come.  But as family and and dear friends, they will still receive an invitation (The Canada invites are already out, but no one in his family is rsvp-ing really).

So, we are at our limit.  Period.  Please, please, please dear future husband STOP adding names to the guest list!!  And please stop telling/talking about the wedding to our colleagues who are not on the list (sigh).

And to further exasperate the issue, I have recently found out about a surprise bridal shower (which is the sweetest thing ever --truly, and no one knows that I know).  He was contacted by the planners and did not bother to tell them/give the wedding list, so now women are invited to the surprise shower that are not on the list.  I wrote more about it here: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1017300/the-problem-with-surprise-showers#latest 
But with my only two BMs out of state, some local friends put this together/hosting and invited other women in the blind.  It is such a lovely gesture, but I know some feelings will get hurt.  When they contacted FI, all he had to do was send the list.  But instead when he got the list of shower invitees (non-wedding guests included), he just replied "looks good-I think you got everyone."  

(FYI-found out about the surprise shower because my friend at work left her FB message page open on a public computer--oops.  My name all over the page caught my eye, I wish I didn't know).

So sorry for my long post.  I'm just frustrated.  He is such a wonderful guy--happy go lucky.  We have had no fights/arguments over this, but I do my best to explain the stress it causes me and how in the end people will be more upset if his behavior doesn't change.  Of course, there is nothing I can do about the surprise shower.  The invites for that are out.  I guess I am just venting.  Thanks for making it this far in my post...
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Re: FI at it again

  • J has added about 10 people overall. I have had to remind repeatedly that every extra person he invites is another kick to the budget...and there is NO MORE wiggle room! 

    I have to give him credit, though, there are A LOT of people he has chosen to not invite. If we were just having a byob and byofood kind of party we could just have a massive party in a field somewhere. He's had a lot of people rooting for him over the years (while he had cancer, brain tumor, other issues) and he wants all those people to celebrate something happy with him, but geez oh pete! I can't afford to feed the whole county LOL

    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~

  • oh... I'm not a fan of surprise showers. I'm way to high strung and controlling for something like that. I'd appreciate the gesture, but it would make me CRAZY LOL
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~

  • We have the budget for more people, we do not have the physical room for them.  When we picked this venue, we discussed the capacity in length realizing there would be several acquaintances/colleagues that would be left off the guest list due to size. We went over and over it.  He loved the venue and the idea of the  "smaller" wedding.  But idea doesn't seem to be a reality for him.

    So now I just hope for declines instead of accepts with our rsvp's, which is kind of a downer.  I also know that I will be the one that gets blamed by the uninvited  (oh gee, he (FI) talked to me about the wedding all the time…she must have nixed me…).

    In the end, it will be what it will be.  I'll just keep trying to talk to him about it.

    @CheleLyn -I actually love surprises, so I'm a little bummed this one is blown. The hosts are not at fault here because they did check with FI.  I am thrilled at such a sweet gesture.  I just wish FI had been a little more careful.
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  • I'm sorry that is really annoying your FI wants to keep adding names.  Luckily the add on list has been quite small.

    @wabanzi that sucks about the shower too, but you didn't plan it.  I think I may be busy the day I believe is my surprise shower.  I hope I'm wrong. I already made plans to volunteer for this fundraising event for a theater company I work with.  I don't want to back out of volunteering just in case it isn't but I feel bad if it is... no one ever checked with me on dates for a shower either....


  • Sorry to hear about your FI. Maybe everyone will understand that you just didn't have the space, and hopefully no feelings get hurt. My FI is completely the opposite. I can't wasn't able to get him to add anyone. I had to go through all of his relatives one by one with him to make sure I got everyone. And I still found out later that there were people he left off. I think I finally got everyone, but at this point, if someone isn't on the list, then it's tough luck. I did all I can do, and there will be no more edits to the list.
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