Cousin saying we should pay for travel and accomodation

pipeTsquared · April 2014

We are paying for the flights of FHs family to come to the wedding, they simply wouldnt be able to come if we didn't

For obvious reasons we havent told people, some people know but others dont. However a cousin of mine has found out and I got an email today saying that they thought this wasnt fair and how we should pay for their travel and accomodation as well.

I know they are out of order (or at least think that they are)

but what do I say

CMGragain · April 2014

Tell them you will miss them at your wedding.

bethsmiles · April 2014

Wow. That was incredibly rude of them. I'd tell them that 1) What you do with your money or who you choose to help out is none of their business 2) Life isn't fair and 3) You'll miss them at the wedding.

ETA: In all honestly, I'd probably just ignore the message and pretend it never happened.

QueerFemme · April 2014

pipeTsquared said:

We are paying for the flights of FHs family to come to the wedding, they simply wouldnt be able to come if we didn't
For obvious reasons we havent told people, some people know but others dont. However a cousin of mine has found out and I got an email today saying that they thought this wasnt fair and how we should pay for their travel and accomodation as well.
I know they are out of order (or at least think that they are)
but what do I say

Say "I'm sorry, but that will not be possible. I hope you'll be able to make it anyway".

photokitty · April 2014

Seriously?? Does he expect you to buy his wife a dress bc you bought a new one for the wedding??

What PPs said - you'll miss him if he can't make it.

ktjanesmom · April 2014

My first thought was for you to tell him to keep his dumb ass at home but I figured I would be called a peach or something similar for that one. So do what PP's have suggested.

HisGirlFriday13 · April 2014

Ditto @CMGragain. Just tell them you're sorry, you can't do that, and if that means they can't attend, well, you'll miss them.

Normally, I'd advise ignoring this, but I'm guessing if they're this brazen, they'll keep asking.

How did they find out that you're paying for some people's flights?!

larrygaga · April 2014

Tell them you will miss them!

short+sassy · April 2014

Who does that! Wow. I've been shocked and stunned on TK yet again, lol. I'd probably respond with, "I'm quite stunned you think we should pay for your flight and accommodations. We are not. But would love for you to attend our wedding, if you are still able." Heck, I was a bridesmaid at an OOT wedding and the bride felt so bad I had to travel she offered to pay for my flight. It was so sweet of her, but totally unnecessary and I wouldn't hear of it. I was happy to pay for the flight myself because I wanted to be at her wedding. THAT should be his attitude. Not, "Ooohhh...let me try to score a free trip from pipeTsquared."

Simply Fated · April 2014

I guess I can see why he wouldn't think it was fair, but it was rude of him to ask.
I'd probably just ignore the email or something.

phira · April 2014

I'd ignore the email for now. If you get another one from the same person, just say, "Then we're sorry that we won't see you at the wedding."

MrsMarende · April 2014

Ditto @QueenFemme

He should be ashamed for asking.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

I also want to know how this person found out that you were helping with those guests transportation. If they're spreading the word, then I'd be having a serious Come to Jesus talk with them, if not decreasing the funding available. That's hella presumptuous on their part. I would imagine you didn't want that info broadcasted.

mcgarci2 · April 2014

Can you pay for my airfare too? It's only fair!

lc07 · April 2014

I wouldn't ignore it. I'd respond and let them know that their travel expenses to attend the wedding are a matter that they need to take care of if they'd like to attend. If they are not able to, you understand and will miss them.

lc07 · April 2014

Also, for the love of god. Life. Isn't. Fair. I absolutely cannot stand the entitlement bullshit. Sorry your cousin is being crazy, OP.

grumbledore · April 2014

Simply Fated said:

I guess I can see why he wouldn't think it was fair, but it was rude of him to ask. I'd probably just ignore the email or something.

The only way it would be reasonable for him to feel this way is if the OP were running around telling everyone that certain people were being paid for. Then irritation and jealousy might be understandable.

But OP didn't do that. Cousin is being extremely presumptuous.

blabla89 · April 2014

FILs got into a similar issue when the whole family went along on FSIL's honeymoon cruise (which is weird to begin with, but that's a vent for another day) and they invited everyone but only paid for some family members to come. They were completely within their rights to choose who to pay or not pay for, but some people got butthurt.

Still, I'm appalled that the cousin was so brazenly rude about it. Agree with PP's advice to ignore it, and say "well, we'll miss you at the wedding," if they bring it up again. I wouldn't put a "sorry" in there because there's no reason for you to apologize.

melbenso · April 2014

"Bite me," is the first response that comes to mind.

But it's probably better if you go with PP's suggested "I'm sorry, but that's just not possible. We hope you can make it anyway. We will miss you if you cannot."

And seriously, paying for the groom's parents (I assume) to come see their child get married is a completely different thing than paying for extended family. I couldn't imagine a wedding without my parents. Some of my cousins aren't going to be able to make it. And while I wish they could be there, it's perfectly fine that they will not be coming

sarahufl · April 2014

Ignore it. When my brother got married, my mom paid for my uncle's hotel room. It was literally the only way he was able to come and it was really important to my parents that he was there. His family has no money and ours does, so my mom was very happy to do it. It meant so much to her to have him there that it was worth it.

That said, it wasn't this blanket, "We Pay for Family" offer. It is rude to expect that.

msuprincess04 · April 2014

We are also paying for a number of key individuals. But, we want to make sure that the people we find most important will be there. That said, I'd be horribly offended, but simply reply "That's not possible. If you can't make it, you'll be missed."

d2va · April 2014

Honestly, I cannot even believe that this actually happened. lol!

You obviously are paying for FHs family to come because otherwise they probably wouldnt be able to afford it.

You cousin is out of their mind, and I would definitely write back and say what other PPs said.

thisismynickname2 · April 2014

I think previous posters have some very polite responses, which I agree with.

I think something along the lines of this would be fine: "It appears you heard of our private arrangements with some members of the family. Unfortunately we're unable to pay for all out-of-town guests, and we do hope you'll find a way to make the trip as well."

In my head? To paraphrase something I heard before on these boards, "How about I buy you a ticket on the Nope train to Fuckthatville?"

climbingsingle · April 2014

Wow. The nerve of some people!

There's no way I'd ignore it. I'd simply tell them there's no way their travel and accommodations will be covered and if they can't make it, oh well.

pipeTsquared · April 2014

CMGragain said:

Tell them you will miss them at your wedding.

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Ditto @CMGragain. Just tell them you're sorry, you can't do that, and if that means they can't attend, well, you'll miss them. Normally, I'd advise ignoring this, but I'm guessing if they're this brazen, they'll keep asking. How did they find out that you're paying for some people's flights?!

RebeccaB88 said:

I also want to know how this person found out that you were helping with those guests transportation. If they're spreading the word, then I'd be having a serious Come to Jesus talk with them, if not decreasing the funding available. That's hella presumptuous on their part. I would imagine you didn't want that info broadcasted.

I have no idea how they found up, I guess things just get passed around

Simply Fated said:

I guess I can see why he wouldn't think it was fair, but it was rude of him to ask. I'd probably just ignore the email or something.

Really? he shouldnt have known and he isnt a parent or sibling?

Thanks to you all

Simply Fated · April 2014

pipeTsquared said:

CMGragain said:

Tell them you will miss them at your wedding.

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Ditto @CMGragain. Just tell them you're sorry, you can't do that, and if that means they can't attend, well, you'll miss them.

Normally, I'd advise ignoring this, but I'm guessing if they're this brazen, they'll keep asking.

How did they find out that you're paying for some people's flights?!

RebeccaB88 said:

I also want to know how this person found out that you were helping with those guests transportation. If they're spreading the word, then I'd be having a serious Come to Jesus talk with them, if not decreasing the funding available. That's hella presumptuous on their part. I would imagine you didn't want that info broadcasted.

I have no idea how they found up, I guess things just get passed around

Simply Fated said:

I guess I can see why he wouldn't think it was fair, but it was rude of him to ask.
I'd probably just ignore the email or something.

Really? he shouldnt have known and he isnt a parent or sibling?

Thanks to you all

Where does it say in your op that you're paying for
FH's parents and siblings? You just said family. Cousins are family. Regardless of how he found out, if I thought you were paying for his cousins and not me, I'd be hurt. That's all I meant.

Cousin saying we should pay for travel and accomodation

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