Wedding 911

X-Posted from "Wedding Woes": Time crunch and he doesn't tell me things

So this is my first time posting and I really need input.

My fiance and I got engaged a year ago, this coming Monday, actually, and at first things were normal--all excitement over being engaged. I started buying some magazines and did a whole wedding Pintrest board. We set the date as 12/13/14, something his cousin suggested, and I picked my colors and we put a deposit down on a place. I didn't see anything getting done, he wasn't helping, and it faded from consciousness, except for when I had freak out moments being overwhelmed. I ended up talking to him about doing something VERY small, mostly courthouse, then dinner with family, drinks with friends, about a few months ago, but he would get pissed any time I brought it up because he wanted the whole shebang. After realizing there was no way that would ever make him happy and I didn't even fully know what I wanted (still), I came to the conclusion we would just have to do the full deal. Now too much time has passed, though, and we have to wait until next May, after I graduate college, which I am not a huge fan of.

I told him that if we were doing this, he needs to plan it. He will need to do most/all of it, because I already will have too much on my plate next school year. He said that was fine, but since then, this past month he really hasn't done anything. We settled on a date again, May 16, which will actually be our three year anniversary, but he hasn't contacted places he likes to see if they're available. He just doesn't seem to understand when I tell him that's prime wedding season, and whenever I bring it up, he insists that nothing could be done then, anyway, so we'll wait until he knows if he's working Saturday (I can only bring it up when we're both home in the evening when places are closed). I've already contacted one place in the interim and they're booked. How do I get him to see that I need to see stuff getting done and that we need to get this done as soon as possible? I feel like I'm beating my head against the wall and it's all going to fall back on me, anyway--just what I didn't want.

Re: X-Posted from "Wedding Woes": Time crunch and he doesn't tell me things

  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It sounds like you have some communication issues that you may need to iron out. Is this a personality thing for him? What is going to happen down the road if you want a family, or something serious comes up? It all sounds very passive-aggressive to me.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, this is very odd. You need to sit down and tell him how you feel about him getting angry about a courthouse wedding but blowing off any other planning. You need to get to the root of his procrastination and disinterest.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah, your FI needs to decide if he wants the big wedding, and all the responsibility and planning that comes with it, or a small wedding that you want/ can plan. 

    He can't have his cake and eat it too. 

  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    What's it going to be like when you are married and he wants a clean house but won't do any cleaning himself? Communicate! 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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