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WWYD: Black-tie wedding that isn't?

Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
edited April 2014 in Chit Chat
FI and I have been invited to a wedding this spring and I'm kind of torn on what to have him wear. The invitation says Black-Tie. However, from both knowing the couple and what has been indicated on their invitation, it does not meet all the criteria (the bride and I have been casually emailing back and forth with our planning stuff). I nonchalantly mentioned that FI and I would have to find a time to go get him measured for a tux since he doesn't own one, and she said it would be fine for him to wear a black suit. The wedding is at a historic building in a park, ceremony at 5 with an outdoor cocktail hour and indoor multi-course dinner. 

There were several etiquette breaches in their invitation which I can overlook because they really are wonderful friends, but it doesn't help me figure out whether or not I should have FI rent a tux or not. The invitation style and wording definitely don't scream Black-Tie but is that enough of a reason for us to skip the tux?

ETA: Why is my font all wonky??
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Re: WWYD: Black-tie wedding that isn't?

  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    The bride said he can wear a suit. He should wear a suit.
    That was my initial inclination. I just don't want FI to end up being under-dressed if every other guy is in a tux. I know in the grand scheme, what FI wears will in no way affect their wedding, but I don't want my dude feeling more awkward than his normal engineering nerdiness makes him feel. Is it common for guys to wear black suits to events even if they're specified as BT?
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would feel the same way. I just have a feeling from all you said that he will not be the only one.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    The bride OKed the suit.  He should wear a suit. 
    I, personally, don't think that people who are not very familiar with black tie events should try to host one.  They often end up looking foolish, as this bride does.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The wedding is right smack in the middle of prom season, so this makes me feel better about not making FI go find a tux right now. I love this couple dearly. The bride even offered to stand up with me if my family doesn't show up to our wedding (always, always a possibility because my mom is BSC) because she said she doesn't want me to feel abandoned. I'm just sort of side-eying them for putting BT on their invitations (along with having an RSVP date almost 4 months before the actual wedding) when they miss quite a few of the criteria for such an event.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    99%,of the time when an invite says black it's because the bride and groom want people to dress up and misuse the term. Very few weddings are truly black tie.
     
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2014
    H would wear a black suit that he already owns. Think of it this way - you're likely not the only person discussing attire with this bride and she clearly said a suit is acceptable attire. She's likely saying that to others as well. I very highly doubt your FI will be the only one in a suit.
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    These days it can be really difficult to tell the difference between a tux and suit anyway. Go with the suit. 
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    lc07 said:

    H would wear a black suit that he already owns. Think of it this way - you're likely not the only person discussing attire with this bride and she clearly said a suit is acceptable attire. She's likely saying that to others as well. I very highly doubt your FI will be the only one in a suit.

    This. If you're confused, other people are confused, and they'll ask her, and other men will be in suits.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Does this friend normally run in a social circle that throws black tie events?  If not, then I doubt she is really having a black tie wedding, so a suit and a cocktail dress should be fine for you guys.

    Especially if she told you that your FI could wear a suit.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Does this friend normally run in a social circle that throws black tie events?  If not, then I doubt she is really having a black tie wedding, so a suit and a cocktail dress should be fine for you guys.

    Especially if she told you that your FI could wear a suit.
    Our social circle doesn't typically do the BT thing, but I would think she'd have familiarity with black tie through her professional and grad school events. That's why I'm kind of side-eying this. I know most of the guests are their families and only a few of our mutual friends, so I don't know if the families will be all WHOO TUXES! or not. I have a gorgeous champagne gold gown that I was planning to wear. I think I'm just going to have FI wear his black suit, a white shirt, and a dark tie. With all the effort I've made to have an etiquette-approved, non-confusing wedding, I'm going to be pretty annoyed if we spend the money to rent a tux and only half the guys are wearing them.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You got me with champagne gold gown.  Pictures of said dress please!!

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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2014
    The picture doesn't do the dress justice. The embroidery on it is beautiful and it fits me like it was sewn on. It has been to half a dozen weddings and several other events to rave reviews. And FI likes how my cleavage looks in it! lol ETA: The color is not nearly as dark as in the picture either. Not sure why it came out that way.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It looks almost pink. Is that the camera?? Very pretty though

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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    WinstonsGirl said:
    It looks almost pink. Is that the camera?? Very pretty though

    Yea, it's a crappy cell phone picture. Stupid flash makes everything look weird!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Gorgeous dress!!
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Thank you! I bought it years ago when I was still in retail (yep, I'm the girl with a closet full of $20 gowns lol), and have tried to get as much bang for my buck as possible. heh The only downside to that dress is that I am going to need Spanx under it or else I'll pop the zipper as soon as I try to eat!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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