How did you and your FI/ spouse/ boyfriend/ girlfriend meet?

redwoodoriginal · April 2014

He lived in the suite across the hall from my then-best friend during his senior yr / my junior yr of college... in january after returning from winter break his suitemate got a nintendo wii & us girls across the hall got really into pregaming while playing wii. i sucked at golf & he "coached" me, then his swim season ended, I bought him a beer that night & after returning for late night wii games, he finally kissed me!

Edit: Basically, college / dorm living / video games / drinking = truuuu luvvv (haha)

FiancB · April 2014

OKCupid! I had been sort of seeing someone but was really not feeling it and when I got his message I went for it. At the time we lived almost an hour apart so we met at a cafe in a cute lake town between us. I am kind of shy and introverted and he was able to keep me talking, although I guess I still didn't come across as liking him as much as I did because he thought I didn't like him and was surprised I wanted to go out again.

ElcaB · April 2014

We met on Plenty of Fish.

My friend &I had way too much wine one night and decided to set up POF profiles, just for fun. FI eventually messaged me and after emailing & chatting online for about a week, he asked for my phone number. I didn't want to give it to him because I didn't actually plan on meeting anyone I found online, but my sister made me*.

I'm so glad I listened to her!

*As some of you may remember from my "boots" post, she can be very bossy. In this case, though, it was a good thing --- her bossiness resulted in me meeting the man I'd marry

pinkcow13 · April 2014

We met a week into our freshman year of college. My roomates and I were hanging out at the campus Burger King with some kid who had a crush on me. FI walked in with his 2 friends and I glanced over. The kid flipped out, and to embarrass me, introduced us to them. FI's nerdy little friend spoke first and said "Hello ladies. My roomate is not around. Do you girls want to go back to my room to watch some DVD's?"

We were creeped out and made up an excuse and walked away, but they followed. So I went up to FI, asked him for his number, and said we would call. Turned out he lived in our building, and we bumped into him the next couple of days. We all had dinner one night at the dorm cafeteria, and played football with them after. We became inseparable ever since.

GoldenPenguin · April 2014

BF & I went to the same college. We knew OF each other, and had several mutual friends, but didn't know each other.

He's from Conn., I'm from Maine, and we both ended up in Upstate NY for work. The first people he met when he moved here were people I was friends with. I was also on Match.com at the time, and saw him, and sent him a message asking if he went to our college. We messaged back & forth a bit, and friended each other on FB, and then I started dating someone else.

That relationship ended in the spring, and that fall, he & I started exchanging FB posts about the Red Sox & Patriots (as we're both huge fans). One Saturday, I was home alone, and drank a whole bottle of wine, and decided I was going to message him. I wrote on his FB wall "I think we need to have an Upstate reunion." He wrote back "Just the two of us? Works for me." We went out to watch the Pats game the next day, and we've been together ever since.

J&B0602 · April 2014

We met on match. After an ugly breakup with an ex my coworker talked me into online dating- so glad she did otherwise our paths would have never crossed. He came back from his FL vacation days early so he could meet me sooner rather than later. Almost two years later and still going strong

VulgarGirl · April 2014

We were in a woman's studies class together. I thought she was amazing, funny, smart, gorgeous (ok I noticed her looks first, then realized she was also funny and super smart), and straight. Then one day we got on the topic of gay marriage and one of the girls in the class who just loved to stir shit just to stir shit (we'd had several classes together at this point, I knew how she rolled and didn't engage) was going on about why she was against gay marriage (last semster she had been pro-gay marraige, shit-stirrer) and I was basically tuned out until I heard the amazing funny smart goregous straight girl say "So because I'm a lesbian I get a different set of rights?" she said more but I was just thinking "Lesbian? She said lesbian? She plays for my team? OMG class needs to end I have to ask her out!!!!", finally class ended and I caught up to her at the coffee cart and just asked her out. Seriously. I blutered out "Hey, we should go out sometime! Lets go out sometime", I was really excited she was not straight.

Then she says "Like on a date? But...don't you have a boyfriend?" and I was confused. Boyfriend? What would I do with one of those? I hadn't had a boyfriend since I was in first grade and kissed a boy named Ricky to make a girl named Kelly jealous (it did not work I was stuck dating Ricky for weeks!). I said all of that out loud to her too and she laughed. She'd thought my best friend (a guy) was my boyfriend. And I said "Him? No, he's gay. And so am I. So it'd never work" and I rambled on a bit more. For some reason she still went out with me.

We went to gay bar for our first date, despite neither of us being 21, we ended up fooling around in the bathroom. Ah, young love.

grumbledore · April 2014

We met in Brit Lit I in college. He was the funniest person I had ever met (I was 19, he was 20) - like, every word that came out of his mouth blew me away. We were friends but not close. Apparently, he liked me back then but was too insecure to ask me out.

We fell out of touch for years.

I ran into him again through a mutual friend and we became FB friends but still didn't talk or hang out or anything.

Then about 9 years after we first met, I included him on a Facebook invite to my birthday party and he showed up. The party turned into a one-night stand which hasn't ended yet, 4.5 years later.

princessleia22 · April 2014

We were neighbors. We actually had lived 3 apartments away from each other for about 5 years before we actually met and talked. I had seen him around a couple times, but we had very different schedules and rarely saw each other and never spoke.

The apartment complex messed up and gave away my assigned parking space. They assigned me a new one, which was actually closest spot to our apartments. But, for next couple days, every time I came home there was a car parked there (FI's car). So, I went to the office and they put a tag on the car saying to move it or it would be towed. He moved his car, but decided to jokingly give me a hard time about stealing "his" space (it had previously been assigned to the vacant apartment above him). That turned into an hour long conversation that day. Then we found ourselves conveniently running into each other and talking pretty often. Two weeks later, I came outside to find my car washed and waxed (yes, he secretly washed my car for me). But, I still had no interest in more than friendship... he was good as a friend but was totally not my type. We ended up hanging out every day for about 6 months before he finally made a move on me. I was still hesitant about him, but I had grown to like him so much as a friend that I decided to give it a chance. If he had tried sooner, I would have definitely turned him down. Then after the slow start, we moved at hyper speed for a while. That weekend I met his family, a week later we went on our first weekend trip (which was fun & miserable... we both got horribly sunburned and got food poisoning, but still remember it as an awesome weekend), and then he moved in. And now, 5 years later, I can't imagine my life without him and we are getting married in 2 months!

Kauris · April 2014

I met FI through my ex (of 5 years). Then one St. Paddy's day, at a party, he kissed me by the keg.

My ex actually got upset that we (FI and I) started dating, because he said it's not cool for a guy to date a friend's ex. So I asked ex BF what FI last name was. When he didn't know, I pointed out that they must not be friends then.

CMGragain · April 2014

OK, ladies! I had a long talk with my son last night. He is 31, a computer software engineer making 6 figures, owns his house, is tall, but slightly overweight. He is not religious. He likes classical music, classic movies (TCM), and drama. He lives near Washington, DC. He is the stereotypical ADD absent minded professor type. He is not a player. He is a cat owner.
He is looking for a wife. He wants a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship with kids. Where can he meet a nice woman?
He isn't that comfortable in bars. He likes conversation. He needs to meet someone with brains and education - otherwise, they won't understand him. He doesn't mind internet friendships.
He tells me that he feels outnumbered by men who are more confident and sophisticated than he is. The ladies he does meet are either not interested in a monogamous relationship, or too religious to tolerate him, or they have too much baggage.
Any suggestion I can pass on to him? Mom hasn't dated since 1975, and I met DH in church.
All ideas welcome!

cupcait927 · April 2014

@CMGragain has he tried any kind of online dating? You mentioned that he doesn't mind internet friendships so online dating might be an easy way for him to find someone to connect with. Obviously from this thread it's worked for a lot of women (and therefore men) and it's a way to get to know someone before meeting them face to face (which can be very intimidating).

phira · April 2014

CMGragain said:

OK, ladies! I had a long talk with my son last night. He is 31, a computer software engineer making 6 figures, owns his house, is tall, but slightly overweight. He is not religious. He likes classical music, classic movies (TCM), and drama. He lives near Washington, DC. He is the stereotypical ADD absent minded professor type. He is not a player. He is a cat owner.
He is looking for a wife. He wants a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship with kids. Where can he meet a nice woman?
He isn't that comfortable in bars. He likes conversation. He needs to meet someone with brains and education - otherwise, they won't understand him. He doesn't mind internet friendships.
He tells me that he feels outnumbered by men who are more confident and sophisticated than he is. The ladies he does meet are either not interested in a monogamous relationship, or too religious to tolerate him, or they have too much baggage.
Any suggestion I can pass on to him? Mom hasn't dated since 1975, and I met DH in church.
All ideas welcome!

OKCupid is free, and I liked using it. Online dating is not effort-free, and in a lot of ways, it's more difficult than meeting people randomly. But it's a great way to make contact with people who may be a great match for you, and if you're like me and you don't go out to a lot of places where you could meet potential dates, it's like a virtual bar.

CMGragain · April 2014

Yes. Some online sites do not accept agnostic members. He says it is hard to stand out on a site without seeming too weird. He is discouraged. Thanks for the suggestion.

jenna8984 · April 2014

@cmgragain I agree with the others here. I was very skeptical about online dating (I've never done it) but hearing so many happy stories here, I guess it really does work!

I'm always a fan of a mutual friend set-up. Tell him to ask around in his friends/ coworkers if anyone has a potential fix up. All three of my long term relationships have been meeting through friends.

Is he shy out in public? I'm the type of person that will strike up conversation in the grocery store, the airport, just about anywhere. He could try that, maybe not be so forward to ask the girl out right on the spot but even just having casual conversation will increase his confidence factor.

SmileDamnit · April 2014

phira said:

CMGragain said:

OK, ladies! I had a long talk with my son last night. He is 31, a computer software engineer making 6 figures, owns his house, is tall, but slightly overweight. He is not religious. He likes classical music, classic movies (TCM), and drama. He lives near Washington, DC. He is the stereotypical ADD absent minded professor type. He is not a player. He is a cat owner.
He is looking for a wife. He wants a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship with kids. Where can he meet a nice woman?
He isn't that comfortable in bars. He likes conversation. He needs to meet someone with brains and education - otherwise, they won't understand him. He doesn't mind internet friendships.
He tells me that he feels outnumbered by men who are more confident and sophisticated than he is. The ladies he does meet are either not interested in a monogamous relationship, or too religious to tolerate him, or they have too much baggage.
Any suggestion I can pass on to him? Mom hasn't dated since 1975, and I met DH in church.
All ideas welcome!

OKCupid is free, and I liked using it. Online dating is not effort-free, and in a lot of ways, it's more difficult than meeting people randomly. But it's a great way to make contact with people who may be a great match for you, and if you're like me and you don't go out to a lot of places where you could meet potential dates, it's like a virtual bar.

This! Holy cow, was it an investment of time, but obviously worth it in my opinion. I did e-harmony and liked it b/c it selected the matches for you based on your "profile". Some people don't like that aspect, but for me it felt less sleazy than picking people I might have been interested in only based on physical appearance. Honestly, with FI, I wasn't that "attracted" to his pictures. But he was SO well written - and witty - that after our first couple of written exchanges, I thought he was thee most attractive man I've ever seen

I'd definitely recommend it, if even only for a month. If nothing else, he'll hopefully have some interesting stories to tell.

flyingfoxes · April 2014

Another vote for online dating - I did eHarmony, and I'm not religious in the least. I actually put that in my profile to discourage any men who might think they could persuade me to go to church with them. Nope - not happening.

I liked the way eHarmony did the selecting, so I felt like there was at least SOME things in common. FI didn't stick out much initially, but he was the first to ask for a date, and holy cow is he the sweetest man I've ever met! I almost passed him by though because he's in the Army an I knew that wasn't the life I wanted. But, I snagged a good one - it was well worth the money to me to pay for my membership.

KatWAG · April 2014

OK, ladies! I had a long talk with my son last night. He is 31, a computer software engineer making 6 figures, owns his house, is tall, but slightly overweight. He is not religious. He likes classical music, classic movies (TCM), and drama. He lives near Washington, DC. He is the stereotypical ADD absent minded professor type. He is not a player. He is a cat owner.
He is looking for a wife. He wants a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship with kids. Where can he meet a nice woman?
He isn't that comfortable in bars. He likes conversation. He needs to meet someone with brains and education - otherwise, they won't understand him. He doesn't mind internet friendships.
He tells me that he feels outnumbered by men who are more confident and sophisticated than he is. The ladies he does meet are either not interested in a monogamous relationship, or too religious to tolerate him, or they have too much baggage.
Any suggestion I can pass on to him? Mom hasn't dated since 1975, and I met DH in church.
All ideas welcome!

(SITB)

If he isnt into the online dating scene, can you go to a few political fundraiser/ events? Maybe join a softball/ soccer/ kickball league? There are so many different charity or not for profits to get involved in, does he volunteer? Match.com has these events where 20-30 single people all go out about do something (cooking classes, running, wine tasting, etc) maybe try that?

lmcooper86 · April 2014

Niccirf said:

phira said:

CMGragain said:

OK, ladies! I had a long talk with my son last night. He is 31, a computer software engineer making 6 figures, owns his house, is tall, but slightly overweight. He is not religious. He likes classical music, classic movies (TCM), and drama. He lives near Washington, DC. He is the stereotypical ADD absent minded professor type. He is not a player. He is a cat owner.
He is looking for a wife. He wants a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship with kids. Where can he meet a nice woman?
He isn't that comfortable in bars. He likes conversation. He needs to meet someone with brains and education - otherwise, they won't understand him. He doesn't mind internet friendships.
He tells me that he feels outnumbered by men who are more confident and sophisticated than he is. The ladies he does meet are either not interested in a monogamous relationship, or too religious to tolerate him, or they have too much baggage.
Any suggestion I can pass on to him? Mom hasn't dated since 1975, and I met DH in church.
All ideas welcome!

OKCupid is free, and I liked using it. Online dating is not effort-free, and in a lot of ways, it's more difficult than meeting people randomly. But it's a great way to make contact with people who may be a great match for you, and if you're like me and you don't go out to a lot of places where you could meet potential dates, it's like a virtual bar.

This! Holy cow, was it an investment of time, but obviously worth it in my opinion. I did e-harmony and liked it b/c it selected the matches for you based on your "profile". Some people don't like that aspect, but for me it felt less sleazy than picking people I might have been interested in only based on physical appearance. Honestly, with FI, I wasn't that "attracted" to his pictures. But he was SO well written - and witty - that after our first couple of written exchanges, I thought he was thee most attractive man I've ever seen I'd definitely recommend it, if even only for a month. If nothing else, he'll hopefully have some interesting stories to tell.

I was skeptical about online dating, but I had a pretty good experience. I really liked e-Harmony for the same reason as the bolded; it's not a free for all, they send you a manageable number of "matches" a day so it's not overwhelming. That being said, as phira said online dating can be time intensive and you do have to put in the effort to complete the e-Harmony survey and profile, but I think it's time very well spent. When I saw my now BF's profile I thought he wasn't as attractive as some of the other matches I'd received, but I liked what he wrote about himself, and I loved how much we talked before we actually met in person. If he's willing to put in a bit of effort it's a great option if he would rather email and get to know someone a bit before meeting in person!

phira · April 2014

I thought I'd give my personal experience with OKCupid, along with some of my advice about how to use it. Because yeah, it's not effort-free!

The way the site works is that you fill out your profile (self-summaries), and then you answer lots of questions. Your answers to the questions determine how well you match with other people.

For example, there's a question about how important it is that your perfect match has a college degree. You can answer that it's necessary, that it's nice but not mandatory, or that it's irrelevant. I selected "necessary." Then, you can pick your perfect match's answer or answers. I would have been okay with my match answering either of the first two options, so I picked those. Then, you have to rate how important the question is to you. I said it was somewhat important, since it's not a deal-breaker if he answers it differently, but it's not irrelevant to me either.

The more questions you answer, the better. It's easier for the site to find people you match with.

You can then either search for matches--based on age, location, and/or match percentage, or you can check out people that OKC thinks you might like. They have some matches on the front page of the site, as well as a few on the side bar. They used to have something called a "quiver" (maybe that's the side bar?) where they put 3 potentially great matches; that's how I found my fiance's profile.

In terms of how to use the site successfully:

- Don't use the IM function. No one I know likes getting IMs. Just use regular messages.

- Be yourself, but sell yourself. You don't want people to feel tricked if they go out on a date with you. But remember that you're trying to look for a partner, so focus on your strengths, and be open-minded.

- Be clear about what you're looking for, but be realistic. I didn't even bother with guys whose profiles were just full of rules about the perfect woman they were looking for (thin, into all the same pop culture stuff, no nagging, etc. etc.).

- Take the time to fill out all of the summaries, and to answer (publicly) lots of questions. My friends and I always avoid(ed; in my case) profiles that weren't informative enough. The whole point of online dating is that you can learn about a person before committing to a date. A blank or sparse profile isn't mysterious; it's unhelpful.

- Keep initial messages short (1-2 paragraphs max), and it's nice to ask questions based on the person's profile (to show you read it). Stick to the website's messaging system until both people are comfortable exchanging personal info. First time I gave out my screenname, I got dick pics, so I didn't give that out again for years.

LadyMillil · April 2014

I ditto PP that suggest online dating. I liked eHarmony because they sent the matches to me instead of me having to look through pages of guys to find any I was interested in. DH's picture didn't stand out to me initially, but I really liked what he had written on his profile. I closed the match because he lived outside my city, but he asked me to reconsider because he thought we'd really hit it off based on what I had on my profile.

I chose eHarmony instead of another online dating site for 2 reasons. I got a recommendation to give it a try from a friend of a friend. Almost all the guys she went out with were looking for long-term relationships, which was what I was looking for. I also figured that because you had to pay the people would be more serious about finding a relationship than sites that were free. I know this isn't really true, but adding a fee-for-service will deter some people that are looking for something more casual.

sarahufl · April 2014

CMGragain said:

OK, ladies! I had a long talk with my son last night. He is 31, a computer software engineer making 6 figures, owns his house, is tall, but slightly overweight. He is not religious. He likes classical music, classic movies (TCM), and drama. He lives near Washington, DC. He is the stereotypical ADD absent minded professor type. He is not a player. He is a cat owner.
He is looking for a wife. He wants a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship with kids. Where can he meet a nice woman?
He isn't that comfortable in bars. He likes conversation. He needs to meet someone with brains and education - otherwise, they won't understand him. He doesn't mind internet friendships.
He tells me that he feels outnumbered by men who are more confident and sophisticated than he is. The ladies he does meet are either not interested in a monogamous relationship, or too religious to tolerate him, or they have too much baggage.
Any suggestion I can pass on to him? Mom hasn't dated since 1975, and I met DH in church.
All ideas welcome!

I met FI on a social sports team in NYC. DC has tons of them - kickball, bowling, soccer, etc - full of young professionals!

chibiyui · April 2014

lmcooper86 said:

Niccirf said:

phira said:

CMGragain said:

OK, ladies! I had a long talk with my son last night. He is 31, a computer software engineer making 6 figures, owns his house, is tall, but slightly overweight. He is not religious. He likes classical music, classic movies (TCM), and drama. He lives near Washington, DC. He is the stereotypical ADD absent minded professor type. He is not a player. He is a cat owner.
He is looking for a wife. He wants a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship with kids. Where can he meet a nice woman?
He isn't that comfortable in bars. He likes conversation. He needs to meet someone with brains and education - otherwise, they won't understand him. He doesn't mind internet friendships.
He tells me that he feels outnumbered by men who are more confident and sophisticated than he is. The ladies he does meet are either not interested in a monogamous relationship, or too religious to tolerate him, or they have too much baggage.
Any suggestion I can pass on to him? Mom hasn't dated since 1975, and I met DH in church.
All ideas welcome!

OKCupid is free, and I liked using it. Online dating is not effort-free, and in a lot of ways, it's more difficult than meeting people randomly. But it's a great way to make contact with people who may be a great match for you, and if you're like me and you don't go out to a lot of places where you could meet potential dates, it's like a virtual bar.

This! Holy cow, was it an investment of time, but obviously worth it in my opinion. I did e-harmony and liked it b/c it selected the matches for you based on your "profile". Some people don't like that aspect, but for me it felt less sleazy than picking people I might have been interested in only based on physical appearance. Honestly, with FI, I wasn't that "attracted" to his pictures. But he was SO well written - and witty - that after our first couple of written exchanges, I thought he was thee most attractive man I've ever seen I'd definitely recommend it, if even only for a month. If nothing else, he'll hopefully have some interesting stories to tell.

I was skeptical about online dating, but I had a pretty good experience. I really liked e-Harmony for the same reason as the bolded; it's not a free for all, they send you a manageable number of "matches" a day so it's not overwhelming. That being said, as phira said online dating can be time intensive and you do have to put in the effort to complete the e-Harmony survey and profile, but I think it's time very well spent. When I saw my now BF's profile I thought he wasn't as attractive as some of the other matches I'd received, but I liked what he wrote about himself, and I loved how much we talked before we actually met in person. If he's willing to put in a bit of effort it's a great option if he would rather email and get to know someone a bit before meeting in person!

Phira has great advice, if he chooses to go on Okcupid.

I did online dating on and off. Guys I went on dates with and relationships with had a combination of interesting profiles, well written intro messages (that showed they actually read my fucking profile), and that I thought were at least somewhat attractive.

The only thing I'd add to Phira's advice. Be prepared for lots of no replies, people that do not contact you after the first date, and other forms of rejection. Because that is part of dating. Not every message you send will get a reply, and just because you get a reply doesn't mean you'll get a date.

WinstonsGirl · April 2014

@CMGragain - Get him to try something new that he's interested in. That's how I met DH. I finally joined the roller derby league in my city. DH came with a coworker (DH of one of my teammates) to watch a match and liked me in hotpants. He mentioned it to his friend who told his wife who arranged a set up. A huge percentage of people meet their SO's through friends and family, so tell him to get out there and try something new to meet new people

thesummersky · April 2014

FI and I were both counselors at the same summer camp. Typical camp romance story.

Apparently, we had also been in a few classes together at the same community college. He remembers me from then but I didn't remember him - so I say we met at camp!

wandajune6 · April 2014

Yes. Some online sites do not accept agnostic members. He says it is hard to stand out on a site without seeming too weird. He is discouraged. Thanks for the suggestion.

Agnosticism shouldn't be a problem. In fact, that's pretty appealing to a lot of people. I can ramble on for hours about the issue of religion and dating but, in a nutshell, it shouldn't be an issue.

In terms of the sites, POF should be avoided. Match.com is ok, though I never had any luck with it. I've heard that eHarmony works well - my sister found her husband there- but I can't get over my discomfort with the company's homophobia. I liked OK Cupid.

wandajune6 · April 2014

chibiyui said:

lmcooper86 said:

Niccirf said:

phira said:

CMGragain said:

OK, ladies! I had a long talk with my son last night. He is 31, a computer software engineer making 6 figures, owns his house, is tall, but slightly overweight. He is not religious. He likes classical music, classic movies (TCM), and drama. He lives near Washington, DC. He is the stereotypical ADD absent minded professor type. He is not a player. He is a cat owner.
He is looking for a wife. He wants a stable, permanent, monogamous relationship with kids. Where can he meet a nice woman?
He isn't that comfortable in bars. He likes conversation. He needs to meet someone with brains and education - otherwise, they won't understand him. He doesn't mind internet friendships.
He tells me that he feels outnumbered by men who are more confident and sophisticated than he is. The ladies he does meet are either not interested in a monogamous relationship, or too religious to tolerate him, or they have too much baggage.
Any suggestion I can pass on to him? Mom hasn't dated since 1975, and I met DH in church.
All ideas welcome!

OKCupid is free, and I liked using it. Online dating is not effort-free, and in a lot of ways, it's more difficult than meeting people randomly. But it's a great way to make contact with people who may be a great match for you, and if you're like me and you don't go out to a lot of places where you could meet potential dates, it's like a virtual bar.

This! Holy cow, was it an investment of time, but obviously worth it in my opinion. I did e-harmony and liked it b/c it selected the matches for you based on your "profile". Some people don't like that aspect, but for me it felt less sleazy than picking people I might have been interested in only based on physical appearance. Honestly, with FI, I wasn't that "attracted" to his pictures. But he was SO well written - and witty - that after our first couple of written exchanges, I thought he was thee most attractive man I've ever seen I'd definitely recommend it, if even only for a month. If nothing else, he'll hopefully have some interesting stories to tell.

I was skeptical about online dating, but I had a pretty good experience. I really liked e-Harmony for the same reason as the bolded; it's not a free for all, they send you a manageable number of "matches" a day so it's not overwhelming. That being said, as phira said online dating can be time intensive and you do have to put in the effort to complete the e-Harmony survey and profile, but I think it's time very well spent. When I saw my now BF's profile I thought he wasn't as attractive as some of the other matches I'd received, but I liked what he wrote about himself, and I loved how much we talked before we actually met in person. If he's willing to put in a bit of effort it's a great option if he would rather email and get to know someone a bit before meeting in person!

Phira has great advice, if he chooses to go on Okcupid.

I did online dating on and off. Guys I went on dates with and relationships with had a combination of interesting profiles, well written intro messages (that showed they actually read my fucking profile), and that I thought were at least somewhat attractive.

The only thing I'd add to Phira's advice. Be prepared for lots of no replies, people that do not contact you after the first date, and other forms of rejection. Because that is part of dating. Not every message you send will get a reply, and just because you get a reply doesn't mean you'll get a date.

This.

I was on Match without going on a single date. I was on POF and only got requests for pictures of my breasts. I dated like crazy on OK Cupid. I'm not sure if women are the same but I found endless guys who didn't actually read my profile.

I've actually met a few people on Craig's List. Actually, my longest relationship was from there. It takes a LOT of weeding through but the site brings out interesting people. Some cities have better communities though. I also don't recommend my approach to CL dating: getting depressed after a hideously bad date, drinking a bottle of wine alone at home, then anonymously posting a scathing commentary/dating ad on CL.

phira · April 2014

Oh goodness, yeah, there are a LOT of no-replies on OKCupid. I would be disappointed when they happened, but I'd move on. However, a lot of men (both men who didn't get replies from me, AND male friends of mine who were messaging other women) get really frustrated and demand reasons and closure. It's like, look, no reply = not interested, so move on!

CMGragain · April 2014

Thank you so much, ladies! I think he has become discouraged. Sports won't work for him. He is a classic nerd. The on line dating sites are probably his best option. Thank you all for your good advice!

buddysmom80 · April 2014

@cmgragain what about meetup.com? They have a ton of different groups for different activities in the city that you choose. I live by a small (compared to DC) city in New England and there are a ton of different groups for different interests (reading, political discussions, crafts, just hanging out and trying new restaurants, etc). Even if he doesn't find a woman through there, he could set up a network of friends to perhaps do a mutual set-up type of thing.

How did you and your FI/ spouse/ boyfriend/ girlfriend meet?

Re: How did you and your FI/ spouse/ boyfriend/ girlfriend meet?

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