Tacky or Smart?

lgsdesigner · April 2014

I just discovered our local travel agent has a honeymoon registry so your guests can contribute to your honeymoon. They can pay for any part of it they want (room, champagne for room, deep sea diving, etc), and can pick and choose whatever they want to put towards it. I thought it was pretty awesome. Do you think this is tacky to have your guests pay towards your honeymoon, or do you think it's a smart idea?

deirdredonovan82 · April 2014

I personally have mixed feelings. I don't believe the Honeymoon itself should be registered for, I think it should be paid by the couple or a complete gift not something you ask for. However, if you are able to do a registry for things to do, excursions, dinner, etc that is something different. Plus most people would want to know something a little more specific that would be spent with their gift, I think. But then again you do what makes you and your SI happy!

Couggal12 · April 2014

Super tacky. Please do not do this, OP.

You are not actually getting physical things like champagne, or activities booked for you like dinner out, or scuba diving lessons. What you end up getting is a check with a percentage taken out at the end. The company will take a percentage of the money your guests give to "pay" for things. You're essentially asking your guests for cash which is rude and yes, very tacky.

sjuhawkz · April 2014

I don't think its tacky, but I agree the company is there to take a chunk of the money. You'd probably be better off without. At least in my circles, what happens is that most guests will give a card with cash/check on the wedding day. My fiance and I just bought a house and we put some gift card options (e.g. home depot). Is there a gift card for the hotel/resort you want to book? At least then you would be getting all of the money and not sharing it with the service provider. Some people find gift cards tacky, but I think its just easier for some guests.

ShallowSeas · April 2014

Tacky. You shouldn't be asking or implying that guests should pay for your honeymoon, which is what a honeymoon registry would be doing. That would be like asking guests to contribute to your cake or flowers for the ceremony. If they want to give you cash/checks to use towards the honeymoon then they will do so on their own.

bigbootyjudi · April 2014

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Don't do it.

lgsdesigner · April 2014

Couggal12 said:

Super tacky. Please do not do this, OP.
You are not actually getting physical things like champagne, or activities booked for you like dinner out, or scuba diving lessons. What you end up getting is a check with a percentage taken out at the end. The company will take a percentage of the money your guests give to "pay" for things. You're essentially asking your guests for cash which is rude and yes, very tacky.

Very interesting. Now that you've pointed this out to me, I am not doing it. Thanks for the information!

Couggal12 · April 2014

lgsdesigner said:

Couggal12 said:

Super tacky. Please do not do this, OP.
You are not actually getting physical things like champagne, or activities booked for you like dinner out, or scuba diving lessons. What you end up getting is a check with a percentage taken out at the end. The company will take a percentage of the money your guests give to "pay" for things. You're essentially asking your guests for cash which is rude and yes, very tacky.

Very interesting. Now that you've pointed this out to me, I am not doing it. Thanks for the information!

I didn't know that either until I came on TK. A friend of mine registered and I bought her and her H something on their Honeymoon registry and now I'm mad I didn't even buy them what I thought I did, it was just cash! And the company profited from me. Oh well. Live and learn.

HH2Be · April 2014

So funny you posted about this. I had no idea you could do this until I got the invitation to my cousin's wedding in the mail yesterday. Included in the invitation was a business card for the travel agency they are using say you can help them have the honeymoon of their dreams. I thought it was super tacky to include it in the actual wedding invitation! My mother was completely disgusted.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

Tacky. A coworker told me today he and his FI just signed up for one and I begged him to reconsider. Everyone knows cash is king. People will give cash without being asked.

laurakay0705 · April 2014

I absolutely detest the craziness that is created when someone asks this question. I have read other posts from brides and they are ripped to shreds for suggesting they might use a honeymoon registry. I think that's total BS and the people who do that are the tacky ones. I created a honeymoon registry and it's the only registry we will have. My reasons for doing so are plentiful: #1 - We're grown adults (30s), we bought our own house 2 years ago and furnished it with ever thing we could ever need. We paid for remodels and DIY projects galore and we are very proud of that. I don't need another toaster or another washcloth. #2 - The only thing we could possibly need is Home Depot gift cards, but registering for only those is the same exact thing as giving money for a honeymoon (but weird how people don't have an issue with registering for gift cards, hmmmm) #3 - To say it's tacky to basically ask people for money is a stupid comment. What is the difference between that and registering for gifts? You are asking for presents, period. You think that my grandma doesn't know that if she gives me a toaster I can take it right back to the store and exchange it for something else or return it for cash? IT'S ALL THE SAME, you're listing what you would like for people to give you. #4 - It is pretty customary for people to bring cards with money to the wedding, how is this different from them going to a honeymoon registry and buying a block of airlines miles and printing out the gift receipt and bringing it in the card to the wedding? #5 - Are we seriously pretending that a website who provides a service and charges a fee for doing so is morally reprehensible and therefore if you use that website you are tacky? Does that really make sense? What I find tacky is the idea of "pretending" like we don't know we're getting presents or pretending like there's not money in the envelope Uncle Jimmy just gave us. It's also tacky to berate brides who post ideas and questions on chat room boards. :-)

Couggal12 · April 2014

laurakay0705 said:

I absolutely detest the craziness that is created when someone asks this question. I have read other posts from brides and they are ripped to shreds for suggesting they might use a honeymoon registry. I think that's total BS and the people who do that are the tacky ones. I created a honeymoon registry and it's the only registry we will have. My reasons for doing so are plentiful: #1 - We're grown adults (30s), we bought our own house 2 years ago and furnished it with ever thing we could ever need. We paid for remodels and DIY projects galore and we are very proud of that. I don't need another toaster or another washcloth. #2 - The only thing we could possibly need is Home Depot gift cards, but registering for only those is the same exact thing as giving money for a honeymoon (but weird how people don't have an issue with registering for gift cards, hmmmm) #3 - To say it's tacky to basically ask people for money is a stupid comment. What is the difference between that and registering for gifts? You are asking for presents, period. You think that my grandma doesn't know that if she gives me a toaster I can take it right back to the store and exchange it for something else or return it for cash? IT'S ALL THE SAME, you're listing what you would like for people to give you. #4 - It is pretty customary for people to bring cards with money to the wedding, how is this different from them going to a honeymoon registry and buying a block of airlines miles and printing out the gift receipt and bringing it in the card to the wedding? #5 - Are we seriously pretending that a website who provides a service and charges a fee for doing so is morally reprehensible and therefore if you use that website you are tacky? Does that really make sense? What I find tacky is the idea of "pretending" like we don't know we're getting presents or pretending like there's not money in the envelope Uncle Jimmy just gave us. It's also tacky to berate brides who post ideas and questions on chat room boards. :-)

Here we go again

Then don't register and your guests will most likely get the clue you don't need stuff and end up giving you cash/a check. Creating a honeymoon is rude because you are not getting the items listed and that's deceiving to guests. You're getting cash and also your guests are paying for some random third party company to profit off of them instead of just giving you whatever amount they want.

To the first bolded: Of course TK or wedding companies will promote Honeymoon funds. They are businesses. Do you think they give a shit who they offend or if it's morally ethic? Which BTW, no one said it's not morally ethic. They said it's tacky. Huge difference.

To the second bolded: Point out where someone was berated. We are giving our opinions. Sorry if you didn't like the answers and it's not sugar coated enough for you. I don't know and I'm going to give you honest advice. Probably the advice that people who you're close with wouldn't give you out of fear of hurting your feelings.

laurakay0705 · April 2014

There are honeymoon sites, particularly through travel agencies that indeed, you are paying for the person to have a private dinner on the beach added to their reservation. So yes, you could actually be buying that item/service. Other websites offer to let the bride and groom to pay for any fees associated with the transactions, which is what we are doing, so no, the guests aren't paying fees. The website we have also allows the person several other options including mailing a check and also printing out notes and cards to include in a envelope with a check that they take to the wedding. I didn't mean to imply that anyone on this thread was berating her, if you notice I said that "I had read OTHER posts from brides..." I'm a pretty realistic person, I have polled several older and younger family members, strangers and friends about a honeymoon registry. They all said the same thing, they wish they would have had that when they were getting married. And I don't think they are saying that to spare my feelings. The point is, do whatever you want to do. If you don't need household items and are only splurging on a trip, then register for a honeymoon. Call me crazy, but if people I know and love get offended by what I registered for at a wedding then they need a copy of "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". Remember, people also used to think it was tacky to wear white if you were a second time bride, and a whole other slew of traditional wedding etiquette no-nos. Do whatever you want and makes you happy.

carly324 · April 2014

i totally agree with you!!! couldn't agree more with you! @laurakay0705

Couggal12 · April 2014

@laurakay0705 which sites are you referring to?

laurakay0705 · April 2014

The resort where we are staying offered a registry for the honeymoon. People could pay to add a massage or private dinner to our reservation. We chose not to go this route for fear that we would get there and decide we wanted to do two massages instead of a massage and a dinner, or any other sort of change in plans for all the extras. I have another couple friend of ours that said she had the same thing through her travel agent, although I have no idea who that agent is because I haven't bought their gift yet...oops! But I would be happy to get their name for you. Honeyfund is what we ultimately chose to go with and we chose the option to where we pay the fees associated with the transaction. You could choose to allow guests to purchase the gift online, mail us a check directly or bring a gift to the wedding but still be able to print out a card from the website.

Couggal12 · April 2014

Still tacky IMO.

lgsdesigner · May 2014

We have decided to just go with a Home Depot registry. We have things to do to the home anyway, so why not register for the things we need?

The honeymoon registry wasn't a big deal. I just thought I would ask you ladies first. Thanks again for all your opinions/thoughts!

sjuhawkz · May 2014

I just wanted to add that if you don't create a registry (or instruct guests as to what you want) then you may get cash, but you may also get a ton of gifts you don't want at all - I know its happened to a friend.

jirons88 · May 2014

@laurakay0705 - I feel like you're one of few voices of reason that I've seen on here. I, too, have read through several threads on this topic, and I don't understand why so many people feel like it's okay to berate a bride for making a choice that doesn't align with his/her own customs.

My FH and I have been considering some sort of honeymoon fund as well, and we have discussed this idea with our families and haven't received any sort of push-back. We are in our mid- to late-twenties, we already live together and own our fully-furnished home, and we are paying for the wedding on our own (and both have very large families, so it ain't cheap).

We're afraid that if we just didn't do any sort of registry, people will end up bringing gifts that we don't need (e.g. small kitchen appliances), which we will just return for cash anyway (as @sjuhawkz mentioned). When there are sites that let you absorb the fees so your guests aren't paying them, or that let the gift funds go directly to a service or experience on your already planned and otherwise paid for trip, and you have literally nothing else you want/need, why is it so bad to include it as an option?

So many people are bitching that it's tacky to seem like you "expect" gifts. Well, don't you expect gifts? It's a fucking wedding. In my area, it's hard to find a classy venue with a full dinner and open bar for under $80 per person. In our families, it's tacky to show up to a wedding where the couple is spending a large sum of money for your attendance and not give them something in return. We have already had family members ask us where we're registered, and we have told them we aren't because we don't need any of the "traditional" gifts, and mentioned our consideration of a honeymoon fund. Guess what? ALL of those people agreed that it's a great idea. They would rather gift us something useful (such as cash, or a direct contribution to the only vacation we will have taken in three years) than get no direction and end up giving us something we don't want or need. In fact, one aunt and uncle offered to let us use their summer home for our honeymoon as well.

Is it also tacky to not give favors? Because we're considering not doing that either. We're paying for a full 4-course dinner, dessert table, coffee service, and a fully paid open bar for our guests at no small expense. Again, several people have told us not to bother with favors since most go unused or stuck in a drawer and forgotten anyway.

And why is it tacky to do a honeymoon-related gift registry, but not to do a card box/jar? It's asking for the same thing.

Seriously, if so many of you think your own FAMILY would be so offended by you asking for something you WANT for YOUR WEDDING, maybe you need to do some reevaluating of your guest lists.

laurakay0705 · May 2014

Amen

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