Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is it necessary to have a MOH?

Is it really necessary to designate a MOH? I'm only having three BMs, and I'm not closer to one than I am to the others. The BMs are a childhood friend, a high school friend who I've reconnected with in recent years, and FSIL. I don't want any of them to feel obligated to throw a shower or a bachelorette party. The only "MOH things" that I would like for someone to do are give a toast, help with bustling and carrying the train of my dress, and stand next to me at the ceremony and hold my bouquet. Would it be alright to ask each BM to do one of those things, instead of designating an MOH? Would anyone be offended if I didn't have one at all?
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Re: Is it necessary to have a MOH?

  • KGold80KGold80 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    It is absolutely not required to designate a MOH. My MOH is not comfortable with speaking to a room full of strangers so she isn't doing a toast at all. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. That said, if one of your maids is really outgoing and better suited for making the toast, so be it. Similarly, your other maids may be comfortable doing other stuff (or nothing) so I say go for it. Maids are not "required" to do anything other than show up in the designated dress at the designated time so everything else is gravy.
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  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Not required. I recently went to a wedding without one.

    My partner has two best men (his only groomsmen). While not the same as having no best men, it's pretty similar; not one person is "more important" than the other.

    He's asking his brothers to decide who wants to do a reading during the ceremony and who wants to do a toast. If you have three people who want to do a joint toast, just ask them to keep it under 5 minutes (total for all three of them).
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  • Not at all.  I'm having a best man (my brother) and two bridesmaids.  I guarantee that my brother will neither care to nor know how to help me bustle my dress and arrange my train, but I'm sure someone else will help me do that.  He will be making a speech, because he wants to.  If he wasn't, I would ask my bridesmaids if one of them wanted to.
  • I didn't have one.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • Having a MOH is not necessary, just be sure that both you and your FI have appointed someone to be your witnesses. My cousin just recently got married and both her and her FI had their brothers be their witnesses, but didn't have them stand up with them during the ceremony, they just made sure that they were sat in the front row and also got them both boutineers' to set them apart for the other guests. I also agree with PP's about asking bridesmaids if they would like to do a speech. Good luck! 
  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I bustled my friend's dress for her.  I wasn't the MOH but I was the one who was in the room when she was ready for it to be done.  
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  • I'm not having one, I've got three wedding peeps standing up for me and I don't want to pick one as "favorite", plus I don't really see the need for one. I believe in doing jobs that play to someone's strengths, not just based on titles.

    I was a MOH and was very clear with the bride that she did not want me to bustle her dress. All those little tie deals? Yeah, I was going break something. And we both knew it. I did hold her bouquet and give a short speech. Because I'm good at holding things and talking, sometimes at the same time.
  • If you aren't having a Catholic mass where one person from each side is required to be at the altar with you, then I don't think you need an MOH.  Other than that, MOH's and BMs all do the exact same thing during a wedding.

    However, I wouldn't ask anyone to give a speech/toast.  If someone wished to give a toast, they will offer that up on their own.  Don't make anyone feel obligated, pressured, or guilted into public speaking if they otherwise would not want to do it.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."

  • I'm only having 2 BMs, so I opted not to make one MOH and I'm just not having one. FI is only having two GM, but he opted to ask his brother to be his best man (the other BM is his cousin). Whatever works for you is fine!
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