I'm so tired of...

andrea.v · December 2010

hearing wedding guests bitch and complain about a "cheap" or "tacky" wedding they attended. I understand that their are certain expectations to a wedding, but the bottom line is that you were invited to share the day with your friends or family to celebrate and support their love to one another as they begin a new journey.

I don't care if the food was cold, if they took too long for pictures, if the entertainment was off key or if they cut into a styrofoam cake. Its not about the money they spent on it, and its not about keeping score on who spent more. If they knew you were going to sit there and judge and complain about petty shortcomings on the happiest day of their lives, they wouldn't want you there.

Sorry for my rant, I just thought a few people could use the reminder.

georgia_bride09 · December 2010

Consider me reminded!! ::Z-snap::

But if I didn't get fed or something, I'm bitchin'. I don't care whose day it is.

ootmother2 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:0503e646-708e-4707-9e91-f78e40bb45f7">I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]hearing wedding guests bitch and complain about a "cheap" or "tacky" wedding they attended. I understand that their are certain expectations to a wedding, but the bottom line is that you were invited to share the day with your friends or family to celebrate and support their love to one another as they begin a new journey. I don't care if the food was cold, if they took too long for pictures, if the entertainment was off key or if they cut into a styrofoam cake. Its not about the money they spent on it, and its not about keeping score on who spent more. If they knew you were going to sit there and judge and complain about petty shortcomings on the happiest day of their lives, they wouldn't want you there. Sorry for my rant, I just thought a few people could use the reminder.
Posted by andrea.v[/QUOTE]

okay

What prompted this?

emilyinchile · December 2010

I have to say, I've complained about two weddings. In both cases, the brides had gone on and on beforehand about how everything was going to be so amazing and high class and expensive and this, that and the other. If you're going to talk up your party and then serve me inedible food (at one) or cold, tiny food (at another, as soon as we'd finished eating we were discussing a McDonald's run), then I feel like you kind of asked for it.

For the record, I agree it's not about money. I've been to a very very inexpensive wedding that was a blast and where all the guests were hosted with plenty of food, drink and dancing.

The Mel and Todd Show · December 2010

As a gracious guest, I would never complain to my hosts about their accommodations. As a human being, I will bitch on the internet about the bastardization of decency and etiquette that I experience at weddings as much as I see fit. Rarely do complaints about weddings have to do with the amount of money that was spent but, rather, how well the money available was spent. If you have a $7000 dress and a cash bar, you have misappropriated your funds and the internet will hear of it.

cengle · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:201037f1-679a-489e-b79c-48f1c9479fa6">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]Consider me reminded!! ::Z-snap:: But if I didn't get fed or something, I'm bitchin'. I don't care whose day it is.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

Amen. I'm a hungry bitch.

Beachy730 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:be286156-5eee-455b-bcdf-719fc3d81ca9">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]As a gracious guest, I would never complain to my hosts about their accommodations. As a human being, I will bitch on the internet about the bastardization of decency and etiquette that I experience at weddings as much as I see fit. Rarely do complaints about weddings have to do with the amount of money that was spent but, rather, how well the money available was spent. If you have a $7000 dress and a cash bar, you have misappropriated your funds and the internet will hear of it.
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. If someone only can or wants to spend $1,000 on their wedding that is completely their choice. But if $500 of that is towards the bride's dress, and the guests are eating veggie trays for dinner, then I will bitch about it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

So I shouldn't be offended if the hosts of the wedding discard proper etiquette and don't properly host their guests? Okay, then.

opalsky007 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:ef3640b3-9336-4bec-9c83-1062bf82bc05">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to I'm so tired of... : okay What prompted this?
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'd like to know this too. Because I haven't seen any of it around lately.

andrea.v · December 2010

Sorry I didn't mean to start a stir. I recently attended a wedding for a friend and had a wonderful time, but one of our other friends in the groups kept making comments about the food, entertainment and even the "cheap" centerpieces. I've seen this occasionally on the boards and decided to just remind people about the true purpose of the day.

I certainly agree that not feeding your guests properly or forgetting to thank the guests, etc, can be offensive and make you feel unappreciated. I was more concerned with people who complain about the little "petty" things such as the "poor decorating" or "lengthy ceremonies."

noodle_oo · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:cb69e72f-1602-45d2-aa21-bd3a6222285f">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry I didn't mean to start a stir. I recently attended a wedding for a friend and had a wonderful time, but one of our other friends in the groups kept making comments about the food, entertainment and even the "cheap" centerpieces. I've seen this occasionally on the boards and decided to just remind people about the true purpose of the day. I certainly agree that not feeding your guests properly or forgetting to thank the guests, etc, can be offensive and make you feel unappreciated. I was more concerned with people who complain about the little "petty" things such as the "poor decorating" or "lengthy ceremonies."
Posted by andrea.v[/QUOTE]

Maybe you should be saying something to your "friend" instead of us?

Calypso1977 · December 2010

i for one often complain abotu the picture taking. 1 - 1.5 hours of cocktail time to the couple can do pictures borders on rude. this is particualrly so with 5 or 6pm weddings, when they've had all day long to do their photos but for some reason wait until after the ceremony for the sheer purpose of "seeing the look on his face" or playing into some old superstition abotu bad luck.

ill complain about etiquette violations, but never a couples choices on things like decor, etc.

tldh · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:be286156-5eee-455b-bcdf-719fc3d81ca9">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]As a gracious guest, I would never complain to my hosts about their accommodations. As a human being, I will bitch on the internet about the bastardization of decency and etiquette that I experience at weddings as much as I see fit. Rarely do complaints about weddings have to do with the amount of money that was spent but, rather, how well the money available was spent. If you have a $7000 dress and a cash bar, you have misappropriated your funds and the internet will hear of it.
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

:) I like!!!

We went without a professional photographer so we could hire vans to transport our guests to and from their hotel, otherwise, everyone would have had to rent a car.

A cousin was given $5000 by her parents for her wedding and this was their budget. She and her husband used $3000 of it for their honeymoon because they had to have the Jamaican suite with a butler.

cherbein · December 2010

I get the entire point of the focus is on the fact that two people are making a commitment to each other and that is the truly important part of the day. Message recieved loud and clear even though it wasn't really necessary.

One's wedding doesn't have to be expensive to be a great time for everyone involved. If the bride and groom are working on a budget and did the best they could within it, than shame on the guests who are being bitchy. Why does the expense of the centerpieces matter? Also, if the food is cold that's more of a reflection on the caterer than the hosts and the bride and groom are probably no more happy about cold food than you are. It's a worse reflection on the guests than on the couple if people are being bitchy about petty things. Although the couple are the ones who invited these whiners in the first place...

On the other hand though, I will agree a little with PP's that it is a bit tacky to starve your guests. If you advertise that there is dinner, then people should not hear their stomach's growling after the meal. It doesn't need to be filet mignon, but just make sure there's enough that I won't pass out while dancing!

IrishBrideND · December 2010

The only time I've complained is when someone released tables to the buffet....and not only was our table last but it took 1.5 hours to get to our table.

I think H and I ate an entire pack of mints I had in my purse because we were that hungry.

Bubbalub · December 2010

I'll complain all I want if I go to a wedding where the couple are not gracious hosts to their guests.

ootmother2 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:f51010f6-1f6d-4d26-834c-15b6b6fa1ac9">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]i for one often complain abotu the picture taking. 1 - 1.5 hours of cocktail time to the couple can do pictures borders on rude. this is particualrly so with 5 or 6pm weddings, when they've had all day long to do their photos but for some reason wait until after the ceremony for the sheer purpose of "seeing the look on his face" or playing into some old superstition abotu bad luck..
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

We GET it.

IrishBrideND · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:174037ba-373a-4158-b0e4-108afb771224">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]umm, irish
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

?

wrdgirl · December 2010

I think the point of this post is just to remind wedding guests that in the end the wedding is about the couple. As a guest you have a choice of not going.

Honestly for some of the stuff that's been complained about I want to know how many actually told the bride and groom that their wedding reception sucked? In their face?

I'd like to hear what others has said to the wedded couple

Is it bad etiquette to tell the wedded couple their wedding sucked in their face? Well is it bad etiquette as a human being to talk behind someone's back? Assuming the guest did NOT complain to the couple and chose to bitch about it online...hmm maybe the couple should know

cherbein · December 2010

In Response to Re: I'm so tired of...:

i for one often complain abotu the picture taking. 1 - 1.5 hours of cocktail time to the couple can do pictures borders on rude. this is particualrly so with 5 or 6pm weddings, when they've had all day long to do their photos but for some reason wait until after the ceremony for the sheer purpose of "seeing the look on his face" or playing into some old superstition abotu bad luck..
Posted by Calypso1977

This is the couple's big day let them get their pictures, eat your appetizers, get a drink and RELAX! You're being fed and given drinks, it's not like they left you out in a freezing cold parking lot to wait for the reception to start while they get their pictures.

We're taking all the "just the girls" and "just the guys" ahead of time for our Friday evening wedding to try and cut down on how long it takes to get our pictures after the ceremony, but I want to see the look on my FI's face as I walk down the aisle and I see nothing wrong with having that moment. Brides having been doing that forever, it's tradition. I understand that it's okay to make new traditions, but it's not rude to follow them if they're important to you.

Also, the bride may not be waiting just for "some reason" to do some pictures after the ceremony. For example, some venues have time limits on when you can get into the venue, or maybe an out of town wedding party member won't be there and ready until later etc... They want pictures from one of the most important days in their lives, it's not just a plot to piss you off and be rude.

shortee426 · December 2010

I flew to Costa Rica for my friend's DW. There weren't enough chairs/table at the reception. You bet you butt that I bitched about it.

I did say something to the groom upon our return. I wasn't mean but I was like "buddy, what was up with the lack of chairs?" Should I have let it slide and said nothing? Maybe. But my feet were still hurting :-p

The Mel and Todd Show · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:e9324a18-1a4a-4367-b014-c5ced1a9fae4">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the point of this post is just to remind wedding guests that in the end the wedding is about the couple. As a guest you have a choice of not going. Honestly for some of the stuff that's been complained about I want to know how many actually told the bride and groom that their wedding reception sucked? In their face? I'd like to hear what others has said to the wedded couple :) Is it bad etiquette to tell the wedded couple their wedding sucked in their face? Well is it bad etiquette as a human being to talk behind someone's back? Assuming the guest did NOT complain to the couple and chose to bitch about it online...hmm maybe the couple should know :p
Posted by wrdgirl[/QUOTE]

A couple who forsakes the comfort and enjoyment of their guests in order to complete their vision of "their day" should not be surprised to find that their rudeness did not appeal to those affected by it. What, precisely, are you getting at? Are you of the opinion that it would be better to complain to one's hosts than to maintain one's decorum and then vent to impartial outsiders? Because that's just silly.

KermitTheKitty · December 2010

Ever since I got engaged, I've been a lot more observant at weddings. If I notice something that I don't like, I discretely whisper to my FI that we should make sure that we don't do it at our wedding. However, I try and make sure that I don't loudly lament this to the other guests.
Case in point, we recently attended a wedding that was a cash bar (which is understandable for a variety of reasons besides just money), but not only did guest have to pay for non-alcoholic beverages (which I can understand only if you are on a really tight budget), but we had to pay for water!! Now there was just no excuse for that, seeing how the bride's father was loadedand paid for the entire thing. They also appropriated their funds to things that were more for them and that no one else enjoyed. But I was still polite and never said anything to her, in fact i only said it to FI.

IrishBrideND · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:e9324a18-1a4a-4367-b014-c5ced1a9fae4">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the point of this post is just to remind wedding guests that in the end the wedding is about the couple. As a guest you have a choice of not going. Honestly for some of the stuff that's been complained about I want to know how many actually told the bride and groom that their wedding reception sucked? In their face? I'd like to hear what others has said to the wedded couple :) Is it bad etiquette to tell the wedded couple their wedding sucked in their face? Well is it bad etiquette as a human being to talk behind someone's back? Assuming the guest did NOT complain to the couple and chose to bitch about it online...hmm maybe the couple should know :p
Posted by wrdgirl[/QUOTE]

lol yes. Its polite to make someone feel like crap about their wedding. Lets all go run and tell the couples, after the fact, there was something we didn't like!

Seriously?!
The reason people share on here is so that FUTURE couples can avoid making the same mistakes.

Bubbalub · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:838d345b-67ee-4031-9970-e6a5bc951873">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the couple's big day let them get their pictures, eat your appetizers, get a drink and RELAX! You're being fed and given drinks, it's not like they left you out in a freezing cold parking lot to wait for the reception to start while they get their pictures. We're taking all the "just the girls" and "just the guys" ahead of time for our Friday evening wedding to try and cut down on how long it takes to get our pictures after the ceremony, but I want to see the look on my FI's face as I walk down the aisle and I see nothing wrong with having that moment. Brides having been doing that forever, it's tradition. I understand that it's okay to make new traditions, but it's not rude to follow them if they're important to you. Also, the bride may not be waiting just for "some reason" to do some pictures after the ceremony. For example, some venues have time limits on when you can get into the venue, or maybe an out of town wedding party member won't be there and ready until later etc... They want pictures from one of the most important days in their lives, it's not just a plot to piss you off and be rude.
Posted by cherbein[/QUOTE]

Says who? I recently went to a wedding where we waited 1 1/2 HOURS for the couple to even ARRIVE at the venue for the ceremony. There were not enough chairs, no food and limited drinks. His 96 year-old grandmother in a wheelchair had to sit there that whole time with no food. I will complain all I want about that, regardless of whether or not it was done on purpose. It was beyond ridiculous.

ETA: the reason they were late? They decided to take more pictures at the freaking hotel and didn't account for the raging storm outside to back traffic up on the winding mountain road to their venue. You bet your ass I judged them. Hard.

andy71781 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:b5c4f822-69c2-460a-ad3b-4570c8b075f0">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm so tired of... : lol yes. Its polite to make someone feel like crap about their wedding. Lets all go run and tell the couples, after the fact, there was something we didn't like! Seriously?! The reason people share on here is so that FUTURE couples can avoid making the same mistakes.
Posted by IrishBrideND[/QUOTE]
yes exactly! its not like we are talking behind their backs - we are sharing information. believe me you would rather hear that you are being a brat/bitch/stupid/rude from internet strangers than have your future inlaws think it and not tell you.

(btw irish bride - hi - what a beautiful little girl you have)

cherbein · December 2010

Bubbalub,

I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience. Showing up an hour and a half late to the CEREMONY is crazy as is not having enough chairs. What I was referring to was what I read as a complaint against anyone who wants to take some of their pictures after the ceremony instead of going to the cocktail hour. I don't see a problem with the bride and groom taking some time for pictures while their guests are having some snacks and a few drinks at the cocktail hour without them before the reception and sit down dinner starts.

Jennifer&Nate · December 2010

Only wedding I complain about was potluck in a public park and started 1.5 hours late because the bride didn't decide to get her hair done until 30 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start. We were all crammed in a gazebo. Nobody on my side could see the ceremony and they didn't have mics for the bride/groom/pastor (but did for the musician...). People attacked the food while the couple went to another part of the park for pictures...for another 1.5 hours. By time they wandered back up to the gazebo, there was no food and 75% of their guests (myself included) had left. Awful, awful, awful.

Rockerchick842 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-tired-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e1e0d4ee-afd0-48cf-959a-f04e033d4a08Post:838d345b-67ee-4031-9970-e6a5bc951873">Re: I'm so tired of...</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the couple's big day let them get their pictures, eat your appetizers, get a drink and RELAX! You're being fed and given drinks, it's not like they left you out in a freezing cold parking lot to wait for the reception to start while they get their pictures. [/QUOTE]

Amen! My FI and I are doing as many pictures as possible before the ceremony, but the first time he sees me that day will be when the doors swing open as I begin my walk down the asle. As long as the guests have food/drinks/chairs, etc, it shouldn't matter if we do not make it to the reception site for an hour after the end of the ceremony.

leah2b · December 2010

I'll only complain if their is no booze (or cash bar - better than none at al but I'd still call it tacky). Other than that, I am a happy camper!

Cristine2011 · December 2010

I'm sorry but I hate it when people call a cash bar tacky if the couple is obviously trying to save money. Unless the couple is loaded, there is no reason to judge them for not wanting to spend thousands of dollars on booze. That money can be put to much better use (down payment on a house, RRSPs, etc).

I'm having an open bar at my wedding because our venue does not allow cash bars for weddings, but I could not imagine judging a couple for asking me to pay for my own drinks. As long as they are gracious hosts in other ways they do not owe me anything.

I'm so tired of...

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