HELP! Need help deciding on how/if to go about a potential awkard thing!

blizardlove14 · June 2014

Ok. So I purchased the ring bearers outfits shoes etc. Virtually everything they are wearing. As well as the flower girls dress/head piece shoes. I am reselling most of the things from the wedding to get some money back. The ring bearers (2) outfits and the flower girls dresses were NOT cheap. Almost 400$ for everything. Is it rude to ask for these items that I purchased back so I can resale. The parents of the kids keep saying how much they love the outfits. I didn't even think to mention to them now I feel awkward. Eek. Wedding is 3 weeks away help!

lilacck28 · June 2014

What did you say when you gave them to the parents? Did you call it a gift? How did you phrase the transaction?

vsgal · June 2014

Did you discuss the possibility of selling the outfits with the parents before you handed them over? I guess it would depend on the relationship you have with the parents.

MairePoppy · June 2014

It would be rude for you to ask for such personal items back. If you couldn't afford to buy them, you should have asked the parents for their budgets so they could purchase their outfits.

Northrend · June 2014

If you're close with the parents, I would just be honest. If you're not, but you're comfortable with some white lies, you could ask if they had any use for the outfits after the wedding because if not, you have a friend who might use them for something.

blizardlove14 · June 2014

Eh. A tampon is personal. An outfit worn one time I dont know how personal that exactly is. It's like renting a tux and saying "I don't want to return it because its personal". I can afford it that isn't the issue. I can afford my entire wedding. But if someone said "you can get $2,000 back by doing XYZ" any logical person would do that. I think I'm just going to be honest they are close friends of mine.

MairePoppy · June 2014

Except that when you rent a tux, you know up front that it's a rental.

When my DD was young she was flower girl twice. She used the dresses after the wedding - mostly to play dress up, a few times to wear to parties, not your typical party dresses, but she enjoyed them very much.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

Yes, I think this depends on what you said when you handed over the outfits. If you tell the parents up front you intend to resell, no problem. If you did not tell them it was a loaner, I wouldn't ask for it back.

blizardlove14 · June 2014

I can see where you're coming from post wedding. They would be a little blind sided. But since they have not worn them yet one hasn't even tried it on/waiting for one in the mail. I think now would be the best time rather than later.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

blizardlove14 said:

I can see where you're coming from post wedding. They would be a little blind sided. But since they have not worn them yet one hasn't even tried it on/waiting for one in the mail. I think now would be the best time rather than later.

I think the dispositive part of this, though, is not necessarily whether the kids have tried on the clothes yet. How did the conversation go with the parents, when you told them you would be ordering the clothing? Realistically, what expectations did the parents walk away with after talking to you? If you did not explicitly tell the parents it was a loaner, they probably think (reasonably) the clothes are a gift.

phira · June 2014

I wouldn't. Neither would my partner (just asked him).

The thing is, if I were in the wedding party and the couple offered to pay for my outfit, I would assume that they were paying for it and I was keeping it. It's not exactly a gift, but I still would expect that I was keeping it.

I hate to say it, but you weren't required to purchase the attire, and if recuperating $400 is that essential for your financial well-being, you shouldn't have spent so much. This isn't so much me scolding you, but pointing out that it's really not appropriate for you to ask for the outfits back, and "They were expensive" isn't a good enough reason.

LondonLisa · June 2014

I feel like you made the choice to spend that much on wedding outfits for the children when it was obviously out of your budget. I would definitely think it was a gift and find it strange/ slightly rude that you want it back to sell. Also, little kids get dirty. What happens when grape juice goes down the front of the dress? Or ring bearer rips the knees of his trousers? If you cannot afford it, I would return all the attire now, unworn, as it is out of your budget. Ask the ring bearer's family if they have navy/ black/ khaki trousers and buy him an inexpensive waistcoat and tie. For the flower girl, buy a nice summer dress on sale or ask if she has an Easter dress that can be reworn. Last time I was in America, I picked up a lovely Ralph Lauren Christmas dress for my niece at Macy's that was about 75% off! Surely they, and other department stores, will have dresses within your budget.

LondonLisa · June 2014

PS- what are you getting your flower girl/ RB as gifts, then, if it isn't the outfit?

BrandNewJ · June 2014

OP has said that she can afford the outfits and financially it isn't a problem, so I don't think it's necessary to point out how expensive the outfits were for the children. She know

. I do agree with PPs that you should let the children keep the outfits. Like @phira‌ said, if someone told me they would cover the cost of my outfit, I would assume it was mine to keep after as well. I think, in general, if not stated upfront, it would be weird to ask for something back.

AddieCake · June 2014

I don't think it would be proper unless you told the parents up front that is what would be happening.

JaxInBlue · June 2014

Agree with PPs. Unless you told the parents this was the plan from the beginning, I'd advise adjusting your plan so that the children can either keep the current outfits or replace them with a cheaper alternative.

FWIW, we found our flower girl dresses in the Spring clearance at Kohls; looking there, and at similar stores, might net you overall cheaper outfits that could then be left with the families.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

LondonLisa said:

PS- what are you getting your flower girl/ RB as gifts, then, if it isn't the outfit?

I'd think that even if the kids keep the outfit, that still isn't their "gift." Right? We are not having RB/FG so I hadn't thought about it, but if I wanted to thank a kid for being in my wedding, I'd get them an awesome toy or something. Only the rare kid is excited about clothes.

LondonLisa · June 2014

JCbride2015 said:

LondonLisa said:

PS- what are you getting your flower girl/ RB as gifts, then, if it isn't the outfit?

I'd think that even if the kids keep the outfit, that still isn't their "gift." Right? We are not having RB/FG so I hadn't thought about it, but if I wanted to thank a kid for being in my wedding, I'd get them an awesome toy or something. Only the rare kid is excited about clothes.

Yes, I agree. Poor wording on my account! I meant that as to clarify because a small gift should be given in addition to the outfit, but an especially nice one if you are taking away clothes that the parents have already said they adore (as OP said in the post).

MNVegas · June 2014

Since you did not tell the parents ahead of time that their kids would just be "renting" the outfits from you for your wedding, I think it would be extremely rude and inappropriate for you to ask them for the outfits back so you can sell them. If someone came to me after giving me the outfits and asked for clothing back I would think they were a little nutty.

I would just let this go. It is not worth the hurt feelings so you can recoup a couple hundred dollars for used clothing, especially since you said you can afford the outfits to begin with.

crunchymamaof2 · June 2014

MNVegas said:

Since you did not tell the parents ahead of time that their kids would just be "renting" the outfits from you for your wedding, I think it would be extremely rude and inappropriate for you to ask them for the outfits back so you can sell them. If someone came to me after giving me the outfits and asked for clothing back I would think they were a little nutty.

I would just let this go. It is not worth the hurt feelings so you can recoup a couple hundred dollars for used clothing, especially since you said you can afford the outfits to begin with.

This. And honestly, even if the clothes were still brand new you'd be lucky to get $100 back, if that. Used you're probably looking at even less. Few parents will pay that much for used kids clothes (unless they're, like, Gucci or Prada lol). So unless you said "hey I have some outfits I'd like to loan you for the kids to wear at the wedding" just drop this one.

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

If the parents are keeping the outfit, then just give the kids something small and inexpensive that they'd love. I used to swoon over little plastic animals and would have loved someone forever if they gave me one.

perdonami · June 2014

blizardlove14 said:

I can see where you're coming from post wedding. They would be a little blind sided. But since they have not worn them yet one hasn't even tried it on/waiting for one in the mail. I think now would be the best time rather than later.

Sounds like you already have your answer.

MandyMost · June 2014

If you're close with the parents, after the wedding I'd say "hey, I realized I can get some good money back from reselling a bunch of my wedding decorations and stuff online. If you're looking to pass on the kids' outfits let me know, I'd be happy to take them back. Although, the kids looked so cute I'm hoping they can wear them again! But before you throw them away just let me know".

CamiSelene · June 2014

For me, I would not dream of asking my flower girl for her dress back. She LOVES that thing.... she even wants to wear it after for her trip to Disneyworld so she can "be a princess too"!

lc07 · June 2014

I think the ship has sailed on being able to take them back. Prior to deciding on the outfits and purchasing them, it would have been okay to tell the parents you were thinking of purchasing XYZ outfits for the kids and would like to re-sell them after the wedding, and how do they feel about that? If they said sure sounds great! You could have done it. If they said, "Oh I think little Sally would love to keep the dress" you could have found something less expensive or had the parent make the purchase.

hyechica81 · June 2014

sorry but if you asked me to give back the outfit i would say no and i would be upset. little kids love to play dress up after the wedding.

why spend so much on a dress you can find pretty flower girl dresses at jcpennys for like 25-30 buxs

ohannabelle · June 2014

hyechica81 said:

sorry but if you asked me to give back the outfit i would say no and i would be upset. little kids love to play dress up after the wedding.

why spend so much on a dress you can find pretty flower girl dresses at jcpennys for like 25-30 buxs

Irrelevant. She picked what suited her taste.

(For the record, I looked at Penneys, around Easter time for a girl's dress, and found nothing but polyester and neon. Nothing appropriate. I ended up sewing something, because the only things I liked were in the 100 plus range. So personal taste and budget vary.)

HELP! Need help deciding on how/if to go about a potential awkard thing!

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