My FILs have repeatedly stated that they intend to give us a specific (very generous) amount of money, which they said we could use for either the wedding or HM. When they offered we already had the wedding budget covered, so we graciously thanked them and told them we would like to use it for the HM. FFIL also said he might be able to gift us some of his miles if we choose a domestic destination.
Since then they've been asking about the HM every time they see us. They love to travel and talk about travel plans, and we're currently researching destinations, so I don't mind discussing our ideas with them. But every time we mention a particular destination they shoot it down...
"No, you don't want to go to New England unless you can go in the fall when the leaves are changing. We think you should go to California instead."
"Why would you want to go to Europe when you could go to Hawaii for about the same price?" (because those two are similar...?)
"You should go on a cruise like FSIL did for her HM! OMG cruises are the BEST!" (they know I hate cruise ships)
I know we always quote the "he who pays gets a say" rule about wedding money, but does it also apply to the HM? I asked FI if FILs had mentioned a timeline for actually giving the money, and FI said he thinks it will happen when we let them know what destination we choose. This makes me nervous, like we'll have to get their approval on it or something. Also, our decision will depend on whether they can gift us miles, so we need to find out about that before we choose. What's the best way to navigate this situation? I'm counting on you ladies for some wise and honest advice.