Spin Off: Cheating Poll

doeydo · June 2014

Have you cheated?

Inkdancer · June 2014

If kissing someone counts, yes. If not, no.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Inkdancer said:

If kissing someone counts, yes. If not, no.

Ditto this. A long time ago.

huskypuppy14 · June 2014

lolo883 said:

Inkdancer said:

If kissing someone counts, yes. If not, no.

Ditto this. A long time ago.

Ditto as well.

Cookie Pusher · June 2014

Yes, many times, before FI and I started dating. My ex-FI and I were long distance during college, and I was really just not mature enough to handle it. And dating was how I was able to eat every day.

jdluvr06 · June 2014

I cheated on FI once when we first started dating. It is the only time I've ever cheated on someone. I was in a bad place, it was right around when I hit rock bottom and is one of the many mistakes I made that influenced my decision to get better.

sophhabobopha · June 2014

I cheated on a BF when I was 15 (kissing). Does that count?

WinstonsGirl · June 2014

I kissed a guy after about 2 dates with another. It wasn't going anywhere, but I was out of town and hadn't officially ended it. Normally, I wouldn't count this as being in an actual relationship, but it was high school, so you were either dating or you weren't. Not sure if it really counts though.

larrygaga · June 2014

Nah. Been with fi since I was 13 and never even kissed a different guy since

emmyg65 · June 2014

Yep, and I think I admitted it here before. I cheated on DH when we started dating. It was a combination of poor impulse control (especially when combined with alcohol), struggling to change old habits even though I clearly had a guy worth changing them for, and immaturity and fear about the seriousness of our relationship. I told him pretty much immediately and we worked through it.

This is part of why I answered the original question the way I did. There are lots of reasons people cheat. Sometimes, it's indicative of a really serious systemic problem. Sometimes it's just an awful mistake that won't happen again if the issues at the heart of the behavior are addressed. There's too much variation to answer a hypothetical.

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

The closest I came was kissing a guy in Vegas when I was still casual with my DH (no I love yous, or monogamy talk).

I was tempted to go all the way with the dude, but I would have never forgiven myself after being cheated on myself, and knowing how much that can destroy a person's self worth.

MollyandD · June 2014

I never have cheated, but I've been cheated on by an ex. He was a bad person, and I was stupid for being with him at all, not to mention how dumb I was for giving him multiple chances. I was 18-19 at the time, so...

Eventually, six years ago, I got with my wonderful fiancé. My ex said he'd "win me back," and I was quite clear that he was wrong about that. For a while, he tried to still talk to me like we were good friends. Two years ago, he texted me to let me know that he and his girlfriend broke up, and he needed a roommate. I didn't even realize who it was at first, because I haven't had his number in my phone for several years. I think he thought that I'd honestly always be stuck having feelings for him. He's pathetic.

JennyColada · June 2014

I cheated on quite a few of my bf's in high school and I think even 1 in college.

I had to go through a lot of personal growth to become even a halfway decent partner.

buttercup1958 · June 2014

I have cheated before and I'm not proud of it. Once was a kiss and the other was sex. I cheated with the same ex. I was stupid and I thought I loved my ex. I was on/off with him from 16-18. Thank god I've matured and moved on. That ex tried talking to me recently,I told him to leave me alone. I'm much happier as a person and I would never cheat on V.

smalfrie19 · June 2014

I cheated on my ex with my now FI. It's not right and it's in the past now. I have been working on the issues that I feel drove me to that action and I could never see myself cheating on FI.

bethsmiles · June 2014

I've never cheated but I was cheated on by a high school boyfriend. I didn't know about it until after we broke up and we're still friends now. We were young, immature, and the relationship while we may have thought it was serious at the time really wasn't that serious.

wandajune6 · June 2014

I have an ex who believes I cheated. We broke up regularly and were not together at the time. He maintained that our breakups weren't "real."

I slept with someone else after meeting FI. We'd gone on 2 dates, he hadn't kissed me yet, and the guy was essentially a fuck buddy. I don't consider it cheating though FI would still be hurt if he knew.

blabla89 · June 2014

I cheated on my high school BF a few months after I went away to college. By cheated I mean made out with a few people at frat parties, and started moving in the direction of starting a relationship with another guy. Finally having some distance between us made me see how horribly this BF was treating me, and I had made up my mind to break up with him as soon as I could do it in person, but it would be several more months before I could go home and see him. I know that doesn't doesn't justify or excuse it. If I had it to do over, I would have ended that relationship a lot sooner.

CMGragain · June 2014

Honestly, I have never understood cheating. They all have one. They all want to do the same thing with it. Why mess up your life for something you already have? (Apologies to same sex partners, but I think this applies to you, too.)
If your Fi/spouse is not satisfying you emotionally, than get to a therapist and try to fix it.

arrippa · June 2014

I was dating my high school bf and I had feelings for someone else. Nothing happened but that's the closest I have ever been to cheating. Usually, I know it's time to break up if I am tempted by someone else.

smalfrie19 · June 2014

CMGragain said:

Honestly, I have never understood cheating. They all have one. They all want to do the same thing with it. Why mess up your life for something you already have? (Apologies to same sex partners, but I think this applies to you, too.)
If your Fi/spouse is not satisfying you emotionally, than get to a therapist and try to fix it.

You are right. But people are human. Everyone would do that if everyone were perfect in a perfect world....but its not a perfect world......

hellohkb · June 2014

I have cheated before on FI. I regret it, but I learned from my mistakes. The term "once a cheater, always a cheater" is not always the case.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

In my case... no, it was not a rational, thoughtful decision. But even though it was a momentary indiscretion (and only kissing, not sex), I didn't expect or want to be forgiven. The relationship I was in was not right, I had wanted out for some time but getting out wasn't as easy as it sounded (nothing makes a girl feel guilted into staying like "you're the only thing worth living for"), but seeing I had become capable of betraying him like that was a wake up call. I didn't want to be a person who cheated. I mustered up the nerve to break up with him the next time I saw him.

KytchynWitche · June 2014

I've posted before that I was a serial cheater in my teens.

I'm not making excuses but there were many, many factors impacting my behaviour then, including the fact that I have always had incredibly low self-esteem (born of being a fat child who was just "different"), the fact that my first boyfriend raped me repeatedly when I was 14, the fact that my father was emotionally abusive, and the fact that I was essentially expected to be an adult from the age of 10.

I have been in and out of therapy and psychiatric hospitals since I started school. I've been on hundreds of medications in the last two decades, and yes, I have had a substance abuse problem. Some people would argue that I still do.

What it all comes down to is this: I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy in myself, and I was looking for happiness in others. I couldn't find it in my partners, so I looked elsewhere, and I didn't find it there either. I honestly felt and believed that if I wasn't having sex, I wasn't worth anything - and I needed it daily, even more if I could get it. I actually didn't care where I got it or who I got it from.

For me, it wasn't as easy as just going to therapy and getting over it, though I appreciate where CMG is coming from. But I did eventually learn to be happy in myself and by myself, and because of that, I'm happy with FI. He doesn't make me happy, but he adds to my happiness. He doesn't make me whole, but he adds to my wholeness. FI is the first relationship I have ever been in where I did not cheat, I haven't thought of cheating, I haven't been tempted to cheat, although a former colleague of mine did try to get me into bed with him (after we'd stopped working together).

RissAnn1970 · June 2014

Never. And it's 100% dealbreaker. I've been cheated on by two guys in the past & broke up with them immediately. Never talked to them again.

And yes, kissing counts. If H, who I love like crazy, kissed another woman today, I'd be filing for divorce tomorrow.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

When FI and I had been together for about a month we were at a bar for a friend's birthday in a big group and one of the guys kissed me. He was super angry with me but then forgave me because he realized I was drunk out of my mind and said kisser was not at all and took advantage of the situation.

Also after becoming engaged FI did something that I considered cheating but because it did not include any physical contact with this other girl I decided to forgive and we moved on. It was the hardest thing I've ever done but so far so good. And he obviously knows no more chances.

ashley8918 · June 2014

I cheated on FI VERY early in our relationship. It was at the point where it was unclear whether we were serious or not - not that that makes it okay.

sarawifenow · June 2014

I have never cheated. I have been cheated on multiple times in past relationships, though. I know how much it hurts to be cheated on, so I could just never do that to someone else. The thought of FI cheating/me cheating on FI is just horrible. I am pretty positive that this would never happen, though.

emmaaa · June 2014

I texted another guy while FI and I were dating. It never went anywhere else but it was still wrong. To this day it was the worst mistake of my life and FI is a strong man to forgive me.

climbingsingle · June 2014

I cheated on my ex-boyfriend. More than once. I still feel guilty.

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