Wedding Woes

death at a wedding

cqctcqct member
10 Comments First Anniversary
edited June 2014 in Wedding Woes
Now I usually do not post much, but I am joining you all from the honeymoon that I was pushed into going on after my uncle passed away meer hours after our reception. I could go on and on for days about what an amazing man he was - and he was truly the best. But truthfully I need an honest answer. I know that nothing will ever be enough, but what could be sent to his wife and children that will be helpful and thoughtful, as my family did not let me know that the funeral is tomorrow so that I didn't fly home and ruin our time here, and I will still be on our honeymoon coping while not being able to give them the physical support I very much think is needed. At this point we would not be able to get a flight home in time for the funeral. I know this all sounds ridiculous and there is so much more that I would like to say, but the abbreviated version will need to do for now. Please send suggestions of possible. I would like to stay away from flowers and send something that they can actually use.

Re: death at a wedding

  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    I'm sorry for your loss.  I assume you are still on your honeymoon and will be back next week or so.  I might wait until you get home to find out what they may actually need or want.  Maybe there is a fund for the children?

    Please don't be angry with your family for not telling you.  They were trying to protect you not hurt you.

  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride Midwest member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    6fsn gives good advice above.  

    Also, this week there will be many people surrounding them and they will be busy with the visitation/funeral etc.  When that is over and everyone goes home, that is the time that can truly be the hardest.  This is the time when your ongoing presence/support will mean the most. 

    Right now, all you can do is try to enjoy the remainder of your honeymoon despite what is going on at home with your family.   
  • I'd also think about this from their POV.  I'd be devastated, but the last thing I'd want added to my burden is the knowledge that someone cut short their good memories for my loss.

    The ladies above give good advice.
  • A heartfelt letter of condolences where you share a memory or two of your uncle, and ongoing support after the initial hubbub fades are the biggest things I think.
  • I always send food, stuff that doesn't need any prep and can be used to feed the family or the many visitors they'll undoubtedly have.  Zingerman's is my go-to but there are lots of others depending on what they like.
  • cqctcqct member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    Thank you all for your help. I have never heard of zingermans but that is definitely more along the lines of what I was thinking. I understand why they did not tell me, but am also upset by it. It's a very confusing feeling...
  • A confusing situation, food is always welcomed by people. A week or two later coming home and sending food that is little to easy prep would be fine because at that stage families are still morning but the rest of the world has said, "Move on you buried the dead. Next!" We forget it is a process of learning to live with the memories of someone and not having them there.

    Also being there for them as someone to lend an ear and if possible a hand, once you get home, as well for you hopefully someone there for you. Because if you are able to go on about the wonderful man this Uncle is you must be close and need some closer as well. That I think is were your main issue of not being told because while it was for your memories protection it also closed you off from the possibility of going. It is a tricky line to walk on how to handle your situation. Some would be happy to have family that cared so much to protect and not inform. Others like yourself and myself would be aggravated and distort but understanding and caring. There is a third group but I will not go there. Enjoy your Honeymoon then take the proper time to grieve your loss as well as care for your family.
  • If you can afford it, a visit later, once the flood of visitors has settled down, might be appreciated. My fiancé and I had a trip planned so he could meet my uncle when his health started failing. He passed away about a month before the trip. We went on our visit anyway, and my aunt appreciated the quality time and company. Yours might too. Sorry for your loss.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    This post is over a month old.

    OP is gone.

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