TalkRadio this morning was discussing weddings...Is this really a thing??

[Deleted User] · June 2014

And the first thing I thought was...I need to share this with you.

Hi, I'm a lurker, getting married June 2015, anyways, this was interesting...

NewsTalk Radio was taking callers mostly regarding "What kind of bars are acceptable, should I have an open bar etc etc?" I know the general consensus on TK is open bar, but hear me out. I've been to weddings all over the place and they have been everything from open bars, to toonie ($2) bars, full cash bars...and the dreaded dry wedding. In small town Saskatchewan, typically what you'd find is a toonie bar due to legislation that states special occasion permit holders must be a toonie (or loonie - $1) bar to discourage over-serving, among many other red-tape bureaucracy you'd find in good ol' conservative Saskatchewan....

Nothing prepared me for what I was about to hear from a caller to the radio show about a wedding he got an invite to in Montreal, Que.

The invitation stated that there was essentially a cover charge to the wedding. He had to pay $130 per head to come to the wedding and that covered all drinks and food for the night. So aside from the plane ticket from Saskatchewan to Quebec, the hotel room, probably taxi service, and meals outside the wedding, you have to pay to go to the wedding?

Am I out of touch? Is this actually a thing? Has anyone here had to pay to attend a wedding? Personally I would decline...I love my friends and all but damn...

banana468 · June 2014

That's not a hosted event. That's a fundraiser!

I would hope that this isn't a "thing" but clearly it's happened once which means that it's paving the way for it to happen again.

manillabar · June 2014

Not gonna lie, my family's been invited to a couple weddings in Montreal like that. My cousins told us that's the way things were done in Montreal... massive side eyes all around but my parents did it anyway since it was my dad's sister's kids (i don't think they got a gift though after that). It wasn't until I came on TK that I realize that many Canadians find it just as rude as we did.

hikebikebemerry · June 2014

purplepinkcupcake said:

NewsTalk Radio was taking callers mostly regarding "What kind of bars are acceptable, should I have an open bar etc etc?" I know the general consensus on TK is open bar, but hear me out. I've been to weddings all over the place and they have been everything from open bars, to toonie ($2) bars, full cash bars...and the dreaded dry wedding. In small town Saskatchewan, typically what you'd find is a toonie bar due to legislation that states special occasion permit holders must be a toonie (or loonie - $1) bar to discourage over-serving, among many other red-tape bureaucracy you'd find in good ol' conservative Saskatchewan....

Dry weddings aren't rude. I would absolutely take a dry wedding over a cash bar.

The whole thing about charging a cover for a wedding is completely ridiculous!

sophhabobopha · June 2014

kerbohl · June 2014

I know that this is not the thing I should be flabbergasted at, but it was $130? What were they serving, crab dipped in gold? Any amount of cover charge for a wedding is too high, but that much? I pay that much for theatrical productions, not dinner and drinks.

bmydesigner · June 2014

sophhabobopha said:

You win best GIF award

I love BTTF!

monkeysip · June 2014

kerbohl said:

I know that this is not the thing I should be flabbergasted at, but it was $130? What were they serving, crab dipped in gold? Any amount of cover charge for a wedding is too high, but that much? I pay that much for theatrical productions, not dinner and drinks.

That's the thing that gets me. They're not just charging guests for the realistic cost of the food and drink, but they're basically charging them for the whole event!

Many really nice wedding venues charge about $130 per person, but that price includes the really nice venue itself and all the costs that come with it, like the coordinator, the waitstaff, the nice tablecloths and dinnerware, etc.

They're basically just trying to have a super fancy FREE wedding by charging all their guests. That's disgusting.

sophhabobopha · June 2014

monkeysip said:

kerbohl said:

I know that this is not the thing I should be flabbergasted at, but it was $130? What were they serving, crab dipped in gold? Any amount of cover charge for a wedding is too high, but that much? I pay that much for theatrical productions, not dinner and drinks.

That's the thing that gets me. They're not just charging guests for the realistic cost of the food and drink, but they're basically charging them for the whole event!

Many really nice wedding venues charge about $130 per person, but that price includes the really nice venue itself and all the costs that come with it, like the coordinator, the waitstaff, the nice tablecloths and dinnerware, etc.

They're basically just trying to have a super fancy FREE wedding by charging all their guests. That's disgusting.

Somebody had better be wiping my ass for me for that price.

emmaaa · June 2014

I can't get past the fact that you said a dry wedding was dreaded. I would much rather go to a dry wedding than have to pay for my drinks (in any amount).

sarahufl · June 2014

$130?! That is absurd. No way I would attend that.

thisismynickname2 · June 2014

monkeysip said:

kerbohl said:

I know that this is not the thing I should be flabbergasted at, but it was $130? What were they serving, crab dipped in gold? Any amount of cover charge for a wedding is too high, but that much? I pay that much for theatrical productions, not dinner and drinks.

That's the thing that gets me. They're not just charging guests for the realistic cost of the food and drink, but they're basically charging them for the whole event!

Many really nice wedding venues charge about $130 per person, but that price includes the really nice venue itself and all the costs that come with it, like the coordinator, the waitstaff, the nice tablecloths and dinnerware, etc.

They're basically just trying to have a super fancy FREE wedding by charging all their guests. That's disgusting.

THIS. Gag.

hikebikebemerry · June 2014

monkeysip said:

kerbohl said:

I know that this is not the thing I should be flabbergasted at, but it was $130? What were they serving, crab dipped in gold? Any amount of cover charge for a wedding is too high, but that much? I pay that much for theatrical productions, not dinner and drinks.

That's the thing that gets me. They're not just charging guests for the realistic cost of the food and drink, but they're basically charging them for the whole event!

Many really nice wedding venues charge about $130 per person, but that price includes the really nice venue itself and all the costs that come with it, like the coordinator, the waitstaff, the nice tablecloths and dinnerware, etc.

They're basically just trying to have a super fancy FREE wedding by charging all their guests. That's disgusting.

False. They are simply filtering out their real friends from the people who just want to come for the free food and booze!! They aren't made of money!!

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST BE HAPPY FOR THEM AND THE LOVE THAT THEY SHARE?!

sophhabobopha · June 2014

hikebikebemerry said:

monkeysip said:

kerbohl said:

I know that this is not the thing I should be flabbergasted at, but it was $130? What were they serving, crab dipped in gold? Any amount of cover charge for a wedding is too high, but that much? I pay that much for theatrical productions, not dinner and drinks.

That's the thing that gets me. They're not just charging guests for the realistic cost of the food and drink, but they're basically charging them for the whole event!

Many really nice wedding venues charge about $130 per person, but that price includes the really nice venue itself and all the costs that come with it, like the coordinator, the waitstaff, the nice tablecloths and dinnerware, etc.

They're basically just trying to have a super fancy FREE wedding by charging all their guests. That's disgusting.

False. They are simply filtering out their real friends from the people who just want to come for the free food and booze!! They aren't made of money!!

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST BE HAPPY FOR THEM AND THE LOVE THAT THEY SHARE?!

charlottesmom0626 · June 2014

This was a radio topic here too, Pittsburgh, PA.

The couple was essentially charging a "cover fee" of $60/pp to attend the wedding. They also clarified the money was requested this instead of physical gifts, how thoughtful of them.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · June 2014

I'm Canadian. We have Stag and Does around here (Toronto and surrounding area) but I've never heard of charging at the wedding itself. Stag and Does bug me.

Toonie drinks? I haven't heard of that either. Come to Toronto, we'll get you snockered. All Saskatchewaners are welcome!

Yeah CANADA!

MGP · June 2014

monkeysip said:

They're basically just trying to have a super fancy FREE wedding by charging all their guests. That's disgusting.

Unfortunately, they are probably overcharging in the hopes they turn a profit.

Wegl13 · June 2014

Okay, Canada- how common are these stag and doe fundraisers, cash bars, and charging by the head, anyways? I keep hearing that such things are just "normal" up there, and I'm just a little thrown off. Since when is it normal? Why is it normal? Are all of y'all's weddings like the best thing ever? Do people have church, cake, and punch affairs or is it expected every wedding will be a blow out post-fundraiser? My tone may come off as mocking but honestly this is mostly genuine curiosity because it's just so bizarre to me. I've only been to one wedding that had a cash bar and it was completely ignored by every guest there- the wedding was basically dry and no one said anything because we were all thinking well I guess you didn't want us to drink then.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

hikebikebemerry said:

purplepinkcupcake said:

NewsTalk Radio was taking callers mostly regarding "What kind of bars are acceptable, should I have an open bar etc etc?" I know the general consensus on TK is open bar, but hear me out. I've been to weddings all over the place and they have been everything from open bars, to toonie ($2) bars, full cash bars...and the dreaded dry wedding. In small town Saskatchewan, typically what you'd find is a toonie bar due to legislation that states special occasion permit holders must be a toonie (or loonie - $1) bar to discourage over-serving, among many other red-tape bureaucracy you'd find in good ol' conservative Saskatchewan....

Dry weddings aren't rude. I would absolutely take a dry wedding over a cash bar.

The whole thing about charging a cover for a wedding is completely ridiculous!

emmaaa said:

I can't get past the fact that you said a dry wedding was dreaded. I would much rather go to a dry wedding than have to pay for my drinks (in any amount).

That is a really good point, I never thought of it that way! Sorry, I didn't mean to imply it was rude. I guess I associated it with a wedding with a mess of other issues, like a huge gap, a late mc and band, and many other things thread worthy but not now. By the end I just wanted one ice cold beer. Haha.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Wegl13 said:

Okay, Canada- how common are these stag and doe fundraisers, cash bars, and charging by the head, anyways? I keep hearing that such things are just "normal" up there, and I'm just a little thrown off. Since when is it normal? Why is it normal? Are all of y'all's weddings like the best thing ever? Do people have church, cake, and punch affairs or is it expected every wedding will be a blow out post-fundraiser? My tone may come off as mocking but honestly this is mostly genuine curiosity because it's just so bizarre to me. I've only been to one wedding that had a cash bar and it was completely ignored by every guest there- the wedding was basically dry and no one said anything because we were all thinking well I guess you didn't want us to drink then.

I am not really sure what normal is to be honest, except for the toonie bar due to liquor laws in Saskatchewan. I know stag and does are common in Manitoba but they call it a social. I was asked if I was doing one becausemy hometown is so close to MB. I said hell no, I think they are rude, and left it at that.

Mostly at any city weddings I have been to, it's been a cash bar. I asked once why I was paying $5.75 for a drink, and the bartender said the venue set the price... I dont know how accurate that is, however.

LadyMillil · June 2014

Another Canadian here. Stag and does are super common in the rural area I grew up in. Almost everyone has one. Most people invite their entire FB friend list to the stag and doe, so I've been invited to events for people who have no clue that I've moved across the country. The profit from a stag and doe in my hometown is $10,000 on average.

I've only been to weddings in Ontario. Most weddings have had wine with dinner and either a full cash bar, toonie bar, or bar by donation. The only open bar wedding I've been to was my own.

IMO the weddings I've been to haven't been amazing. In most cases it seems like the bride and groom are trying to use the money they fundraised to pay for everything, so that they have no out of pocket expenses for their wedding. Since I had my wedding in my hometown I have a good idea of the prices of everything. If you're not hosting alcohol (or buying it cheaply in the US and charging guests a toonie or donation), $10,000 should cover everything else.

Nymeru · June 2014

I don't suppose they ever mentioned on the radio how many guests actually attended the wedding at $130 a pop?

Nymeru · June 2014

So I'm curious...what is a stag/doe fundraiser? How does it work?

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · June 2014

Wegl13 said:

Okay, Canada- how common are these stag and doe fundraisers, cash bars, and charging by the head, anyways? I keep hearing that such things are just "normal" up there, and I'm just a little thrown off. Since when is it normal? Why is it normal? Are all of y'all's weddings like the best thing ever? Do people have church, cake, and punch affairs or is it expected every wedding will be a blow out post-fundraiser? My tone may come off as mocking but honestly this is mostly genuine curiosity because it's just so bizarre to me. I've only been to one wedding that had a cash bar and it was completely ignored by every guest there- the wedding was basically dry and no one said anything because we were all thinking well I guess you didn't want us to drink then.

I do not understand stag and does. I get multiple facebook invites per year to go to stag and does. I havent spoken to the people since high school Don't beg for money on my facebook wall! GAH! I am unsure how these parties became socially acceptable in my area. I lived in rural ontario before I moved to the city for better employment and I wonder if the household incomes and jobs were less than those in the city, so they resorted to the community to help in the guise of a big party with prizes and drinks.

I come from this school of thought: If you cannot afford the party that you elected to do on your own, then you can't have that party. Please do not ask others to fund your party. You wouldn't do it for a dinner hosted at home, why does a wedding make this school of thought any different? Also, shame on the people that seek this as a profit-making opportunity. A wedding is a time of celebration and fun, not who can turn a profit. If people give cash as a gift, that is their prerogative, don't force guests to cover your party.

My brother was in his friend's wedding party and was force to participate in a stag and doe. He felt obligated and hated the entire experience.

ETA: words are difficult today.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · June 2014

Nymeru, a Stag and Doe ( or Buck and Doe or just Stag) is a pre-wedding party that is thrown and hosted by the Bride, Groom, and wedding party, though I think anyone can host. You pay a certain cover fee or purchase a ticket (in my area it's something like $15 at the door or $10 in advance) and you drink, play games with the bride and groom for money, have a 50/50 draw, have a poker tourny, or raffle off an ipad or something to turn a profit for funding your wedding/honeymoon/whatever.

Anyone can go. You don't have to be invited to the wedding.

ETA: Typos. Also, a question! Do other countries do this or just Canadians? Do other countries call it something different?

Nymeru · June 2014

I've never heard of anyone doing that in America.

kerbohl · June 2014

goldchocobo said:

Wegl13 said:

Okay, Canada- how common are these stag and doe fundraisers, cash bars, and charging by the head, anyways? I keep hearing that such things are just "normal" up there, and I'm just a little thrown off. Since when is it normal? Why is it normal? Are all of y'all's weddings like the best thing ever? Do people have church, cake, and punch affairs or is it expected every wedding will be a blow out post-fundraiser? My tone may come off as mocking but honestly this is mostly genuine curiosity because it's just so bizarre to me. I've only been to one wedding that had a cash bar and it was completely ignored by every guest there- the wedding was basically dry and no one said anything because we were all thinking well I guess you didn't want us to drink then.

I do not understand stag and does. I get multiple facebook invites per year to go to stag and does. I havent spoken to the people since high school Don't beg for money on my facebook wall! GAH! I am unsure how these parties became socially acceptable in my area. I lived in rural ontario before I moved to the city for better employment and I wonder if the household incomes and jobs were less than those in the city, so they resorted to the community to help in the guise of a big party with prizes and drinks.

I come from this school of thought: If you cannot afford the party that you elected to do on your own, then you can't have that party. Please do not ask others to fund your party. You wouldn't do it for a dinner hosted at home, why does a wedding make this school of thought any different? Also, shame on the people that seek this as a profit-making opportunity. A wedding is a time of celebration and fun, not who can turn a profit. If people give cash as a gift, that is their prerogative, don't force guests to cover your party.

My brother was in his friend's wedding party and was force to participate in a stag and doe. He felt obligated and hated the entire experience.

ETA: words are difficult today.

II didn't do a Stag and Doe, because I made a wedding budget that I could easily afford. That being said, I do enjoy going to them when they are well done. I would love to have a party similar to a Stag and Doe and charge cover just to pay for the hall rental, not using it to make money at all. If it wasn't so "money grabby" and we just had parties like this for the fun of it and had the cover fee to cover any expenses of that particular party, it would be a blast! Using them to beg money out of people to pay for a wedding - not as cool.

LadyMillil · June 2014

goldchocobo said:

Nymeru, a Stag and Doe ( or Buck and Doe or just Stag) is a pre-wedding party that is thrown and hosted by the Bride, Groom, and wedding party, though I think anyone can host. You pay a certain cover fee or purchase a ticket (in my area it's something like $15 at the door or $10 in advance) and you drink, play games with the bride and groom for money, have a 50/50 draw, have a poker tourny, or raffle off an ipad or something to turn a profit for funding your wedding/honeymoon/whatever.

Anyone can go. You don't have to be invited to the wedding.

ETA: Typos. Also, a question! Do other countries do this or just Canadians? Do other countries call it something different?

In my hometown, drinks aren't included, so you have to buy drink tickets. All the games are heavily weighted so that the bride and groom "win" the money. Sometimes things like chips are included, but usually there is a buffet with sandwich fixings and veggies and dip that also costs more. The $10-$15 basically gets you in the door and everything else is paid for on top of that. I've only been to a couple stag and does. The "good" ones had a dj and were almost like going to a club, no pressure to pay for anything except entrance and drinks. The rest were so cash grabby that I felt uncomfortable. There was one that had 3 tables set up as soon as I went in the door. At the first they were selling goldfish insurance - if you didn't pay a toonie for it your name went into a draw and if it was called you had to eat a goldfish; the second was selling raffle tickets, the third was selling drink tickets - the drink tickets were $3 each or 8 for $20, I didn't want 8 tickets and got hassled for only buying 2 because I "wasn't supporting the bride and groom".

Not all Canadians have stag and does. They are very popular in my hometown in rural Ontario. When I moved away for university almost nobody had heard of them. Most people that knew what they were also grew up in a small town/rural area. I now live in Vancouver and nobody here has heard of them.

maygem · June 2014

I'm a Montrealer and I've been to a slew of weddings in my 34 years - this is NOT a Montreal thing at all. A big no-no here is a dry wedding or a wedding where you have to pay for alcohol throughout the wedding (some weddings have a certain block of time where the bar is open/free). But this $130 thing? hell no!

Have a good weekend

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · June 2014

Oh, yeah, the cover is just to get you in the door! Sorry. Forgot to clarify >_<

I had to explain to my FI what it was. He's a Torontonian. It must be a rural ontario thing then. Thanks! After lurking on TK, I was beginning to wonder.

Goldfish insurance??? I had to read that like 3 times. My god that's gross.... And a little cruel.

Nymeru · June 2014

These things sound kind of awful...how do brides and grooms get people to come to them if they're generally an unpleasant experience for everyone?

TalkRadio this morning was discussing weddings...Is this really a thing??

Re: TalkRadio this morning was discussing weddings...Is this really a thing??

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