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So it starts...

MsNise812MsNise812 member
5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
in Moms and Maids
I guess it was too good to be true...things have been great with my FMIL as far as planning. She has been the main go to person for me with my ideas and thoughts on things. FI and I were talking about possibly cutting out toasts, and just say a quick thank you to everyone as a whole and she FLIPPED...she said she has a problem with that as the MOH and BM are SUPPOSED to say something. I told her its not a requirement and we rather have people eat and party. 

So she then sends us both a text message saying if we didn't want a traditional wedding we should've said so and that we might as well cut out the father/daughter, mother/son dances on top of everything we are excluding (we aren't doing any tosses cause that's not our thing, but that's basically it). I am kind of hurt that she has gotten so upset about a simple thing and told her that I am sorry that she is disappointed. She is pretty much acting like a child now and is saying she "checked herself in to her place in OUR wedding". I simply don't have the energy to deal with this. 

And yes, FI's parents are footing a big portion of the bill. And I told her that she and her husband can say something as they have already stated they wanted to and we would do a quick thank you. But apparently that's not good enough. 
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Re: So it starts...

  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I don't understand cutting toasts to save time. For one thing, you're not supposed to be asking anyone to make one, and by the same token shouldn't really ask someone not to. You shouldn't be making a toast at your own wedding either. Thanking people should happen when you greet them individually, either in a receiving line or visiting them during the reception. For another thing, a toast is not a speech and should take 30 seconds to maybe a minute tops. Certainly you should not be asking/allowing anyone to stand up and talk for minutes on end.
    MsNise812 said:
    I guess it was too good to be true...things have been great with my FMIL as far as planning. She has been the main go to person for me with my ideas and thoughts on things. FI and I were talking about possibly cutting out toasts, and just say a quick thank you to everyone as a whole and she FLIPPED...she said she has a problem with that as the MOH and BM are SUPPOSED to say something. I told her its not a requirement and we rather have people eat and party. 

    So she then sends us both a text message saying if we didn't want a traditional wedding we should've said so and that we might as well cut out the father/daughter, mother/son dances on top of everything we are excluding (we aren't doing any tosses cause that's not our thing, but that's basically it). I am kind of hurt that she has gotten so upset about a simple thing and told her that I am sorry that she is disappointed. She is pretty much acting like a child now and is saying she "checked herself in to her place in OUR wedding". I simply don't have the energy to deal with this. 

    And yes, FI's parents are footing a big portion of the bill. And I told her that she and her husband can say something as they have already stated they wanted to and we would do a quick thank you. But apparently that's not good enough. 

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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    MsNise812 said:
    I guess it was too good to be true...things have been great with my FMIL as far as planning. She has been the main go to person for me with my ideas and thoughts on things. FI and I were talking about possibly cutting out toasts, and just say a quick thank you to everyone as a whole and she FLIPPED...she said she has a problem with that as the MOH and BM are SUPPOSED to say something. I told her its not a requirement and we rather have people eat and party. 

    So she then sends us both a text message saying if we didn't want a traditional wedding we should've said so and that we might as well cut out the father/daughter, mother/son dances on top of everything we are excluding (we aren't doing any tosses cause that's not our thing, but that's basically it). I am kind of hurt that she has gotten so upset about a simple thing and told her that I am sorry that she is disappointed. She is pretty much acting like a child now and is saying she "checked herself in to her place in OUR wedding". I simply don't have the energy to deal with this. 

    And yes, FI's parents are footing a big portion of the bill. And I told her that she and her husband can say something as they have already stated they wanted to and we would do a quick thank you. But apparently that's not good enough. 
    Then why are you? She's not your mother.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yeah, she's being absurdly dramatic over nothing. Your fiance should tell her to have a margarita and relax. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    zitiqueen said:
    MsNise812 said:
    I guess it was too good to be true...things have been great with my FMIL as far as planning. She has been the main go to person for me with my ideas and thoughts on things. FI and I were talking about possibly cutting out toasts, and just say a quick thank you to everyone as a whole and she FLIPPED...she said she has a problem with that as the MOH and BM are SUPPOSED to say something. I told her its not a requirement and we rather have people eat and party. 

    So she then sends us both a text message saying if we didn't want a traditional wedding we should've said so and that we might as well cut out the father/daughter, mother/son dances on top of everything we are excluding (we aren't doing any tosses cause that's not our thing, but that's basically it). I am kind of hurt that she has gotten so upset about a simple thing and told her that I am sorry that she is disappointed. She is pretty much acting like a child now and is saying she "checked herself in to her place in OUR wedding". I simply don't have the energy to deal with this. 

    And yes, FI's parents are footing a big portion of the bill. And I told her that she and her husband can say something as they have already stated they wanted to and we would do a quick thank you. But apparently that's not good enough. 
    Then why are you? She's not your mother.
    Probably the FMIL got in touch with the OP and not her son.  Lots of times BSC FMILs choose the future DIL as the person to flip out simply because she's an outsider to the family.  That forces her to "deal with it" regardless of the FMIL not being her mother or what her FI does or doesn't do.
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  • MsNise812MsNise812 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary

    @Jen4948...and that is exactly what happened!

    But we have since discussed this issue and are back on track. FMIL and I have a very close relationship and she has been my main go-to person for opinions and ideas. Which is why I felt hurt about what she said. I strongly believe the stress of the planning (on both parts) played a major role in this situation and things needed to be aired out.  We are on even grounds now :).

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