Hi: Am I wrong in thinking that my wedding is my day, and my bridesmaids should (within reasons) be accommodating to my wishes regarding dresses? Unfortunately, the situation is a little complicated, as most of them are in another country, and another is on the other side this one, so I'm trying to get everyone organized online. I experienced extreme backlash when I tried to suggest a dress for everyone to wear (mostly along the lines, "I just don't like it," and "this color won't work for me"). I initially told them that this wasn't exactly a democratic process, and those of us who have either already been married, or been bridesmaids previously, understood that you're obligated to buy whatever the bride wishes, even if you don't love it. I even had one MOH start suggesting dresses to me, which I thought was highly inappropriate, particularly as she did it in a group conversation, and not privately.
I ended up allowing them to suggest their own dresses within certain parameters, simply because I there are so many body types to contend with, and I want everyone to be comfortable. Also, I realized I'd just chosen dresses that would look great on me, but not so much on everyone else. I imagine this a relatively common problem for brides who are unused to dressing anyone but themselves. I think it will look better if everyone is wearing something they love and is flattering on them, rather than having everyone in the same dress. Even this is turning in to an irritation. I asked everyone to send me a few suggestions of dresses that they liked, and I would try to accommodate their first choices, but that may not be possible. So far I've had one suggestion from everyone, which, rightly or not, frustrates me, because it's not what I'd asked for. It seems like it will be harder in the future to tell one or two of the girls that I can't accommodate their dresses, rather than having a few options for everyone, which means I can at least give them a concrete answer, rather than a flat "no."
Also, a technical question. As everyone is choosing different fabrics (apparently this is necessary to accommodate all the different figures) but from the same manufacturer, is there any point in getting them all in the same shade? I understand enough about fabrics to know if you put a piece of satin, a piece of chiffon, and a piece of jersey in to the same dye, they'll all come out slightly differently colored. Or should we go with different colors within the same family?
Am I being unreasonable? I feel as though my instructions were both simple and acceptable. In the past I've purchased some expensive dresses that I didn't like and will never wear again, and I feel like I am being liberal with my bridesmaids and they're being unappreciative of this. Is this simply because I can't read tone of voice online? Does anyone have any suggestions of how to get my point across without sending a mass email that sounds unnecessarily aggressive?
Thank you for your suggestions!