TKzillas

ohannabelle · July 2014

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

cwradford said:

You know in all honesty I have a strong opinion that people like the OP, and other snowflakes, were raised to believe that their crap don't stink and that everyone in the world has to be nice to them, and believe that whatever they do is worthy of praise from the entire world.
I believe this encapsulates so much of the strain of meanness complaints.
You have strong opinion? Well, so do I and so do a lot of other people. That doesn't mean any of us are right. It's our opinion and, last time I checked, everyone was entitled to one

This is a misconception on their part. The world, and the people in it, do not owe you anything
Perhaps you are being judgmental and jumping to conclusions? Maybe? Just a thought...
and if you can't act like an adult and figure out that other people are smarter than you sometimes and that listening to the advice of said smarter people will help you in the long run, than why do you even post?
Okay, now this one jumped out at me. Who is smarter? Wanna compare IQs or something? GPA? Income? Net wealth? What? Who is smarter than who is completely irrelevant. Everything on this board is perspective. Everything. Opinions. Thoughts. Feelings. Everything. So, maybe I'm not too smart, cause I've been trying to figure out what it was that made so many posters just downright nasty. Why didn't I see it? It's condescension. We are all people with lives, with feelings, with opinions and perspectives. We come from different walks of life with different backgrounds, experiences and expectations. My perspective says why the need to belittle people? If you ask why are they posting here, I ask you the same.

http://theconversation.com/no-youre-not-entitled-to-your-opinion-9978
For you, my dear @Ndelible.

Yes, yes, and yes. Every effing time I hear someone argue that a PPD is a "real" wedding, because that's their opinion, and they think their opinion gives them the right to redefine the English language, I just want to scream.

Hello. Reality calling. Nope. Your "opinion" does not redefine reality.

Grazie, Miss Flantastic! Excellent link.

Ndelible · July 2014

Yes, dresses and décor - opinions, taste. I understand that some ideas (cash bars, money dances, JOP + reception on different dates) are not generally supported here. In some circles, they are. Everyone can make those decisions for themselves and their circle. We are adults, as often stated on the boards.

Disagree? Sure! Please! Someone asked for opinions. Be mean and nasty about it? Why. Get even meaner and nastier when first nastiness is pointed out? Why? And don't say, because we're tired of answering the same questions. When I have the same question pop up over and over again, I take my best answer, copy it, keep it on Word and paste it out for future use. If ppl are so tired of it, why the individual responses? Over and over again?

So... if someone feels offended and responds back, there's nothing to complain about. Tit for tat, right?

Ndelible · July 2014

lolo883 said:

Ndelible said:

@flantastic, thank you. However, in the case of parties, food, décor and dresses, I think it pretty much is all about opinion.

The author acknowledged that matters of taste were entirely different. Those are all matters of taste, not an opinion on something to which opinions do not apply.

Corrected. These are matters of taste. And everybody's got that; even if in their mouth.

Ndelible · July 2014

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

@flantastic, thank you. However, in the case of parties, food, décor and dresses, I think it pretty much is all about opinion.

It is, and the article says that preferences such as color/food don't need to be defended... except when those things are inextricably tied up with lying or discomfort or other such negative effects on undeserving folks. That's when we start arguing with the "opinions."
So if someone Googled an article that countered this one (someone else please; it's close to lunch time and well, I don't feel like it), would it be just as valid? What seems out of control to me is the automatic assumption of lying or discomfort.

I'm still bummed about the reply I saw over the weekend, where a TKZ called the OP a "fucking moron". Yup, civility and wanting to help. I was on the tablet, so I couldn't quote it, because it summed up why these boards get called things like full of nasty, stuck up and bitchy posters.

That being said, I've also read some of the same TKZs being very positive and helpful. It's kind of like the really mean aunt who complains about everything, lashes out on occasions, but you still visit, cause she keeps some really good hard candy in the parlor room.

shaylagirl · July 2014

Ndelible said:

Disagree? Sure! Please! Someone asked for opinions. Be mean and nasty about it? Why. Get even meaner and nastier when first nastiness is pointed out? Why? And don't say, because we're tired of answering the same questions. When I have the same question pop up over and over again, I take my best answer, copy it, keep it on Word and paste it out for future use. If ppl are so tired of it, why the individual responses? Over and over again?

There's this thing called a "Search" feature that's available. I get annoyed when people ask a question that's either been asked just a few threads down, or is just as easily searchable. I do understand sometimes the search feature sucks, or you can't get the word string just right, but put some damn effort in to searching before opening your mouth and cramming your foot in.

Lurking is also yet another way to avoid some of the "harsh" overtones. I kind of wish that TK/TN/TB would "force" a period of active reading, but inactive posting to make people comb through threads, read things, and feel out the overall "tone" of the forums.

I don't understand why these two concepts are so freaking hard for people to grasp.

hellosweetie1015 · July 2014

loveislouder said:

I think the biggest problem here is that people call the regs nasty bitches, say "OMG I can't believe your husband actually married you!" And then they expect the opinions to change. You want to call someone out on their shit, do it. But be prepared for the backlash. Don't expect us to just be like "Omg, you're right. It IS perfectly okay for you to to dictate your BM's hair, makeup, shoes, make them pay for it, have a 6 hour gap. How DARE people take their gifts back!" Umm... no.

Um.

I agree to a point - you can't turn your BMs into your own personal barbie dolls, you sure as hell can't make them PAY for it, and a six-hour gap should be a major offense. But taking gifts back - nope, if I found a thread where someone had their gifts revoked because of ANY of the previous, I believe I would be saying the bolded. At least where I'm from, it is a serious offense to give someone something, and then later take the something back. It would have to be a more heinous offense than even a six-hour gap for that to be okay. Like, if the engagement ended, yes, give the presents back. If I find out at the ceremony that there's a six hour gap, I'm not going to take my present and go home. I'll give them my present and tell them that I won't be able to make it to the reception. If there's tea sandwiches at 6:30 I'm not going to take my present home.

If it's that 4-day dry wedding weekend I was reading about yesterday, I wouldn't take my present home. That's just not right, in my opinion, to buy something for a person and then decide that they didn't deserve it.

AddieCake · July 2014

I only get annoyed if people ask a question when there is a thread on that topic in the immediate vicinity. Beyond that, I will answer the same damned question day in and day out with no problems, which is why I am the one advocating against the goddam stickies all the time. I'd rather answer the question 100 times than have a thread go on for 49 pages because people aren't reading it before commenting and causing it to grow and grow. So, no, when I get snarky, it is not because I am tired of answering questions.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

AddieCake said:

I only get annoyed if people ask a question when there is a thread on that topic in the immediate vicinity. Beyond that, I will answer the same damned question day in and day out with no problems, which is why I am the one advocating against the goddam stickies all the time. I'd rather answer the question 100 times than have a thread go on for 49 pages because people aren't reading it before commenting and causing it to grow and grow. So, no, when I get snarky, it is not because I am tired of answering questions.

I'm in the same boat. It's better to answer it in a new thread than have someone search and bump something that's 4 years old.

loveislouder · July 2014

@CaitTDid23 I read a thread a while back, if I remember correctly - 6 hour gap, ran out of food, no chairs, cash bar and no air conditioning in July. Guests were reaching back into the presentation box and taking their cash back.

hellosweetie1015 · July 2014

loveislouder said:

@CaitTDid23 I read a thread a while back, if I remember correctly - 6 hour gap, ran out of food, no chairs, cash bar and no air conditioning in July. Guests were reaching back into the presentation box and taking their cash back.

HO LY GOD WHAT A CLUSTER.

I might bend my rules there re: if it's appropriate to take it back.

I also would LOVE to read that thread because shit FIRE what a cluster.

loveislouder · July 2014

CaitTDid23 said:

loveislouder said:

@CaitTDid23 I read a thread a while back, if I remember correctly - 6 hour gap, ran out of food, no chairs, cash bar and no air conditioning in July. Guests were reaching back into the presentation box and taking their cash back.

HO LY GOD WHAT A CLUSTER.

I might bend my rules there re: if it's appropriate to take it back.

I also would LOVE to read that thread because shit FIRE what a cluster.

Haha yeah... I'll see if I can find it. But it was back when I was just a lurker and was reading back to 2010 so it may be gone forever.

hellosweetie1015 · July 2014

loveislouder said:

CaitTDid23 said:

loveislouder said:

@CaitTDid23 I read a thread a while back, if I remember correctly - 6 hour gap, ran out of food, no chairs, cash bar and no air conditioning in July. Guests were reaching back into the presentation box and taking their cash back.

HO LY GOD WHAT A CLUSTER.

I might bend my rules there re: if it's appropriate to take it back.

I also would LOVE to read that thread because shit FIRE what a cluster.

Haha yeah... I'll see if I can find it. But it was back when I was just a lurker and was reading back to 2010 so it may be gone forever.

Ah, no, don't go digging that far. But still, ahahaha. That's beyond ridiculously poor planning. That is literally "Fuck all y'all, this is MY day" behavior. To which my response would likely be "Well, fuck you too.

loveislouder · July 2014

@CaitTDid23 Lol yeah,don't worry. I'm not going to go to your house and steal my present back because you were a little late showing up to dinner haha

FiancB · July 2014

Ndelible said:

Yes, dresses and décor - opinions, taste. I understand that some ideas (cash bars, money dances, JOP + reception on different dates) are not generally supported here. In some circles, they are. Everyone can make those decisions for themselves and their circle.

*****SITB*******
Yes, this is true. But even in those circles where it might be more common and people might be understanding, they are still going to be happier with a place to sit, a drink in their hand, and not having to drive home or entertain themselves through a gap. I've been to a wedding or two with a cash bar and nobody has a hissy fit over it, but it's not like they get to an open bar and say "oh man, you know what I wish I had to do? Pull out my wallet!" Even if it's commonplace, people will be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't happen.

Ndelible · July 2014

I totally get pleasantries and nice to have. Just saying that what gets folks in a tizzy in one group may not in another. And that's okay.

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

I totally get pleasantries and nice to have. Just saying that what gets folks in a tizzy in one group may not in another. And that's okay.

The only things the majority of the community gets in a tizzy about is treating wedding guests like dirt - by forking wedding costs onto them, not inviting their SOs, demanding gifts, treating bridesmaids like slaves and/or props, etc.

Otherwise, you'll see on tons of more minor etiquette issues around here, regs disagree all the time.

smalfrie19 · July 2014

PDKH said:

Ndelible said:

I totally get pleasantries and nice to have. Just saying that what gets folks in a tizzy in one group may not in another. And that's okay.

The only things the majority of the community gets in a tizzy about is treating wedding guests like dirt - by forking wedding costs onto them, not inviting their SOs, demanding gifts, treating bridesmaids like slaves and/or props, etc.

Otherwise, you'll see on tons of more minor etiquette issues around here, regs disagree all the time.

Like labels vs handwritten envelopes

Ndelible · July 2014

Yup, I'm totally not going to a wedding with labels instead of being handwritten. Things will change. Expectations will change. It's the nature of society. Different people have different standards and expectations. Doesn't make any one better or worse than the other.

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

Yup, I'm totally not going to a wedding with labels instead of being handwritten. Things will change. Expectations will change. It's the nature of society. Different people have different standards and expectations. Doesn't make any one better or worse than the other.

Yes...exactly. When there are rules that are basically, "victimless crimes," the regs disagree. Mostly because, yes, people say society and expectations are flexible. I'm not sure you understand what we are saying here.

What is not, and should never be flexible, is treating people with courtesy and consideration. That is the rule I think most of the regs stick to.

Ndelible · July 2014

Sometimes I wonder how a multimillion dollar company can have computers that don't run Java properly... Back on the tablet, so no quoting. @PDKH, that is rich! Courtesy and what, consideration you say? That's just one of my pet peeves here. On one hand claiming to be all about treating people right and on the other, being condescending and closed minded about someone's particular situation. I've even seen some posters gush about "showing everyone that I hosted my guests properly!" Emphasis on I. Then it's not really about the guests at all, but about one feels about themselves. They can show people how it's done. Really?

manateehugger · July 2014

Ndelible said:

Sometimes I wonder how a multimillion dollar company can have computers that don't run Java properly... Back on the tablet, so no quoting. @PDKH, that is rich! Courtesy and what, consideration you say? That's just one of my pet peeves here. On one hand claiming to be all about treating people right and on the other, being condescending and closed minded about someone's particular situation. I've even seen some posters gush about "showing everyone that I hosted my guests properly!" Emphasis on I. Then it's not really about the guests at all, but about one feels about themselves. They can show people how it's done. Really?

Because there is no particular situation that excuses a bride to treat the people who are coming to her wedding to celebrate her like crap. None. Zero.

And you know what? I am damn proud of myself that I listened to people here and hosted a killer wedding, because I had people coming up to me telling me it was a phenomenal wedding, the food and drinks were amazing, they were excited to bring new boyfriend to meet me at the wedding. I don't care what you think that means about me, because I am damn proud that my guests think I and my husband hosted them well.

I think that's the nice round circle here. Treat people well when you host them, and they gush to you, and you gush to everyone else. You've never been flattered or excited when someone said you hosted a great event? Or when you've given a gift to someone that they've loved?

I got my mom a really personal and important gift for her birthday that made her cry (rare). She told my siblings about it, who in turn told me how excited she was about it. You're damn right it made me feel good. Because making other people happy should make me happy. A bride should be happy when she's made her guests happy - that's the whole damn point.

You are now the one reading into things and being judgmental.

Ndelible · July 2014

Doesn't matter the context, but you crack me up every time @mileybangerz‌

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

@flantastic, thank you. However, in the case of parties, food, décor and dresses, I think it pretty much is all about opinion.

It is, and the article says that preferences such as color/food don't need to be defended... except when those things are inextricably tied up with lying or discomfort or other such negative effects on undeserving folks. That's when we start arguing with the "opinions."
So if someone Googled an article that countered this one (someone else please; it's close to lunch time and well, I don't feel like it), would it be just as valid? What seems out of control to me is the automatic assumption of lying or discomfort.

I'm still bummed about the reply I saw over the weekend, where a TKZ called the OP a "fucking moron". Yup, civility and wanting to help. I was on the tablet, so I couldn't quote it, because it summed up why these boards get called things like full of nasty, stuck up and bitchy posters.

That being said, I've also read some of the same TKZs being very positive and helpful. It's kind of like the really mean aunt who complains about everything, lashes out on occasions, but you still visit, cause she keeps some really good hard candy in the parlor room.

Lol I'm not a TKZilla, and I absolutely think that poster was in fucking moron in the context of her post. . .Which was that she was bragging about having a JOP wedding so that either she or her husband could stay in what I assume is this country due to one being a foreigner, then lying about being married for years until they could have their real wedding since that "piece of paper" they got at the JOP was just a piece of paper and not really a wedding.

I called her a fucking moron for thinking her friends and family couldn't figure out that they must be married since the non citizen hadn't been deported.

I chose that phrase because that's exactly how I felt about the situation. I was absolutely disgusted by her post and I was excoriating her. The point was not to be helpful.

Ndelible · July 2014

Thank you for claiming that one @PrettyGirlLost‌ I get that you did not approve of her behavior. Adults do what they want to do. Just think it was harsh; very harsh.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Ndelible said:
Thank you for claiming that one @PrettyGirlLost‌ I get that you did not approve of her behavior. Adults do what they want to do. Just think it was harsh; very harsh.

That was the entire point of my post, to be very harsh.

Marriage and immigration shouldn't be taken with such a shallow and glib attitude displayed in that post.

Ndelible · July 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

Thank you for claiming that one @PrettyGirlLost‌ I get that you did not approve of her behavior. Adults do what they want to do. Just think it was harsh; very harsh.
That was the entire point of my post, to be very harsh. Marriage and immigration shouldn't be taken with such a shallow and glib attitude displayed in that post.

And if that was the intent, you knocked it out of the park.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Ndelible said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Thank you for claiming that one @PrettyGirlLost‌ I get that you did not approve of her behavior. Adults do what they want to do. Just think it was harsh; very harsh.
That was the entire point of my post, to be very harsh. Marriage and immigration shouldn't be taken with such a shallow and glib attitude displayed in that post.

And if that was the intent, you knocked it out of the park.

falsara · July 2014

MobKaz said:

cwradford said:

You know in all honesty I have a strong opinion that people like the OP, and other snowflakes, were raised to believe that their crap don't stink and that everyone in the world has to be nice to them, and believe that whatever they do is worthy of praise from the entire world. This is a misconception on their part. The world, and the people in it, do not owe you anything and if you can't act like an adult and figure out that other people are smarter than you sometimes and that listening to the advice of said smarter people will help you in the long run, than why do you even post?

I would rather have someone by honest with me, than just blow smoke up my ass. But maybe that's because I was raised by two very honest people that made sure I knew that sometimes my crap smells worse than anyone else's, and that the world does not care about me and my accomplishments.
jakeia0112 said:
I know I'm months late but I was just about to post this! People are so rude and nasty and wrap it in pretty bow to call it "Advice". These are some of the nastiest women I have ever met. They aren't helpful. They are plain ol rude. I can't stand some of these women. It makes you wonder who would want to marry some of these people!
BTW My FI loves my honest opinions. He's a stand-up comedian though, and I'm a writer, we wouldn't be anywhere in this world without someone tearing us down and telling us that we need to rethink our ideas.

I'm going out on a limb here to say that he could probably go on a world tour with the material provided by these forums!

Yes he does crack up ab0ut stuff on these forums, and I'm sure at some point he will talk about the craziness that I find on the TK forums. I'm helping him do his research

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

cwradford said:

MobKaz said:

cwradford said:

You know in all honesty I have a strong opinion that people like the OP, and other snowflakes, were raised to believe that their crap don't stink and that everyone in the world has to be nice to them, and believe that whatever they do is worthy of praise from the entire world. This is a misconception on their part. The world, and the people in it, do not owe you anything and if you can't act like an adult and figure out that other people are smarter than you sometimes and that listening to the advice of said smarter people will help you in the long run, than why do you even post?

I would rather have someone by honest with me, than just blow smoke up my ass. But maybe that's because I was raised by two very honest people that made sure I knew that sometimes my crap smells worse than anyone else's, and that the world does not care about me and my accomplishments.
jakeia0112 said:
I know I'm months late but I was just about to post this! People are so rude and nasty and wrap it in pretty bow to call it "Advice". These are some of the nastiest women I have ever met. They aren't helpful. They are plain ol rude. I can't stand some of these women. It makes you wonder who would want to marry some of these people!
BTW My FI loves my honest opinions. He's a stand-up comedian though, and I'm a writer, we wouldn't be anywhere in this world without someone tearing us down and telling us that we need to rethink our ideas.

I'm going out on a limb here to say that he could probably go on a world tour with the material provided by these forums!

Yes he does crack up ab0ut stuff on these forums, and I'm sure at some point he will talk about the craziness that I find on the TK forums. I'm helping him do his research

My FI is often looking over my shoulder, reading a lot of what I'm reading and he thinks that the special snowflakes are just ridiculous.

Ndelible · July 2014

Gee, @PrettyGirlLost, try to be a little humble about it, will ya?

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