Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

Private ceremony/ reception

kristenja78kristenja78 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello,
My fiancée and I are having a private ceremony (immediate family only... Parents, grandparents and one sister). My fiancée has anxiety issues, and saying vows in front of everyone is just not going to work.

We will be having a reception later and are planning on doing a ceremony to renew our vows in front of our guests (it's the "official vows" that's making him nervous. We've scrapped the church as even part of the plans) I understand it's non-traditional, however it's what works for us. Thoughts on wording for invitations?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Private ceremony/ reception

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    kristenja78 said:
    Hello, My fiancée and I are having a private ceremony (immediate family only... Parents, grandparents and one sister). My fiancée has anxiety issues, and saying vows in front of everyone is just not going to work. We will be having a reception later and are planning on doing a ceremony to renew our vows in front of our guests (it's the "official vows" that's making him nervous. We've scrapped the church as even part of the plans) I understand it's non-traditional, however it's what works for us. Thoughts on wording for invitations?
    What you are doing is a vowel renewal and party. Google vow renewal wording for your party. I would also suggest not wearing a wedding dress or having a "wedding" party since that isn't a wedding. I don't know what your plans were, but if you do it looks a little AWish. 

    (Actually I would skip the fake vows and stick with the "official vows", because I don't see the point of reenactment. Just have a party to celebrate your marriage. Just my humble opinion)

     If you are doing a private ceremony, you need to have a reception for the immediate family as a thank-you to the guests. That is what the reception is, a thank-you to the guests. Even if it is just cake and punch. Just make sure the reception is appropriate for the time of day it is. 



    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
  • beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'd scrap doing vows in front of the rest of the guests. There's no need to do a vow renewal/reenactment at the big party.

    I'm in a similar situation to yours, and we are compromising by having the reception/big party immediately after the ceremony. We are not re-enacting the wedding/vows for anybody, and just having a party to celebrate the wedding/marriage.

    For ceremony invitations, you can do a standard ceremony invitation that you'll send only to your immediate family. Write something like "Lunch to follow" or whatever at the end. You should definitely have a meal or something for your guests to show your appreciation for their attendance. Cake and punch, lunch, etc. You should also include card with details for the big celebration party in the ceremony invitation.

    For celebration invitations: (From @CMGragain's post where the bride is doing something like you are)

    Wife
    &
    Husband

    Invite you to a Celebration of their Marriage

    Location
    Date
    Time

    W&H will be married in a private ceremony on x date.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

    image
    Report Reply
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Your guests don't need to watch a reenactment. Make it easy on your husband.
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I also agree-don't do vows at the later celebration.  If your FI has anxiety so severe that he can't do them in front of those guests at the actual wedding, what makes the two of you think he can handle a reenactment of them later?  And your celebration guests aren't going to want to see a reenactment.
    Report Reply
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    martha1818. As a guest, I would have no interest in fake vows or re-enactments. But I would be more than happy to come to the reception and celebrate  with the couple after their private ceremony. Just make it clear that's what you're doing. "Please join us for a reception in celebration of our marriage" or something to that effect. 
    image
    Report Reply
  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    novella1186 said:
    martha1818. As a guest, I would have no interest in fake vows or re-enactments. But I would be more than happy to come to the reception and celebrate  with the couple after their private ceremony. Just make it clear that's what you're doing. "Please join us for a reception in celebration of our marriage" or something to that effect. 
    This. I seriously don't understand how faking the vows is any easier to say in front of people than doing them for real. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but what is your fiance's rationale? 

    Just have a kick ass party after your private ceremony. Great food, booze and music=happy guests.
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Ditto everyone. I had friends who did this last year. I wish I could've witnessed their vows, but I totally understood why they kept it just family. No need to reenact the ceremony later, just party with your loved ones.
    Report Reply
  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    RebeccaFlower said:
    novella1186 said:
    martha1818. As a guest, I would have no interest in fake vows or re-enactments. But I would be more than happy to come to the reception and celebrate  with the couple after their private ceremony. Just make it clear that's what you're doing. "Please join us for a reception in celebration of our marriage" or something to that effect. 
    This. I seriously don't understand how faking the vows is any easier to say in front of people than doing them for real. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but what is your fiance's rationale? 

    Just have a kick ass party after your private ceremony. Great food, booze and music=happy guests.
    Ditto this. If your FI is anxious saying his vows, why would repeating in front of a crowd be easier?

    Everyone loves a good party, but you don't need to have the typical wedding trappings. No bridal party, no vows. But yes to cake, always yes to cake.
    image
    Report Reply
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Just to be clear, this reception is happening immediately(ish) following the ceremony on the same day, right? If so, feel free to do all the normal wedding reception stuff. But if it's at a later date, the reception is really just a big party and I would skip first dances/parent dances, the big dress, etc. And if that's the case, you need to host your parents immediately following the ceremony.
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I also agree that you should nix the renewal vows in front of the rest of the guests. Just have your private ceremony and then the reception afterwards. 

    You could maybe word you invites something like this:

    So and so will be married in a private ceremony on Xxxxx. Please join us for a celebration of their marriage on Xxx at Xxxx. 
    Report Reply
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    kristenja78 said:
    Hello, My fiancée and I are having a private ceremony (immediate family only... Parents, grandparents and one sister). My fiancée has anxiety issues, and saying vows in front of everyone is just not going to work. We will be having a reception later and are planning on doing a ceremony to renew our vows in front of our guests (it's the "official vows" that's making him nervous. We've scrapped the church as even part of the plans) I understand it's non-traditional, however it's what works for us. Thoughts on wording for invitations?
    I am assuming that your reception will not be held on your wedding day?  Please don't re-do vows.  Very tacky.  Just have a nice celebration party.  No wedding dress, or other traditions.  You need to make it very clear that you are not inviting people to your wedding.

    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    will be united in marriage
    Date
    City, State

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    to celebrate their marriage
    Day, date
    time o'clock
    Venue Name
    Address
    City, State
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • kristenja78kristenja78 member
    First Comment
    Thank you for the suggestions. We are going the ceremony (at home with immediate family only) with the reception right after. No vows. The wording ideas for the invites are very helpful.
    Report Reply
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In that case, you should not use my earlier wording.  This is the traditional wording for a reception only invitation:

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the wedding reception of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    time o'clock
    Venue Name
    Address
    City, State

    If your parents are hosting the reception:

    Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
    request the pleasure of your company
    at the wedding reception of their daughter
    Bride's First Middle
    and
    Mr. Groom's Full Name
    Day, date (etc.)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards