A year and a half of wedding planning has gone relatively smoothly...until now. My mother has become more and more gradually very upset about certain details about the wedding, and I don't know what to do. Previously and repeatedly, she expressed how she is extremely unhappy about the shoes I have purchased and am (hopefully) wearing, my friend who is walking me down the aisle. Today, about a week before the wedding, she is very angry about where "her" guests are seated for the reception
In short, she has been relatively hands off with all of the planning-we picked and paid for flowers, DJ, photographer, invites, other décor, etc. and asked her to join us in the decision making process along the way if she wanted to (some MOBs are into this, some aren't) and she declined. She will be (has already, by means of gradual deposit) very generously paid for the cost of food and drink at the reception (a very significant cost and we realize we are very, very lucky that she is doing this for us). She did make the choices regarding food, wine, and total number of guests invited including how many of "her guests" would be invited/attending. We have covered the cost of the remainder of the reception details and again she declined to be involved and/or did not show up for meeting to make choices regarding flowers, "must have photos" etc. Not too big of a deal.
I've written emails, taken her out to lunch twice, and in multiple phone calls tried to explain my decision regarding the shoes and who is walking me down, and today she unloaded about how she is taking back control and it is her privilege and right to have things go her way especially regarding walking me down the aisle and the seating chart. As with all of the other details that I took care of, we told her the seating chart was finished and ready for her to look at. With over 200 people attending, all she wants to do is choose where "her" family (I'm close with them too so I'm not sure where this new term has come from) and friends are seated (this would account for about 1/3 of the guest list), but would not take into account where everyone else is seated (some of the tables have to be blended, as in some of my friends or his family will have to sit with hers to fill in the holes). I offered to show her the chart we created and she declined. When doing the chart, we did take into great consideration who gets along with who, making sure everyone is sitting with someone they know, and proximity to dance floor/bathroom/sweetheart table/bar and I was adamant with my mother that I was trying my best to take care of everyone of our guests so they have the best time as possible. I told her that I would like to show her my spreadsheet as a start, and that we could move people around if there are any conflicts. She declined this solution. One thing that is unusual with all this is that she does not have a current copy of the guest list, as we handled all of the invitations and RSVP organization because she did not want to so she has no idea who is even coming to the wedding!!!! Today is honestly the first time she ever mentioned wanting to do/help with the seating chart, and the wedding is about a week away! Her anger is similar regarding my friend walking me down the aisle, and what shoes I will be wearing to walk down. The solutions I offered to her are that both she and my friend could walk me down together (she declined this and said it would make her look emotionally unstable because it would show everyone that she can't do it herself?!) and I did purchase an alternate (more conservative) pair of shoes to wear which she also stated she hated at my final fitting which was last week.
I feel so frustrated as I have done all of the other details without her input (except for the things she is paying for, and she rightly got to make the decisions about), and all of the attempted reasoning, compromising and pleading with her has gotten me nowhere. What should I do ladies? The hands that pays gets the say, but how far does that extend?