Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridesmaid Proposals

How did everyone ask their loved ones to be their bridesmaids?! I want to make my bridesmaid feel special because this is a huge deal!! Ideas?!


Re: Bridesmaid Proposals

  • How did everyone ask their loved ones to be their bridesmaids?! I want to make my bridesmaid feel special because this is a huge deal!! Ideas?!

    I've been asked a few different ways. By far the way I appreciated the most was my friend asking me out to lunch and asking me privately. It really felt special and personal.

    The cutesy photo frames, ring pops, or gathering everyone in a group and asking everyone all at once is just super impersonal, IMO. And also, being asked in a group is SUPER awkward if you have obligations where you can't actually be a BM for whatever reason.

    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostdoeydoBlue_Bird
  • They will feel special because you asked them to be bridesmaids. A big to do about it just pressures them to say yes and be over the top excited. I'd go with a phone call or asking them in person once you've got a pretty good idea of the date and location.
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Just ask them. There's no need for a big proposal. And make sure not to ask them much more than 6-9 months in advance because relationships change.
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I called up my sister and said "So MOH how is it going?"

    And then my other friend was all "So when are we shopping for BM dresses?"

    Look, I am not trying to shit on your good time, but really, this is only a "huge deal" to you.  Yeah, people are happy and honored when asked (most of the time), but to make it into some huge and lavish thing is really silly.  It also can pressure some that are on the fence to agree to be a BM when in fact they may have wanted to say no.

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I live across country from mine (my sisters) and we communicate most often via text or Facebook, so I just sent them a text message.  Well, they were both actually there when I got engaged (he proposed while we were with my family for Christmas) and I had said at the time that the would be, but the text message was the official request and stating they I would like them to both be MOH's.


  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    How did everyone ask their loved ones to be their bridesmaids?! I want to make my bridesmaid feel special because this is a huge deal!! Ideas?!

    1) I didn't even ask. I said "You know you're my MOH, right?"
    2) It's really not that huge of a deal. Don't put added pressure on your friends. Just ask them when you're out to dinner or something. 

    Learn this early in wedding planning: not everything needs to be a huge production. 


    Your wedding is a huge deal to YOU. As it should be.
    To everyone else, it's just another wedding that they will attend or be in. They will be happy for you and excited, but it's honestly not that big a deal for them. . .because it's not their life.

    Pinterest has its time and place. . .this is NOT one of those times. Just ask your friends and family in person to be in your bridal party. This doesn't need to be a production.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."

  • I asked each one of them privately; no proposal or anything, just asked "Do you want to be my bridesmaid?"

    I think it really depends on the person. I, personally, (as well as my bridesmaids because this is the kind of crowd I keep) would be incredibly uncomfortable if a bride came up to me and made this into a production. 

    If you really want to do the whole bridesmaids proposal thing, then please know the people your asking and tailor it to their individual needs, it's more personal that way anyway. Simple is better for this kind of thing.

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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I either asked in person or on the phone (for my OOS BMs). It put less pressure on them and it made the moment much more intimate.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • How did everyone ask their loved ones to be their bridesmaids?! I want to make my bridesmaid feel special because this is a huge deal!! Ideas?!

    I just asked my maids separately. One was through fb message because I don't get to see her very often and that's how we usually communicate. The other I asked in person. I've been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings and was just asked for 2 of them and the other gave me a bottle of wine with a special label (photo of the 2 of us). The wine idea was really nice but not necessary. Particularly from an etiquette pov.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I decided to only have a MOH. I asked her out to dinner. And then I said, "I was wondering if you'd be my maid of honor." And she said yes. 

    That's it. Nice and simple. I'm not 16 years old and asking someone to prom. 

    [Deleted User]
  • I asked each one individually.  Only one was able to be in person.  The others were text, email, and FB message.

    Also, it really is not a huge deal.  All they have to do is get a dress (that they can afford after you speak to them privately about budget), and show up on time, sober, and with a smile.  Anything else is just an extra perk, but certainly not a requirement.

  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I didn't ask my MOH. She already knew and I'm pretty sure she was planning stuff before I was ever engaged.

    I asked two of my BM's over the phone.

    My 3rd BM didn't get asked either. Originally, I had told her that we were only going to have one attendant each because we were having such a small wedding. We were out shopping one day and they were having a bridal show at the mall. We started looking at stuff and she picked out a hideous dress and said I should tell my MOH she has to wear it. I told her be careful or I would make her wear it. Then I realized I never asked her to be a BM and she still thought I was only having a MOH. Oops!!! She was excited that we changed our minds though so she overlooked my forgetfulness. 
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I asked 2 of mine over the phone.  I called them as soon as I got engaged and asked them to be bridesmaids / MOH.  The third was my SIL.  As soon as I called her and my brother to tell them we were engaged, they invited us over for a glass of wine to celebrate, so I asked her then.  There really is no need to "propose" to them. 
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I honestly can't remember if I even asked since it was two of my sisters. I think I just asked one day if they wanted to pick the dresses themselves or if they wanted me to pick dresses for them.

  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I started asking my bridesmaids about five months after I got engaged, and I asked them plain and simple if they would be my bridesmaid whenever I saw one of them in person. I didn't do anything fancy, didn't call upon all of them and invite them out somewhere, and didn't go all elaborate on wine labels and/or funny gag gifts.

    To be honest, I kind of feel like the whole "bridesmaid proposal"/gifts are a little over the top and seem to be like a summons to be a bridesmaid. It's cute, but so not necessary. Anyone you ask will probably be honored with or without a "proposal."
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

  • Knottie96704796, send a private message to KnotPorscha if you'd like to have an actual username. All you need to do is send her a few choices you'd like. Don't pick your real name or e-mail address.

    To answer your original question, I asked my MOH in person and bridesmaids over the phone.

    So, when's your wedding? Got any ring pics? Dresses you love?
  • It's bad enough I don't exactly remember how it was done... all I know is that it was casual enough not to remember and they agreed to it.
  • I just asked mine in person, but I was also far from the first girl in my close group of friends to get engaged. You get over the extravagant gift box way of asking once it's been done already. Plus I figured it's a waste of money on trinkets that no one would remember - why not just put that money towards their actual thank-you gift for the wedding?

    If you want to do something but not go over the top, pair a sweet card with a bottle of wine or champagne, nail polish, or a cute little notepad (I ALWAYS welcome these kind of things). It doesn't have to be in your wedding colors, or "represent your wedding philosophy," to be thoughtful. 
  • I had flowers sent to each of their houses with a card asking them to be my moh/bm. They are all sister/SIL/FSIL and they were kind of expecting it, so i wanted to do something different. And I like sending flowers :)
  • I did the ring pop in a box "proposal."

    Before everyone jumps on me, I went about it in what I feel was a tactful way!

    I talked to each individual person about it and asked them if they were comfortable with that role and if they were in the position to undertake the financial obligation (meaning their dress) that comes with the territory.

    Then I got all of them together (...we're all mutual friends anyway) for a brunch and gave them their boxes.  It was cute, didn't put anyone in an awkward position, and I had that fun - however not exactly necessary - "Bridesmaid Proposal."

    Long story short, the idea is cute, if a bit cheesy - you just have to be tactful about your approach.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    When my SIL asked me to be her bridesmaid, she just asked me.  And that's how I would ask my bridesmaids-just asking, with no gifts or cheesy gimmicks and individually in private so no one feels pressured to accept.  I can understand your wanting them to feel special, but I think that the asking them is not the time to do that-especially if they have to say no.  Save the "specialness" and any gifts for a bridesmaid's get-together or the rehearsal dinner.
  • SachaBeeSachaBee member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    I'm pretty sure I asked my sisters when I was like 8 years old, ha!
    And since I was super obnoxious I'm sure it was more of an order than a request. "YOU GUYS GONNA BE MY BRIDESMAIDS. YEP."
    [Deleted User]
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I sent my MOH a text as soon as we got engaged. She wrote back, "Yay!!!" (or something to that effect), and I responded with, "Do you want to be my MOH?"

    When H and I got back into town, I took her out for lunch.

    I don't like the big proposals because, first of all, it's not a proposal. I've seen BM proposals that are way more over the top than an actual marriage proposal, and that seems silly. 

    Plus, it puts a lot of pressure on someone. If my friend got me a bottle of wine and made a cute box and a card and so on, and I had to say, "No," I'd feel like the biggest ass for wasting one of her DIY projects plus the money that went into it.

  • I just called up and asked them. I don't think I ever officially asked my sister to be MOH.

    No one hate me for saying this but I think I would be more likely to hesitate saying yes to someone using an over the top means to ask me to be a bridesmaid. I'd be worried they would be a bridezilla later on.
    [Deleted User]wrigleyvillebeethery
  • schellzinatorschellzinator member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    For my October 2013 wedding -  I just asked my two friends and two sisters to be my bridesmaids.  The asking probably wasn't necessary since it was quite obvious these guys were going to be in my wedding. I've been a bridesmaid in a bunch of weddings and each time I was just asked either in person or on the phone. However, a lot of these weddings were pre-pinterest - so that is probably why. I prefer that method of asking.  I agree with @jdluvr06 - I think it is definitely a red flag for potentially being a bit more demanding later on in the planning process.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    For this, I think it's just very "to each their own". Are there cases of bridezillas here? Of course.  But, if someone asked me with a nice card, I'd be pleased.  I know someone who's super low-key who gave her MOH a bottle of wine with a custom label.  That was very much appreciated by the MOH.  I certainly wouldn't say no to a bottle of wine either.  Then again, anyone I'm close enough to to be asked to be a 'maid anyway, I wouldn't say no to. (Really hoping to get asked soon for my recently-engaged BFF....!) 
    I think a lot has to do with the relationship of the bride to the 'maids being asked.  

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