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The Importance of a Thank You Note

LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Background:   Bride was married and had an elegant, expensive, large wedding with all her nearest, dearest, friends and family.   Not long before that she also had a lovely shower at the local country club.  Both were highly attended both with paid for by the bridesmaids or brides family - both events the bride did not send Thank you notes for - to anyone.

Present:   The bride and groom are expecting their first children - twins!  All are happy and excited and wish the couple well.    The moms and bridesmaids have all declined to throw her a shower.  Why?  Because she couldn't properly thank the people who were gracious enough to provide her a gift for her shower and wedding (which was a DW for everyone) so why should they help extend the rudeness to include more gifts which in all likelihood will not receive thank yous?
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Re: The Importance of a Thank You Note

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Wow, that take some serious spine.  Good for them.  Hopefully she makes the connection (or they just straight-up tell her) so she doesn't make the same mistake when people start giving her kid holiday gifts.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Those moms & bridesmaids are my new heroes.




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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I can say for sure that if I never received a thank you for a wedding gift, I definitely wouldn't be buying a baby shower gift. 

    I have a friend that never thanked me for gifts I sent to her kids (one for her son's 1st birthday, and one right after her daughter was born). She just sent me an invite to her daughter's first birthday. And I definitely will not be attending or sending a gift. 
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
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    I suggest this as nursery decor, if you are type inclined to spend money spitefully.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
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    edited September 2014
    Justice!!! There is too little in this world. Twin stuff is twice as expensive.
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
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    Kudos to your friends! If there is one thing I can't stand, it is people who don't send out thank you cards. Mine were 100% DONE two weeks after my wedding.
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  • sarals24sarals24 member
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    Did they let the bride know why they were declining?
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  • QueridaSaraQueridaSara member
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    Tacky.

    My FBIL previously dated a young woman, they found themselves expecting, so a baby shower was planned for her and the baby!  :)

    For the baby shower, I planned all the games, did the word puzzles, wrote down the gifts for the thank you cards, helped set up and clean up and never got one.  My FMIL worked so hard on the shower as well, made food and paid for things (and wasn't event the hostess, if you please!) and never got a Thank You, either. No one got one!

    #tackypants

    Anyways.  I think her Mom, MIL, and Maids are to be commended.
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    martha1818 said:
    LakeR2014 said:
    sarals24 said:
    Did they let the bride know why they were declining?
    Yes or at least the mother of the bride and I (the MOH) did.  
    Awesome, how did she react? Hopefully with an apology but I'm guessing not...
    You would be guessing correctly.   It was more of an 'Ok, I don't need a shower then.'   Which to me is just blind stupidity when you are having TWINS!
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
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    Good for you, OP! My boss never sent thank you notes for her shower (or for her wedding, as a co-worker who did attend confirmed to me recently). My boss and I even texted about my gift the next day, since I realized after the fact that my gift had no nametag or card to identify who it was from. All she said was, and I quote, "Oh ok! We had a few mystery gifts without cards so we've been trying to figure out where they came from. Thank you for telling me." That's it. Not even "thank you for the gift," just thanks for telling me which one was yours. 

    I couldn't even bring myself to cough up a couple bucks for a wedding card, and I didn't. The day of her wedding, I did her makeup and 5 others in her bridal party/family, and she never said thank you (her mom thanked me with a nice card and a generous stipend). Her birthday just passed and she got just a text from me that day. Last Christmas, I stressed out about her gift the most because I wanted to be sure it was something she'd love. Now that I know she doesn't appreciate shit, she gets nothing from me ever.     This Christmas I will probably just send a card to her new home with her husband. 

    The worst part about these kinds of situations is not so much "broken etiquette" as it is "this makes me feel like shit." You do for other people because you care and you want to, and when they show you how little they appreciate it and how ungrateful they are, it leaves the worst taste in your mouth moving forward. That's what sucks the most
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  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
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    JellyBean52513 said:
    Good for you, OP! My boss never sent thank you notes for her shower (or for her wedding, as a co-worker who did attend confirmed to me recently). My boss and I even texted about my gift the next day, since I realized after the fact that my gift had no nametag or card to identify who it was from. All she said was, and I quote, "Oh ok! We had a few mystery gifts without cards so we've been trying to figure out where they came from. Thank you for telling me." That's it. Not even "thank you for the gift," just thanks for telling me which one was yours. 

    I couldn't even bring myself to cough up a couple bucks for a wedding card, and I didn't. The day of her wedding, I did her makeup and 5 others in her bridal party/family, and she never said thank you (her mom thanked me with a nice card and a generous stipend). Her birthday just passed and she got just a text from me that day. Last Christmas, I stressed out about her gift the most because I wanted to be sure it was something she'd love. Now that I know she doesn't appreciate shit, she gets nothing from me ever.     This Christmas I will probably just send a card to her new home with her husband. 

    The worst part about these kinds of situations is not so much "broken etiquette" as it is "this makes me feel like shit." You do for other people because you care and you want to, and when they show you how little they appreciate it and how ungrateful they are, it leaves the worst taste in your mouth moving forward. That's what sucks the most
    BINGO!  This was the second main reason why I declined to do the shower.  I spent so much time and money on planning the bridal shower that I was deeply hurt when it felt like I did it all for nothing.  Not to mention the embarassment I felt when mutual friends/family would ask me if she got their gift (that they had sent to me to bring to the shower) because they weren't sure after they hadn't received a thank you note.  
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    This post empowers and validates my feelings. My sister sent no thank you notes. If / when she has a baby, there is no way I'd host a shower.




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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
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    LakeR2014 said:
    martha1818 said:
    LakeR2014 said:
    sarals24 said:
    Did they let the bride know why they were declining?
    Yes or at least the mother of the bride and I (the MOH) did.  
    Awesome, how did she react? Hopefully with an apology but I'm guessing not...
    You would be guessing correctly.   It was more of an 'Ok, I don't need a shower then.'   Which to me is just blind stupidity when you are having TWINS!
    I'm going to guess she was just stunned that being ungrateful makes people less likely to host parties for you and give you gifts. The whole actions consequences thing. Hopefully when the shock wears off she will at least apologize.
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