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Bridesmaid not staying at resort

NdemickNdemick member
First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Woes
So one of my bridesmaids just told me that she's not staying at the resort I'm having my wedding at since her father-in-law can get her a great discount at a hotel a few miles away. EVERYONE else is staying at the resort and the entire wedding and reception is being held there. She says that it's because she can't afford the rooms at the resort, which I believe are very reasonable (as does everyone else who's staying there obviously). I suggested that she split a room with another bridesmaid who is a good friend of hers, but she said she wants alone time with her husband (they just got married last month). I think this is selfish and that she should stay at the resort. I've even offered to pay for one night. Am I being unreasonable!?!
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Re: Bridesmaid not staying at resort

  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Oh I like this one too:

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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Oh I finally found a Supernatural one:

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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    • Will she be shot if she is not a guest but comes on the property for wedding related events? 
    • Are you personally getting a kickback from the resort for everyone who stays there?
    • Would you want to be sharing a room with a friend when you could be having wild hotel sex with your new husband? (I guess this wouldn't be an issue if the two of you wanted her to watch or join in, but a lot of people might take issues with it...)
    • you should be thankful that you have people willing to travel (at all) for your DW - you can't dictate how they spend their time/money
    • yes. you're being completely unreasonable. 
    • a more appropriate response would be, "That's great that your Dad can get you and {Phil} such a great deal. I'm really excited to see the two of you at the wedding. Since we'll need to sign you into the property (???) give me/MOH/BM/designated contact a call when you're close, and we'll meet you at [location]"

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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2014
    Is it the same BM as this one? Dear Knot Gods, I am not attempting to violate the TOS in any way, shape, or form. I am genuinely interested in knowing whether it's the same BM who was complaining about money issues a year ago, or if a second BM is having issues with the requisite spending for the OP's event. The answer will determine whether my advice is "since she's been having issues for a while, it's not wholly unexpected that she might choose to stay elsewhere; let it go" vs. "if multiple BMs are having challenges paying for your event, maybe you should take a second look at your plans and scale back as needed." TIA (I had paragraphs in there, I really did.) ETA: Can you clarify? I read it as staying with another BM instead of with her H, but I read others' responses and saw that they were thinking BM + BM + H would share a room. Not that I endorse either approach, necessarily, but it would help to know which option you were suggesting. Thanks.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Yes you are being unreasonable. Is there some valid reason you want her to stay there?
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Heffalump said:
    Dear Knot Gods, I am not attempting to violate the TOS in any way, shape, or form...TIA I had paragraphs in there, I really did. ^^^
    I thought we could link, just not C&P?
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    What is it with people thinking they can get other people to do what they say just because it's their event?  

    The only people you can get to do what you tell them to are your own children, when they're minors, and even that's not really a given.  I mean, there's nothing I can truly do to make DefConn eat his dinner if he doesn't want to.  I can physically put him in places, but again, he may not *stay* in that spot. 

    Sorry, I'm having annoyance over this because of another situation. 

    So OP, *don't* be that person.  It's uber annoying. 
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    VarunaTT said:
    Heffalump said:
    Dear Knot Gods, I am not attempting to violate the TOS in any way, shape, or form...TIA I had paragraphs in there, I really did. ^^^
    I thought we could link, just not C&P?
    Agh, maybe, I can't keep up.  Covering my bases, because I'm not trying to harass her, I would actually like to know.  I think it makes a difference--not about whether she can force the BM to stay with everyone else, but whether it's a BM/financial issue, vs. a bride issue.
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Here, I found it.  I also bolded the part at the end because I feel like that gets overlooked.  A lot.  (Not by regs, obviously, more like people who post and then try to close their own post DIY-style, for example.)

    THE RULES:

    1. Zero Tolerance for Bullies (aka- how to get banned

    We know you are all adults, and no, we’re not going to ban you for using profanity, sarcasm or sharing your opinion in conversation. However, we are going to ban you if you’re malicious towards another user.

    Malicious, petty and/or personal attacks of any kind are unacceptable, so please be mindful of the way you address and discuss others.

    Personal attacks include, but are not limited to: starting a thread with a user’s name as the topic/title to “bash” them, linking to a thread to call out a user on their post [which I was definitely NOT trying to do, FTR], thoughts or beliefs (not a topic), calling a username out maliciously, starting a malicious or derogatory poll/question about a user, using images (memes, gifs, etc.) in a direct attack/vicious manner, etc.

    The Knot encourages you to share your opinions while respecting others’ thoughts and feelings as well. Feel free to share, but be ready to hear and accept other opinions that you may not always agree with.
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  • alexnicole452647alexnicole452647 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I had a similar situation with one of my friends, she was mad because I stayed at my parents house which was 5 minutes away instead of staying in the hotel for $120.  I was harassed about getting a room so for a week so she didnt have to pay for the shuttle...it took her a while to get over it.  When my own wedding came around and she stayed at her in-laws...

    Ndemick how would you feel if the tables were turned and it was your friend insisting this of you?  You cannot insist someone do something unless you are paying for it from the start.  Same goes for hair and makeup.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Yes, I had to delete a .gif once b/c it said "F you" and the "you" made it directed.  

    I don't think it's calling out.  I don't know if mine would be or not, I'm genuinely confused about that other OP (the one that we think English is her 2nd language).  Good to know though.  
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper

     I suggested that she split a room with another bridesmaid who is a good friend of hers, but she said she wants alone time with her husband (they just got married last month).

     

    I think you have your answer.

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  • SachaBeeSachaBee member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Think about it this way. That's just a place for her to sleep. If all you girls are really great friends and love hanging out together, she will probably spend all her time in your/someone's room and hanging out with you anyway. It's not going to take away anyone's good time for her to be crashing at a different address after a weekend of partying. But if you make this a big deal, it will leave a sour taste in her mouth and in yours as well. You should 'accept the things you cannot change' here, and you'll both be so much happier. 
    And as others have said, 'reasonable' is absolutely subjective. My mom was looking into hotel blocks for my sister's wedding and said "the rates here are $290 a night! So reasonable!" And since my mom is paying for my room I can fortunately agree. But I know that most of my sister's friends will not be staying there, and that's okay, because they get to make those decisions.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
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    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • NdemickNdemick member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    WOOOOW, lol, I remember now why I NEVER post to these forums. Y'all are vicious and rude. But, since @Heffalump clearly stated, I must "be ready to hear and accept other opinions that you may not always agree with." So, I'll take it all in stride since I know what my intentions and meanings are. I don't need to explain myself to any of you. I thought this was a place to vent and support one another, my mistake.
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  • NdemickNdemick member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    I just feel that all the snide comments were unnecessary. There's a difference between being honest with your opinion and just bein downright rude.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    If you personally are paying for her/husband's room, that's one discussion (and just NO WAY IN HE** for putting them both in the same room as another bridesmaid!).  If she's paying for the hotel with her own money, her choice. 

    Sorry, "reasonable" is subjective!  When I am traveling and paying out of my own pocket for a hotel room, the closer to $30/night I can get the better!(hey - beats sleeping in the car at a rest stop - and I get a shower and donut in the morning!), but if someone else is paying I want the $160/night suite with keyed floor access with breakfast delivered to the room...  Never knock as the PP called it "hotel sex" either!!  Also, having had this happen, there's nothing worse than the people in the room next to you getting busy in the middle of the night, keeping you awake, only to discover the next morning - it was someone you know in that room that was shaking the walls!!!  I still can't look at one friend the same since!  Legit fear, let them stay where they want - especially since they've got a family member with a real discount!  When it's your credit card picking up the tab for their room, then you can determine what reasonable is, until then your response should be, "Sounds wonderful that you got such a great deal!!". 

     

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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Ndemick said:
    So one of my bridesmaids just told me that she's not staying at the resort I'm having my wedding at since her father-in-law can get her a great discount at a hotel a few miles away. EVERYONE else is staying at the resort and the entire wedding and reception is being held there. She says that it's because she can't afford the rooms at the resort, which I believe are very reasonable (as does everyone else who's staying there obviously). I suggested that she split a room with another bridesmaid who is a good friend of hers, but she said she wants alone time with her husband (they just got married last month). I think this is selfish and that she should stay at the resort. I've even offered to pay for one night. Am I being unreasonable!?!
    Just because they are staying there doesn't mean they think it is reasonable.

    I am paying $269 +tax for a BLOCK RATE room in a few weeks. I don't think it is remotely close to being reasonable but I am still staying there because the nearby hotels are even worse.
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