My FI and I are non-practicing Catholics, and trying to get
back into the swing of things before our wedding. The Catholic church we
are getting married at is ok with us living together (we got engaged before
moving in). The priest said to do our best to live chaste over the next year (like
brother/sister was the line he used), and to do confession before the marriage
ceremony to cover all our bases. Financially we can’t afford a second
place, so moving out is not an option. We agreed with their request, and are doing our best.
Our issue is that we are getting married out state at the
church I grew up in, so we need to do our pre-cana work close to us in the
diocese of Arlington, Virginia. A friend told us when she approached a church in the diocese,
the priest wouldn't do their pre-cana work until they could prove they were
living apart. She ended up just not doing a church wedding after that since it
was apparently a really mean, judgmental meeting where the priest raised his
voice a lot.
Have any of you dealt with this? How did you handle it? Is
it common for a priest to flat out refuse to do your pre-cana work if your
cohabitating? The guide I saw for our diocese said that was not an appropriate
response for a priest to flat out refuse—the approach the priest who is
marrying us took was the correct one. We know we’re not perfect (who is???),
but we are doing our best and trying to reengage with church life, which should
mean something.