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Advice needed - can you uninvite ppl who got save the dates?

jluchuckjluchuck
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in Chit Chat
Hi All!

When my fiance and I picked our wedding date he was so excited he sent save the dates to all his 'close' friends. Now, 7 months later, I'm getting the invitations ready and have realized he hasn't seen a few of those friends in months.

What's the etiquette here? He says if he hadn't sent them a save the date, he wouldn't be inviting them. Should we still be inviting them? I'm torn because we're asking ppl to travel for the wedding, which is a lot to ask when a friendship has cooled. They might be a bit ticked they're being asked to our wedding when he hasn't been spending any time with them; on the other hand, they might be ticked if they don't get an invitation as they did get a save the date.

I learned a valuable lesson and have passed it along to my newly engaged sister!

Thanks for any advice :)
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Re: Advice needed - can you uninvite ppl who got save the dates?

  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Anyone who gets a STD is invited to the wedding.  No ifs ands or buts.  If the friendships have cooled, they may RSVP no.
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  • OBX2011OBX2011 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    No, that would be extremely rude.  The entire purpose of a STD is to let them know that a wedding is happening and to expect a formal invitation.

     

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  • KimmyzncKimmyznc member
    First Comment
    I would be beyond confused if I recieved a STD to a wedding and it didn't get followed up by an invitation. You have to invite these people, cooled friendships or not. Like PP said, they have the choice to RSVP no.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    The answer to your question is yes, it is every rude to uninvite people who have received STDs.  STDs are basically informal wedding invitations.

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  • janene1984janene1984 member
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    No!  Disinviting after you sent a STD is rude!

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  • puresugaarpuresugaar member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    It's extremely rude to not invite people after sending them STDs.  Is the only reason that you don't want to invite them becuase you haven't seen them in a few months?  That's no reason to uninvite them from your wedding.  I have several close friends who I haven't seen in months due to schedules etc and I would never consider not inviting them to my wedding.  Bottom line: if they received STDs, they should be invited to the wedding.
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  • AceTTAceTT
    First Comment
    You must invite these friends because you sent them STDs. If they also feel the relationship is cooled, they will probably decline and won't be "ticked" to have been invited. Leave it up to them to attend or not.
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  • lls31lls31 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_advice-needed-can-you-uninvite-ppl-who-got-save-the-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9d88cfd9-de23-4481-8d0c-ae77003170e0Post:73e5edd9-7f29-44aa-8ebc-6a480e12f724">Advice needed - can you uninvite ppl who got save the dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi All! When my fiance and I picked our wedding date he was so excited he sent save the dates to all his 'close' friends. Now, 7 months later, I'm getting the invitations ready and have realized he hasn't seen a few of those friends in months. What's the etiquette here? He says if he hadn't sent them a save the date, he wouldn't be inviting them. Should we still be inviting them? I'm torn because we're asking ppl to travel for the wedding, which is a lot to ask when a friendship has cooled. They might be a bit ticked they're being asked to our wedding when he hasn't been spending any time with them; on the other hand, they might be ticked if they don't get an invitation as they did get a save the date. I learned a valuable lesson and have passed it along to my newly engaged sister! Thanks for any advice :)
    Posted by jluchuck[/QUOTE]

    <div>Since you sent them STDs, you are required to send them invitations.  Since the friendships have cooled and they are OOT, it's likely that they won't come anyway.</div>
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    You must invite everyone that got a STD
     
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  • molly&dalemolly&dale member
    First Comment
    Yes, they must get an invite if they got a STD. If you're not super close anymore, chances are they won't come, especially if they have to travel. 

    This is exactly why we didn't send STDs. We just couldn't get the guest list figured out early enough.
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  • jluchuckjluchuck
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone! You're right - we will send everyone who got STDs an invitation. It was/is a good lesson for me to pass on as advice to future wedding couples to just be aware of who's getting STDs :)

    Happy wedding to you all!!
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