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I don't get the "G-d"...but I think this person is an over-thinker.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
I recently found out I am pregnant. Though I am excited about the news and in a good position to have a child (stable relationship with my husband, financially prepared, 29 years old, family support), I feel a loss. It relates to the fact that I always felt that my career was the way in which I would bring more light into this world—what G-d put me on earth to do. The patient population I serve has overwhelming needs, and as I prepare for a maternity leave and a scaling back of duties, I feel guilty for abandoning them. Many don’t have parents who are willing or able to take care of them. I know it’s not fair to my future child to feel that these peoples’ needs are greater than his or hers, but I can’t help shake the feeling. I feel like the notion I grew up with of a woman being able to do it all was naive. It seems like it was a lie, and that we as women are just biologically disadvantaged when it comes to careers, etc. When I bring this issue up with friends they seem to look at me like I’m a bit of a monster to think that anything should be put ahead of my (future) children. I don’t need any more judgment, just some advice—woman to woman.

—Guilty Mom-to-Be

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Re: I don't get the "G-d"...but I think this person is an over-thinker.

  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I feel her to a certain point. I think there is a part of me that was sad to go on maternity leave with both of my kids because I love work. I do think that as a working woman there is a bit of a lie that you can do it all- work, have kids, etc. In the end, there is always a trade-off and when you look at men, you don't see it quite as often.

    I think the G-d thing is Jewish. My Jewish friend does that because she said it is not right for them to write the name of God for religious reasons. But I could be totally off.
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    yeah, not saying names of a deity is sometimes a thing in certain conservative christian circles too (IME, usually ones that identify as Messianic and incorporate head-coverings and kosher foods.)

    I do think that 'wow, maybe I can't have it all" is a realization that everyone has to come to--hopefuly BEFORE getting knocked up--because you kinda have to decide which 'alls' youa re going to keep/loose.
    (I know that I feel torn i that 'but this is my *calling*' sort of way re: work/kid/life balance some days, so it doesn't seem that far fetched to me...but I think that sometimes career and vocation are defined differently depending on the job)
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Where's her partner in all this? Why isn't this a conversation she's having with him - "You can take paternity leave, and that way I can get back to work sooner, which is what I want to do." 

    I don't think you can "have it all" - and I think the whole concept of "having it all" is bullshit - but you definitely can have more than perhaps you think you can, simply by spreading the childcare over both the people who made the child. I know that I don't have a traditional career to work around, but I do a lot of nights and weekends, and my H has never once complained about having to care for his own kid so I can do my thing. 

    He's also butting up against the "have it all" thing - he's looking at a job change, and he'd like to make more money (because who wouldn't), but he's worried that he'll have to have more traditional hours and miss out on family time. 

    Point is, this isn't a conversation you have with an advice columnist. 
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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
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    baconsmom said:
    I know that I don't have a traditional career to work around, but I do a lot of nights and weekends, and my H has never once complained about having to care for his own kid so I can do my thing. 

     
    This.  So much this.
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