need solutions

lisacs68 · April 2012

My husband and i are having a wedding for our 25th anniv. We didnt the first time and are doing everything like the first time. We only invited parents, aunts and uncles, first cousins and our children. i am afraid we wont have enough money to pay for all. I think we are about $3000.00 short.

At first I thought we would just tell everyone they could not bring a guest if they were not married but then that would suck only being able to dance with family. Then i thought maybe we could not invite some of my husbands family because they a hugh. he has 13 brothers and sisters, 10 aunts and uncles and a slew of first cousins and i have only a few. But since we were married at age 19 - They are my family too and i am just as close to all of them and would feel really bad inviting one and not the other. Because his family is so big we are not inviting friends or anyone beyond first cousins.

Our parents or anyone else for that matter wont help I dont think because we are already married. I dont even think we would have nerve enough to ask. I cut out the photography and video already and got good deals on things like favors, but dont even have my flowers yet. i really want this wedding and we have already done so much for it that we cant even push back a year to the 26 anniv. I am stressing!

How would you solve this problem?

katehar01 · April 2012

So, to be clear, you're having a vow renewal, not a wedding. 25th anniversary is such a nice time to do it, I can understand you not wanting to push it back even if you could.

How much time do you have? You really need to nail down a budget and decide guest list from there. It would be nice if you could invite the entire family, but it may not be plausible.

I'm a little confused how you have favors and whatnot if you don't know who is invited...?

mica178 · April 2012

I'd skip the favors.

Have you visited the Budget board?

misssunshine17 · April 2012

Whatever you do, please do not invite only married people as couples. This is in very bad taste as people should not be split up because they are a social unit. This includes people who are married, engaged or are considered by themselves to be dating, even if this means two days.

I suggest checking out the budget board for your needs. They have lots of good ideas.

monkeysip · April 2012

Congrats on 25 years of marriage!

You're already married, therefore the proper term is "vow renewal," not wedding.

I think treating it like a vow renewal, and not a wedding, should help you a little bit here. In case you were, cut out any wedding party (you don't have those at vow renewals), a wedding dress (just wear a nice regular dress), cut out a wedding cake (regular cake is good), etc.

If you can't afford to host everyone, either cut part of the family out (don't break up couples or families--what I mean is, cut out all cousins, or something) or you can scale down the party--make it more of an appetizers party or make it something more casual like a mexican food buffet or barbecue. That way you can afford to feed everyone.

You don't really need flowers. If you must have some, DIY simple arrangements by ordering from costco or an online flower company like fiftyflowers.com.

lisacs68 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-solutions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4568c3fb-483c-46af-9512-35d561c749e0Post:c1587198-374c-4399-b0cd-2cf80fc71c2c">Re: need solutions</a>:
[QUOTE]So, to be clear, you're having a vow renewal, not a wedding. 25th anniversary is such a nice time to do it, I can understand you not wanting to push it back even if you could. How much time do you have? You really need to nail down a budget and decide guest list from there. It would be nice if you could invite the entire family, but it may not be plausible. I'm a little confused how you have favors and whatnot if you don't know who is invited...?
Posted by katehar01[/QUOTE]

yes it is a vow renewal but being done like the first time since we never had a ral wedding just a justice and shorts( it was really horrible) I mean i am wearing a white wedding dress and all. We sent save the date cards first to see who would really be intersted in coming and were very surprised that everyone responded. At that point we narrowed it down to invite just the family I mentioned which is about 150 people. The venue is 68.00 per plate not bad and we have been paying. Life issues put a wrnch in things a little. The wedding is aug. 10. Even if we stretch things I am about 3000.00 shy. I have been buying things all year when sells hit based on 150 people. I was so happy when my husband said at christmas we could have our wedding for our 25th. I just dont know what to do?

mica178 · April 2012

Change your venue to something you can afford.

monkeysip · April 2012

Hmmm...

Just fyi, it doesn't go over well to say that you didn't have a "real wedding" on this board. A lot of couples choose to go to the JOP, and they're just as married as if you got married in a big elaborate wedding. So, you and your H were married, and therefore, had a real wedding.

I'm a little confused about the guestlist. Who did you send STDs to? Anyone who received an STD has to receive an invite. You can't cut anyone from that list. And as said earlier, you must invite significant others of all of your guests (married or not).

If you didn't already send an STD to the more distant family members (aunts, uncles, cousins), then you can still cut them to save money.

If you're not going to cut anyone, you'll just have to sacrifice money from the other parts of your wedding, probably the reception.

You can do a cheaper meal, you could cut alcohol altogether or just serve beer and wine to save money, you could skip a DJ and do just an ipod connected to speakers for your music.

All the other stuff isn't necessary: flowers (or at least big, elaborate flowers), favors, programs, limos, cake-cutters, etc.

Do your own hair and make-up. You get the idea.

That's all I got, OP.

Edited because I had a LOLcats grammar kind of moment.

JaxInBlue · April 2012

Ditto PPs. Try the Budget Board, and don't split couples based on marital status. A few things you might think about: can you move your ceremony and reception time to one that wouldn't require a full meal? Sometimes a cocktail and appetizer reception can be cheaper, as can brunch receptions and cake and punch receptions. Skip the things that aren't absolutely necessary, like favors. If you are near a school with a good culinary arts, hotel and restaurant management or similar programs, you might be able to get a referral for recent graduates as vendors - the prices might be lower.

librababy · April 2012

I think I need more info in orderto give advice. Like, what is your budget and how many approximately is your guest list? Did you already invite everyone? How do you know you are $3000 short exactly?

You need to cut your guest list if you are $3000 short. The only other solution is to save more, but I am not sure how much time you have. Not sure where else you could cut but like a pp aid, if you stopped calling it a wedding to vendors anymore, you might get a better price. It could still look and feel like the wedding you never had but call it an anniverary party and the prices of things might come down. Good luck.

lisacs68 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-solutions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4568c3fb-483c-46af-9512-35d561c749e0Post:d9d1d675-62c7-472b-8847-99e053b96290">Re: need solutions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: need solutions : 1.I would be careful with this. There are people on here that did a JOP and consider it their real wedding. 2. Are you saying you are *not* inviting everyone who got a Save the Date?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I am sorry I did not mean to imply anything wrong with the JOP - just the way we did it. We were kids alone at the time and if you were there you would understand.
And yes I did not invite everyone I sent the cards to. Is this bad?

lisacs68 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-solutions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4568c3fb-483c-46af-9512-35d561c749e0Post:0f52a83e-27d4-4e7d-8cb2-73087c4628d1">Re: need solutions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: need solutions : I am sorry I did not mean to imply anything wrong with the JOP - just the way we did it. We were kids alone at the time and if you were there you would understand. And yes I did not invite everyone I sent the cards to. Is this bad?
Posted by lisacs68[/QUOTE]

oh I really dont know what i am doing

monkeysip · April 2012

Sorry, OP, you have to invite everyone who got an STD. An STD is your way of telling someone to save the date so that they can attend your wedding later.

It sounds like you've already booked your venue, but you may still be able to change your date or time without losing your deposit. Friday and Sunday ceremonies/receptions can be cheaper, as well as morning/afternoon ones.

katehar01 · April 2012

"And yes I did not invite everyone I sent the cards to. Is this bad?"

Wouldn't you be upset if you got a Save the Date for something and were never actually invited?

How many people did you send Save the Dates to over the 150?

You should really make room for everyone you sent STDs to. You said you're already paying the venue - would they let you change the time of the wedding? Or do a cheaper meal?

Edited for proofreading fail.

lisacs68 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-solutions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4568c3fb-483c-46af-9512-35d561c749e0Post:b6f3dc8e-3fc6-41f7-b74d-5c3b74fe16d9">Re: need solutions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: need solutions : Yes. Because you told them to save the date, they will expect an invitation. I like PP's suggestion of doing a small meal at a non meal time to save money.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I think you guys are right. I will contact the venue we have been paying and see if they have the option to change to like just a coctail hour type of food with open bar. Maybe then what we paid already with what we have might be enough for everyone to come. I never thought of that - Thanks so much

katehar01 · April 2012

Glad to help, OP:) Good luck, and congrats on 25 years.

lisacs68 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-solutions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4568c3fb-483c-46af-9512-35d561c749e0Post:067b5bc8-e659-4421-b0a6-893a5c1dc8a9">Re: need solutions</a>:
[QUOTE]Glad to help, OP:) Good luck, and congrats on 25 years.
Posted by katehar01[/QUOTE]

Thanks

redheadfsu · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-solutions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4568c3fb-483c-46af-9512-35d561c749e0Post:0f52a83e-27d4-4e7d-8cb2-73087c4628d1">Re: need solutions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: need solutions : I am sorry I did not mean to imply anything wrong with the JOP - just the way we did it. We were kids alone at the time and if you were there you would understand. And yes I did not invite everyone I sent the cards to. Is this bad?
Posted by lisacs68[/QUOTE]

If you sent a save the date they are invited. Period. end of story.

You can not un-invite them, as that is horrible rude. Everyone you set a save the date to is invited. Plus everyone invited, if they have a significant other (even girlfriend or boyfriend) they must be invited too.

mkrupar · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-solutions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4568c3fb-483c-46af-9512-35d561c749e0Post:3797f46d-7365-4b40-943c-7d4a9ed38d64">Re: need solutions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: need solutions : I think you guys are right. I will contact the venue we have been paying and see if they have the option to change to like just a coctail hour type of food with open bar. Maybe then what we paid already with what we have might be enough for everyone to come. I never thought of that - Thanks so much
Posted by lisacs68[/QUOTE]

Be careful! Hors d'oeuvre receptions can be just as expensive, if not more, than a sit down meal. I would cost out your different options and see what works best. I married at a JOP, and we had a vow renewal. I "get" the "real wedding" sentiment, but a JOP wedding is still a wedding. Did I imagine I would get married in front of a mural of the settlers landing in Jamestown? No, but that's where my real wedding took place! :-)

We had a brunch reception for our vow renewal. I wore a dress, but not a big white one. It was cream lace, tea length, with a teal underlay. I did have a WP, but that's because they had already been asked before the JOP happened. We had a DJ and cake. What you do at your vow renewal has no effect on me or anyone else for that matter, but you need to make sure you host your guests properly. If that means cutting back on the white dress, flowers, and favors, then so be it. It's the time spent with family and friends that matters the most.

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