Destination Wedding? Suggestions?

princessleia22 · January 2015

First of all, you can have a small, intimate wedding at home. If guests wonder why they didn't get an invite, just tell them that you wanted a small wedding... no other response is needed. Deciding on guest list should be one of the first things you do with wedding planning. Apparently your FI IS willing to reduce his list. The people you would invite to a DW would be your absolute, must-have, VIP's. Why not just invite those people to a local wedding? Yes, I get that this is your FI's issue, but you need to learn to compromise on it. Ask him why it is so impossible to have that reduced guest list, regardless of the wedding location.

DH and I luckily agreed that we wanted a small wedding. We got married on a cruise ship with 25 guests. The wedding was before the ship left port, so 14 of our guests sailed with us and the other 11 just boarded for the wedding, then left before the cruise. Our wedding was awesome. But, we would have had the same guest list if we had been married locally. We chose a DW because our families are spread across the country (those 25 people came from FL, MI, AL, AZ, and OR), so most people had to travel no matter where we married. And since we are so separated from our family, we loved the idea of our wedding being an excuse to get them all together for a family vacation and spending time with them. Our parents, siblings, nieces/nephews all joined us on the cruise (AKA our honeymoon). Taking all the relatives on your honeymoon isn't for everyone, but getting everyone together is so rare for us, that we valued that time with them more than a chance to vacation by ourselves.

So, you need to look at your reason for a DW. If it's just to make it too expensive for most guests to attend, that's a bullshit reason. If it's just to get a smaller guest list, there's nothing wrong with having a small, intimate wedding at home. If it's just to have an excuse to tell uninvited guests why they didn't get an invite, you guys need to get some balls and just be honest with people. It's not that hard to tell people that you just wanted a smaller wedding and couldn't therefore invite everyone in the world. But, if you truly picture your wedding as a DW, great! Go for it and have an awesome time.

wrigleyville · January 2015

Also, keep in mind that a DW can be pretty stressful to plan. Depending on how far away it is, you're planning everything based on pictures on websites and reviews from other brides and grooms. There can be a huge difference between the way a venue looks on their website and the way it looks in person.

You don't get to do cake tastings and food tastings either, so again, you're going by reviews.

We lucked out in that my DW board (the Vegas board) is super thorough and helpful, but I was still incredibly nervous that the chapel would be dingy, the food would be "meh", and that the hotel suite wouldn't fit as many people as it claimed. Everything worked out, but if I could do it all over again, we would have taken a couple of trips to iron everything out. That would have added to our expenses, though, so yeah...

holyguacamole79 · January 2015

princessleia22 - I LOVE your location, btw

LadyMillil · January 2015

I'm not sure if OP will be back, but another thing to keep in mind is if your VIPs can actually travel for your wedding. DH wanted to have a DW. SIL and my best friend were both pregnant and unwilling to travel outside the country and my grandparents aren't well enough to leave the country or travel more than about an hour for a wedding. We decided it was more important to have those people there than to have a DW.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

Since I think OP is probably still lurking... Here's some advice on a specific destination:

Jamaica! We went to a wedding there recently for a couple who sees it as a really special place for them. It was awesome. Most people stayed for several days to a week. It was an all inclusive resort so the vacation itself (outside the hosted wedding) was really easy - no bill splitting among friends, no "where should we go for dinner", etc. The B&G paid for several excursions for everyone which was basically - "we're covering this, let us know if you'll be here that day and want to go."

Overall, a really awesome time.

However, if I found out that they had it in Jamaica because they couldn't compromise, I would have been pissed. We paid several thousand dollars to attend their wedding - and would seriously consider a friendship if they thought that was a good/respectful idea.

Fran1985 · January 2015

Does this mean we are uninvited to the facebook group??!

teddygirl9 · January 2015

If your FI can cut the list down to 30, those are obviously the people he wants there the most. He should just invite those people to a local wedding (which you can still call small and intimate). He obviously has ranks in his head of who he wants there, he just doesn't want to admit it.

If you DO want to do a DW (I do!), it really depends on what you/guests like. For me and my fam/SO, we all generally like all inclusives. So we would go somewhere like mexico/jamaica/cuba/etc. These are generally a set price per person for weddings (within ranges), ie, $100 per person the b&g pay to have at their wedding (probably not an accurate figure) and it's mostly just for the reception dinner. Generally resorts/travel agents (that I've looked into for friends) offer incentives to the b&g, for example, if 10 people book you get yours for free, or the wedding package is included if you book a suite etc. They just want your money, really, and try to make it as easy as possible to do so.

Also, I like to check out tripadvisor forums/reviews if you choose a certain place.

theartistformerlyknownas · January 2015

FYI I think I made up the 30 number as an example; I don't think OP ever said they'd gotten the number to 30.

Destination Wedding? Suggestions?

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