Military Brides

Family doesn't understand Military

Anyone else have family who isn't familiar with the Military life style?  I keep finding myself having to answer questions that seem like they have obvious answers (i.e. no, I cannot go visit a ship deployed to an unknown location in the middle of the ocean) or the same question over and over again (i.e. no, I don't know when he will be home and even if I did I probably wouldn't tell you).  I don't know how many times I've answered that question in the same conversation.  I keep trying to explain that there are days that he leaves for work and does not know when he will be home (as what day he will be home, not just the time).  I've given up trying to explain transferring, people don't get that we don't know precise details of the move.  He has a little over a year to go, hasn't even met with the detailer yet.

Just wondering there is anyone else there trying to explain this life to family and how you do it?   
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Re: Family doesn't understand Military

  • edited December 2011
    Oh I completely understand you pain and frustration.  I will PM you a letter that my friend wrote to her family during her Husbands first deployment.  It is hilarious and might even put a smile on your face.  Feel free to update it to fit you and use it for you Friends and Family. 

  • edited December 2011
    My parents think that I just don't want them to know when I come back from deployment or when my FI gets back from a mission.. Its not that we don't want them to know, its that we're not really ALLOWED to tell them. I'm pretty sure most on this board know better,  but just to get my OPSEC brownie points.. DO NOT post when he'll be back on your facebook/myspace/twitter, It's such a big No No...
    I always just tell my family that I'll call them when I can and if I'm calling from my cell don't assume i'm "home" until I call you from my home phone. FI doesn't even tell me where he's going till he gets back. I wish that families could take a crash course in these things so we don't get so exasperated in repeating ourselves.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    When my mom askes when FI is coming home I have seriously taken to telling her it's classified. 

    In a related topic rudest thing a someone with no military ties has said:

    I worked at a place for about 6 weeks where alot of military familes sent their kids.  Everytime the owner would hear a wife say something about her husband being deployed she would tell the woman how lucky she was and how she wished her husband was in the military so he could deploy and she could be rid of him for months at a time.  One wife mentioned he husband was coming home for a berevement leave and the owner asked if it was ok if he came home.  There was another employee whose bf serves with my FI and the girl was sad that her bf was gone, the woman ridiculed her for missing him.  I quit.  And when I did I told her how offensive she was and pointed out that when people deploy there is the chance they could be killed.  BTW: her husband was home from work every night, coached soccer, and took care of the kids so she could run her buisness.
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  • edited December 2011
    They really should have some sort of PowerPoint presentation that explains and instructs how to be a family/loved one of someone in the military.  That would be really helpful!  Just explaining PERSEC and OPSEC and having different PowerPoints for specific branches and posts!

    There's so much to learn not only as the significant other of a man in the military, but also things we have to explain to our families.  No one in my family or anyone close with my parents has ever been in the military, so it's something they're learning as they go and being as supportive of both of us as they can.

    I'd love that letter, too!
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  • RevangelRevangel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Yeah my parents totally don't get it. Nobody in our family has every been in the military and my Dad has the strong opinion that it's stupid to serve the government that way (we're Canadian). He doesn't say it to me that way and he'll never say that or hint it that to my Fiance, but he'll tell me that in a roundabout way and it hurts my feelings. Not to mention that they have big issues with us not being able to live in our small home town, and I feel like I'm being compared to my sister who lives in the area with her husband and will never move away. I get that they want to be close to me, but I feel like because I am their daughter they should still support my decisions and make the best of it, not hint at how they disapprove. Yeah and they also don't get how anything works in the military, and I'm still learning, so it's incredibly tough to describe anything to them, and I often have to repeat myself. It's super frustrating. It's hard that they don't understand, but even harder that they disapprove.

  • claireungaclaireunga member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sadly, I think the best advice is just to be patient with people who don't get it. Military life is like being in a members-only club: you don't know what's going on unless you're in it. The phrase I end up using a lot when I don't feel like explaining what BAH is (or any acronym or military protocol) for the 3500th time is "it's complicated, but basically . . ." It works for pretty much any military-related question. Try not to get frustrated because people usually are asking because they care not because they want to annoy you.

    Hope that's helpful!
  • edited December 2011
    Oh hun I promise even families who have dealt with the military do that kind of stupidness. I was in the Army, both my uncles were Marines, my younger cousin is a Marine and yet my family still asks me questions about my fiance (active duty Marine currently on ship in who knows where) that I cannot answer either because I don't want to or I honestly don't know. It is just part of the condition of being a military bride. You have my deepest sympathies.
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