Advice Requested re: Dogs

Re: Advice Requested re: Dogs

• bethsmiles member

  

  January 2015

  Aw, he's so cute.

  I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. My dog currently lives with my brother's girlfriend because I just don't have the ability to give him the time/attention I believe he deserves right now and I live in a small apartment with no yard which wouldn't be great for him. So he lives with someone else because it's better for him. But I do see him when I visit home and she sends me lots of cute pictures.

  I think what you need to decide is what is truly a better living situation for him. But your unspoken reasons sound like training issues that could be resolved (minus the fur).

  
  

  
  

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• Fran1985 member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  Can you give us a little more background? Is he happy with your parents? Do you think your parents are good responsible pet owners? Have your parents told you to come take him or offered to keep him for you? Is he really yours or is this a childhood pet that is actually more theirs than yours? How old is he? How long has it been since your saw your parents, and does anything about why you cut ties with them have an impact on how they might treat Bailey?

  
  
  

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• paperpusher member

  

  January 2015

  Fran1985 said:

  Can you give us a little more background? Is he happy with your parents? Yes, I think so. 
  Do you think your parents are good responsible pet owners? Yes. 
  Have your parents told you to come take him or offered to keep him for you? Neither.  It's kind of an unspoken agreement that he would stay there until I'm ready to get him.  My mother would be the one to tell me to come get me because she wants to push my buttons and piss me off. 
  Is he really yours or is this a childhood pet that is actually more theirs than yours? He's mine.  I called dibs when he was born and he was in my possession since he was old enough to be away from the mother.  I pay for almost all costs associated with him, vet bills, licensing, food, groomer.  Until recently I saw him about 2-3 times a week. 
  How old is he?  6 1/2 years old. 
  How long has it been since your saw your parents, and does anything about why you cut ties with them have an impact on how they might treat Bailey?  It's been a little over a month.  I do not have any reason to believe me cutting ties would change their behavior towards him.
  
  

  I honestly believe that if I were to take him my dad would be really upset.
  

  
  
  
  

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• FiancB member

  

  January 2015

  Hm, that's a tough one. I think ultimately you have to decide where the dog is happier, and try to leave your relationship with your parents out of it. If your mom is using the dog to guilt you, that probably isn't a good sign and that might convince me to get the dog. Otherwise, it sounds like it probably would be happier in a yard and with another dog in a situation that it's familiar with. 

  
  

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• paperpusher member

  

  January 2015

  I guess I should leave him with my parents.  He's happy there and I know that.  When I think about bringing him down here it all I know is it would make me happy, but it might make him miserable.
  
  Maybe I could try bringing him down weekends?
  

  
  
  
  

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• esstee33 member

  

  January 2015 edited July 2015

  paperpusher said:

  Fran1985 said:

  Can you give us a little more background? Is he happy with your parents? Yes, I think so. 
  Do you think your parents are good responsible pet owners? Yes. 
  Have your parents told you to come take him or offered to keep him for you? Neither.  It's kind of an unspoken agreement that he would stay there until I'm ready to get him.  My mother would be the one to tell me to come get me because she wants to push my buttons and piss me off. 
  Is he really yours or is this a childhood pet that is actually more theirs than yours? He's mine.  I called dibs when he was born and he was in my possession since he was old enough to be away from the mother.  I pay for almost all costs associated with him, vet bills, licensing, food, groomer.  Until recently I saw him about 2-3 times a week. 
  How old is he?  6 1/2 years old. 
  How long has it been since your saw your parents, and does anything about why you cut ties with them have an impact on how they might treat Bailey?  It's been a little over a month.  I do not have any reason to believe me cutting ties would change their behavior towards him.
  
  

  I honestly believe that if I were to take him my dad would be really upset.
  

  How much do you think your parents really want to keep him indefinitely, maybe permanently? 

  
  

  This is why I ask: 

  
  

  My FI's dog (also a Bailey!) lives with FMIL. It is 100% his dog -- he got her when he was 19 or 20, raised her himself, and she's always been with him. He had to move in with his mom temporarily a couple years ago, and his mom became more of a presence in the dog's life. His mom has no other family in our city (she moved here for FI a few years ago), works from home, doesn't have a bustling social circle, and spends almost all of her time at home. She and Bailey have become very, very close, especially with FMIL's recent health issues, but when we started looking for apartments, it was "understood" that we would be taking Bailey with us -- she's FI's dog, after all. FMIL seemed fine with this. She said nothing to make us believe that she wanted to keep her, or that she expected us to leave her there. But she gradually started making comments about how unfair it would be to make Bailey live with cats for the first time in her life (nevermind that she completely ignores any cat she has ever seen), how hard it would be to find an apartment with three pets (actually not as hard as we thought it would be -- we found quite a few), one of which is an "aggressive" breed of dog (yeah, right.. SO aggressive she rolls onto her back and pees with excitement for strangers to pet her belly), how we'd be gone all the time and Bailey would have to be in her kennel (despite the fact that I was unemployed until TODAY, so she had no reason to believe we'd be gone all the time), etc. etc etc. She made it very clear in all of these comments, despite how well she apparently thought she was hiding it, that she wanted to keep Bailey. 

  
  

  In the end, we had to make a hard choice. We found an apartment we really liked that only allowed two pets. We could've kept looking -- we had the time and weren't totally in love with this apartment. We would've probably found another place that would have been great for us and all three pets. But we had to sit down and realize that Bailey was really, truly happy with FMIL. And she loves having her. She has framed fucking pictures of her all over her apartment. She has no grandchildren yet, and it makes her happy to spoil the shit out of the dog. So we let her keep Bailey, and it was absolutely the right choice. 

  
  

  Does it suck not to have her here with us? Yeah, it does. I'm sure it sucks for FI more than he admits it. He's the one who made the decision, but it wasn't his first choice. It was just the right one for us, and for a dog who's getting up there in years and has a very comfortable, happy home with FMIL. I think you need to seriously weigh which living environment would be better for your Bailey, even if it sucks for you. 

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  January 2015

  Are you sure that the dog in your dream didn't symbolize your relationship with your parents? Dreams are rarely literal.

  
  

  If not, are you sure you don't just want to take the dog back to spite your parents?

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• paperpusher member

  

  January 2015

  lolo883 said:

  Are you sure that the dog in your dream didn't symbolize your relationship with your parents? Dreams are rarely literal.

  
  

  If not, are you sure you don't just want to take the dog back to spite your parents?

  I don't know how to explain it, but it was just about my dog.  Nothing to do with my parents.  And I wouldn't take him back just to get back at them.  My dad cares more about Bailey than my mother and she wouldn't give two shits if I took him.  I don't however want to upset my dad.  I miss him too, but he and my mother are a package deal.  There's rarely ever a time when the two of them aren't attached to the hip anymore.  I want Bailey with me because I miss him and love him.
  

  
  
  
  

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• SJM7538 member

  

  January 2015

  we have four dogs. two of them, stella and millie,
  do not get along and we have to "Crate and rotate" them. im lucky and I work close enough to home I can come home every day to let them out and switch them. but when I travel for work stella goes to Hs grandpas for a few days at a time. he loves her abd spoils the crap out of her. I've been trying to convince H for months shes better off living there full time but he refuses. he thinks I just want to get rid of her. I dont, I love her to pieces but I know her quality of life would be better there. the fact that we would have no more fighting dogs would just be a plus.
  
  my point... do what's best for Bailey. if you love him and you really think his quality of life is better at your parents then leave him there. he's young enough to where I think he could easily adjust to moving in with you but take a look at his quality of life there vs. with you. example...
  does he have a fenced yard now vs always needing to be on a leash with you? and is taking him for Multiple walks a day to poop and get exercise something you want to do every day? it's a lot to think about. best of luck!

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