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Would you go to a potluck PPD?

I have a cousin who was planning a wedding this summer, but for some reason that I haven't been filled in on decided to get married this past December at a courthouse. We all thought that meant her summer wedding was canceled, but no she is still planning a "vow renewal and reception" this summer. Oh and it's byob potluck. She's posted her wedding website on her Facebook page and sent to our entire family by email, being sure to draw our attention to where they are registered. My time on TK has made me completely prejudiced against the Ppd to the point where I want to shake her and tell her how rude what she is doing is. FI really is outraged by level of rudeness and does not want to go (it's about 2 hrs frOm our home, so it's not a huge drive, but it's not close). My mom and brother think we are being just being smug because we are able to afford to host a full wedding and that we should suck it up and go. Their point is that she " just doesn't know better. " My question to fellow knotties is would you go?
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Re: Would you go to a potluck PPD?

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    No way in hell.

  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    No. I can eat my own food and drink my own booze in the comfort of my own home. If you want me to celebrate the fact that you're already married but are looking for more attention, you better host me properly.

    Formerly martha1818

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    bellaluna290
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would attend a properly hosted  OOT PPD.  

    Not a PPD that is 2 hours away where I have to bring my own food and beverages.  How does the food thing even work being 2 hours away?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    emmaaachibiyuiMairePoppykaitlynmichelle
  • We bring a case of beer and a veggie tray and drop the card with a check off with our free hand? I don't know?? I feel bad bc I know people won't show up and she will be hurt, but good god this is just so tacky!!
  • What Addie said.


  • chloe97 said:
    We bring a case of beer and a veggie tray and drop the card with a check off with our free hand? I don't know?? I feel bad bc I know people won't show up and she will be hurt, but good god this is just so tacky!!

    I'm not opposed to a potluck in the right context (Labor Day BBQ, family Thanksgiving where all members agreed upon beforehand, etc.).

    I'm not opposed to PPDs in the right context (celebration of marriage, no lying, properly hosted, no play-acting).

    But potluck and PPD?  Nope - never the twain shall meet.  I wouldn't go, even for family.

    It's ok to feel badly about people not showing up.  That's how people learn though - and maybe one day she'll realize that being a greedy AW who expects other people to fund their parties isn't how you convince people to be happy and generous in their celebration with you.

    theartistformerlyknownas
  • No.

    And you can't register for a vow renewal. Nor can you have a wedding website, because the wedding is done and over. (I know you know this, OP, I'm just stating it out of irritation at how tacky this is)
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    chloe97
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    And

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    chloe97chibiyui
  • I would make plans to do something else that night. Plus, it's 2 hours away. 


  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I did.  Out of town, PPD, potluck, request for cash gifts.  Everybody else in my family thought it was fine or even a good idea.  *sigh* 

    @lyndausvi, the logistics were a pain in the ass.  The wedding was 3-4 hours north of my parents' house, which is 5 hours north of my house and  8 hours north of my sister's house.  We gathered at my parents' house beforehand and drove up in 2 cars, spending the night before the noon wedding in a hotel.  Mom got rolls and croissants and I spent my small gift budget making homemade baklava for them (cost me about $25, plus several hours of work).  My sister and BIL got something that needed to be refrigerated, I forget what, and kept it in a cooler with ice.  Luckily nobody got food poisoning, that we know of.



    chloe97
  • It is 2 weeks after our wedding, so we can feign post-wedding exhaustion.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    I did.  Out of town, PPD, potluck, request for cash gifts.  Everybody else in my family thought it was fine or even a good idea.  *sigh* 

    @lyndausvi, the logistics were a pain in the ass.  The wedding was 3-4 hours north of my parents' house, which is 5 hours north of my house and  8 hours north of my sister's house.  We gathered at my parents' house beforehand and drove up in 2 cars, spending the night before the noon wedding in a hotel.  Mom got rolls and croissants and I spent my small gift budget making homemade baklava for them (cost me about $25, plus several hours of work).  My sister and BIL got something that needed to be refrigerated, I forget what, and kept it in a cooler with ice.  Luckily nobody got food poisoning, that we know of.
    You are so nice. 

    No I wouldn't go to this. 
    Anniversary

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  • For my sister or BFF, I probably would. I wouldn't be happy about it at all and hopefully I'd be able to talk them out of it before it happened.

    Anyone else, NOPE.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    chloe97 said:
    I have a cousin who was planning a wedding this summer, but for some reason that I haven't been filled in on decided to get married this past December at a courthouse. We all thought that meant her summer wedding was canceled, but no she is still planning a "vow renewal and reception" this summer. Oh and it's byob potluck. She's posted her wedding website on her Facebook page and sent to our entire family by email, being sure to draw our attention to where they are registered. My time on TK has made me completely prejudiced against the Ppd to the point where I want to shake her and tell her how rude what she is doing is. FI really is outraged by level of rudeness and does not want to go (it's about 2 hrs frOm our home, so it's not a huge drive, but it's not close). My mom and brother think we are being just being smug because we are able to afford to host a full wedding and that we should suck it up and go. Their point is that she " just doesn't know better. " My question to fellow knotties is would you go?
    The bolded really bothers me. When you were little and "didn't know any better", your mother swiftly corrected you, yes? (Like, if you refused to share with your brother and hit him with your toy or something like that.)

    So why should an adult get away with "not knowing better"? Why reward that behavior?

    I just gave you a new argument for your mom. ;)

    Also, I would not attend, and I sure as hell would not bring a dish to pass. I'd send a card, though. I mean, they DID get married, and it's a cousin. I'm not sure how close you are, but if it were one of my cousins, I'd still send them a card with a gift card or check or something because I'd want to honor and congratulate their new marriage. I just wouldn't go to the bullshit potluck PPD.
    Fucking agreed, she can learn how wrong it is by people not showing up to her tacky ass non wedding.
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    Anniversary
    wrigleyvillenovella1186
  • Her mother passed away and she was raised by her very rough dad. She's much younger and and we have never been close, but shes been reaching out to me to compliment me on my engagement pics, commiserate about wedding planning etc. Do you think I should say something to her? I honestly think that she thinks any party with a white dress and bridesmaids is a wedding. Her sisters wedding was very similar- except we all got a Facebook invite 6 days before that one.
  • chloe97 said:

    Her mother passed away and she was raised by her very rough dad. She's much younger and and we have never been close, but shes been reaching out to me to compliment me on my engagement pics, commiserate about wedding planning etc. Do you think I should say something to her? I honestly think that she thinks any party with a white dress and bridesmaids is a wedding. Her sisters wedding was very similar- except we all got a Facebook invite 6 days before that one.

    I'd suggest you send her here, but it might be too late.

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    huskypuppy14
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    I would be annoyed, side eye the hell out of it and talk shit about it behind her back, but since she is family I would go.

    If it was a friend I would be busy, but family I would make an exception and attend. But mostly bc I wouldn't want to piss off the rest of my family and cause issues, not bc I wanted to support my cousin's rude and tacky entitled faux pas.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would be annoyed, side eye the hell out of it and talk shit about it behind her back, but since she is family I would go. If it was a friend I would be busy, but family I would make an exception and attend. But mostly bc I wouldn't want to piss off the rest of my family and cause issues, not bc I wanted to support my cousin's rude and tacky entitled faux pas.
    That's exactly why I did.



  • PPD, yes. OOT PPD, yes. Potluck wedding of any kind? They can fuck off. Unless you're one of the closest people in my entire life, I wouldn't go. And if they were, I would try and convince them that a potluck is a terrible idea.


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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I would have a prior engagement that I just couldn't get out of that day and send a card (no gift).

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    For my sister or BFF, I probably would. I wouldn't be happy about it at all and hopefully I'd be able to talk them out of it before it happened. Anyone else, NOPE.
    I agree with this. Cousin I rarely see? No. Someone I'm very close to? I'd go, grudgingly, and try to make the best of it. 
    ________________________________


  • Assuming there would be no way for me to convince them not to do a potluck, I think I would go or not go depending on how I felt about the couple and try to put their tackiness aside. I would be tempted to attend the ceremony and then just take FI and I out for dinner somewhere rather than cook for them and be subjected to other people's cooking but I would still get to see the most important part. 
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  • Assuming there would be no way for me to convince them not to do a potluck, I think I would go or not go depending on how I felt about the couple and try to put their tackiness aside. I would be tempted to attend the ceremony and then just take FI and I out for dinner somewhere rather than cook for them and be subjected to other people's cooking but I would still get to see the most important part. 
    Buuuut they're already married.

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  • Assuming there would be no way for me to convince them not to do a potluck, I think I would go or not go depending on how I felt about the couple and try to put their tackiness aside. I would be tempted to attend the ceremony and then just take FI and I out for dinner somewhere rather than cook for them and be subjected to other people's cooking but I would still get to see the most important part. 
    Buuuut they're already married.
    You are right. Forgot about that part. Carry on.
    image
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