Couples Shower Theme

daisy28426 · February 2015

Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June. She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something). Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation. Any input would be appreciated!

mikenberger · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June. She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something). Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation. Any input would be appreciated!

Stock the house or bar is pretty tacky. My understanding of these parties are guests bring bottled booze for the couple to use for the reception. I would think if you're "stocking the house" that would be more of a housewarming party -- not a couples shower.

Showers are for choosing gifts from a preset registry of stuff for the couple. And at that point, you would just invite girls and guys and let them know where the couple of registered.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

Why can't they just have a shower with couples? Why do they need to separate by gender ("she keeps the home, he drinks!!! wink!!"?

Plus, a couple attending a couples' shower brings ONE gift. This shower is basically asking for two presents - one from a female guest to the bride with home items, and one from a male guest to the groom with alcohol. It's inappropriate and extremely gift grabby. That's probably why you're having trouble finding wording that isn't tacky.

My suggestion would be for the couple add "bar" items to their registry - like wine glasses, craft beer glass sets, whiskey stones, coasters, martini glasses, margarita glasses, shakers, stirrers, ice buckets, etc. That way, if a couple wants to buy a "stock the bar" type item instead of towels or something, they have a choice.

MGP · February 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

Plus, a couple attending a couples' shower brings ONE gift. This shower is basically asking for two presents - one from a female guest to the bride with home items, and one from a male guest to the groom with alcohol. It's inappropriate and extremely gift grabby. That's probably why you're having trouble finding wording that isn't tacky.

THIS. Seriously, each gender needs to bring a different gift? Gross, tacky, and gift grabby. Gifts should be one gift per social unit.

I would be sending a big fat DECLINE response to this invite.

bananasplit472001 · February 2015

I would just have a bar themed couples bridal shower. The bride and groom can register for bar gifts and people would just know that they should bring wine or liquor as it fits the theme. However, no one should be bringing alcohol to stock the bar at the wedding reception. If someone cannot afford an open bar or alcohol for their wedding they should not have a bar.

KatWAG · February 2015

I would not be bringing two gender specific gifts. One shower= one gift.

daisy28426 · February 2015

Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions. MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response. So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc. Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?

floridabride44 · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions. MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response. So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc. Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?

JIC

I don't think anyone is going to bother giving you any more advice after you so rudely rejected a piece of advice you were given. A blunt piece of advice, yes. But still good advice. Is that really worthy of flipping the bird at your screen? Seriously?

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

If you're going to act like a snotty teenager you can figure this shit out on your own.

daisy28426 · February 2015

To be honest, I would rather no advice at all than advice from someone acting like a snotty teenager. And just to clarify, when I refer to stock the bar I don't mean for the reception I mean just for the couple to have and share together on their own, and I don't mean some extravagant ice bucket just maybe like a club soda or something lol sheesh.

flantastic · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions. MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response. So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc. Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?

Nope. The reason this idea will get no support is because the shower should not be funding the wedding, whereas the diapers/books thing is still for the baby. Framing the alcohol as an "add-on" gift still doesn't make it appropriate. The couple may receive gifts for their married life, but they still need to pay themselves for whatever's being provided at their own wedding. The reception is a thank you to the guests for coming to the ceremony, and you can't ask the wedding/shower guests to pay for their own thank you.

I'm sorry you find MGP's good advice, bluntly delivered, to be useless.

mikenberger · February 2015

daisy28426 said:
To be honest, I would rather no advice at all than advice from someone acting like a snotty teenager. And just to clarify, when I refer to stock the bar I don't mean for the reception I mean just for the couple to have and share together on their own, and I don't mean some extravagant ice bucket just maybe like a club soda or something lol sheesh.

Well then why didn't you say that? Instead of throwing a tantrum and flipping off your computer screen? Seriously. How old are you?

If that's what you mean by a stock the bar, just encourage the purchase of stuff for a bar through a registry or word of mouth. Where I'm from, stock the bar parties are for the reception and invitees bring bottles of booze for the bar at the reception- which would be tacky as Hell. But there's nothing wrong with a themed couples shower. Sounds like fun to me, especially if they have a wet bar or something in their house.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

To be honest, I would rather no advice at all than advice from someone acting like a snotty teenager. And just to clarify, when I refer to stock the bar I don't mean for the reception I mean just for the couple to have and share together on their own, and I don't mean some extravagant ice bucket just maybe like a club soda or something lol sheesh.

********premptive box fix********* Have them register somewhere like Crate and Barrell for this stuff - tons of options. Then they only really have bar options on the registry provided for the shower. I'd host it in the evening and have a picture of a cocktail on the invite. Mention you'll be serving apps and cocktails. People will probably get it when they receive an invite like that with a registry full of bar items.

MGP · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions. MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response. So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc. Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?

Nope. The reason this idea will get no support is because the shower should not be funding the wedding, whereas the diapers/books thing is still for the baby. Framing the alcohol as an "add-on" gift still doesn't make it appropriate. The couple may receive gifts for their married life, but they still need to pay themselves for whatever's being provided at their own wedding. The reception is a thank you to the guests for coming to the ceremony, and you can't ask the wedding/shower guests to pay for their own thank you.
I'm sorry you find MGP's good advice, bluntly delivered, to be useless.
</blockquote -------- hello quote boxes? WOW. I get virtual double middle fingers because I said I would decline a shower invitation where the couple was asking for TWO gifts? And I'm the tacky one?? I was pretty much chiming in on what SouthernBelle said, with a little added commentary from me. I am not going to tell you what you want to hear. i could possibly have the feelings of one of your guests, and if even one of them shares my opinion that should be reason enough to reconsider what you are asking of these people. Which is double up on gifts which in fact is rude, tacky and gift grabby. Thanks to the ladies who defended me.

daisy28426 · February 2015

I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!

KatWAG · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!

Respect is earned. And you have earned none by acting like a toddler

mikenberger · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!

You've got a lot to learn in life if this is how you react to people attempting to help you. Life must be very tough for you.

climbingsingle · February 2015

You know, I was going to come in here and give helpful advice. But damn, does your attitude suck.

MGP · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!

Believe me I am about the furthest thing away from a people pleaser but I do it in a very respectful, diplomatic way.

And if I can give you some respectful, articulate advice on your Plan B of asking for "add on" items: you are STILL asking for two gifts so I honestly do not see how this is a better option. If someone wants to give two gifts that is for them to decide, not you (or the bride). Make the theme "stock the bar" if you want, or just share the couple's registry and let guests gift as they see fit. I guarantee they will be more generous this way. This is supposed to be a fun, social way to celebrate something. Don't turn it into a daunting task list or wallet shakedown. That's not fun or respectful and if you want respect you need to give it as well.

madamerwin · February 2015

daisy28426 said:

I don't expect to only hear things I want to hear. But I do expect to be treated with some respect, and I feel that your post was rude and unhelpful which is why I responded the way I did. Isnt it ironic how nice and well articulated you're being now, thanks so much. Please note that I've already said I'm nixing the idea so you can stop losing sleep. Also I gotta tell ya, you got alot to learn about life if u think you should reconsider something just because one person disagrees with u.. Good luck with that. I don't need anymore advice on this subject thanks everybody. If anybody knows how to shut'r down please do so with this post I won't be coming back. Cheers!

Seems a little hypocritical, considering you just "flipped the bird" at @MGP because you didn't like her advice. Being blunt =/= being rude and unhelpful.

OwningAHome1981 · March 2015

daisy28426 said:
Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June. She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something). Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation. Any input would be appreciated!

No man i know would ever want to attend a couples shower.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

OwningAHome1981 said:

daisy28426 said:
Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June. She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something). Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation. Any input would be appreciated!
No man i know would ever want to attend a couples shower.

Sexist much?

LondonLisa · March 2015

daisy28426 said:
Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions. MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response. So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc. Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?

making rude gestures at someone who said they would (as would a lot of people) decline a party that required not one, but two very specific gifts?

Themed showers are tacky

OwningAHome1981 · March 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

daisy28426 said:
Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June. She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something). Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation. Any input would be appreciated!
No man i know would ever want to attend a couples shower.
Sexist much?

No. I'm a realist. Most men would probably go out of respect but would not be the slightest bit interested.

OwningAHome1981 · March 2015

LondonLisa said:

daisy28426 said:
Southernbelle thank you so much for providing your thoughtful answer and suggestions. MGP I'm flipping the bird, two of 'em, right at the computer screen to you for your gross and tacky response. So anyways, after carefully considering everybody's comments (except MGP because it's useless to me), here's another question… We'll nix the whole gender gift split thing, but have a stock the bar add on item that people can bring if they choose… like people do at baby showers for diapers & books etc. Do you know what I mean? And what do you think of that?

making rude gestures at someone who said they would (as would a lot of people) decline a party that required not one, but two very specific gifts?

Themed showers are tacky

Anything themed IMO is tacky. I am going to a "royalty" themed wedding. ::::shudder:::::

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

OwningAHome1981 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

daisy28426 said:
Hello! I am planning my friends couple shower for her in June. She wants the guys to "stock the bar" and the gals to do whatever they normally do for showers (so I guess you could say "stock the house" or something). Have you ever heard of a couples shower set up like this? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to word and set up the invitation. Any input would be appreciated!
No man i know would ever want to attend a couples shower.
Sexist much?
No. I'm a realist. Most men would probably go out of respect but would not be the slightest bit interested.

Not in my circle. Couples showers are typical. It's just a party with food and drinks. Then there's about 20 minutes where gifts are opened.

So no, you're stereotyping since showers are traditionally all women.

OwningAHome1981 · March 2015

Men dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.

justsie · March 2015

OwningAHome1981 said:Men dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.

My fiance is a cook. He'd be the one ooh & ahhing. Please stop gender stereotyping. It costs you $0.00 to not perpetuate gender sterotypes.

flantastic · March 2015

OwningAHome1981 said:
____ dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.

I will fill in the blank with my name.

I'm sure some men's names would not fill that blank.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

OwningAHome1981 said:
Men dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.

Another sexist comment... Well done.

Viczaesar · March 2015

OwningAHome1981 said:
Men dont want to watch people ooh & ahh @ blenders.

For fuck's sake, knock off the gross, sexist generalizations.

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