S/O: Living on your own

CLoGreenEyes · February 2015

Some folks started talking about the importance of living on your own in the other thread, so I have some questions about that. After way too many delays, I am finally moving into my own apartment, AND the dating thing is starting to pick up; so this is a timely topic for one of your resident NEY single ladies.

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

I feel like I posted some of these questions a while ago, but we have so many new folks that I would love to hear chime in. (Also, apologies, but I probably won't be able to respond again until tomorrow evening, work has been bananas lately!)

ETA: Because grammar and syntax are beautiful things.

KeptInStitches · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had? FI and I both lived on our own.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? What living on my own really did for me was force me to make and keep a tight budget. I went kind of crazy my first Christmas on my own and ended up in a little financial trouble the next January. It turned out okay, but I resolved to not be in that position again.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? I think it would depend a lot on why they'd never lived on their own. If it's a matter of saving up money, paying down debt, etc. while working I'd be more likely to understand it.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home by? Barring extenuating circumstances, I think by early to mid-20s, especially if they're not working or in school. And by "not working" I mean more "has an Xbox-style problem" than "can't find job but looking."
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? First off, I hate the "throwing away money on rent" philosophy. I don't view the money I paid in rent as wasted because I had a roof over my head. That being said ... I'd prefer to rent or live with roommates or both. It's a matter of wanting to establish the independence.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes.

CLoGreenEyes · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

I will be living on my own come April 1! It's something I have always wanted to do and I'm thrilled that it's finally happening.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

Good things I'm anticipating: Self-reliance and self-esteem in ways I haven't had yet. Enjoying my own space and time to myself whenever I need it. Being able to be a hostess or a hermit depending on my mood. Decorating my own space.

Not-so-good things I'm anticipating: Learning to cook for one. Getting used to a new place and being by myself at night (but I probably won't be so nervous after a week or two). I'm not super handy, so any kind of home/car maintenance that I have to perform myself will be challenging. Not having anyone right there to whom I can be like, "Hey, I'm going out, if I'm not back by 10 I've probably been kidnapped by a serial killer."

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

I'm kind of on the fence about this. I'm rather suspicious of people who don't want to get the hell out of their family home by a certain age, but I think that comes from my own obsessive need to do so myself. I just wonder how independent and mature someone is if they don't have the drive to make it on their own. The only exception I can think of would be if someone was living at home to take care of a family member with some sort of illness or condition. I'm curious to see other answers to this question, because I wonder if I'm being too much of a stickler on this.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

I'm gonna say mid-twenties. I feel like that's plenty of time for the average person to figure out a career path they're satisfied with, start getting an education in that field, and learn to manage money and support themselves. Again, I'm curious about other perspectives.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

To be honest, this is a pet peeve of mine (again, that may come from my own situation). In a perfect world, saving money for a solid down payment is ideal, and not everyone feels compelled to escape their family as soon as possible. However, I feel like I've met a lot of people my age who deal with ridiculous rules, family drama, etc. solely because they feel like renting an apartment is a waste of money. To me, having a peaceful place to live is not a waste of money, ever, if your family home doesn't offer that.

Regardless of family situations, I personally like that I will get to rent for a while before buying a home. I'm not the savviest person when it comes to maintenance and repairs and such, so I'm glad I will see what goes into keeping my miniature household running while a landlord is ultimately still responsible for it. Some people are probably naturally better at this stuff, so they may not feel or have the same need I do.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

If everyone is paying their share of living expenses and helping to keep the household running, then yes.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

I say moving out anytime before 30. I know so many people in their late 20's working on advanced degrees while working full-time. Given our economy, the cost of buying a house and student loans; I really give credit to people who are trying to live with in their means and saving for the future. If that means staying with their parents for a little longer, that's their decision. I don't think independence is always related to your living situation.

I really don't judge anyone on their living situation; I prefer to get to know someone and judge them based on their goals, career ambitions, personality, etc. . I think everyone needs to do what works for them and their financial situation. Of course, I don't condone lazy slackers living at home until they're 30; however, whatever you decide outside of that it's fine. That includes roommates or living alone.

Peaseblossom55 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

Yes we had we moved in together at the 3 year mark
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

I had to fend for myself and be independent. I loved it nothing sucked
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? I wouldn't no,
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

It really depends, I lived at home, except while in undergrad and grad school until I was 26, but when I moved out I bought my own place. My parents were fine with me staying home since I had a steady job and was building up my savings a lot.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? It worked for me.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes

Dignity100 · February 2015

I'm throwing my ex in here because he is why I know I always bring up that I think it's a very important step to live on your own first.

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
My H and I both lived on our own before we started dating.

My ex never lived on his own - while I did.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
I learned all the work that was involved with living on my own. Bills - all the cleaning - laundry; basically how to take care of myself. I also feel that it allowed me time to develop as an adult.

What sucked: I lived on my own when I was in college, it was a college town, so summers were lonely.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

I would not date somebody who had no intentions of living on his own. Sure if he was living with a roommate or his parents and planning on getting his own place, then I would date him. If he had no intentions what so ever and just wanted to move in with me, I'd have issues with that.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I think this is going to vary by person. H didn't move out of his family's home until a little later in life - he saved up and bought his house and then had a lot of work done to it.
I moved out when I was 20 and in college because I needed to have more opportunities for internships and to start thinking about my career. Also, my mom and I were not getting along living under the same roof, so it saved our relationship.
If a person is 40 and living at home - never moving out, I think there might be something wrong with that. I understand if your 40 and move back in because of job loss or something. I just wouldn't want a 'Get A Life' Chris Peterson situation (if anybody else has seen the show).

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
I'm fine with those who wish to purchase a house/condi instead of going the apartment route. H did that route. I did apartment until I settled on a general area of where I was going to live.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
I did not. I did not want to have to deal with another person putting in the same amount of rent or me having to 'float' them or any of the 'fridge stealing' that sometimes goes along with roommates.

Here's the story of my ex and what has shaped my opinion:
Honestly - my ex moved from parent's home to college to in with me. I did not want him moving in with me but he just didn't care about how I felt and saw the financial benefits to us living together instead of separately. Obviously here he didn't have respect for my view point and I let him walk all over me (so you can tell there's issues right there).

My ex would always yell at me for not cleaning and taking care of the house. All the pets were my responsibility, all the laundry and general cleaning. He expected me to thoroughly clean the bathroom daily and would constantly point out that his mom did this for their family (she was a stay-at-home mom). He wanted the 'traditional' roles where he would mow - but then he started not even doing that, so I was doing all the housework.

Financially my ex did not support the house. Our 'deal' was he would pay for the utilities while I would cover the rent/mortgage. All in all, he was still paying quite a bit less than I was. It started that he would go out and buy something for his benefit (a video game, something for his car, etc) and he would hand me a bill and say 'I cannot cover this - you have to'. So he was able to go out and have a life outside the relationship, I could not because I was not able to afford to.

Obviously there were MANY MANY other issues from him living a long, but a lot of it did stem from him not being a responsible adult. After we broke up and I kicked him out, he did admit that he didn't understand all the work involved with living on your own. It didn't make up for the horrible treatment though and we just weren't right for each other.

loves2shop4shoes · February 2015

Not single, but I'll answer.

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

We both lived on our own prior to moving in together.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

I learned how to run a household on my own and really depend on myself. I don't think it sucked, but it was sort of lonely living in an apartment all by myself.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

I guess that depends on how we're defining "living on your own." I'm 27 next week, and I would only consider dating someone (if I were single) that was my age or older. So, if the dude was 27+ and had NEVER moved out of his parents' place, that'd give me major pause. If they guy moved out for college and moved back in with his folks due to the economy, I might be more forgiving. In general, though, I'd never date anyone who still acted like a child.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

Probably 22-23. If there's a financial/economic crisis, and you're forced to move back home, I'm more forgiving of that...because at least you left the nest initially.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

Well, for the very brief time period, I'm sort of in that boat. DH and I moved back to Boston from Chicago one month ago. We've been staying with my in-laws while we've been looking for a place to rent. (The move happened sort of quickly and we didn't have the time to find a place before the move.) We pay the mortgage on my MIL's house, paid to have a door to the downstairs installed (with a lock), and we pay for our share of the food and utilities. So we've tried REALLY hard not to mooch. I am VERY pleased to say that we found a new place, which we'll be moving in to in 10 days!

So, the short answer? I feel like it's fine as long as you are financially contributing at LEAST your own half of things and you have a timeline to get out on your own, which the owner of the house agrees with.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

As long as you are each paying your own rent, utilities, etc., then yes, I do.

Hummingbird125 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

Before moving in together, I lived with a friend in an apartment in NYC for two years. FI had been living with two other roommates for about 4-5 years.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

It was awesome. I had so much freedom, and had the experience of living in some of the best neighborhoods in the best city in the world. Other than paying a ridiculous amount of money on rent, nothing sucked.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

At my age now? No, I don't think so unless that person had a REALLY good reason to still be living at home. A few years ago though, yes, I would have. A good (male) friend of mine didn't move out of his parents' home until he moved in with his GF. He didn't want to "waste" money on rent, and instead, used his money to travel all over the world as much as he could. Though I never would have been happy living at home for as long as he did, I'm definitely a bit jealous of all of his traveling, and I know he wouldn't trade those experiences for anything.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

I don't think this is something we can put an age limit on, since people keep living at home/move back home for a variety of reasons.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

My best friend and her BF both fall into this category. I can agree with it up to an extent, but I think that the argument kind of goes out the window unless the person is actively working towards home ownership. I don't understand people who live with their parents indefinitely. I also get really annoyed at people who consider paying rent to be "throwing money away." Uhh, no. I'm paying money so that my FI and I have a place to live, and we're renting because while this is a great area for us to live in right now, we aren't sure this is where we want to stay. How in the world is that "throwing money away"?

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

I absolutely do. I can't imagine that living without a roommate would have made me any more responsible than living with a roommate did.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

Yes we both lived on our own prior to getting married. We each had our own apartment and on weekends I would go and visit him and he would come visit me during the week.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

I think definitely becoming financially aware of supporting yourself in full with all the bills and learning how to clean up after yourself. I'm always for saving money and having roommates to help with the bills but once you're married the bills are all yours if you and your SO share a bank account.

What sucked was the loneliness definitely. I would get so bored being by myself and I hated being there during the week.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

It depends, if they had roommates then I wouldn't see any issue dating them at all but if they were still living with their parents up until a certain time period then I would probably go out with them but hopefully figure out why they are still living with their parents. When DH and I initially started dating he was living with his Dad for a short period since he had just graduated from college and was saving some money to move out. In that case I see no issue, but if it's a situation where they are living their and not making enough to even try to support themselves then I probably wouldn't.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

I think whenever they feel they can support themselves financially as well as emotionally. Living alone can be depressing and I think when you first move out, it helps to have roommates so you can have some social interaction. I don't necessarily think there should be a particular age though. I would think 18 so you can sign as an adult.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

I think that's totally fine. Sometimes it's really hard to save money while you're still paying rent and all those other bills (I'm doing that right now) so the easiest way is to cut those bills out and move home I would think or get a roommate. I think as long as it isn't something that is forever and you're helping out your family while you're there then it's totally fine.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

I think there is a difference between living by yourself and having a roommate but all together it's still living on your own. You still pay your own bills and clean up after yourself but your bills might not be as expensive and you might have less to clean if you have a roommate.

labro · February 2015

Disclaimer: I haven't read everyone else's responses yet but I promise to go back!

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had? Yes, both of us did prior to moving in together.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? I honestly can't think of any actual bad things that came of it. Yeah, money was tighter, but the benefits outweighed all of that. I got to be independent, keep my own schedule. It was MY responsibility if the dishes weren't done/laundry wasn't clean/apartment was dirty/etc. and not the fault of some roommate. It was my space to do what I wanted with it, and not have to consider other people's preferences.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? At my age now, absolutely not. I strongly feel that by the time you've hit your mid to late 20s that you absolutely need to have spent some time outside of your parent's house. When I first started college, sure I'd definitely date someone who was living in the dorms/living at their parents house, but beyond that, never. I know there are some people out there who continue to live with their parents after college for the sake of saving money, but I feel really uncomfortable with that. At least move out and find a roommate or two instead!

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home? By whatever age they've finished formal schooling and have started to work full time and make enough money to support themselves either by living alone or with roommates. Basically, I start judging after 25.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? I don't really agree with this. I think you should at least move out and move in with roommates or friends and not continue living with your parents. I know I've already touched on this a bit earlier...but I feel like there are valuable experiences you gain by being a working, independent adult, that you don't get living with your parents.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes. Although I think it's really valuable to live by yourself as well (if you're able too, I know some major cities have an exorbitant cost of living that can make this impossible). My one caveat is living in a dorm with roommates doesn't count as "living on your own".

ashleybunny8 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had? With my current bf, yes, we both lived on our own. With my ex, we had both only lived with our parents when we moved in together.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? Independence, for me, was a great thing. I also only had one person to cook for and clean up after. I really liked being able to do what I wanted without worrying about bothering other people (like getting up at 4:30 am to go to the gym). The bad part, though, was that I was responsible for all of my bills by myself.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? No.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home? I would say 25. In my city, housing is really expensive even for crappy places. Most of my friends (who are nearing late 20s) are still living with family or friends.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? I don't see anything wrong with it. If my parents had room, I would have probably moved back in with them when me and my ex divorced.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? No. Living on your own means being responsible for the bills, cleaning, maintenance, etc of your home. When you have roommates, it can be easy to be lazy and not really help around at all, or feel like you don't have to be as responsible with your money (because your mates can help pay the bills when you're short).

kittychik1318 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
I lived on my own for college, but XH had not.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
I had to learn to take care of myself (if I didn't do it, it didn't get done and budgeting). Worse part for me was missing my family and being able to have dinners together like we do every night.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
I did before with XH and it was a disaster. I did it with FI, but he ran the house as his dad worked out of state/country alot so it's like being on his own.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I think it depends on goals and circumstances.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
To each their own. I didn't think renting was a waste because I was on my own and loved the independence. But we live in Fi's dad's house now and it's working for us (strict boundaries).

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Depends on the roommates. I've had some where I was their parent practically and that sucked. I was on my own, but they didn't.

labro · February 2015

I feel like there needs to be a s/o of the "working adults living at home" question.

I think excuses can be made for working adults who have moved back in after living on their own because of severe financial emergencies, temporary living situations due to moving in to a new city, etc. However, I still don't agree with working adults living at home who haven't ever left the nest in order to save money and not "waste" it on rent. I personally moved back in with my parents for about 6 months after I broke up with my ex and moved from the midwest back to Georgia. Once I was in a stable, permanent job I moved back out again. I feel like a situation like this that's temporary is ok.

cu97tiger · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
Yes, we both lived on our own. To me, 'on your own' means not with your parents or a significant other. If you were responsible for utilities, rent, cooking, etc, then I consider that living on your own, even if you had roommates that split some of these tasks with you.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
When I truly lived by myself, I was pretty lonely. Most of my adult life, I lived with roommates or an SO. The best thing that came from that is knowing that I was capable of living on my own. I can't imagine if I had gone straight from my parents house to living with an SO for years. How terrifying it would be to think that if we broke up, it would be the first time I'd be on my own. It's such a secure feeling knowing that even though I don't HAVE to do that right now, I could if I needed to.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
Eh, I feel like this is very circumstantial depending on age. When I was 32, nope, I probably wouldn't have dated someone who had lived with their parents continuously since college. Maybe if they were taking care of a sick parent, but I think there would be some red flags at that age if that wasn't the case.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
22 unless there are extenuating circumstances (getting a masters/still in school, sick parent, saving to buy a house)
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

I think that's a smart idea. If that adult has a goal in mind, and that is how they are choosing to meet that goal, then that's great. If that's what they SAY they are doing, but really they are just enjoying living rent-free... ugh.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Yes, see my first response.

tuarceatha · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
The only time I lived alone was when I had a sucky roommate that moved out without communicating her plans to move home. So I didn't realize she wasn't living there until it had already been a few weeks. I used to want to live on my own... wait, is this a question about moving out of your parents' place? If so, I did after college and so did my H. I also moved back in with my parents when I went back to school later in my 20s.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
Good: Independence. Lots of life lessons. Privacy.
Bad: Rent. Utilities. Meal planning. Certain roommates.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
I think I did... I can't say what circumstances. I know it would(did?) bother me when they are taken care of by their parents. Like they don't know how to prepare a meal for themselves, do their own laundry, and they seem to take that all for granted.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
Hm... no specific age... When you have your own decent income and you are clearly able to live on your own-- move out.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
I was thinking of such folks as I answered above. I mean, I get that philosophy. Renting can feel like throwing money away after awhile... But again, how much are you really saving at home? If you are actually saving up, I can't judge. But I might judge you if you aren't...

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Yes. Living by yourself seems like a less common experience. Renting is expensive. I used to really want me own place to decorate and come home to, but once H got his own apartment I was there 6 out of 7 nights a week. By invitation. He wanted his own place so we could have our own space. As soon as I had a job I moved in with him and paid my half of our space.

minskat30 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

We both did prior to meeting each other for a long time and after meeting each other for a little over a year.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

Making decisions without having to consider any one else, responsibility, confidence in myself. No sharing of chores sort of sucks though.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

I'd honestly be a little wierded out dating someone who had never lived on their own unless they had a really, really good reason. Then again, I'm in my 30s.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

18 for me. I guess it depends on the person and the circumstances. I could see someone living with their parents during college if the college was nearby. H and I moved in with my mom for a few months after my temporary housing was up for my new job and we hadn't yet found a home. Because of our dog, we couldn't really go anywhere else and she was very gracious about it but it was hard when we were so used to living on our own together....whole new dynamic.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

I think living on your own is important to do before you move into a house of your own. It teaches you both the responsibility of caring for a house to some extent (and if you are ready to do so) and what you WANT in a house.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

Sort of but not really. Living on your own to me means being solely responsibile for the bills and chores. It really is different to live completely on your own vs having a back up for those sort of things.

bethsmiles · February 2015

Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had? I live on my own and BF has lived on his own.

What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

I'm not a big fan of living on my own. It gets lonely. And I guess I differ from most posters on here because I don't really feel like I grew and learned responsibility on from living on my own. I've always been responsible and independent. Don't get me wrong, I would never move back in with my parents but I just don't think I've had incredibly valuable experiences just because I live on my own.

Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? I date people because I have an interest in them. I don't have a mental checklist of what is and isn't acceptable and under what circumstances. So yeah, if there was a guy I really liked and he happened to live at home I'm not going to blow him off just because of that.

By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home? I don't think there is an answer to this. Everyone's life is so different there just isn't a way to put a number on it. I think it has more to do with your situation - do you have a full-time job and can support yourself financially? You probably don't need to be living at home.

How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? Personally, I don't understand this philosophy but I would hate living at home. Besides, it kind seems like, I don't know a good word for it but cheating? to live with your parents so you can save up for a house while they pay for expenses you, as an adult, should be paying for.

Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes. Denver is so damn expensive to live in these days, a lot of people probably couldn't afford to rent an apartment without at least one roommate.

GoldenPenguin · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had? FI and I both lived alone and with roommates before we moved in together.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? I was already pretty independent, but living alone made me rely on no one but myself. I couldn't get mad at anyone else for the dirty dishes in the sink, or if the shower was dirty, or if there were tumbleweeds of animal hair floating around. I had to formulate and stick to a budget (not that I always did a great job, but that was part of the learning process too). What sucked? All of the above.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? I think it depends. If they just had never moved out of their parent's house, probably not. If there were extenuating circumstances, probably. I can't make a generalized answer one way or the other.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home by? Barring extenuating circumstances, I would say early to mid-20s.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? I think "throwing away money" on rent is a shitty excuse/reason. That does not equal "extenuating circumstances to me.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes and no. While you are independent & paying bills with roommates, it was actually living ALONE that taught me the most about myself. I do realize, however, that not all areas of the country allow that to happen due to cost of living. I feel lucky that I live in an area of the country that allowed me to have the experience of living alone.

speakeasy14 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

I moved out when I started college and lived with roommates until I was 21, then I lived by myself. Both were different experiences that helped me learn a lot about myself. My boyfriend lived with roommates for four years before moving back home.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

Good things: learning about myself, not having to depend on others, having my own schedule without having to check in with others

Bad things: pyscho roommates (had one who would watch me sleep), being homesick -- it also sucked to have to do grown up things (laundry, bills, food shopping); there were so many times the first year I lived on my own that I would call my mom and ask her how to do something
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

I would date them, to give them a chance. My number one rule is, how a man treats his mother is how he will treat you. So if he were unable to function on his own or did not appreciate the things his family did for him, it would be a very short relationship.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

I don't know if I would put an age on when someone should move out by, but if they are in their 30s and have never moved out, that would concern me.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

I currently do this. I moved back home when I was 24 because of financial reasons. Once I gained full time employment, I chose to stay with my mom so I could help her and pay down some of my student loan debt.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

Yes, it is completely different to live with roommates than family. I have a big family, so I thought I could handle living with anyone. Living with a roommate before living completely by myself taught me about boundaries and how to respect other's schedules. It also taught me about what I can and cannot live with (example: I now know that it will drive me crazy if I am the only one cleaning and taking care of the house).

eilis1228 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had? We had roommates, but yes, we both lived independently of our parents with roommates for a while.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? You learn so much about yourself! Growing up, I was a huge slob and never would have thought I'd be a clean freak. That all changed when I had my own place. It taught me how to be self sufficient-- I learned how to do laundry, budget, cook, properly clean, etc. It sucks because with roommates, there's always drama. It's unavoidable. However, it helps you learn conflict resolution as well and how to pick your battles.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? Hmm... this is tricky. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. As in, do they have a full-time job or are they in school at least? Are they financially independent but living at home to save money/pay off debt quickly? As long as they aren't aimless, I think it would be OK.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home? 25
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? Everyone has their own views on rent vs. a mortgage. As long as they have goals in mind and aren't just mooching off their parents, then it's not a red flag.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes. You're responsible for the bills getting paid, and in many places it's too expensive to live completely alone.

stefuhknee · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had? Prior to us living together, my SO and I did not live on our own. We both moved out of our parents house 2 years ago when we had our son. There are moments that I wish I could've done things differently, maybe moved out one of my best friends for a year or two but overall I'm happy with how things worked out. -What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? Living on our own gave us ultimate privacy and it really helped us to feel more like a family unit. I wouldn't say anything sucked per se but there was definitely a realization that we had a lot more financial responsibilities that we had to prioritize. -Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? It may not matter to me depending on their circumstances. A lot of my friends are just finishing up grad school, med school, vet school etc. We live in NYC so it's an expensive area so I can understand wanting to finish up school and saving money before moving out. If you have just been "chillen" for the past decade living off of your family then that's a different story. -By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home? Again it depends on the situation in my opinion but I think most people don't really feel like adults until they move out so it really depends on the individual. -How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? I disagree with this philosophy because I am a renter and buying a house in certain areas is just not feasible for some people no matter how much they save. -Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes, absolutely. You still have the same financial obligations and responsibilities that you would have living on your own so why not? Sorry if this comes out a bit wonky for some reason I can only respond using the HTML insert.

AlPacina · February 2015

I think I'm going to have different answers than what most of you have said, based on one particular experience with living completely alone.

Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
I had lived with roommates and by myself. He had only lived with roommates. He actually had his dad move in with him for a couple of months one summer during his parents' trail separation. Talk about backwards!

What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
     The first would be self confidence. I moved for a job after living with an ex (plus extra roommates), with the plans that he would move in with me once his lease ended and he found a new job. The thing was, once I was finally living by myself I realized how much better I felt about myself without him around, and almost immediately broke up with him. I haven't regretted it for a moment to this day.
     I also appreciated that I got to dictate how clean everything was. I never had roommates that weren't disgusting. But living with my parents felt like living in a hospital sometimes, with how much my mom cleaned.......
     The only thing that sucked was that sometimes I was so bored I would just go to bed at 8. Got 10 hours of sleep a night or so. But because I moved and then immediately lived alone, I didn't have a lot to do in the evenings initially.

Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
Yes, but probably only if they lived at home during college and we met then. If they were satisfied living with their parents while they had all kinds of other independence, I would find that red flag-ish.

By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I think if you have a full time job and aren't in school, you shouldn't continue to be living with your parents. No age requirements for me.

Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
No. Living with roommates taught me a lot, but I learned the most about adult-ing once I finally lived on my own completely. I never even had any bills in my name when I had roommates. Someone else always took care of it.

lavenderfields13 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
I did not. My parents moved out of state when I was 19 and I refused to go so I moved in with my aunt and cousins and lived there until I was 25. FI lived at home until he was 25 and then moved in with a friend. Sometimes I wish I was completely on my own just because now I can't ever have super girly decor again. I don't really regret not being completely on my own though.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
n/a

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
At this age maybe not...if there was a good reason he was still living at home- like saving money for a house, etc then that would probably be fine with me.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
generally, 30

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
I think it's a good idea and it's a wise decision- but there really needs to be some age cut off here.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Eh, IDK really. It's really hard for a lot of people to pay all the bills that come along with a house/apt completely on their own. I see why some people DO consider it being "on your own" as you're not living by your parent's rules, etc. This one's up in the air for me.
I feel like I posted some of these questions a while ago, but we have so many new folks that I would love to hear chime in. (Also, apologies, but I probably won't be able to respond again until tomorrow evening, work has been bananas lately!)
ETA: Because grammar and syntax are beautiful things.

teddygirl9 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

I did, briefly, when I was 17. He did not. I don't think I gained anything really. My mom and I were in a tough spot, so it gave us some space. My lease was up after 6 months, and the rental situation is so tight where I live, I wasn't able to find another place in budget. So I moved back home. The only good thing that came from it that my mother and I didnt kill each other. eta - We now live together. We purchased a home together and moved in last june.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

I was broke and lonely. I was very isolated, and had some bad times.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

If right now, at 25 SO and I broke up, and I started dating someone else, I probably wouldn't date someone who still lived at home. Unless he was actively saving up to purchase a house within the next year or so. I just don't want to have to deal with parents and that sort of thing anymore.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

I think 25 is a good age, however I know everyone has different circumstances. For example, BIL moved out for a good 5 years, ran out of money and then lived at home while getting his life back together. He moved out at 27/28, but was actively saving for a home and working on his career. Grad school and that is a whole nother story!

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

See above comments. I think in general it is okay, but they have to be actively saving and TRYING. Not just using mom and dad for free rent so they can blow their money on other stuff.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

95% yes. You are still mostly on your own. I consider living 'on your own' to be not with family taking care of you. I think there is still a difference of actually living by yourself though (ie, I hated it lol).

lavenderfields13 · February 2015

Ha I just noticed I have the highest age of when it's OK to still be living with your parents. A lot unmarried people I know still live at home. One of my married friends actually still lives at home. Her husband (then BF) moved into her mom's apartment and they have their own bedroom and living room space. They're now married and still saving for a house before they move out. Honestly, I could not live at home for that long but to each their own.

I'm also on the fence about rent being a "waste of money". I do love living with FI and us being on our own but we are spending SO much money to live in a house owned by our landlord and it's going to make it much harder to save money to buy our own home. We live in Boston- rent is high everywhere and homes in nice neighborhoods near the city are expensive. If you're in your 20s or early 30's in this area and living at home (and contributing something to your parents' household) to save so you can buy a home I have no issue with that. Some people I know have to pay at least $700 a month in student loans and on top of all the other bills that comes with an apartment, saving for a house is nearly impossible.

peekaboo2011 · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

We both lived on our own before moving in together.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

Being an adult is hard. Laundry, dishes, bills. It sucks ass. But, I got to come home every day and know that my parents weren't making my life happen. It was all me, and that's a pretty awesome feeling.

Now living with BF, it's a pretty phenomenal feeling to walk into the house after a long day at work and know that this is the home that we're building together. Sometimes I get goosebumps about it.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

Absolutely not. When M and I started dating, we talked a lot about when we wanted to move in together. When we finally got around to the logistics, I was adamant that I live on my own for an entire lease cycle before we moved in together. He had been living with his roommates for 4 years when he moved in with me. It's helped us deal with some things better than if one of us hadn't dealt with roommates before.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home by?

Barring any major, extenuating circumstances, 25.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

I think it's an excuse, unless you're paying rent to your family. You're an adult. Adult better.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

Yes. I had a string of god-awful roommates that required me to be about 8 million times more responsible than the 3 months I did live actually on my own, without roommates. Those 3 months were truly an exception, and they drained my savings. The people I know in this area who do live on their own make at least double what I do (one of my good friends just moved from a studio downtown to a studio at a complex that BF and I couldn't afford, and she's saving $900/month,) so it's just not feasible here. I also hated the three months I was by myself. As much as I love and need the ability to be a hermit and not talk to anyone, having a roommate (and now BF) actually kept me more balanced on that end. If I had lived by myself for a full lease cycle, I probably would have ended up not having any kind of a social life - it's just too easy to come home and hermit when there's no one to talk to, and I used it as an excuse to get out of social events. So, I'd say it depends on your personality, as well as your local COL.

labro · February 2015

@lavenderfields13 In regards to your friends who are married and living with parents...and this may be a harsh U/O but I feel couples who are married and living with mom and dad have zero business being married. I don't care if you are saving for a house, being married is an adult decision and an adult needs to be capable of supporting his or her own self before she or he can be married IMO. I get that there have been past situations where a married couple has to move in temporarily (and I mean like a few months at the very most) because of a housing situation, but to save money to buy a house with no exit strategy? Fuck no. Rent a cheap place, don't go on date nights, save money until you can save up a down payment for a home if that's what you want.

lavenderfields13 · February 2015

@labro I feel you on that. I do agree that once you're married you should be living alone together. I do think my friend has stayed there too since her H gives her mom money towards living expenses and she feels like they're helping her out. She's afraid of what her mom is going to do when they move out.

But yeah, I just couldn't do it.

Swazzle · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

I actually hate when this subject comes up because I'm the minority and I feel like people get really, really judgy about it. That said, nope. Neither of us lived on our own. I went from my parents' house to the dorms in college for 4 years and then stayed with my aunt after graduation while I looked for an apartment after starting my first job. I intended to live on my own in the apartment that I found but it didn't work out that way. H was in the process of moving from SFIL's house to a house with a roommate. We decided he should just move in with me and that was that. So, after 4 months of dating, and having never lived "on our own" we moved in together. We're married now and about to celebrate 8 years together so I'd say it's quite alright. I don't really feel one way or the other about living on your own. I think I turned out just fine even though I hadn't, same with H. We figured it out together and I kind of like that. Whether or not that works for other people, though, is a different story.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

N/A

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

Obviously, yes.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

I feel like after college or if they choose not to go to college, within a couple years of graduating from high school. I kind of feel like this question is harder to answer nowadays vs years ago because jobs are harder to come by. I think it's fair to give free pass to someone who's just graduated and is having trouble finding work.

-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?

I don't really have a problem with this actually. Some people are really against renting. I think in some parts of the country, renting is not all that common like it is where I live. I think it gets weird if we're talking about working adults that are married.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

Yes. If you're responsible for your own bills, regardless if they're shared, then yes.

relliotts · February 2015

-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?

I live on my own. I didn't have that experience until I was 32 - I went right from living with my mom to living with my SO at 16, then getting married at 18. I don't recommend that. When I left my exH and had to face living on my own for the first time ever with two pre-teen kids, I was TERRIFIED. I had no idea how I was going to do it.

-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?

For me, I feel that I did not have the chance to really get to know myself on my own terms and without the influence of someone else's view of me until I lived on my own. I wasn't my mom's daughter or my X's wife, I was just *me*, and I got to decide what that meant. I got to decide what I liked, how I spent my time, if the house was clean enough, how bills got prioritized, etc. etc. etc. This has helped tremendously in learning what I want/need in my life, including what I want/need in a relationship.

There are times where I feel very lonely, and that does suck. I also feel very vulnerable sometimes, and that also sucks. But the former has taught me how to be OK with my own company, and the latter has helped me become stronger and more confident in myself, so despite sucking they have been valuable experiences.

-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?

At this point, honestly, probably not.

-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?

This is a tough one because there are a lot of external factors that can influence it, but I would say mid 20's at the latest.

-How
do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can
afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar
philosophies)?

I don't agree with this really. Living on your own and taking care of your own place, even if it is a rental, prepares you for owning your own place. I also think there is something valuable in having to find ways to save towards the purchase of a home while also figuring out how to pay your monthly bills, including rent. This is something you'll have to do once you own - money has to be set aside for emergencies or repairs or whatever - so getting in that habit asap is a good step. Also, I think it can be difficult to know exactly what you want/need/can handle in your own home without actually having lived in one without your family.

-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?

Yes and no. It sort of depends on the roommate situation. I do think that people should have the experience of living completely alone, without a roommate, for an extended period of time at some point.

Blackbird230 · February 2015

I'm bad at answering questions soooo

I have technically lived on my own almost 2 years now. Both times I have had roommates. The problem is, cost of living here is insane. If I tried to get a studio even on my own, I wouldn't be saving any money at all for incidentals and emergencies. It's just not a good way to live financially.

That being said, FI currently lives with his parents still, but that's 100% financial based. The second he gets a decent paying job, he's out of there.

HOWEVER what I disagree with is what his brother is doing. His brother is upper 20s, makes over 75k a year and simply won't move out. Claims he's "saving for a house." Umm...get out of the house. He works in the same town as FI's parents live and sees it as worthless for him to get his own place when he could just live at home. He technically pays rent to his parents, but it's less than what I even pay for a room to rent in a condo! That doesn't help growing up and development whatsoever.

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