Wedding Woes

She's not even a guest.

Ok, so there is a good friend of my fiancé's family who really wants to come to the wedding. We were at her wedding when we were both children long before we started dating which is kind of cool. She has told my future mother-in-law that she is going to show up regardless and if we tell her the price, she'll pay for her seat. Its come to the point of being uncomfortable a little because she is essentially inviting herself. Honestly, she is a good friend of my fiancé's family and its really cool that we probably met each other at her wedding. We probably could just send her an invitation, but if we are following "etiquette" I would then have to invite her husband and two children, which we really cant afford to do. Do I send an invitation with a spot for just one person? or do I just let her show up and try to have a place for her to sit? Its an awkward situation to have someone invite themselves and then put pressure on ME to make accommodations for them.

Re: She's not even a guest.

  • eanne717 said:
    Ok, so there is a good friend of my fiancé's family who really wants to come to the wedding. We were at her wedding when we were both children long before we started dating which is kind of cool. She has told my future mother-in-law that she is going to show up regardless and if we tell her the price, she'll pay for her seat. Its come to the point of being uncomfortable a little because she is essentially inviting herself. Honestly, she is a good friend of my fiancé's family and its really cool that we probably met each other at her wedding. We probably could just send her an invitation, but if we are following "etiquette" I would then have to invite her husband and two children, which we really cant afford to do. Do I send an invitation with a spot for just one person? or do I just let her show up and try to have a place for her to sit? Its an awkward situation to have someone invite themselves and then put pressure on ME to make accommodations for them.

    Does your FI want her invited?  If he does not, then I would not invite this woman.  If you see her in person and she tried to ask about the wedding, change the subject.  Make sure that FMIL knows she is not invited and to not pass along the information about the wedding along to her.

    If your FI wants her invited, then you must also extend an invitation to her H.  You do not need to invite her children, unless you are allowing all children to attend the wedding.

    If you think she will crash your wedding, make sure your venue knows ahead of time, so that they can quietly escort her out if she tries to find herself a seat.

  • Sooo...is your FMIL awesome enough you can ask her to put her foot down?
    or is she at least saavy enough to say "you'll ahve to talk to eanne or FI about that"

  • If your FI wants her invited, then you must also extend an invitation to her H.  You do not need to invite her children, unless you are allowing all children to attend the wedding.
    This, but also:  who treats someone's wedding as if it's a showing of Birdman?  "Here, I'll fork over some cash so I can get a seat."  Just...no.  It's not a public event, it's someone's freaking wedding.  How do people not understand this?
  • She might have made the statement to your MIL jokingly or she might be serious. I would speak with your MIL with your FI and determine if this is something you all want to do.
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  • She is completely serious. And I'm not against her coming because I think my FI wouldn't MIND having her there and when my FMIL brings up the topic he's fine with it., She isn't someone that was on the initial guest list and its putting me in a difficult position because she's the old close friend to my FMIL. I guess at this point HOW rude would it be to just invite her and not her whole family if she's the one that wants to crash it and her husband has no intention of going? We are allowing kids at my wedding but we absolutely cannot afford to invite her whole family. 
  • I think you should say no and that FMIL needs to rein in her friend.

    "I'm so sorry dear, but the kids simply can't afford anyone else and the venue simply can't hold anyone else.  They're at max capacity in all manner".

    I can't realistically see this woman crashing.  Just let your venue know and the wedding coordinator or whoever else is in charge of seating.  They won't let her in.
  • If you think it would be easier if you just let her come...since she is a family friend.  What about giving your FMIL a plus one that she can use to invite her if she chooses?  Then your FMIL can ask her if she would like to come as her guest.  You would not need to invite her husband or children in that situation.  I mean it would be a little awkward if your FMIL is married...but why can't she have two plus ones?

    I gave my brother two plus ones(well one was his gf so her name was on there).  He used the other to invite his Best Friend.  But it kept me from having the invite the best friend's girl friend, brother, sister, etc.
  • We had a few "awkward situations" similar with our wedding...  IMO, given the circumstances, I'd invite her and her husband, maybe not the kids unless you have enough cancellations..  Two guests is not going to break the bank as long as these are the only two adds.  Given the circumstances that her wedding is where you met and she is a good enough family friend that you both were invited there, that is where I'd say the tipping point is...  Of course, if there's space I'd invite the kids, but I wouldn't consider them a mandatory invite.   This is a "forget what the etiquette book says" situation...

  • I would just invite the woman and her husband if you have room.  Its rude to invite only half of a unit, but you do not have to invite her kids.  You sound like your sure the H wouldn't come anyway.  If she is a close family friend and you have the room, what does it hurt? 
  • Her attitude regarding your wedding is really weird.  She wants to pay admission?  She's just going to 'show up'? 

    I've never wanted to be at anyone's wedding that bad (I'm not even sure I wanted to be at my own that much, lol).  

    Don't tell her when you get pregnant.  She may want a ticket to the delivery room, ha. 
  • You can't invite just her, it's her + husband, or neither.  Are her kids adults?
  • If you think it would be easier if you just let her come...since she is a family friend.  What about giving your FMIL a plus one that she can use to invite her if she chooses?  Then your FMIL can ask her if she would like to come as her guest.  You would not need to invite her husband or children in that situation.  I mean it would be a little awkward if your FMIL is married...but why can't she have two plus ones?

    I gave my brother two plus ones(well one was his gf so her name was on there).  He used the other to invite his Best Friend.  But it kept me from having the invite the best friend's girl friend, brother, sister, etc.

    ^^^WTELF? you know can just extend an invite to one person, right? it might come across as rude in some cases, but there's no law against it. 

    OP: I think in this case, since this woman and her husband are long term close friends of your fILs, it would not be unreasonable to invite her and her husband as long as it's within budget and you guys are not at capacity. Sure her reaction is a little odd, and a little rude, but I'm sure it would be appreciated and make you look good if you extended the invite.  If you're completely against it and they weren't important enough to be included from the beginning, then I don't think it would be unreasonable to tell the woman no - but just consider if this is a hill you want to die on. 
  • kellyem2kellyem2 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited February 2015
    eanne717 said:

    She is completely serious. And I'm not against her coming because I think my FI wouldn't MIND having her there and when my FMIL brings up the topic he's fine with it., She isn't someone that was on the initial guest list and its putting me in a difficult position because she's the old close friend to my FMIL. I guess at this point HOW rude would it be to just invite her and not her whole family if she's the one that wants to crash it and her husband has no intention of going? We are allowing kids at my wedding but we absolutely cannot afford to invite her whole family. 

    If that's the case you don't really have to worry too much. Just invite this woman and her husband so things don't get weird. She'll RSVP for herself, and you can stick her wherever in the seating chart.

    I mean, yeah, it was rude of this lady to barge in like this but your FI is stuck in the same weird position as you, so you might as well just grit your teeth, deal with it and have a good laugh about it together later. Call it a bonding experience.
  • just let her come, and then ask one of your friends to sit behind her and be all 
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