I am looking for some outside perspective, maybe some advice. I see a lot of posts about future sister-in-laws causing crazy drama along with future mother-in-laws. I'm hoping someone can help me through all this stress. I will try to keep it short.
When I first became engaged, my fiancé's family was super excited. When I decided to ask my future sister-in-law to be in the wedding she said yes. I also asked her daughter (fiancé's niece) to be a junior bridesmaid since she will be 8 almost 9 at the time of our wedding. Her mother said yes. That same night my future brother-in-law, my fiancé's brother, came home and called up my fiancé and demanded he walk with his wife. When we tried to explain we felt he should walk with his daughter so she wasn't uncomfortable (the brother was not asked to even be in the wedding at this point) he said he HAD to walk with his wife or they couldn't be in it at all. So my fiancé said fine don't be in it. They backed out. We were fine with it but then I get all these text messages from his wife, my FSIL, saying that she's super sorry and this continued for months until it started in on they have their "convictions" or their "beliefs" and that is why they insisted on walking together. Not really sure what she was trying to say about my fiancé and I with that. Eventually she started telling me that my fiancé's other niece who was a premie was too "underdeveloped" to be the flower girl, like I was going to chose her daughter instead or something? When I started talking to my fiancé's other sister-in-law I learned there was a lot of things said about me and about her that we didn't realize were untrue from the other SIL. She has gone as far as calling me a drunk/lush when I have maybe once every two months one glass of wine, try to control our day in more ways than one and going out of her way to look up how much our wedding is costing. After everything that had been done I don't think I can stomach having her around at all but I am leaving that choice up to my fiancé as it is his family.
Recently, we told my FMIL that the rehearsal dinner was not going to be at her house 30 minutes away from the church but at a more centralized location that is convenient for everyone. She now is asking other family members if she is "supposed" to go to the dinner because she isn't sure. She also agreed to go to get her hair and nails done the day of my wedding with the FSIL that is causing so much drama because the FSIL asked her to after asking me what was going on that day. When I replied I wasn't sure yet because it was so far out she immediately asked my FMIL to go with her.
This is only the tip of the iceberg of the drama fest that has been going on around me. I have already spent 3 months when I was first engaged ignoring phone calls from his family because of everything that went on and all of the attacks on my fiancé and I for trying to include everyone but wouldn't cave to give others what they wanted. It's coming to the point of do I let my fiancé say something because then the entire situation will go up in flames or ignore it and just deal with it? I am at my wits end with this. Not sure how much more I can handle or keep my mouth shut on but I don't want to be that person either that just explodes.
If there is anyone that has dealt with this for their wedding and has lived through it... does it turn out bearable in the end with your in-laws? How did you handle crazy controlling in-laws that want to plan your whole day for you? And when you don't let them they try to sabotage plans you did make or hadn't had the chance to make yet or just resort to throwing a pity party? or just act like they don't want to come when it's not done their way? Any help, insight, advice...