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He wants a beach wedding and I want a winter wedding?!

PeterPorterPeterPorter member
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in Wedding 911

We're from WA, and he's dead set on having a beach wedding down in OR at the Dunes.. I'm dead set on having a Winter Wonderland themed wedding in December locally here in WA...

Is there any way to compromise?!


His reasoning:

*He grew up going to the Dunes

*Super memorable

*no one else does this

*He doesn't want to have a traditional "boring" wedding


My reasoning:

* I grew up always wanting a winter wedding

* I don't like summer weddings very much

* Getting married at the Dunes would be a lot harder to plan and be a long drive for everyone

* It could rain!!

* It's the beach so it would be super windy and you won't be able to hear anything

* We'd have to let kids go to the wedding (which I don't want unless they're my nieces)


With all that being said... how do we compromise?! A winter themed summer wedding? HAHA no.. a wedding at the Dunes is a cool idea though, but that's it. Just a cool idea


HELP!

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Re: He wants a beach wedding and I want a winter wedding?!

  • loveislouderloveislouder member
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    edited March 2015
    I feel like your married life is going to be full of compromises (eta) from both sides and when to have your wedding shouldn't be a hard one. I have always wanted an outdoor fall wedding, and FI always wanted to get married in a church in the spring.  We're getting married in 38 days (eek!) in a church and I'm happy about that because at the end of the day I'm going to be married to my best friend.
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
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    I think step one is to figure out a budget and guest list. Then you can check out venues for both options and see what you can afford and actually like and whether or not it can accommodate your guest list You may also find some of the venues aren't available. 

    My FI and I really wanted to get married in the downtown area where we live, but it just wasn't an option for us. All the venues were either booked or too pricey so that made the decision easier.

    Something else I would recommend is to make a spreadsheet with all the venues. We put all the details in there so we could compare accurately. We put pricing info, whether it required a wedding planner, whether we had to bring in catering, whether we had to have rentals, etc. It really helped us nailed down the actual costs for each venue. 
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  • PeterPorterPeterPorter member
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    We would have the ceremony on the beach at the dunes (and have a "Dunes Bus" take everyone down to the beach where it would happen, then everyone would be bussed back and then we would have the reception at a venue somewhere else... 

    It's just that I don't want to do it because WHAT IF IT RAINS?! We can't have people on the beach in the rain, and even if we get a big tent or something it'll be cold and windy and miserable. That would suck. He understands this but still doesn't want to do a winter wedding or anything other than the Dunes..

    I don't know what to do lol. The Dunes would suck and he thinks a winter wedding would suck and we both don't want Spring or Fall. He's most concerned about the type of venue that we have. He doesn't want a typical wedding at all...



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  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
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    laurenlaplante said:

    We would have the ceremony on the beach at the dunes (and have a "Dunes Bus" take everyone down to the beach where it would happen, then everyone would be bussed back and then we would have the reception at a venue somewhere else... 

    It's just that I don't want to do it because WHAT IF IT RAINS?! We can't have people on the beach in the rain, and even if we get a big tent or something it'll be cold and windy and miserable. That would suck. He understands this but still doesn't want to do a winter wedding or anything other than the Dunes..

    I don't know what to do lol. The Dunes would suck and he thinks a winter wedding would suck and we both don't want Spring or Fall. He's most concerned about the type of venue that we have. He doesn't want a typical wedding at all...





    If you do that plan, it seems like there would be a lot of logistical issues. The rain issue does seem to be the biggest one.

    Also for chairs (you need a seat for every butt, it's mandatory no matter what type of wedding you guys want)- would you set this up yourselves beforehand? Would you hire people to do this?

    Just more to think about.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • littlepeplittlepep member
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    Maybe if you talk with a wedding planner or someone else about this that might help. I'm just thinking a professional running through all the logistical concerns of a beach wedding might go over better. 

    He probably is just looking at the big picture and not considering all the little details you'd have to figure out to make it work. Beyond rain, there's a lot of other things to think about. I think southernbelle0915 mentioned quite a few important ones. 

    You both need to drop your ideal vision though and consider what is actually feasible within your budget and based on availability. 

    Our realtor gave us some advice when we were looking for a house and I think it's perfect this situation too: Each of you separately write down the top three things that are most important to you. The fact of the matter is that you will have to both compromise your vision at some point. You aren't going to get everything you dreamed of as kid. It will be out of budget or not available, whatever. But you can still have a beautiful wedding. You just need to figure out what aspects are priority (photography, food, location, etc.).
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  • jacques27jacques27 member
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    Well, you posted this on an international board, so saying thing like "Dunes" in Oregon for those of us not from Oregon isn't really that helpful for us to help you out logistically, unless Dunes is literally the name of the town - then I can google that. 

    I would like to point out that neither of your concepts are exactly that unique.  Lots of people have "beach weddings" and a google image search of weddings dunes oregon would lead me to believe that "no one else does this" is bit of hyperbole. 

    So, with that in mind, do you really feel like someone stomping all over the wishes of the other is really the tone you want to start your marriage?  Start making lists of what you want and rank the importance of each aspect - when push comes to shove is season more important than location/proximity?  Is rarity more important than convenience or budget?  Find points you can compromise on and find ways to incorporate elements of what you want for the date/location you compromised on:  Can you find a non-typical venue closer to home?  Is what you like about a winter theme the twinkling lights and would having an evening wedding with lots of twinkle lights evoke a similar enough of a feeling?  Are there other "themes" you also like that you can agree on?

    The point is, this shouldn't be a zero sum game.  Sit down, have a real discussion with no absolutes, an open mind, and be prepared to compromise.
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  • PeterPorterPeterPorter member
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    Good news! He said he didn't care where it was as long as it's "bad ass". We talked over the whole thing and both agreed that planning out of state and the potential rain and all the wind and SAND all over would be too much.

    Bad ass winter wedding, maybe? :)
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    southernbelle0915 said:

    Bad ass winter wedding ideas: rent out a brewery, have ice sculptures, have an ice bar set up outside with an ice luge and a few cocktail tables next to heaters, arrive/depart in a sleigh, get a sweet faux fur shawl...

    If the wedding will be OOT for a lot of people, I would try to avoid the couple weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. That time is often very hectic and straining on people's budgets so you'd likely get a lot if declines.

    Bad ass winter wedding to me screams of lots of black and red.  Bride in a white dress with a red rose bouquet.  Bridesmaids in black and/or red.  Somehow I see leather and chrome.  Like, can you leave on a motorcycle?  Firework displays are pretty bad ass.  Have fun!  Come back when you have pictures!
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    We met working at a ski hill...  And wanted a winter wedding... But you can't do that at a ski hill in the winter because most won't rent out for a wedding regardless of how well you know the owners... SO, we did our winter themed wedding in October...  On a 90 degree day!

    Compromise (I wholeheartedly agree with the PP that seats/transport/bathrooms if you do the dunes), but Dunes wedding, Winter Wonderland themed reception at a proper hall.  Either combine ideas or come up with a compromising idea at another location. 

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  • lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
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    Glad you stepped away from the Dunes! As much as I love going there (grew up in OR) the weather is so unpredictable on the Oregon coast any time of the year! I had a similar issue.. FI wanted a summer wedding, he works in construction management and that is their busy time, I pushed for winter because I kind of want the groom to show up. We are going with Timberline Lodge on Mt Hood, I am happy because he will show up, and BONUS, we get to ski the rest of the weekend. 

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Are there any venues along the area that he wants to get married where if the weather turns bad, you can have the ceremony inside but if it a nice day, you can have the ceremony outside? And can you move it to more of a fall time wedding so it won't be so hot?

    Thing to consider with a December is the weather. The weather maybe not be too bad in Washington, but consider where your guests are coming from. Are there any guests that if they weren't able to come due to a snow storm, you would be really bummed out by. Also if it's too close to Christmas, you may see a higher decline rate. Also venue prices in december can be more expense or harder to get because not only are you competing with other weddings, but holiday parties.

    In regards to location, which location would easier for your guests to attend?  Another thing to look at is, price out venues at both locations. When it comes down to it, prices and what you can get for your money, may help you decide.

    I'm not saying give up your dreams, but figure out a compromise. Is a dune's wedding but inside with photos in the dunes in the fall something the two of you could compromise on? You can still do a winter wedding theme with the colors.

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  • damnthetorpedoesdamnthetorpedoes member
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    Winter wedding, beach honeymoon? :D

    I also like Erikan's idea of doing a photo shoot at the Dunes.
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