oh my god, my parents are jerks

jenna8984 · April 2015

My parents moved down south when I graduated college. They decided their "job" was done here and they wanted to get away from the snow and the high cost of living, though not yet retired. They like to travel, so they only visit 3 days per year. They don't like to "waste" their vacation time seeing their kids and grandkids. They don't come up for birth of their grandkids or anything, only their set 3 days per year at Labor Day.

So anyways, yesterday my mom posts on facebook that they really miss us and since my husband and I are house hunting, she hopes we find something large enough for them to stay in. I was like aaaaaw, and I responded that as a matter of fact we are touring a house today with an in-law apartment. Because once they retire, they can come for a month or 2 at a time and vacation time won't be an issue, so in my mind that would be perfect.

She just called me and said "Oh my gosh, I tried to April Fools you, and you totally got me right back- you're so good!" I just died a little on the inside. I'm like mom....I was 100% serious....

flutteringinfl · April 2015

Wow...that's kind of mean

My dad joked about buying me and FI a house on the condition that it have a spare room so he can come and stay with us whenever he wants. I just about died inside.

MadHops21 · April 2015

That's so mean when you were so excited. I'm sorry

kvruns · April 2015

wtf ? that's not even an april fool's joke, that's just a mean comment!

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

Holy shit. That's really fucking mean. I'm sorry.

banana468 · April 2015

WTF??

I'll be the first to say that I don't want my parents or IL's actually living in our back room (which is a bit of an IL apartment) but I can't imagine living in a world where my parents don't want to see me more than 3 days a year (or where I don't want to see my kids more than that).

Hugs. If you don't bring up Tom Brady I'd visit with you more than 3 days a year.

novella1186 · April 2015

Wow. How is that a joke? That's just mean. I'm sorry

Huge hug!

emmaaa · April 2015

That's awful. why would she think that's okay?

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

I can see how that would be a joke. Lots of people don't like their parents/in-laws staying with them for extended periods of time. There's that old Ben Franklin quote that's like "guests, like fish, begin to smell after 3 days" (or something).

She probably didn't mean it to be mean. It sounds like you're pretty bitter that they don't visit more often, so I can see how you'd take it that way though.

climbingsingle · April 2015

JFC. I'm sorry. How mean and heartless.

arrippa · April 2015

That's not an April fools joke. That's just mean. I am so sorry that your mom is acting like a jerk.

jenna8984 · April 2015

I had dinner over my aunt's the other day and I was telling her about going to see the house and how great it would be for them to have a place to stay when they retire and can come often. Even she laughed and said "With all the free time in the world, your parents are selfish and would not come here for a month!" I was kind of mad at her for saying it, and was like of course they would.....but unfortunately she was right!

pegasuskat · April 2015

I would have one honest conversation with her and tell her(them) that is really hurts your feelings that they don't spend more time with kids/grandkids. I have a similar situation, I moved my senior year of HS to live with my dad. My mom/stepdad and their kids were more like distant relatives. They saw my kids once or twice a year. During my GP's illness/deaths she came down more, I told her a few years ago that I wish she had done that more when my kids were growing up. She was almost more like a aunt to them, she must have taken it to heart because now that GM has passed she keeps coming. Every 4-5 mths and stays for about a week! If your parents don't listen after you tell them then you may have to accept they just suck, some people aren't good parents. My mom really wasn't but I'm trying not to hold a grudge and spend the time here with her making better memories. And, if anything it makes me a better mom/grandparent because I want to see them as much as they will let me, lol!

simcal18 · April 2015

I'm sorry. That's a really mean joke. I sympathize with you on the parental front--my parents live overseas and my dad wants to retire halfway across the world (my mom is less sure about the idea). I would love to have them visit more often, but it's just not something they're interested in--I'm lucky I'm getting my dad up here for my wedding. I can't imagine how much them making a joke like that would sting. Do you at least have in-laws nearby that you like and get to see on a regular basis? I know it's not the same thing, but for me having FI's parents nearby has helped a lot.

jenna8984 · April 2015

bostonbride2015 said:
I'm sorry. That's a really mean joke. I sympathize with you on the parental front--my parents live overseas and my dad wants to retire halfway across the world (my mom is less sure about the idea). I would love to have them visit more often, but it's just not something they're interested in--I'm lucky I'm getting my dad up here for my wedding. I can't imagine how much them making a joke like that would sting. Do you at least have in-laws nearby that you like and get to see on a regular basis? I know it's not the same thing, but for me having FI's parents nearby has helped a lot.

I hate my in laws. They live 30 minutes away but we just don't like them so we see them like twice a year. I am pretty bitter because I always feel like everyone has these huge, perfect families except for me. I know that's not true, and lots of people have jerk/ absent parents but it's still hard.

wandajune6 · April 2015

That was incredibly mean. I'm so sorry. You all deserve better.

anjemon · April 2015

I'm sorry, that really sucks. Much hugs.

pinkcow13 · April 2015

Holy fuck... I'm sorry. Geez.

novella1186 · April 2015

jenna8984 said:
I had dinner over my aunt's the other day and I was telling her about going to see the house and how great it would be for them to have a place to stay when they retire and can come often. Even she laughed and said "With all the free time in the world, your parents are selfish and would not come here for a month!" I was kind of mad at her for saying it, and was like of course they would.....but unfortunately she was right!

I get it. My parents are super self-centered too. They visit my sister in Chicago all the time (as in, at least once a months and sometimes more, and will tell me all about how much fun they have with her) but they've only come to visit me once in the past 2 years, and I live the same distance away. Sometimes it bothers me, but then I think maybe it's a good thing since they just stress me out anyway.

It sucks to have to deal with selfish people, but it's your parents' loss. I think you'd be super fun to visit. Hell, I'd visit you!

I'll give you some good advice I've gotten on these boards: Ignore their bullshit, and focus on the positive people in your life.

KatieinBkln · April 2015

Yikes. I'm sorry she did that; that's bs.

*hugs*

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

I'll come stay in your spare bedroom Jenna!

bethsmiles · April 2015

Wow...that's just cruel.

simcal18 · April 2015

jenna8984 said:

bostonbride2015 said:
I'm sorry. That's a really mean joke. I sympathize with you on the parental front--my parents live overseas and my dad wants to retire halfway across the world (my mom is less sure about the idea). I would love to have them visit more often, but it's just not something they're interested in--I'm lucky I'm getting my dad up here for my wedding. I can't imagine how much them making a joke like that would sting. Do you at least have in-laws nearby that you like and get to see on a regular basis? I know it's not the same thing, but for me having FI's parents nearby has helped a lot.
I hate my in laws. They live 30 minutes away but we just don't like them so we see them like twice a year. I am pretty bitter because I always feel like everyone has these huge, perfect families except for me. I know that's not true, and lots of people have jerk/ absent parents but it's still hard.

Well that's . . . a bummer. Sending lots of positive vibes your way! You're right that not everyone has huge, perfect families, but that doesn't always make it easier to take when your own family is being difficult, does it? I think the thing that helps the most is to focus on what PPs have said--your DH and the other people in your life who love and support you. Sometimes the best family is the family you make of the inner circle of your choosing, even if it's small.

mrsk616 · April 2015

My FMIL has already tried to do this. She wanted to sell her house which is perfect and livable and get a fixer upper and live with us while she worked on that house. yeah we said no way. even when we plan on moving we will put her in a hotel. we dont want her staying with us shes just to nosey.

littlepep · April 2015

jenna8984 said:
I'm sorry. That's a really mean joke. I sympathize with you on the parental front--my parents live overseas and my dad wants to retire halfway across the world (my mom is less sure about the idea). I would love to have them visit more often, but it's just not something they're interested in--I'm lucky I'm getting my dad up here for my wedding. I can't imagine how much them making a joke like that would sting. Do you at least have in-laws nearby that you like and get to see on a regular basis? I know it's not the same thing, but for me having FI's parents nearby has helped a lot.

I hate my in laws. They live 30 minutes away but we just don't like them so we see them like twice a year. I am pretty bitter because I always feel like everyone has these huge, perfect families except for me. I know that's not true, and lots of people have jerk/ absent parents but it's still hard.

It always seems like that, but people only post normal stuff on social media. No one usually talks about how crazy their families are, but everyone's family is a little bit crazy. And everyone's family has problems.

Your mom's comment was definitely harsh but hopefully she didn't realize what she said sounded so mean. Sometimes my dad says things like that and he doesn't really that it comes across the way it does.

novella1186 · April 2015

littlepep said:
I'm sorry. That's a really mean joke. I sympathize with you on the parental front--my parents live overseas and my dad wants to retire halfway across the world (my mom is less sure about the idea). I would love to have them visit more often, but it's just not something they're interested in--I'm lucky I'm getting my dad up here for my wedding. I can't imagine how much them making a joke like that would sting. Do you at least have in-laws nearby that you like and get to see on a regular basis? I know it's not the same thing, but for me having FI's parents nearby has helped a lot.

I hate my in laws. They live 30 minutes away but we just don't like them so we see them like twice a year. I am pretty bitter because I always feel like everyone has these huge, perfect families except for me. I know that's not true, and lots of people have jerk/ absent parents but it's still hard.

It always seems like that, but people only post normal stuff on social media. No one usually talks about how crazy their families are, but everyone's family is a little bit crazy. And everyone's family has problems.

Your mom's comment was definitely harsh but hopefully she didn't realize what she said sounded so mean. Sometimes my dad says things like that and he doesn't really that it comes across the way it does.

The bolded is so so so true. You guys have seen the TONS of crap I've posted here about my family. I have never in my life ever said 1 single negative thing about any of them on facebook or anything like that. I don't believe in airing my dirty laundry in public and I don't think my facebook friends need to know about my very personal embarrassing drama. So I'm sure anyone who doesn't know me well thinks that I have such a fun happy family. You can't believe what you see in public/online.

levioosa · April 2015

mrsk616 said:
My FMIL has already tried to do this. She wanted to sell her house which is perfect and livable and get a fixer upper and live with us while she worked on that house. yeah we said no way. even when we plan on moving we will put her in a hotel. we dont want her staying with us shes just to nosey.

..........Did you even read the OP?

I'm sorry, Jenna. That's a load of BS. I can't imagine how hurt I would be if my Mom said that to me.

mrsk616 · April 2015

levioosa said:

mrsk616 said:
My FMIL has already tried to do this. She wanted to sell her house which is perfect and livable and get a fixer upper and live with us while she worked on that house. yeah we said no way. even when we plan on moving we will put her in a hotel. we dont want her staying with us shes just to nosey.

..........Did you even read the OP?

I'm sorry, Jenna. That's a load of BS. I can't imagine how hurt I would be if my Mom said that to me.

why yes i did. what her mom did is rude and stupid. but sometimes parents actually do it and they are serious. i was trying to make a point some parents are not joking when they do such a thing.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

mrsk616 said:

levioosa said:

mrsk616 said:
My FMIL has already tried to do this. She wanted to sell her house which is perfect and livable and get a fixer upper and live with us while she worked on that house. yeah we said no way. even when we plan on moving we will put her in a hotel. we dont want her staying with us shes just to nosey.

..........Did you even read the OP?

I'm sorry, Jenna. That's a load of BS. I can't imagine how hurt I would be if my Mom said that to me.
why yes i did. what her mom did is rude and stupid. but sometimes parents actually do it and they are serious. i was trying to make a point some parents are not joking when they do such a thing.

My mom could get away with saying something like this as a joke, because she knows it would go over like a fart in church. But like we talked about yesterday, "joking" about something that would actually make the prank-ee happy is really shitty. Jenna's mom has to know that she misses her and wishes they could spend more time together... so to say "I miss you so much, and wish I could see you more often... JUST KIDDING" is a dick move, even if other people would react like you and say "no effing way, Mom. Here's the number to Super 8."

Dreamergirl8812 · April 2015

mrsk616 said:

levioosa said:

mrsk616 said:
My FMIL has already tried to do this. She wanted to sell her house which is perfect and livable and get a fixer upper and live with us while she worked on that house. yeah we said no way. even when we plan on moving we will put her in a hotel. we dont want her staying with us shes just to nosey.

..........Did you even read the OP?

I'm sorry, Jenna. That's a load of BS. I can't imagine how hurt I would be if my Mom said that to me.
why yes i did. what her mom did is rude and stupid. but sometimes parents actually do it and they are serious. i was trying to make a point some parents are not joking when they do such a thing.

What? That's the point of the OP; she thought they were serious. Because people are usually serious when they say that.

jenna8984 · April 2015

lolo883 said:
I'll come stay in your spare bedroom Jenna!

Ok then it's settled. In law suite will become Knottie Visitation suite!

oh my god, my parents are jerks

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